Spilledthoughts - Blog Posts

It’s suffocating,

loud and exhausting.

It’s a downward spiral

And I let myself fall

In the rabbit hole.

A space of my heart,

Locked away.

For oh so long.

You knew about it

And you question

The small confine

Where you belong.

You hold the power

Over me

No one ever had,

Will ever have.

Am I just

Punishing myself?

Not making peace

With the choice

I’ve made.

How come

You don’t want me

In your life?

When I will

Welcome you

In my arms

A thousand times.

I am a bus stop, so you weren’t supposed to stay.

‪Whispered goodbyes‬,

‪with a promise to meet‬

‪The day came,‬

‪along with cold feet‬

‪I see your smile‬,

‪not reaching your eyes.‬

‪With a heavy heart,‬

‪this is where we part.‬

I hope you never think of me.

A gentle reminder of us

“I would’ve love you for the wrong reasons, and I would’ve love you more for the right reasons. But one thing is for sure, we will tear and break each other apart.”

You are always at the back of my mind. Like a flicker of light I can’t seem to fix.

Is this still a part of moving on or I’m still a fool for you

More willing to let go than hold your hand.

Had to give myself a chance to live without you

‪“I never really stopped. You know? Loving you. It’s just... I’m better off without you.”‬

If she ever asks when I stopped loving her

“But you’re allowed to be you, to be spontaneous.” And still I wonder why I sought for your approval.

I am allowed to be me. Never again should I allow you to enter my state of mind. You aren’t the boss of me.

And suddenly you can’t run from it anymore. You face it not to just overcome it, you face it just to end a suffering.

I still don’t know what my “it” is

Sober enough to check up on them at 4 in the morning.

‪The detachment that comes with love is unimaginable.‬

It’s what after of the aftermath of falling out. I wish it wasn’t with you.

Do you ever get the feeling of “on the verge of being distant” to a person you’ve become so closed with and the anticipation it comes with kills you and you feel heavy inside

It happened too soon when it shouldn’t.

If you ever find yourself unable to get up in the morning, catch yourself lying on your bed or staring at the ceiling for hours, I am here to tell you that it’s okay. The world may have already begun but even the sun take its time to rise. Take your time. Gather yourself. Close your eyes. Breathe.

Why is it not easy in the morning?

I guess, if you ever ask me if I still love you. I’d say, I do. I love you. I still do. There are times that I still think of you, and I hope you do, too. But, I’ve forgotten more than I could actually remember.

So, I guess, if you ever ask me if I still love you. I’d say, I do. My love for you will always be somewhere. It stays wherever you chose to leave me, wherever I chose to leave it. And, it’s here. Never moving. Never growing. It stays wherever I want. It stays behind.

‪I breathe so loud,

someone heard me

on the other side of the world.

Because I broke the silence,

thinking it’s the loudest

scream I’ve ever had.

You can drink the night away,

Fill up the void, the absence.

But no amount of alcohol

Would ever occupy that space

You call loneliness.

watchingyoudrinkandstillfeelempty

See? The thing about you is you never really left. You have given me more than just a scar and I wish you didn’t.

Isitjustme

Dreaming about you made my mind not to wake up from it.

“Truth” or dare

How about we play a game

Ask me a question

And I’ll give you a dare

I might tell you the truth

I might say a lie

But you can’t backdown

If I dare you to fly

It’s not fair

But a dare is a dare

And you can’t pretend

That you shaved your hair

You can’t fake playing chess

If I ever dared you to play

But if you asked me

How was your day?

What proves to you that it was really okay?

If you ask me about something that I miss

And I tell you my past mess

Would you believe me or detect a lie

Or would you just take a guess?

But seriously let’s play a game

I’ll ask you a question

You give me a dare

And the rules change every turn

If today was your last day

A few hours and you’ll pass away

What’s your biggest regret

Something you didn’t do or say?

You can reply with a truth or a lie

Now give me a reasonable dare to try

And remember

I’m a normal human who can’t really fly

To be scared is a under statement,

That fear no longer dwindles in my bones ,

Tumblr has taught me ,

Friends are just ghosts , or empty egg shells.

Strangers have more empathy then the man next door,

I was just a fool ,

all along , playing to the devils own dirty tune .

Emotions that ran high ,

Words that didn’t make much sense ,

To a soul opened my eyes

By just a few tiny words.

I realise now ,

it is not, who is here to pick up the phone

It’s the ones who are in the dark

But yet take the time to pass your name in there own daily thoughts.

Yet I’ve done nothing for them, yet there speak of me so kindly.

In this world that’s distracted by so much colour,

Them bright doors don’t hold the key to this earths heavens,

It is the doors that are hid in the darkest shadows,

waiting for someone to find them, to help them flourish.

So Don’t go looking for the brightest light ,

Search for the darkest gate

that’s where we will find all things beautiful in

such a dark cold world,

that’s flourished with colour To distract us ,

from the true treasures of this world .

@trueemotions91

@tammyfeabakker

She ignites me

In a way no one , could even come close.

She knows

Just how to make me feel alive .

