An Early Documentation Of The Safety Dance

The knights as YouTube comments, No. 1

I can’t decide which knight is saying this, but it explains a lot.

( A comment on “i accidentally read the worst book of the year so far” by The Book Leo, beginning with a quote from the video)

Edit: Never mind. Knights kiss all the time in some texts. Most of the Arthurian texts I’ve read are weird and random (Gawain plays tennis, Galahad gets married, Guinevere’s mother’s ghost issues prophecies of doom…) and gave the impression that being turned into a murder-dog was more common than physical affection.

That is very relatable because I did the exact same thing. Here's a partial list of my own awful ideas:

It started with Marianne Le Fay (I didn't like the name Morgan, so I renamed her) being so called because she was friends with fairies in the French Alps, then shifted to her being a changeling child who was raised by fey beings after Uther and the rest of his hunting party was killed while hunting a wild boar in Broceliande. No adequate explanation was given for why a three-year-old princess was taken along to hunt a wild boar.

Camelot was actually named Caramel-Not. Bors told people in the foreign countries he was in while he had amnesia that he was from a camel-lot and it stuck. (Also, Bors converted to Hinduism, regained his memory, and decided never to go back. All this was mentioned offhand--he hadn't lived in Camelot for years and never showed up in the story).

Prior to the start, Mordred somehow drove every human apart from him and Arthur, who he kept mostly unconscious, out of Camelot through wild goose chase quests, falsely tarnished names, and more creative but always nonlethal methods.

Mordred isekai'd Guinevere to a world made of clouds. The first part of the plot was just her trying to get back.

Mordred stuck Agravaine, Gareth, and Gaheris on a boat and set it adrift so that listening to Agravaine singing "The Ballad of the Pickled Cabbage" would eat away at the others' sanity.

Gawain and "Gallahad" were best friends. Gallahad was kind of a rustic himbo, in contrast to Percival, who was older and had found the Grail before he showed up (I actually like the last bit's angst potential).

Lancelot was really evil and in league with Anna (who was evil). Guinevere, Gawain, and Gallahad all hated him.

Mordred was a sorcerer and had a strix named Deluge who wanted to be named Norman as his familiar. (I know it makes no sense but I still have a soft spot for corny socially awkward evil wizard Mordred).

Arthur and Guinevere were going to get their marriage annulled, then eventually remarry, because the marriage was arranged and also because when they first married, Guinevere was under a curse.

The whole thing began with a seventh-grade assignment to write an alliterative paragraph, so a weird number of words in the prologue started with the letter G. Thus, we have Gawain grappling a ghastly green ghoul over a golden grail (not THE Grail, apparently, but that isn't clear until much later) at the very start.

Pendragons could turn into literal dragons. Mordred, as Uther's grandson, could turn into one despite lacking the Pendragon name, since it was genetic, but Guinevere could also turn into one because she was a Pendragon by marriage. (The lore was a bit spotty). The climax of the book was going to be an epic dragon battle between Mordred and Guinevere.

There's a bit more of that sort of thing, but I'll leave it there for now.

so a few years ago, before I realised that there was such a thing as an Arthuriana fandom on Tumblr that I could mine for resources, I decided, in my infinite wisdom, to start writing a novel.

now where this goes off the rails is the fact that I a) did no research and b) had some pretty unusual ideas about the characters I was going to be using. having since found out some actual, concrete information on these characters, I thought it would be fun to go through my old ideas and see how fucking wild they are in comparison to what I now know the characters are actually like.

Kea's list of awful ideas:

morgan le fay was going to be a werewolf

king arthur was going to be colourblind and have a peanut allergy as his only identifying traits

lancelot was going to murder his abusive merchant father by staging a cart crash in the middle of the woods, then stabbing him in the confusion. for plot reasons

Nimue/lady of the lake and Lancelot were going to be adoptive siblings who were raised by the wild hunt (still kinda fuck with the siblings idea tbh)

Kay was going to be Arthur's dog.

