Your personal Tumblr journey starts here
Orphan (sweetly): If you murder anyone while we're on a mission, I will kick you in the crotch first.
Red Hood (tilting his head, confused): First?
Orphan (seriously): I know specific nerve endings can cause immense pain. I love you, I do, but you know my code. While we're working together, don’t kill anybody. That's all I ask, or…
Red Hood (playfully challenging): You'll hurt a specific part of my body that really hurts?
Orphan nodded, her expression unwavering.
Red Hood (grinning, impressed): You're hardcore, but that's what I enjoy about you. I have rubber bullets. They won't kill anyone, just really hurt.
Orphan tapped her chin, contemplating his words, then shrugged casually.
Orphan: That works. Let’s go, baby brother!
With a giggle, Orphan jumped onto Red Hood's back, her arms wrapping around his neck.
Red Hood (chuckling as he adjusted her weight): You are a few months older than me. Why are you on my back like a monkey?
Orphan (giggling): My feet are tired, and you're strong.
Red Hood (amused, shaking his head): You're annoying.
Despite his playful complaint, he took off running, carrying her piggyback, both of them laughing as they dashed into the night.
Talia (singing, talking to Jason on her phone): Have you forgotten the lessons I taught you? He's still a threat until he's dead! Finish it.
Batman (connecting the dots): Are you the reason he does that?!
Talia: What are you talking about?
Ra's Al Ghul (smoking): Yes. I have a bunch of videos of them singing together.
Batman snatched the phone away making Talia angry and almost made Ra's attack, but Talia held up her hand to stop him.
Batman: Don't!
Jason (raising his sword for the kill but stopping himself): Oh shit, you're here too.
Talia: I enjoy musicals as well, what of it?
Batman: I knew it! WHY DO YOU ENCOURAGE HIM!
Ra's (in Arabic): La tasrakh ealayha! (Don't yell at her ass!)
Batman (speaking back in Arabic): Autlub minha 'an tatawaqaf ean altaathir ealaa abni! (Tell her to stop influencing my son!) Yeah I learned the language, jackass!
Ra's wanted badly stab the man, but walked off in a huff.
Talia: Don't blame me for him being a talented singer.
Talia held up her hand and walked off ending the conversation.
Batman (into the phone): Don't kill him!
Jason: But... I wanted to. I had a song for it and everything.
Batman (regrettably singing): What good would killing do? When mercy is a skill more of this world could learn to use. The blood we shed, it never dries. Is this what it means to be a warrior of the mind? I hated all of that, but I'm doing it for you, remember that!
Damian on the other hand clapped making his father more embarrassed.
Jason: The bastard sung to make me stop. Damn it, fine.
Superman: Yeah, so we're turning ourselves into the government. Do you want to meet us there, or should we meet with you?
Batman: …
Wonder Woman: Batman, we're on a time crunch. Just give us your answer.
Batman (while driving, hesitating): First, I'm fine, thank you. How are you? Second, my son, who is in the car with me, is also fine… thankfully. Third, are you on crack?
Superman: I… We as a team voted that it's best if we turn ourselves into the government.
Batman (flatly): That's a decision you made. You guys have fun with it. Can I go now?
Wonder Woman: You’re part of the team! You have to turn yourself in!
Batman: Says who?
Wonder Woman: We decided as a team!
Batman: Yes, good for you. Why am I being dragged into this?
Wonder Woman and Superman: YOU ARE PART OF THIS TEAM!
Damian (in the background): Father, can we get McFlurrys later?
Batman (to Damian): Why do people eat those? They taste disgusting.
Damian: You have to get the one with the Oreos.
Superman: We’re still on the call!
Batman (annoyed): Right, not going in. Bye.
Wonder Woman: Don’t end the call! You have to hear us out.
Batman: I should just hang up, but I’m bored and need something entertaining to listen to. Proceed.
Flash (speaking first): Take one for the team, Bruce.
Batman: Okay, first, when I'm on a call with any of you, call me by my hero name. Commissioner Gordon can get away with that, but I’m not on that level with most of you. Second, I’m not on this team if you want me to do this ridiculousness. Third, seriously, are you on crack?
