Hurt/comfort - Blog Posts

Short story incoming!

Alice in Gotham!

(Might change the title idk)

Anyway this is a short story I'm almost does writing. It's 5 chapters long right now, might get longer or not, I'm still in the writing phase but since I'm almost done I figured I should let you guys read the summary.

The Mad Hatter has a new Alice, one none of the bats haven't been able to catch or track down. She’s kicked their asses enough times that they think she's a meta. If only they could just pull off that headband and free her mind from Hatter's control. However they may find it's just not that simple.

---

  Being homeless wasn't too bad for the ghost boy on the run. He had a pocket detention now, so he didn't have to worry about important things being stolen from his backpack. He made some cash by being a handyman for people in crime alley, and selling things He made from the scraps he frequently stole from the dump. That was until it started to storm. He found a wear house to take shelter for a while, and there he met a short man who looked like a fucking Leprechaun. What happened after he offered to get Danny a fresh set of clothes… well he's not too sure.

Rotten || Part 2

Summary: Second chances only come to those who deserve it. You aren't sure if your husband should be considered as a deserving person. Characters/Pairing: Miguel x GN!Reader Word Count: ~900 Warnings: angst, A/N: This was asked to be turned into a part 2 by @bat1212 a while ago and I completely forgot :(( sorry for keeping you waiting!!

Ever since you had walked out, a bitter taste had left its permanent place in Miguel's mouth. He had done nothing but watch the love of his life walk out of their house as if they were nothing to him. He had already lost his old life, and then there was the one he stole from his alternate self. An alternate version of him who was happy, who lived with you and your daughter... up until the incident. When he met you in this world, he swore he wouldn't let anything hurt you. Yet here he was being the soul reason that your chest ached and heart broke.

Your phone was hot, ready to blow up with the number of calls and texts that your husband had been spamming you with. Most ranged from 'call me', to extensive apologies and begging for forgiveness. It would never be worth it.

How could you forgive him after he threw away everything he promised to you?

As your phone rang for the tenth time that night, you finally decided to answer. it wasn't an easy decision, already knowing that the sway in your silent treatment would break your faux confident demeanour. "What is it?" The sigh that slipped past your plump lips was pathetic, a giveaway to how upset you truly were. You could sense Miguel's hesitation before he even spoke.

"I am sorry," he began, "I wasn't fair to you.."

That pathetic excuse of an apology wasn't enough for you. You shook your head, standing in the street as the cool air dug its cold claws into your skin. You shivered and had to fight off another sigh. "Miguel, sorry doesn't cut it anymore. I have had enough of your treating me as if we aren't a team, as if we aren't literally married!" Your voice began to raise, the rush of emotions forcing you to pause before you say anything else that you would regret. Typically, Miguel would have scolded for you for raising your voice at him in his own brash way. Tonight, he chose not to. He was too hard on you, too distant and it was eating away at your once beautiful marriage.

"You're right.." He sighed softly, leaning his back against the headboard of your bed, "Sorry doesn't cut it anymore." He admitted quietly. His eyes shut and his hand came up to pinch the bridge of his nose. He'd neglected his partner for too long. "Come home, my love.. Let me apologise in person. Even if that isn't enough, you deserve to hear it." His words sounded sincere, but they still made your stomach churn. Were you seriously about to go back on your own words and crawl straight back home into his arms? It had only been a few hours since you left and yet you already missed the warmth of your shared bed.

"I can't, Miguel." Your words were stern, even as your bottom lip quivered. If you were to come home, fall into his strong arms and listen to his words you knew exactly what would happen. You would listen to his apology, the sweet little words of your lover professing his undying need to have you in his life as if it was the last thing he'd ever do. You would break, falling back into the cycle of leaving and crawling straight back at the drop of a hat.

Perhaps that's why you found yourself in the cab, still talking to Miguel. You heard his sigh of relief as you muttered your address to the driver, smiling shyly as you sat in the back seat.

"So, you are coming back?" His voice was borderline teasing, poking at your buttons until you'd huff and tell him to be quiet.

"I won't if this is how you're going to be," your grumbled. For a moment you paused, closing your eyes as the car began to move. "Will you run me a bath? I'm cold..." You admitted, only to hear the gentle rumble of his laughter. Although you were both still on edge, neither of you could deter yourself from the need that panged your chest.

It wasn't long before you were home, clothes thrown to the floor as you sunk deep into the bath that Miguel had drawn for you while he impatiently waited for you to come home. His fingers rubbed against the top of your calm, caressing your knuckles as he leaned his head against the edge of the bath. While you basked in the warmth of the water, he settled in your presence outside of the bath.