Guinevere x Lancelot? nah, Guinevere x Lancelot's sister (also still kinda fuck with this, give that woman some lesbianism she deserves it)

the main villain was going to be some random ass faerie assassin called the Shrike, so called because it skewered knights on trees (I used to listen to far too much hozier, if you couldn't guess)

Arthur, Lancelot and Merlin were going to be in a polyam relationship and Guinevere, Nimue and Morgan were going to be in a polyam relationship, which, if you consider the two pairs of siblings in that collection, means that the family tree of these characters is literally a circle.

the Fae were going to have big fuckass bird wings for no particular reason other than I thought it would be cool

I have so many more of these, if this breaches containment I'll make another

Palamedes’ family in Arthuriana

Palamedes, oh, Sir Palamedes. We all know this man. Either he’s crying in front of wells or he’s on the hunt for the Questing Beast. The question is: how much do we know about his family? Some of us know that his father’s name is Esclabor and that he has a brother named Safir. In other Arthurian narratives, he has more family. As such, I did a deep dive by researching several different Arthuriana, three from the thirteenth century, one from the fifteen century, two from the sixteenth century and two from the 20th century.

The first one that we’re exploring is “Guiron le Courtois” from the Palamedes romances, written in the 13th century by an unknown author. In the narrative, around the time of the crowning of Arthur as King, the Roman emperor throws a party because his daughter got married. The emperor is brought tributes of different kinds, including people to be his slaves. A young man between 24 to 30 years old called Esclabor, his wife, several of their children (including a two-month-old Palamedes, who is named after his grandfather) and Esclabor’s brother, Arsafar, are brought from Babylon to the Roman emperor (Cadioli & Lecomte, 2021; Löseth, 1890).

It just so turns out that at that exact same moment someone attempts to kill the Roman emperor and Esclabor saves his life. More events happen, but the point is that Esclabor earns his and his family’s freedom. Esclabor asks permission to the emperor for leave so he can through Logres and then disembark at Northumberland. The emperor grants his request with much regret since he has come to consider him as a son. The family arrives safe and sound to their destination. On the way to Logres, they meet King Pellinor who is out on a hunt and he and Arsafar save his life, when two knights try to kill the king. This causes for them to have favor in King Arthur’s court (Cadioli & Lecomte, 2021; Löseth, 1890).

On the other hand, in another version of “Guiron le Courtois”, it is mentioned that Palamedes has a sister named Florine, whose lover, the Knight of the Castle of the Three Roses, died of love for her. He leaves his own eulogy carved in a marble staircase, talking of whose lover he was and for some knight to avenge him (Lathuillère, 1966).

On the other hand, in the Post-Vulgate of the “Lancelot-Grail”, written by several unknown authors in the 13th century, during the Quest for the Holy Grail, Galahad and Bors lodge at Esclabor’s home. Esclabor narrates to them that he is from the area of Galilee and as a young man he decided to travel to Britain to see and test how great the knights of the area were. He arrives during the start of Arthur’s reign. He stays in the court for a bit, everyone assuming he is a Christian. One day, they bring a beautiful young lady, whose father was a giant the knights killed (Asher, 1996).

They tell her that if she becomes a Christian, they’ll give her riches and someone to marry. She refuses, telling them that she would rather die. No one asks for her until Esclabor does to the amazement of Arthur. Arthur asks him what he is going to do with the young lady since she isn’t a Christian. Esclabor proceeds to tell the king that he’s a pagan just like the young woman and that that’s fine by him. It earns him the nickname “the Unknown” since Arthur thought he knew him, but it turns out he didn’t at all (Asher, 1996).

Esclabor and the young lady go on to marry. They have twelve sons, Palamedes being the eldest. One afternoon, during family lunch time, they all hear about the Questing Beast. Esclabor decides to hunt it down, alongside his eleven sons. Palamedes can’t make it because he’s sick at the time. The quest doesn’t well since Palamedes’ eleven younger brothers die at the hand of the Questing Beast, while Esclabor is badly wounded. This makes Palamedes swear that he’ll hunt down the Questing Beast to avenge his brothers (Asher, 1996).

Similarly, the 13th century “Prose Tristan” written by Luce de Gat and Helie de Boron, is in agreement with the Post-Vulgate in mentioning that Palamedes is the son of Esclabor and that he has eleven brothers. Moreover, he uses a black shield and wields two swords, which makes distinguishable (Curtis, 1994).

In contrast, in Thomas Malory’s “Le Morte d’Arthur” from the 15th century, Palamedes is stated to have only two brothers. Their names are Saphir and Segwarides (whose wife Tristan sleeps with, which similar with the Prose Tristan but Segwarides isn't Palamedes' brother in that narrative) (Malory, 2009).