Green Arrow (in the background): Thank you for not saying heroin.
Damian (in the background): Father, why do they think you’re dumb?
Batman: Because they’re not very smart.
Green Arrow (expecting this): It’s amazing how badly this is going. I told you guys he’d say no, but nobody listens to me.
Batman: This is one of the rare times I agree with Arrow. I didn't sign up for a team where we all turn ourselves in for something I didn’t do.
Superman: It’s a team decision.
Batman: I don’t care.
Superman: But it’s for solidarity.
Batman: That I don’t care about.
Superman: Again, we’re a hero team. We’ve saved the world together; can’t you do this one little thing?
Green Lantern (Hal): And his response is…
Batman: Fighting villains, I enjoy. I wouldn’t be on a sports team, a firefighter team, or a doctor team with you if you're going to be this dense, and I sure as hell won't be on this team if you want me to do something this stupid. Is the brain cell you share gone for the day?
Superman: Okay, well… Kara is going with us.
Batman: And I've lost a little respect for her.
Supergirl: Hey! Wait, you had respect for me?
Batman: Did you contact any of my adult kids? Nightwing? Red Robin? I know Red Hood would just laugh before hanging up.
Superman: We haven't called them yet… but I bet they'd say yes!
Batman: No, they wouldn’t. I know that because they just texted my youngest son, who’s with me, and their messages say, “Not a chance in hell.” I didn’t even have to say anything. I raised them well.
Superman: Can’t you put aside your ego and just do this for us?
Batman: Who’s going to pick up my son from school? Go to my daughter's recital? Attend my other son’s group therapy session? Talk to my future fiancée about where I’ll be? Just curious, which one of you will handle that?
Batman waited for a few seconds, and none of the members responded.
Batman: Right. As stated, I'm not going, and if you call me again with this stupid request, I'm cutting the power to the building for a month. I will let that building decay to prove a point.
Damian: You tell 'em, Father!
Batman ended the video call without another word.
Wonder Woman: He’s getting calmer with his reactions.
Green Arrow: Yeah… Guys, maybe we don’t turn ourselves in this time. Maybe we… do something else? Anything else, because he has a point. I'm not sinking in the Titanic when there's a lifeboat.
Aquaman: Good Titanic metaphor.
Green Arrow: Thanks, man.
And the funniest thing is that they're actually married, or at least privatly, Dick knows it, just find it funnier that the whole world now ships SuperBat like he did once when he was a kid
One day, while Hal films one of their bickering they start kissing, and for the shock Hal post it, for error, like litteraly, it's not a post but a stories so it dosen't remain on the account but it immediately gets viral and starts getting reposted around by other accounts both from the superbat fandom and not
Later on Bruce banish both Hal and Wally from posting on the official JL account for 5 months until they get "training" on how to not invade people privacy
Just imagine the Justice League opening an official Instagram channel (Batman had only wanted a Twitter account, but then Wally made sad puppy eyes), where they post mostly about official press releases and news. But...but they also post other stuff.
Diana beating the shit out of every JL member under the guise of sparring and making self-defense videos for girls and little story time videos on ancient Greek and Roman mythology. Jo'nn makes art. His videos mostly consist of oil painting scenes from his home world. Hal and Wally make joint videos and have the most number of likes and comments cause they are hilarious. Wally started the series 'The World's Finest married couple' and shoots specific content of Superman and Batman bickering like an old married couple (which finally starts the influx of superbat shippers and Dick is thrilled), and it makes their follower count blow out of proportion.
Ok, so you know my Batman in omegaverse post (I'll link it just in case you wanna read it), where I talked about how Batman is an Alpha and Bruce Wayne is an omega, and then I reposted it with a continuation of my omegaverse headcanons of some of the batfam. Well I've been thinking for a while (especially because I've been reading a lot of omega!Bruce SuperBat fics), and I realized something, or well, I already knew but still... O/B/A thing is a species thing, so technically it should be a human thing, not a universe thing, differently from soulmates au (maybe I'll do a post about it one day) and in a lot of fics some of the aliens that live on Earth have a secondary gender of the omegaverse, but they technically talking they shouldn't so, here's my theory/headcanon.