"Let me make things right.." he whispered, kissing your palm. As you looked down at him, you couldn't help but nod.

"Okay.." you sighed, finally forgiving your husband.

The Devil Wears Yellow

Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3 || Part 4 || Part 5???

Chloe could not stand you. Over the past month that you had been attending the same school as her, she had grown a rather distinct hatred for you, stemming from the relationship blooming between you and Adrien. She noticed the sweet smile on your face every time you spoke to him, the way your fingers seemed to brush when he would lean over to your side of the desk. She could distinctly remember the way you elbowed him in the side for trying to copy your answers, his bashful laugh as he searched for an excuse of his copying. It was infuriating and unfair. Her thoughts were suddenly cut off as an unexpected voice called out to her. 

"Madame Chloe, the car is waiting for you," Chloe's butler, or as she called him 'Jean-whatever-your-name-is', alerted the girl from behind her bedroom door, his knuckles wrapping against it with a gentle knock. 

The blonde girl let out an obnoxious groan, yanking her yellow jacket on over the top of her black and white striped shirt. As overly dramatic as usual, she shoved the door open, ultimately pushing the poor man down and storming to the front of the hotel. She got in the white limousine and left for school.

~~~

The next day started the same as all the others. You struggled pulling yourself out of bed, showered in cold water despite how much it made your joints ached and then returned to getting dress. Today you wore a knee brace on your right knee, favouring your left more than usual. You were yet to notice the effect that the miraculous had on you outside of your hero persona. Grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge you didn't bother waking your parents to say goodbye. Reaching for your bag as you stood just in front of the front door, you took one look back into the house before you simply left, not giving the house a second look. You were starting to grow tired of the same routine. Waking up, leaving the house with no goodbye, going to school and then returning to a battle against an akuma that you weren't even allowed to fight yet. Part of you wanted to get your hands dirty, aching and yearning for the adrenaline that would rush through your system whenever there was a slight mention of a supposed akumatization. 

While the walk itself wasn't long, it felt as if it took an hour. You were tired from the nights work. Akuma's had become rare, and you were still yet to properly face one without just lending the occasional hand of whisking away surrounding citizens so they wouldn't get hurt. With each day that had passed you had easily memorised the walk to school, rarely needing your own mind to take you there when your legs already knew the way. Letting your feet guide you, your mind started to wander a bit.

The truce you made a few weeks back flashed through your mind. You hadn't really interacted with Chat Noir since then, but you were sure something had changed between the two of you. You recognised his small glances towards you, instead of being greeted with sharp eyes, they were more curious. Although he was still jealous of you, envious of the attention you received from Ladybug, you were proud to say that you no longer thought that the feline heroine hated you. Your last patrol together was the night before. He didn't speak much, but when he did, it didn't seem to come out as harsh as usual. He was a strange boy, that was for sure. 

Not realising that you'd already made it to your class, you almost walked into the door. Shaking your head, you pushed open the door and stepped inside. What you were yet to notice was the blonde girl standing next to the doorway, her foot sticking out just enough to make contact with your ankle. The connection sent you tumbling to the ground with little to no witnesses other than Sabrina. Your water bottle rolled across the hardwood floor. The blonde smirked down at you. She found an empty joy in watching you crumple to the floor, falling to pieces from such a simple manoeuvre. 

"Whoops!" she feigned shock, "Maybe you should watch where you're going next time, foreigner." The smirk on her face made you feel sick. For the first time in years, you felt humiliated. You didn't have the time to process the hurt that you felt, both physically and somewhat mentally. Putting on a brave face, you pulled yourself to your feet, favouring your left side to the point your leg buckled slightly under your weight. "Listen, I don't understand what I have done to you that makes you believe tripping me over is the answer," you began, "I'm sure there's a good person inside that heart of yours." 

Your words made her crystal eyes widen momentarily. They seemed to hit a vulnerable spot within her, but as soon as it came to her it disappeared. "You don't know what you're talking about. You are ridiculous!" She huffed, easily hiding the slight pang of guilt she felt under a snobby mask. Sabrina looked at you, her eyes were the window to her soul. Guilt was plastered on her face, leaking from her pores with every second she stood near you. Yet, the girl did nothing to defend or help you. She simply pulled her head down and held Chloe's books tighter to her chest. You never liked being forgiving, but you would have forgiven the two with a simple apology or explanation even if it wasn't to your standards. You rolled your eyes, moving from the door to place your bag next to your desk in its usual spot. Gaining no reaction from you, Chloe left without sparing a second glance, practically dragging Sabrina out by the wrist. 

You regretted coming to school so early. Tears threatened to fall as you finally let the weight of the situation fall upon your shoulders. You truly couldn't think of what you had done to Chloe. In fact, it wasn't until today that you had properly spoken before. Taking in one last shaking breath, you wiped your eyes with the sleeves of your sweater. There was no point in letting her words or actions get the better of you. If you were to be akumatized, who knows what would happen. Rolling your right ankle under the desk you bit down on your bottom lip. She didn't sprain your ankle, but it definitely left you with a jolt of pain when you moved. You hoped it would go away on its own, not needing the extra pain when your knee was already burning. 

The opening of the door pulled you from your thoughts. Quicky wiping your eyes, you scrambled to pull your textbook from your bag. Your hands shook from the previous interactions, almost making you drop the pencil you held.

Curious eyes stared down at you as the young man made his way to his seat. He sat down next to you, flashing his usual friendly smile. He spoke your name, and you finally looked up. Graced by the solemn look on your face, Adrien frowned. The two of you had grown rather closer over this last month, exchanging numbers and often riding home together. He knew to an extent the struggles you faced each day, but he had never seen you look so disappointed and dejected. 

"Are you alright?" 

The words hit you like a harsh wave, stinging as it crashed against your warm skin. Instead of answering, you simply sighed. Although the desire to understand the situation, to ultimately make you feel better, burnt deep within the core of his chest, Adrien hesitated. He nodded. "I understand. I'm here." His warm palm brushed against your shoulder once again, however instead of pulling away like you typically did, you leaned into it. 

The blonde boy's eyes widened, his breath hitching in his throat. He had never really had such a seamless interaction with the someone. The warmth of your shoulder spread throughout his palm, coursing through his veins as if it were his own blood, his lifeline. His reaction didn't go unnoticed to you, although you were much too busy sulking about the previous situation. A heavy distaste for the rich girl sat in the pit of your stomach. Not even Adrien could pull you out of that hatred.  