Moreover, in the 16th century Spanish Arthuriana “Tristán de Leonís y el rey don Tristán el joven, su hijo”, Palomades (as Palamedes is called) is mentioned to have two brothers, Garacón and Separ (Safir), which coincides with Malory but the name of one of the brothers is different. In the second part, Palomades is still hung up on Iseo (Isolde) a decade or so later after she died. He sees that Iseo’s daughter of the same name resembles her mother a lot and decides to kidnap her so he can have the chance he didn’t have with her mother. A relative of “Tristán el joven” kills Palomades in order to rescue young Iseo from her captor. Naturally, Palomades’ brother Garacón appears to avenge his brother, and he gets killed (Cuesta Torre, 1997).

Then, comes Palemedes' cousin Salandro to avenge his cousins and he gets killed as well. Afterwards, Salandro's brother Amagrafo comes to avenge his brother and cousins and gets killed too. “Tristán el joven” hangs their shields and arms for exhibition as an example of what happens to those who come fight against him or something like that (Cuesta Torre, 1997).

Earlier in the same narrative, it is mentioned that Palomades is a descendant of Ebalato, whose shield belonged to “Joseph Abarimatía.” Because of the shield’s miraculous properties, Ebalato becomes a Christian. However, he’s in incarcerated for becoming a Christian and he dies in prison. His wife (whose father is called Palomades) gives birth to twins, whom she raises as Christians. However, their descendants return to their ancestors’ religion (Cuesta Torre, 1997).

Ebalato is the Spanish equivalent of Evalach, a companion of Joseph of Arimathea in the Vulgate. He is also called Evalach the Unknown, just like Esclabor is also called the Unknown later in the Post-Vulgate narration (Chase, 1993; Asher, 1996).

In addition, Evalach was gifted by Joseph of Arimathea a shield that belonged to him (Chase, 1993), which is similar to the Spanish narrative. The mention of Evalach in this narrative essentially makes Palamedes distantly related to Lancelot and Galahad since their ancestor Nascien was the brother of Sarrassinte, who was married to Evalach (Chase, 1993). The only thing that differs between narratives is the death of Evalach, since Ebalato dies in prison, while in the Vulgate Evalach dies centuries later after he meets Galahad who gets the shield of his ancestor (Cuesta Torre, 1997; Chase 1993).

Lastly, in the Vulgate, it is mentioned that Segurades has a nephew called Canagues, who was his squire (Carroll, 1993). Meanwhile, in the 16th century Portuguese Arthuriana “Memorial das Proezas da Segunda Tavola Redonda” written by Jorge Ferreira de Vasconcelos, it is mentioned that “Monsolinos de Sulfocia” is the son of Palamedes and that he uses dual swords like his father. Moreover, he has a cousin called “Leonces de Renel”(De Vasconcelos, 1867).

If all these sources are conflated together, it can be thus deduced that:

Esclabor and his wife are parents to twelve sons and one daughter. Out of the twelve sons, only four are mentioned by name which are Palamedes, Safir, Segurades and Garacón. Their daughter is Florine.

Arsafar is Escablor’s younger brother. His sons are named Salandro and Amagrafo.

Palamedes is the eldest son (or the youngest one). He has a son named Monsolinos of Suffolk.

Safir is most likely the father of Canagues, who later becomes his uncle Segurades’ squire. Meanwhile, Leonces de Renel is most likely the son of either Segurades or Garacón.

The name Palamedes is a family name, seeing as there was an ancestor named Palamedes. In turn, Esclabor’s father was named Palamedes, whose grandson was also named Palamedes as well.

Palamedes is a descendant of Evalach and Sarrassinte, sister of Nascien. That makes him a distant relative of Lancelot and Galahad who are descendants of Nascien.

References

Asher, M. (1996). The Post-Vulgate, part II: The Quest for the Holy Grail. In N. J. Lacy (Ed.), Lancelot-Grail: The Old French Arthurian Vulgate and Post-Vulgate in Translation: Vol. V (pp. 110–289). Garland Publishing, Inc.

Cadioli, L., & Lecomte, S. (2021). Il ciclo di Guiron le Courtois. Romanzi in prosa del secolo XIII. Roman de Meliadus. Parte prima. S.I.S.M.E.L. Edizioni Del Galluzzo.