She is my flame

On the coldest nights .

She is the spark in my eyes.

Believe me when I say she can turn any heart

From stone to gold dust

In a blink of gods eye .

She don’t know evil

Only pure love .

She locks on and never lets go .

She is stronger then any diamond

Rough for ever in the making

As that what makes her so powerful.

She learns from everything

She never will look perfect

Coz the best things

Are always hidden beneath the dirt

Spreading love but never heard.

@trueemotions91

@tammyfeabakker ❤️ x

Why do you lie

To my soul

Your the reason this world is cold .

Cant you see

What you do to me ?

You bring me to my knees

To beg you,

for

The happiness in me .

You locked me up and

Forced me to fight

For the light , I cried for every night .

You made me , my own demon

The devil you created from the palm of your hand .

For ever I was giving no slack,

Licking the pain from your wounds while

Feeding the demon , within my own skin .

You made me crack,

I accept that

But I will come back ,

Stronger then the marks on my back

I will show you slack

I’ll accept your apology

When I get up from my knees , your see

I weren’t who you thought I could be,

I have to much lose

To give you the key

To end me.

@trueemotions91

Better then never knowing , but the deepest story’s are always - what if ❤️

I see him everywhere

He smiles at me in the air,

He whispers me lullabies when I’m scared

Keeps the monsters from out my head ,

He holds me when I’m cold

Squeezes harder when I’m warm,

He just knows how , I liked to be hold

Ain’t a secret that could not be told .

I would trust him with my life

But I’m not to sure about a wife .

He is gentle , I know that so

But he is also very powerful .

Would he scare her gentle soul

I honestly don’t know .

@trueemotions91

A rose is red as the blood

That trickles when you prick

Your self with her thorns ,

The moon is as bright as the path

Lit , only enough for you to see the scary stuff,

The sun only shines, when it’s enemy’s are asleep,

Like the eagle in the sky

Waiting for its next victim who can’t escape,

The frog will watch each tiny slug

Against the river bugs,

While the spider etches her sketches

Against the moon lit sky,

The water speckles her nightmare

As it lights up her silver lined lie ,

The flys retreat from her secret trap

While her baby’s wait for it to fall

In their lap,

And all is lost in a blink of the eye .

@trueemotions91

When everyone else is no longer there .

You see , the sun smiles on a sunny day

But hides when the clouds come to play ,

That’s just how it goes

But one thing I know

Is ,it always comes and goes,

It never stays in the same place

Because we don’t move at a snail pace ,

You see , you just have to watch the space

To open the gates ,

To all the things you misplaced

it will then ,all fall into place .

Just don’t hide from the same game

That’s got you playing in a hoop

Coz the game we play , ain’t a loop

We go high, we go low,

We go from side to side

But we never stay still

We keep climbing that hill

Coz it don’t matter about the pills

Or the window sill

You sat on for so long ,

Waiting for Them To sing you a song

As long as you keep moving along .

Then it don’t matter if no one is there

You can do it all alone .

@trueemotions91

Hey handsome ,

Stood over there,

Looking all bare ,

I want to excite you,

So please don’t stare

I’ll take you places

You never knew were there,

I’ll teach you about my land

Just allow my hand,

I’ll take the rest from there.

Ready to explore

To learn my law?

@trueemotions91

I was lost

In a plot

Of my own fucked up emotions

No one to help me

No one ever understood

I was called a crazy bitch

Forced in a ditch

To dig myself out of

While the soil crumbled under each finger tip

Still they called me a crazy bitch

Coz I was fighting this shit

All just watched and laughed

Like a bunch of crazed clowns

To my head shut them out

I cried and screamed

Believe me I fucking did

My eyes have never cried

As the tears ain’t my sin

It’s just the opening

Of this tin I’m trapped in

The cuts were a release

Each time I dug my nails deep in

Was a understanding of the place I was laying

Each fall

I pulled harder

No matter how much they call me a crazy bitch

I am getting out of this ditch

They forced me in .

@trueemotions91

A man I hear them call

Is a danger to all?

Do you honestly believe that story

If I repeat them words quietly ,

If your going paint a ugly picture

Of my son, brother , father

Before there even have a chance to alter

Your perspective of all men

Then I would not bother ,

To waste your air on this planet earth

That’s ludicrous , to human nature

Can you really hear yourself loud and clear?

So your afraid of your father ?

Please tell me so,

How on earth can we scoop so low,

Men are humans , I swear to your

Have two eyes and usually bigger shoes ,

But all ain’t to fear,

I know the hands that raised me were full of care & order

Showed me love & courage ,

But to fear my son , is to loud and clear

When you all cheer , the words I hear ,

A woman I know who abused her own

but yet I don’t hear you call her mistakes

To the moon,

Would you to brush me with the same words ,

Because another mother put upon this earth,

It makes no sense , it’s all a laugh,

I stand with a woman , power and all,

But to call every man a danger is a different law,

Just think of the words before you make your own

father sore ,

Imagine his face when he sees you chore the words

That - all men must fall .

@trueemotions91