~~~

The day was over almost as soon as it begun. After your little interaction with Adrien earlier, he had promised to take you to the park after school. His simple excuse to his father, with the bribery of his bodyguard, was that fencing practice just so happened to be running late. It was the entire reason you were walking next to him, chortling at the jokingly snide comment he had made about the ladybug pin on your bag. You could only assume he was joking. 

"What? Do you really believe that Chat Noir is better?" You rose a brow, simply teasing the other. The look of pride that flashed through his eyes made your playful façade falter. You shook it off as nothing, the small upturn of his lips distracting you from your own scepticism. There was something about his little scoff that made your stomach flutter. It felt so familiar, yet at the same time so out of reach. You chalked it back to another time you had hung out, maybe you had heard him scoff that way when he drove you home? You shook your head and turned your attention towards the taller boy. 

He rolled his eyes slightly, a sight you didn't see often under the guise of his bodyguard. "Of course! He's so much cooler than Ladybug and Clementine," that made your eyes widen, "Plus, his cat puns are hilarious. I just don't get how you can't see that." The boy shrugged. Adrien had completely dissed your alter ego straight to your face. You kept your reaction hidden deep. Perhaps the next time Clementine had patrol, they might pay a visit to the blonde boy and teach him what true humour was. You nudged him with your elbow as you both walked along the cement path. You still limped from the earlier incident, but it luckily didn't hurt as much as it typically did. "Clementine is the coolest, thank you very much! And Ladybug can literally repair everything with some like, magical ass words. How is that not cool?" 