Carroll, C. W. (1993). The History of the Holy Grail. In N. J. Lacy (Ed.), Lancelot-Grail: The Old French Arthurian Vulgate and Post-Vulgate in Translation: Vol. II (pp. 115–238). Garland Publishing, Inc.

Chase, C. J. (1993). The History of the Holy Grail. In N. J. Lacy (Ed.), Lancelot-Grail: The Old French Arthurian Vulgate and Post-Vulgate in Translation: Vol. I (pp. 1–163). Garland Publishing, Inc.

Cuesta Torre, M. L. (1997). Tristán de Leonís y el rey don Tristán el joven, su hijo: (Sevilla, 1534). Universidad Nacional Autónoma de México.

Curtis, R. L. (1994). The Romance of Tristan: The Thirteenth-century Old French “prose Tristan.” Oxford University Press.

Ferreira De Vasconcelos, J. (1867). Memorial das Proezas da Segunda Tavola Redonda (M. Bernardes Branco, Ed.; 2nd ed.). Typ. do Panorama.

Lathuillère, R. (1966). Guiron le courtois: Étude de la tradition manuscrite et analyse critique. Librairie Droz.

Löseth, E. (1890). Le roman en prose de Tristan, le roman de Palamède et la compilation de Rusticien de Pise: Analyse critique d’après les manuscrits de Paris (E. Bouillon, Ed.). Macon, Protat Frères, Imprimeurs.

Malory, T. (2009). Sir Thomas Malory’s Morte Darthur: A New Modern English Translation Based on the Winchester Manuscript (D. Armstrong, Ed.). Parlor Press LLC.

Jewish Resources (Assorted)

Since my last post seemed to be helpful to a lot of people, I thought I’d make another to share some additional resources. This list includes a bunch of stuff, meant for Jewish people in general. I would definitely encourage you to explore them! There’s a lot of useful stuff here. Goyim are welcome to reblog, just please be respectful if you’re adding tags or comments. Jewish Multiracial Network, an organization for multiracial Jewish families and Jews of Color Sefaria, a free virtual library of Jewish texts Sephardic Studies Digital Library Museum “The SSDC includes key books, archival documents, and audio recordings that illuminate the history, culture, literature, politics, customs, music, and cuisine of Sephardic Jews all expressed in their own language, Ladino.” (from their website) The SMQN, an organization for LGBTQ+ Sephardic and Mizrahi Jews Keshet, a group for LGBTQ+ Jews JQY, a group for LGBTQ+ Jews with a focus on those in Orthodox communities  Queer Jews of Color Resource List (note: this list is way more than just resources, there’s a LOT there) JQ International: “JQ celebrates the lives of LGBTQ+ Jews and their allies by transforming Jewish communities and ensuring inclusion through community building, educational programs, and support and wellness services, promoting the healthy integration of LGBTQ+ and Jewish identities.” (from their website) Jews of Color Initiative, an organization dedicated to teaching about intersectionality in the Jewish community, focuses on research, philanthropy, field building, and community education Nonbinary Hebrew Project: It’s hard to describe, but they’re working to find/create/add suffixes that represent nonbinary genders in Hebrew. If you speak Hebrew/another gendered language, you might know what I mean about gendered suffixes. Jewish Mysticism Reading List  (These are related to our closed practices, goyim should NOT be practicing these things) Ritualwell (you can find prayers and blessings related to specific things here, I personally like that they have blessings related to gender identity)  Guimel, an LGBTQ+ support group for the Jewish Community in Mexico. The site is in Spanish. I’m not a native speaker, but I was still able to read a little bit of it.  SVARA: “SVARA’s mission is to empower queer and trans people to expand Torah and tradition through the spiritual practice of Talmud study.” (From their website) TransTorah is definitely an older website, but there are still some miscellaneous pdfs and resources up on the “Resources” page. Jewish Disabilities Advocates: “The JFS Jewish Disabilities Advocates program was created to raise awareness and further inclusion of people with disabilities within Jewish organizations and the larger Jewish community.” (from their website) Jewish Food Society (recipes, have not spent a lot of time browsing here but maybe I should in the future) Jewish Blind & Disabled, an organization that operates mainly in providing accessible housing and living. Jewish Braille Institute International: “The JBI Library provides individuals who are blind, visually impaired, physically handicapped or reading disabled with books, magazines and special publications of Jewish and general interest in Audio, Large Print and Braille formats.” (from their website) Their services are free!)

