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Depressed - Blog Posts
I'm so done with all the fake friends. When all they do is talk about other friends with you and how amazing they are. Don't they realize I'm not as strong as them? It hurts more than it should Do they talk about me with their other friends? No. They don't. I'm nothing compared to them
Why do I always start shows for their plot, maybe to get a laugh out, to pass time, just to meet their characters and fall in love and then suffer?
Because some person in the street would see them and see a drawing and that's it.
Why do I have to see some drawings and care? Why do I have to see a drawing and perceive it like something real with feelings? Why do I have to love them like we were friends, like family?
Why do I continue with this if it affects me so much?
The worst part is knowing that it will happen again.
Tim Drake
Putting the annoyed in paranoid since the day he was birthed
Made my own wonder of wonrerdrrjdkskwjdapaxk#9929$(+*
Don't u guys love it when ur old one didnt saved and share. For some reason it doesnt let me share on the old one and i have to make it again how wonderful.
Rip 2024-2024
Anyways heres the link https://aidn.jp/wowa/398633875
Bye
Do you know how I feel? I feel like I’m drowning, and I’m aware of it but I can’t do anything.
I know I have to study a lot, but I can’t. I can’t get myself to do stuff, to concentrate.
I know I have to keep my house in order and do the dishes every day, do the laundry. But I can’t.
I am gaining weight and I know I should and want to eat healthy and not stress-eatings. But I do.
I know that I should be active more and workout so that I have a nice body. But I can’t do it more than one day.
I know I should take care of myself. But I fucking can’t.
And I hate myself for losing control like that, not being able to control my willpower. I hate myself for knowing this shit and still procrastinate and watch a movie instead or surf the instagram. I know I’m wasting my time, but there’s this voice in my head that’s just so strong, when I hear it I say ‘screw it you’ll do it tomorrow’. And the worst part is I am allowing that voice to control me. I don’t know what to do.
I don’t know what’s happening to me, it’s like I’m losing control over my mind and my will to do things. I am telling myself every fucking day that tomorrow will be different. Tomorrow will be a new start, but I feel deep down that it won’t. I feel like I’m drowning in my own sadness.
I realized a few days ago that I’m in depression. And that hit me hard. I am alone, sad and depressed. And I am trying to fight this fucking thing everyday but I fail. You know what though? I don’t want to lose control to that little piece of shit, I don’t want to be unhealthy, fat and depressed. I will fight it and I will kill it.
And when I do, it will be the greatest win of my life.
Finally.
I did it. I finally told my parents that I'm depressed. And you know what? I don't feel better about it. I don't feel the weight on my chest leave. It's still there, I still feel it on my body. I've heard people say that once it's told, you feel relieved. I don't. I feel scared because they've now seen a part of their child they never wanted to see. The side that stays hidden from the world and won't say what's really on the mind. The finally sad l saw the side of death. It still hurts me, I don't feel relieved. I feel the same.
My core self was quiet because I was told to be. And hence, this. Sigh. So many to blame but a lot to remedy. First, the need of the hour: removing triggers of all my illnesses. Let's get to that, yes.
charlie is the epitome of tied together with a smile.
Help me lose weight
How do i start losing weight? I don’t eat or i just throw up but i can’t keep doing that since my bathroom doesn’t work so i can’t flush anything at home, and my mom feeds me a lot and at school i am so upset cuz i don’t eat buy seeing people eating makes me so hungry and i want to cry because i just want to be skinny and wear preety crop tops without feeling grossed out about myself.
I hate crying in front of people so much. I always swallow the sadnees, the pain, whatever is making me feel like crap until i go home and i get to cry alone at home, is not good to cry but i like doing it alone, not in front of everyone, that’s why i know i hit deep bottom when i start crying infront of people, when tears start falling and people are hugging me telling me nice words, that’s when i know, that all the pain and stress i have been keeping like a pet, is not worthy.
Please i’m just tired
No, i am not sad, i am not mad, is just that i am so tired of trying to feel good with my life and with myself, trying not to cry when i see myself in a mirror or in photos, tired of not doing things the way i wanted, tored of crying about every little thing, tired of not being loved the way i love someone, and TIRED of feeling alone when i am surrounded by people.