Adrien blushed, the tips of his ears flushing red as you nudged him. He wasn't entirely sure why he felt like this. He assumed it was because you were good friends. Yeah... that was the reason. 

~~~

Your debate lasted until you two found yourself in front of your home. It seemed cold, most likely due to your parents being in their own separate places. Ever since you began to manage your won diagnoses, they began to lay off of you a bit. What used to seem overbearing and protective had turned into minimal interactions and borderline neglect. 

Turning to face Adrien, you offered him a sweet smile. "Thank you... For today, I mean. This meant a lot." You weren't lying when you said that. The whole interaction with Chloe had left you rather down in the dumps and it seemed he was the only person to truly pull you out of it. He returned your sweet smile with a boyish grin of your own. The way you looked at him in that moment with nothing, but pure gratitude and care made his heart race dangerously fast. 

He shook his head quickly, golden locks flickering in front of his eyes before settling to frame his face. He was always picture perfect. "It's what friends are for." Those words stung, but once again you were dumbfounded as to why. Adrien held your bag out for you to grab, you couldn't remember when he had taken it, but you were grateful, nonetheless. Muttering another soft 'thank you', you let your fingers linger on his. The soft caress of his plush skin against you had your mouth running dry. Quickly pulling away, you finally spoke up.

"Call me when you get home." 

You left no room for an answer, gripping your bag so tight that your knuckles had shifted from their usual flushed colour to a pale white. The door shut and you retreated to your room. 

Adrien stood outside of your house; his mouth slightly open with unsaid words. That was uncharacteristically odd, but he simply assumed you didn't want your parents to meet him. He was understanding of the relationship you held with your parental figures, so he didn't plan on pressing anytime soon. Instead, he began his way home, the only though on his mind being the way your fingers left a lasting spark in his palm. 

Word Count: 2151

Tag List!!! - if you want to be added, just ask <3

@puppyminnnie

Sure, Next Time.

Summary: Hobie only comes to you after trouble Characters/Pairing: Hobie x GN!Reader Word Count: 1.4k Warnings: Blood, injuries, dislocated finger, hurt/comfort A/N: Pls bear with me as I attempt his accent lmao

It didn't necessarily surprise you when Hobie accidentally let it slip that he was Spider-Punk. You could recognize the sticker abused guitar and stressed leather jacket anywhere. What did surprise you was the number of injuries he sustained and how easily he could hide them from you. If he had a limp his excuse was, "Tripped in my boots, luv." Any other injuries he used the excuse of having started a fight with some capitalist douchebag. And you believed it. It was only until he came back for you to patch him up after every battle that you began to truly let your anxiety feed into it.

Hobie had climbed through your window at 2am. The sun was nowhere to be seen, and the moon was shrouded in clouds. You had become a light sleeper as of late, the rise in crime getting on your nerves and preventing that precious rest you craved.

You woke up at the sound of those familiar heavy boots against your tiled floor. Squinting, you recognized the familiar shadow of a certain spider-man, or at least the shadow of the spikes on his head. "Hobie?" You reached to turn on your bedside lamp. Tired eyes squinted as the warm light enveloped the room. Your voice was scratchy from having been woken up at an ungodly hour. Your hair was all over the place, strands in front of your eyes and sticking out in ways that you didn't know it could. You thought this was a dream with how Hobie had frozen like a deer in headlights at the end of your bed.

Hobie thought he could just slip in and out, weaving his way to your bathroom and taking a couple of bandages for his trip home. He was wrong and now look at him. He had barely made it to your house in one place and there was no doubt that he was not making it back to his own. All his weight was on his left leg, he was using a web connected to your roof as leverage to keep him upright. You could see a dark stain seeping through his mask just above where you assumed his left eyebrow to be. You suspected there to be more than what you could see through his mask but would have to wait until you finally got him to the bathroom sink to find out.

The corners of his lips turned up as he watched you struggle to untangle your legs from the bedsheets. "Need some help, luv?" A shit eating grin adorned his face, but you couldn't see it. Even when he was injured, he still managed to make your cheeks flush in embarrassment.

You rolled your eyes. "I'm just fine." You huffed, finally finding the floor against your feet and taking steady steps towards the injured man. You didn't see him using your roof as leverage and silently cursed yourself for taking so long. "You better not pull out my roof with that web. Otherwise, you'll be the one dealing with my landlord." You huffed only half-joking. Humour seemed to be your coping mechanism. "Don't get all funny on me now, luv." He chuckled, sounding worn out and in pain. You helped him through your mediocre apartment, having draped his arm over your shoulders and letting him rest his weight against you as you walked (stumbled) to the bathroom.