The problem with antisemitism and anti-Zionism

Someone recently reblogged this post I shared that called out antisemitism in pro-Palestinian rallies. An action I was initially happy about, until I went into this person's blog, and saw a lot of posts that I, as an Israeli-Jewish person, find incredibly antisemitic. I found myself utterly baffled by that. Because this person clearly recognized the things said in these rallies were extremely antisemitic, and yet, they posted a lot of things that were rooted in the same antisemitic worldview. Can't they see it? And I think the main problem with the current pro-Palestinian movement is that they honestly can't see the line between being on the side of compassion and humanity and being critical of Israel's actions, to spreading horrible lies and dehumanizing Israelis and Jewish people. And the ugly truth these people refuse to face is that the reason they can't see when they cross this line is probably unconscious antisemitism.

You don't need to hate Jewish people to be antisemitic

Antisemitism, like many other forms of racism, often works on an unconscious level. Maybe you have Jewish friends. Maybe you fought for better Jewish representation in media. Maybe you are even Jewish yourself. But over the years you have been exposed to a lot of antisemitic ideas and stereotypes that altered your worldview and made you more vulnerable to believing Jewish people are the bad guys.

If your gut reaction to this is- "but Israel is actually doing bad things, so I'm actually right about hating them." Please keep reading.

Your idea of Israel and what it stands for is based on the worldview of the most radical right-wing Israeli activists at best, and blatant lies at worst.

Imagine if we took the words of the most radical Republicans out there, the ones that go after trans kids and believe women should have no right over their own bodies, and believe all Americans are supporting this idea. That wouldn't have been very fair of us, right? Because there are a lot of people in America who are fighting for a better future. A lot of people who are standing up for human rights.

Just like the United States isn't a homogeneous entity, filled with only trump supporters, Israel is also an incredibly diverse place, with people who have radically different ideas about how Israel should look. Even the current Israeli government, which is extremely right-wing, and has people in it I personally believe should have never been in a position of power, is probably a lot less evil than you were led to believe by ill-intent strangers on the internet. Mainly because this is still a democratic government, in a democratic country, which has a lot of checks and balances that (for the most part) manage to prevent people with radical ideas from making them into official policies.

I don't blame you for believing the reports you see from Gaza. As a pacifist, and as someone who voted for left-wing parties ever since I was eligible to vote, someone who truly believes the Palestinians has a right to self-determination and sees how problematic the occupation is, I struggle a lot when I see posts about the suffering of the people in Gaza. Wars are horrible. I never want to see other people suffer. Let alone children. I wish I could go there right now and take all of them somewhere safe. I wish none of this was happening.

But I also know who my people are, and the values they stand for. And what I noticed about these anti-zionist posts is that they are often written in a biased, misleading way. They often attribute malicious intentions to Israel's actions. And they often jump to conclusions, without giving Israel the benefit of the doubt. Without asking the right questions. And often, without any sort of proof. Some of these posts are outrageous lies. Others are incredibly biased and fail to mention the terrorist organization Israel is fighting against.

Only a small amount of them are coming from unbiased sources that describe the reality of the situation without giving in to personal interpretation.

But most of you can't tell the difference. You are seeing lies about how IDF soldiers are targeting children, or about how Israel is lying about their true evil intentions, and you accept them as the truth, without questioning the intention of the person who wrote that post. Without stopping to think this is incredibly dehumanizing to think Israeli people are capable of such monstrous actions. Without examining your own biases. And that's incredibly problematic, and yes, this is antisemitic. Because you would have never spread this kind of accusation about any other group of people without definitive proof.

This isn't to say our soldiers are never wrong, and that there aren't any bad apples, or even systematic problems in the IDF and every allegation should be thoroughly investigated, because any harm to innocent people is terrible, unavoidable as it may be. And ideally, even terrorists should get a fair trial.

But if you think soldiers in Israel defense forces, who are mostly 18-21-year-old Jewish men and women from all sides of the political spectrum, are inherently evil and baby killers, you are in fact antisemitic.

Even if you believe your type of anti Zionism isn't antisemitism being anti-zionist is still not a great position to take.