Let's start with the character that started all of this
Clark Kent aka Superman, and just Kryptonians in general: Kryptonians seems to be the most human like between all the other aliens in DC, or at least this outside of the Yellow sun that basically gives them more power by some kind of photosyntesis, but outside of this they are basically the same as a human apparently, so they maybe developed a similiar A/B/O thing, but if we not consider this then they shouldn't have a secondary gender, super senses yes, like (under the yellow sun) they can smell the pheromones maybe distinguish them but probably don't really get affected by them, this depends then on how the pheromones works in the omegaverse au If we consider the first case in MY OPINION (so my headcanon) is that Superman is an alpha, a powerful alpha, but Clark Kent, is still an alpha, but more like a "weak alpha" in the sense that he tends to be more a beta than an alpha diffently from Superman.
Now to the martians: THEY DON'T HAVE A SECONDARY GENDER, that's it, they change shapes, they can mutate their forms, imitate other beings. I'm not even use they actually have a proper sex and/or gender, but to my knowlege they have, anyway if we consider the martians on Earth, when they are in their secret ID they imitate betas, this is the thing that would make more sense.
Now Koriand'r and Tamarian in general: they probably don't have secondary genders, to my understandings they are basically warriors so compared to humans A/B/O they are the most similiar to alphas but without the biology of one, so the ones on Earth, so Koriand'r, in their secret ID they pretend to be alphas.
That's it, if you want me to do an analysis on Amazons and Atlanteas, because technically talking they aren't exactly humans... just tell me and I will.
and about the children and in general batfam?
well... idk, like for the most of them idk, I have some ideas about Tim, Jason, Damian and maybe Cass, but for the rest... no idea
Tim: omega, because it would make sense that Janet and Jake were like betas or alphas and when tim turned out to be a omega (with like some kind of blood test that said the gender before it manifested or something like that) were dissapointed about it and started ignoring him Damian: alpha, no need to explain why, Talia was an alpha like her father so Damian is too. how he was concieved and born? well... that's a bit more complicated, like if we want him to grew like an assassin there can be two ways: 1) Artificial womb, like Talia stole some DNA or Bruce egg and used an artificial womb or a surrogate to have the child 2) Trauma, I mean, Talia probably stole Damian from Bruce when he was born and told him the child died for a complication or another then we have the Damian didn't go to the league and bruce birthed and protected him.
Jason: pre Lazarous pit he was a beta, post Lazarous pit he became an alpha, probably for some magic of the pit, maybe even Ra's Al Gul was a beta before he used the pit the first time. Or, no change in the pit, Jason is an omega, one of this two options, that's it
Cass: maybe she's an alpha, or a beta, idk because the thing is her smell, she could use blockers, or her father removed the glands maybe.... idk but for sure not an omega. even tough she's the sweetest.
Batman in an omegaverse always should be an alpha or at least someone without a smell , but not Bruce Wayne, he should be an omega, so hear me out:
Bruce Wayne by the public is considered to be a Homeboy (probably, idk the correct term, I'm italian), he's all smiley, a guy that continiusly adopts (apparently) random orphans, who is known for sleeping around a lot, at least befor Dick was adopted, the person that if you even go near his children will go crazy to protect them; kinda of boneless, who dosen't really works at his own company, basically Brucie Wayne (in the public eye, then in reality we all know the normal Bruce Wayne out of galas is not like that), an omega.
But Batman?
Batman is perceived as a menace for goons and villain, the darkness of Gotham, its protector, so an alpha, or at least what people think he is; probably he uses blocker so he smells like nothing or like an alpha.
and all of this makes even more sense because since the start bruce tried to separete the 2 personas (even in the canon) to protect his identity, so they're complete opposite, could ever Brucie Wayne be Batman? ptf NO, that's the point, so having a omega Brucie and an alpha Batman makes way more sense than having an alpha Bruce Wayne