With a slight huff through your nose and grunt that you wished was silent, Hobie was now sitting on your toilet, the lid shut. He was too tall when he sat on the sink (you found that out the first time he came over) and well, you didn't have much room up there to begin with. You crouched to the cupboard below your sink. In a Spider-Punk themed box (made by you to tease Hobie) was a consistent supply of bandages, disinfectant wipes, alcohol wipes, splints, etc. There was everything you could think of that someone would need when injured. You made this box not long after the first time Hobie came back with blood dripping from his forehead, and you didn't have anything to help. That night was filled with gentle apologies and worried glances.

"Can you take the mask off, Hobes?" You mumbled, having pulled the box onto the sink. You turned to watch him, tired eyes noticing just how he flinched when he moved his arms to push the mask over his head and tossing it to the floor. His hands were trembling, one of his fingers looking to be the slightest bit out of place. The cut above his eyebrow was bleeding profusely and it looked as if part of his piercing had been pulled on.

"'s not as bad as it looks." His hands gently moved to rest on your hips, eyes glancing towards the worried look on your face before moving to the roof. "Not as bad as it looks. Baby, you've probably got a concussion... No, you've definitely got a concussion." You mumbled, hands already digging into that spider-punk themed medicine box. You managed to pull out some baby wipes and a few alcohol wipes. Adrenaline was coursing through your veins, heart thumping in your ears. Your hands came up to caress his face, taking a baby wipe to gently wipe the blood dripping down his face. There was a visible wince and a hiss of pain that came from the touch. Hobie's long fingers gripped the fabric of your pyjamas.

"I'm sorry, Hobie..." you muttered, trying to be as gentle and careful as possible. Once the cut was cleaned and a bandage was placed over it, it was time to move to his finger. "I'm even more sorry about this. We're gonna need to put it back in place, okay?" You were kind of glad you took that health course in high school now.

Hobie let out a groan, too tired to respond with words, but it was clear he was not looking forward to it. His hands released their grip on your hips and instead were placed in your palms. "Okay, we're gonna count to three and I'll put it back in. That good, baby?" You asked.

The suspense was killing Hobie, he was already in pain as it was. He's had dislocated digits before, so he understood the importance of getting the limb back in its socket as soon as possible, but that didn't mean he was going to enjoy it. He nodded. "Yeah, okay." He hummed in response. Except you didn't even count. You waited until he spoke up and quickly pushed the digit back into its socket, earning a muffled (still loud) groan of indescribable pain. "I'm sorry! Fuck, I'm sorry. It's over now." You apologized, wrapping his swollen wrist in a compression bandage. The tears brimming in his eyes and the sick pop of his finger had you feeling queasy. You felt your stomach flip and not in the usual happy way it did when Hobie was around. However, you pushed the feeling aside, hands resting on his cheeks as you leaned in to press a small kiss just to the left of his bandage.

"Let's get you to bed..."

After finally fixing up his injuries the two of you had found yourselves lying in bed. Hobie was next to you, one arm drapes over your stomach, the other resting under his head. His lips brushed against your cheek.

"I worry about you. About what you're doing." You spoke quietly, glancing back into his eyes for a moment. "I know it's for the greater good, but seeing you come home in the middle of the night half dead every day is- It's not nice." You rambled quietly before finally going silent.

He huffed through his nose, although it wasn't angry. "I know, luv. Gonna give you a heart attack one day." he joked, pressing his lips to your temple. "I love you." The words came out quiet, barely leaving his lips before you turned to face him.

"I love you too, Hobes. But next time you get a dislocated finger just go to a doctor. I literally felt sick from that." You mentioned, earning a small nod and a deep chuckle.

"Sure... next time." He mumbled in response, closing his eyes and wrapping his arm around you securely. There was no need to worry about the outside world as long as you were in his arms.

Post-whump recovery (living weapon)

Content: Injury whump, apologetic, defiant, and stoic survivors, ptsd

"Why are you limping?" "Sorry, I'll stop."

Caretaker walks in on survivor pasting bandaids onto huge, infected cuts.

"I'm so sorry--I'm sorry--I didn't mean to waste them,"

Or just "Do you have any like, duct tape, my tendon got nicked and I--"

Hiding wound and turning away from caretaker "You can't have it back--it's all bloody now! I claimed it. Hah!"

Every "thank you" is so apologetic it makes caretaker cringe.

"I'll protect you." Survivor straightens and grabs the nearest object as a weapon.

"Ah--fuck, don't grab me there!" "Whumpee did you... is that a cut inside your wrist?"

Caretaker hears whumpee making pain noises in their sleep, whimpering "I tried, I tried..."

The hero finds out one day that the villain is “cheating”on his girlfriend with him. But what he doesn’t know is that the villain’s girlfriend is abusive. When they are fighting the next time, the villain’s usually covered wrists, reveals a dark mark, that the hero sees. The villain tells him everything. The next day, the girlfriend doesn’t see the rise of the sun.