I never defined myself as a zionist before. But it was more to do with my own disconnection with Judaism and my ideas about the place of religion in modern society than my belief about the right of Israel to exist.

I think it would be amazing to live in a utopian world where we have one multicultural democratic state where everyone lives together in harmony. But I’m also a realistic person. And someone who wants to keep living as a free woman with full rights in my home country.

And while I never felt particularly zionist, I was never an anti-zionist, and I never believed zionist was a bad word.

I'm probably not the first person who tells you this, but Zionist isn't a synonym for "everything I hate about Israel". It doesn't mean "a person who supports the occupation", or even "a person who only cares about the life of Israelis" or "someone who fully supports the Israeli government".

So what does it actually say? Let's look at a dictionary definition.

Do you notice what the definition doesn't say? Anything about Israel's borders or about the idea of a Palestinian state. There are many types of Zionism, some more radical than others. But as I said before, is it really fair to judge an entire group of people based on the idea of the most radical of them?

The truth is, most of us just want to live in peace. We want to go to work without finding ourselves at the scene of a terror attack or running to the shelter because of rockets. We want all the hostages to come home. We want to feel safe in our own homes. This is what it means to be a zionist. This is what you are standing up against. Not the "occupation," or the "settlers" or the extremists in the government. Just regular people who want to live their lives.

Zionism isn't colonialism

Jewish people are indigenous to the land of Israel. This was the land we dreamed of in 2000 years of exile, and it's a huge part of our religion and our culture. This doesn't mean the Palestinians don't have a claim to the land as well after living on it for so many years, or that what they went through in 1948 wasn't terrible, but it doesn't magically make Israelis into white colonialists who woke up one day and decided to take over a random land.

A lot of mistakes were made. In 1948, and especially in 1967. And we are paying for them now. But the idea that Israel is a colonialist state that represents everything that's wrong with society is entirely false.

If you support the existence of a Palestinian state but don't believe Israel deserves the same right, you need to ask yourself why that is the case.

Is that because you don't believe Jewish people when they tell you about their connection to the land of Israel? Because you think there is something inherently wrong with the existence of a state that is only for Jewish people? (But have no problem with all the Muslim and Christian states out there) Because you think Palestinian deserves to live from the river to the sea and Israelis should have nothing, or whatever the Palestinians would be willing to give them? Because you are more comfortable with the idea of Jewish people as a minority in a Palestinian Muslim state than the idea of them having their own free country? Because you think you know better than us what our future should look like?

Because all of these reasons are antisemitic.

It was supposed to be Mordred as he’s described in my writing. A friend and I couldn’t find any art which matched our headcanon of his appearance, so I decided to try to draw him myself, but my attempts to make him stop looking like me just made him look like an elven version of my mother. There are several characters who this sort of looks like it could be depicting, especially if you ignore the pointy ear (not quite sure where it came from), but I don’t think it quite fits anyone in particular.

Ah, well. At least it’s clear to everyone that it’s not Lancelot. I think Mordred would hate people mistaking him for Lancelot and kill anyone who did or vastly abuse (and maybe destroy) his borrowed reputation.

okay sorry thinking about false guinevere again and I think I get it now. like if you were raised alongside your beautiful sister, the beautiful daughter of the king, and she gets everything and everyone loves her and she marries the guy who pulls the sword out of the stone and she’s the queen now and everyone’s looking to her and knights are dying for her and you look exactly like her and you have her same face, your father’s face, but the man who raised you isn’t him because no one can talk about what the king did to your mom and everyone pretends it’s normal but actually they all know you were born from violence and you were never supposed to be born and there she is, your sister, with your same name, your same face, the most desired woman alive, and she is everything you’re not. i might also do something evil tbh

could you tell me about arthur's bastard (and legitimate) children?

(Word of Caution: For various reasons, including inaccessibility of source materials, I am not fully read up on all the details of the source materials involving the following characters. Nor am I aware of all known children of Arthur. Therefore, I should advice discretion)

First are the two major sons, both of whom changed legitimacies as the legend evolved:

Mordred - Originally a nephew by Arthur's full sister Anna/Morgause in Historia Regum Britanniae, Mordred is later converted into Arthur's bastard son, conceived incestuously, in Vulgate Cycle. The Welsh Dream of Rhonabwy suggests that Mordred was fostered by Arthur (a normal practice of both Romans and Celts)

Loholt/Ilinot - First appeared in Erec and Enide and apparently based on the Welsh character of Llacheu, Loholt was originally a Legitimate son of Arthur by Guinevere in Perlesvaus and the German Tradition. But Vulgate Cycle alters this so that Loholt is instead another bastard son by a certain Lisanor prior to Arthur's marriage to Guinevere.