⨾༊
What if it was years ago, and they didn't exactly try to change, but things aren't as bad as they used to be.
I still feel the pain, but she's has been too terrible recently so I would feel bad if I finally left after all this time. After being a jobless shut in due to depression and possibly autism....
You don't have to feel bad for not wanting to be around the people who hurt you.
No, "but they're your family."
No, "but you used to be friends."
No, "but you have to put up with it because they're your partner."
No.
If someone hurts you repeatedly and there is no indication of them trying to do better, you are allowed to dislike contact with them.
So many people feel guilt over not wanting to be around people that intentionally hurt them.
It's not wrong of you to want distance.
It's not wrong of you to want to be treated well.
Once again, the failed prototype takes a backseat to its creator's magnum opus. That's how it always happens.
A frame, gifted to me for my birthday sat empty because I had no friends and no fun memories with which to fill it.
They were put there instead.
"This is temporary."
It wasn't.
I used to shine so brightly, the brightest star in the sky, blocking out so many others. I was the pride of the galaxy. Now that I'm older, I've burned out and essentially been replaced. I lay here, wasting away with little to show for the time I've spent living.
I was gifted a frame once again. This time, it had something in it. A photo of the stars, the way they were in the sky over the place I was born, on the very night I was born.
Their photo sits on top of mine. In my frame.
How fitting. How poetic.
"Don't act like they're the favorite. Or like they have special privileges."
They clearly are, and they do.
I felt almost numb about it at first. I didn't want to be bothered by it, but I was. The tears fell immediately. I can barely complain about it. It always ends in my words being brushed off or a full blown argument. Never an apology or even an admission of wrongdoing.
How dare you. How dare you do this. It's such a small act, but the hate and disrespect feel earth shattering. I know I'm being dramatic, and it hurts that much more because of it. I know I sound crazy for crying and complaining about it. After all, it's a picture frame. It's not the end of the world. It feels like it, though. I'm literally nauseous.
"You have to toughen up. You can't be a soggy little sad sack."
I don't want to toughen up. People who have to steel themselves often lose their compassion, empathy, and patience. That's one of the many things I hate and fear. Those emotions don't disappear. They only fester and ferment until they bubble over. You could've had juice, and then maybe wine, but no. Now you have vinegar, and you can't just keep trying to hold it in. It will escape whether you like it or not. You can't keep pouring more juice into a full glass and expect it to not spill.
I shouldn't have to toughen up about this. Something so stupid shouldn't be happening in the first place. They knew the pictures were coming. They could've bought a new frame. They aren't expensive.
"His picture is from an achievement. Yours isn't. What do you need the frame for? You have no achievements and you haven't since you were younger."
I wanted to break the frame as soon as I saw the picture. Life has been kicking my ass, and I managed to keep my cool until I came home that terrible night and saw that photo.
Why do I have to be the broken, failed prototype? Why do I have to be defective? It isn't fair.
I hate it here so much. I hate struggling when everyone else seems to be doing just fine. I hate being depressed over a job when most adults can work, have a family, do chores, and be social, all without being so overwhelmed that they want to end it all. Just having a job is killing me. I feel like I'm drowning and everyone else is swimming laps around me. What am I supposed to do? Why am I feeling like this. It's just stocking shelves. It's not like I have to do school stuff in top. But I keep making so many mistakes, and my body is so tired. My mind is tired. I want to quit, but everyone is finally proud of me. It's hard to be ashamed of someone who recently died by their own hand. I don't want to keep drowning like this, but I can't find a way out.
Nobody Told Me This shit would suck so much
first job. walmart. sucks. I think i was mildly depressed before and maybe didn’t really notice; now i REALLY feel it. Ive been crying freaking rivers the past few days. especially before and after work. and its so hard to keep it mostly hidden. i felt guilty and useless before for not doing much with my time, but it hasnt really changed. im so tired and fucking upset. its so hard, but they tell me to be happy that im making so much for a place like walmart, i hate it. i never wanted to grow up and suffer, i just wanna feel okay. i wanna run away from all of this, maybe even disappear. this world is so painful. maybe im not cut out for all of this, i just wanna sleep