Prompt #32

“Get your hands off of me, I don’t need your help.” The hero grunted, moving backwards. The arm hurt where the bullet was pierced by the supervillain. But, fortunately the villain ran him away. Telling the supervillain that he’s got the hero “under his control”, the hero had rolled his eyes at that. The supervillain was hesitant, however, backed off. Giving the villain a secret nod, that the hero definitely saw. And, then he vanished.

The villain raised his eyebrows, retreating his hands. His expression exasperated. If he didn’t stop the bleeding soon, it will lead to the hero dying in less than 10 minutes. He could not afford the hero’s death. “Stop protesting, will you? Just let me help you, please. I know-…how to treat a gunshot wound, okay?” His eyes were so soft, that the hero almost couldn’t believe it.

The hero stayed silent. His eyes felt heavy, his head foggy. He strained to focus on one thing. The villain was right. He felt helpless in the moment. Deciding that he should let the villain take over, he muttered a small, “fine.” The villain went to get a cold wet towel, with a first-aid kit that looked quite too used. He sighed, once the villain came back.

The villain’s hands were cold against his warm skin, and he took a deep breath. “Talk to me, you have to stay awake until I finish this. Take deep breaths. In and out. In and out.” The hero wrestled himself to follow the villain’s commands. “Yes, you’re doing good.” When the villain was finished, he smiled at the hero.

The hero whispered, “Thank you.” He still struggled to breathe properly, but seeing the villain’s smile gave him some comfort and, perhaps, a little ease.

❌Credit me if use this❌

Prompt #27

“Do you need a reminder of how fucking good you feel on me?” The villain asked the hero—their voice was deep, a sharp edge. The hero nodded, almost dazy. They were getting turned on by this whole scenario, the way the villain was manhandling them. It felt good. Really good. They wanted to be devoured. Desired. Let someone undo them. Bring them back to themself. They didn’t know what they were doing. Their head felt so heavy. God, they needed control more than anything. 

“Yeah, possibly more than one.” The hero replied, coming close to where the villain was standing. They grabbed them by the waist and pulled them in a heated kiss. The villain responded to the kiss immediately by grabbing the hero and pushing them onto the desk behind them. Their hands rode up the hero’s thighs, squeezing them. The hero moaned, lowly. The villain pulled away, to the hero’s dismay. They chased after the villain’s lips. “Please, kiss me.”

“Desperate. You were literally running away from me, 10 minutes ago. How am I supposed to do this with you?” The villain groaned. Their intent had been clear the moment they met. It was to have a talk, not a fight. A talk. A talk about their relationship. How they planned to make it happen in the future. But, the hero was anxious, which the villain understood. They were too.

However, the villain didn’t understand why the hero intended to ditch the whole situation. And, run away. They sighed. The hero didn’t reply, their eyes trained on the ground. “Look at me, please?” The villain gently placed their hand on the hero’s cheeks. 

“I’m so embarrassed by myself. I’m so confused. And, I’m so scared.” The hero said, their eyes filing with tears. The tears let themselves out without his permission, and he broke down.  

“I know, baby. I know how you feel. But, I want to talk about it when you’re ready. And, you can tell me if you’re not.” The villain acknowledged, their face already wet by the time they were finished. “It’ll be okay, we can work through this, alright? Promise me you won’t run away again.” The villain uttered. 

The hero shook their head and faintly smiled. “Never”, they whispered. They kissed the villain to bind it.

❌Credit me if use this ❌

Sleep a little easier

Katsuki Bakugo x reader

Hurt/comfort! Reader has nightmares about the war, and Katsuki is there to comfort them

tw: nightmares, a small panic attack, spoilers for the manga, thats about it I think :)

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

The nightmares started shortly after the war ended. 

There wasn’t a doubt in your mind that everyone in your class suffered from them, after the horrors you all experienced, and so you kept quiet. More often than not you’d end up awake all night, either forgoing sleep so you didn't have to relive that day, or the subsequent anxiety attack after your nightmare being bad enough to prevent you from getting any more rest. But life went on, and the only change in your daily life was a heavy increase in caffeine to keep up with classes, and besides that no one seemed to notice.

Or so you thought.

It was Friday night and Mina organized a movie night for your main little friend group to hang out before break. The invite was of course extended to everyone, but most people already had plans, or headed home for break early.

Kiri decided to subject you all to ‘Human Earthworm 4’ which he swears up and down is actually a love story, to which you all just sigh and settle in. The bunch of you cram onto the large couch in the middle, squishing you between the armrest and Bakugo, as you fight a blush from rising on your cheeks. Sero turns out the light before running to the opposite end of the couch as Kiri queues up the movie, talking Mina’s ear off about the first three in the series. Carefully you try to spread out your blanket across your legs, doing your best to not invade Bakugo’s personal space more than you already are.