Next are the ones with Unknown Mothers (and thus of ambiguous legitimacy and relationship to Guinevere):

Amr/Amhar - Son of Arthur mentioned in Historum Brittonum as being killed by Arthur himself. His grave is described as naturally changing size with every look, implying supernatural influence. He is also mentioned in the Welsh Geraint, as one of Arthur's Four Chamberlains

Gwydre - Son of Arthur mentioned only in Culhwch and Olwen. He is killed by Twrch Trwyth alongside two maternal uncles of Arthur.

Llacheu - The most celebrated of the Welsh sons of Arthur, with mentions in Pa Gur, The Welsh Triads and other Welsh Poetic Material. Is usually identified with Loholt, with the Welsh adaptation of Perlesvaus - Y Seint Grail - being the most notable in that regard.

Duran - Son of Arthur only found in a 15th Century Welsh Manuscript, where he is said to have perished during the Battle of Camlann

Archfedd - Daughter of Arthur, found in the Welsh genealogical work Bonedd Y Saint, where she is said to have married Llawfrodedd, one of Arthur's warriors, and bore two children, Efadier and Gwrial

Apollonius, Iron and Hilde - Two sons and a daughter found in the 13th Century Icelandic Thidrekssaga.

Aristes - Son of Arthur mentioned in the Old Norse Mottuls saga

Legitimate Children of Arthur (Although not necessarily Guinevere's children)

Samson the Fair and Grega - Son and Daughter of Arthur by his wife, Queen Silvia. Both found in the Norse Samson saga fraga

Adeluf III, Morgan the Black and Patrick the Red - Three sons of Arthur, from Eldest to Youngest, from Rauf de Boun's 14th century chronicle, Petit Brut. Presumbly, sons of Queen Guinevere, but Rauf de Boun fails to mention the name of Arthur's wife. However, Adeluf III is made heir and assumes the Throne of England whilst Patrick and Morgan are given sizable inheritances in the form of Scotland and Wales. (Note: Wikipedia claims they're Arthur's sons by a fairy queen, but the cited source does not say so. Link to source HERE)

Seleucia - Daughter of Arthur by his first wife, Liscanor (Lisanor), in Jorge Ferreira de Vasconcelos' 16th century Portugese novel Memorial das Proezas da Segunda Tavola Redonda. (*This technically makes her the full sister of Lisanor!Loholt) She married Arthur's successor, Sagramor Constantino (a combination of Sir Sagramore and Constantine, son of Cador) and may have even bore a daughter, Princess Licorida

Huncamunca - Daughter of Arthur and his wife, Queen Dollalolla, from Henry Fielding's 1730 Tom Thumb play

Melora - Daughter of Arthur and Guinevere from the Irish romance Eachtra Mhelóra agus Orlando. One of the more well-known daughters of Arthur and one of the very few warrior women in Arthuriana.

Merevie/Smerbe/Smerviemore - Son of Arthur by his second marriage to a french princess, Elizabeth. Figures primarily in the genealogical legends of Scottish Clan Campbell, who claim descent from Arthur through Smervie.

Rowland, Ellen and Two unnamed older brothers - Certain versions of the Ballad of Childe Rowland and Burd Ellen portray them as the sons and daughter of Arthur and Guinevere, apparently due to the mention of Merlin.

Tryphine's son and daughter - A certain mystery play collected by François-Marie Luzel in 1863 merges Saint Tryphine from the Conomor legend with aspects of Queen Guinevere, with the primary antagonist being the lady's brother Kervoura. The two children are unnamed, but the son goes by an alias, "the Malouin"

Iduna - Daughter of Arthur and Guinevere from Edgar (1839), by Adolph Schutt

Blandine - Daughter of Arthur and Guinevere from Les Chevaliers de la Table Ronde (1937), by Jean Cocteau

Bastard Children of Arthur:

Kyduan/Cydfan - Son of Arthur by Eleich ferch Iaen. Mentioned in Culhwch and Olwen and Bonedd yr Arwyr

Arthur le Petit - Son of Arthur from Post-Vulgate, born of Arthur's deliberate rape of a daughter of Sir Tanas. Arthur le Petit serves as a "good" counterpart to Sir Mordred. He loyally serves his father incognito for many years and despises Lancelot's faction for causing the destruction of Logres. He is slain by Sir Bleoberis.