He observes you out of the corner of his eye before glancing at the others, seeing them enthralled in the show already

“Here” he gruffs out, hand darting for the other edge of the blanket, simultaneously dragging it across both your legs, and throwing his other arm up on the couch behind you, so you can settle further in with a little more room. 

“Thank you” you smile up at him, hoping the dim lighting from the TV hides the heat you can feel burning your face.

As time goes on you do your best to pay attention, but slowly you start to nod off, head drooping, before shooting back up awake. After watching this cycle for a while Bakugo slides his arm off the couch, gently pressing your head against his shoulder, as his arm falls across yours.

“Take a nap princess, you look like you need it” he whispers in your ear. Somewhere in the back of your mind you make a mental note to freak out about the position you two are in and the nickname later on, maybe even over analyze every part of this interaction with Mina too. But for now the warmth of his body and the smell of his cologne lull you into a somewhat peaceful sleep. 

Well, a short lived one.

You saw it seconds before it actually happened, the fate that was to come, and in the blink of an eye, Bakugo is launched through the air, dead before he even hits the ground. 

You scream, but no sound comes out.

God you’re so tired, your leg is broken, and your quirk is fried, but you have to get to him. 

So you crawl. 

Agony shoots up every nerve in your body as you drag your weary bones across the field, sobs wracking your entire being.

“Bakugo?” you shake his shoulder, hardly able see him through the tears in your eyes

“Get up please, it’s not funny” you mumble, sobbing even harder. 

Oh god, you can’t even do chest compressions because his fucking sternum was blown out. For a second you think you might hurl. 

“Katsuki?” you manage to whisper, throat tight, gripping his hand, like you could physically will him back into his body.

But this is where your nightmare always differs from reality, as you glance up, ready to scream yourself raw to get him some help, but find everyone else is already dead, and it’s just you alone with Katsuki’s body, with no way to fix him, as Shigaraki slowly approaches you. 

“I think I’m in love with you” you whisper to him, a secret you were always too scared to say out loud, or even admit to yourself “I’ve always sort of known, and I never said anything and now I never will and I-“ you’re cut off by a violent sob, choosing to curl into his side instead, and wait for the enviable blow to be delivered. 

You lost. 

But Katsuki would never let you live down giving up, so with shaky hands you reach for one of the last grenades strapped to his belt, but Shigaraki is on you before you can even breathe. You yelp, and-

You jolt awake with a stuttered breath, sobs ripping themselves from your chest uncontrollably. Somewhere in the back of your mind, you’re aware it was a nightmare but your body and heart can’t seem to keep up, as your soul feels trapped in that damned coffin in the sky. 

You desperately claw at your chest, trying to get breath in and the dull ache out but nothing seems to be working. That is, until you feel warm hands cupping your wet cheeks. 

Faintly, you hear your name being called, softly summoning you back to reality from whatever hellish realm you slipped off to. 

Slowly the world around you comes into focus, the lounge, now absent of all your friends, except for one very concerned looking Katsuki who’s holding you as softly as he can, like both your lives depend on it. You try to focus on his face, the sharp features you love so much illuminated by the dim light of the movie’s end credit screen.

“Breath, sweetheart, you have to get some air in, ok? Can you do that for me?” He takes one of your hands and places it on his chest

“Nice and slow, just follow me” he murmurs. The two of you sit like this, close enough to see every fleck in his crimson eyes, until your breathing evens out and your sobs subside. Katsuki doesn’t dare let go of your hands.

“How long?” He asks, not having to clarify any further. You let out a weak laugh

“Day after the war?” You question, not even remembering yourself how long you’ve been having the nightmares at this point. 

“Every night?” He softly presses, a deep need to assess the situation and find a solution. You sigh, looking away from him

“Everytime I close my eyes” You whisper, as he silently just nods

“About me?” you whip your head back to him in surprise, but before you could ask, he goes on “You were murmuring my name before you woke up” this time he looks away, guilt clear as day on his face “I’m sorry” he whispers, and for a moment your head spins. He’s sorry? Why is he sorry?

“Katsuki” you tilt his face back towards you, debating your next few words “It wasn’t your fault”

“But-“ you silence him with a glare

“I have nightmares because in that moment there was nothing I could do to-“ your voice cracks, and you pause for a second “In that moment I thought I lost you forever. And that was the worst moment of my life, and I realized I never even told you-“ you cut yourself off, shaking your head “But you’re ok” You give him a weak smile