Tom a Lincoln - Eponymous hero of the 16th century romance Tom a Lincoln, by Richard Johnson. Son of Arthur by Angelica, a daughter of the Mayor of London. Fathers two additional characters, the Black Knight and the Faerie Knight.

Gyneth - Daughter of Arthur by a half-genie named Guendolen. From Walter Scott's The Bridal of Triermain (1813). A huntress whose Marriage competition results in the death of many knights including Vanoc, who is implied to be Merlin's son. As a result, Merlin puts her into an enchanted sleep for many centuries until her true love awakens her with a kiss.

And finally, those with a tenuous link to Arthuriana:

Nathalia - a supposed daughter of Arthur who accompanied St. Ursula according to De Sancta Ursula: De undecim milibus Virginum martirum (1183), by Herman Joseph

Baeddo - Wife of the Visigothic Spanish king Reccared. Claimed to be a daughter of Arthur by Compendio Historial, by Esteban de Garibay y Zamalloa

Tortolina - a daughter of Arthur according to Pantochronachanon (1652), by Thomas Urquhart

*(Additional Source link about the Daughters of King Arthur: HERE)

Dindrane: claimed I could remember my unborn sibling from Heaven, then gave a description of said sibling which turned out to be accurate 

Taliesin: went outside during a lightning storm and tried to fly away by using a Mary Poppins umbrella to catch the wind while making dramatic poetic declarations (I got about two feet in the air)

Sebile: tried to practice necromancy to talk to a dead Monarch butterfly

.

This isn’t something I did, but an evangelical organization once showed up at my family’s house to see whether one of us was the Messiah, and that seems pretty Galahad-esque.

arthurian legend characters as weird things i did as a kid

Arthur: created clubs for the sole purpose of making myself in charge of them

Guinevere: played barbies, but the plot of the game was that they were fighting in world war iii

Lancelot: pretended to be an exterminator by spraying actual hornets with a hose, and somehow not getting stung, against all odds

Gawain: held stair-jumping competitions, and regularly jumped down around 10 stairs at a time

Merlin: designated a particular tree branch for reading and refused to let anyone climb this branch

Gaheris: held ‘screaming contests’ in my backyard to which invited my friends (this is exactly what it sounds like and it was banned by my mother immediately)

Dinadan: eaten spaghetti while riding a bike

Galahad: made a graveyard for bugs

Morgana: recruited a friend’s little brother to spy on said friend because she wasn’t talking to me

Mordred: accidentally made a gallon of poison

Obscure Arthurian text which everyone should read #1: The Story of the Crop-Eared Dog

This is what happens when you mash together a revenge quest, a slasher movie, a buddy road trip, a bildungsroman, a fantasy epic, and a shaggy dog story and set it in medieval times. Because there aren’t many Irish Arthurian texts, whether Bhalbhuaidh, the protagonist, is meant to be Gawain or Galahad is controversial. His name and titles could point to either and his life situation seems more like Gawain’s, but I will refer to him Galahad because I find the idea of a Galahad AU where he’s pagan and gallivants around with a prince who was turned into a giant dog and lost all qualms about murder along the way entertaining. It starts when Arthur, who inexplicably holds the title of King of the World, convenes a hunt in the Dangerous Forest on the Plain of Wonders and the mysterious Knight of the Lantern does what any antagonistic knight worth his salt would do: gatecrash and ask for violence. It gets less normal very rapidly from there. Abhlach the druidess is at least as awesome as she is wicked, Galahad may or may not have a magical music-making sword, and the fact that there’s an Island of Naked Monks is never given any explanation because it’s only mentioned in passing when the dog tells Galahad he killed them all. 

Yeah, it’s a fun read.

Here’s a link to the translation I read:

Internet Archive

The story of the crop-eared dog; the story of Eagle-boy : Macalister, Robert Alexander Stewart, 1870-1950 : Free Download, Borrow, and Strea

207 p. 23 cm