“But you're having these nightmares because I was stupid and I- I died! And you had to see that!” he spits out, anger rising “I put you through that, I put you all through that! Everyone knows the nerd only just started being able to look at me again without bursting into tears, and I’m not sure dunce face is ever going to be the same again, and now you-“ You lean in, wrapping your arms around his middle, as the words die on his tongue. 

“We were in a war Katsuki” you say softly “All of us are only 16 and have seen more horrors than most of the world has ever known existed. Every single one of us is still working through what we went through, including you” he stays silent “I have nightmares about losing you, because I care. For you. Deeply.” you let your words hang, letting him take them however he needs to. 

Katsuki has always known something was different about you, that something between the two of you was more important than anything else. Charged, in a way he had never experienced before. He hates seeing you hurt, and he hates knowing he is the cause of it. But here you are, comforting him, even after having a nightmare about him that he was trying to comfort you over. Everytime he thinks he can’t fall any harder, you smile at him and it feels like the floor disappears from beneath his feet. He knows he can't ignore it anymore, push away his feelings for your safety. He wants to be selfish with you, consequences be damned.

You feel his hands tighten and relax against the fabric of your sweatshirt multiple times before he finally speaks up

“Go out with me” he pauses, as you draw back to look at him “on a date” he glances away and the wheels in your brain stop turning. At your silence he glances back, this time holding eye contact, determination clear on his face “I care about you too. More than the others, more than I cared to admit to myself until recently” He loosens a breath, before continuing “I want to spend all my time with you, even if it sounds stupid. I just-” he pauses again “Want to be with you… always” he looks at you almost hopefully, waiting for an answer, trying to read your mind. 

A smile breaks out on your face, to which he answers with a grin 

“Yes Katsuki! A million times yes!” You tackle him further back onto the couch burying your face in his chest, feeling the rumble of a laugh on your cheek

“Alright, alright don’t be too excited sweetheart” he teases, but his words hold no heat, and the smile on his face is shining brighter than ever before, not that you can see it. You’re perfectly content to stay right where you are, listening to his heartbeat pounding strong, if not a little bit fast, in his chest. Maybe you'll sleep just a little bit easier at night if you can listen to its sweet rhythm while you fall asleep.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

A/n: Hello!! This is my first ever fic really so if it sucks I'm trying ok!! I'm also still figuring out how tumblr works so Thats about it,, have a good day/night everyone!!

Ask No Questions (Aizawa/Fem!Reader)

Summary: Despite sleeping with the man a couple of times, there's not a lot you know about your neighbor, Aizawa. Perhaps that's for the best, you've never been a fan of complications. (FWB to Lovers? Aizawa/Reader. Reader is female.)

(Content: Blood and injury, needles, no smut.)

-MHA-MHA-MHA-

It's the middle of the night when you hear a horrendous crash sound from your fire escape, followed by a muffled groan. It's enough of a commotion to draw you from your insomnia-driven TV marathon to go and investigate.

You push the window up, poking your head out into the cool night air. Illuminated by the moonlight is the crumpled, bloodied form of your neighbor and occasional fuck-buddy, Aizawa Shouta, laid out on the landing and breathing harshly.

Well, shit.

You haul yourself out onto the fire escape without grace, your bare feet making contact with the too-cold metal grating. You're not exactly surprised to see Aizawa in this state. You have no idea what he does for work, but you've seen the bruises and scars on his body, how he never seems to be fully healed at any given time. He gets into fights, lots of them, that much is certain. However, this is your first time seeing him faring quite so poorly after coming back from... whatever it is he does when he slinks out of the apartment complex.

"Aizawa," you say, alerting him of your presence in case he didn't notice you come out. From the way he grunts in acknowledgement instead of startling, perhaps he had noticed. You make your way over to his side, crouching down beside him.

He's looking rougher than usual. The blood trickling down the side of his face from somewhere past his hairline is the most eye-catching at the moment, but there's plenty of other cuts and scrapes besides that, and the way he's clutching his bloodied side can't mean anything good. But when his dark eyes meet yours, there's clarity there, you're thankful for that.

"Do you want an ambulance?" you ask him evenly. Maybe you should just call for one, this might be over your head. But you don't know what side of the law he's on.

The question gets him moving, and he pushes himself into a sitting position with great effort. He doesn't look much better now that he's upright.

"I'm fine," he says, not fine. Stubborn, though.

No ambulance, then.

You twist your mouth to side in thought then sigh, pushing yourself up. "Okay, let's get you patched up."

It takes a lot of effort to get him into your apartment through the window. He doesn't protest your offer to help, but you have a feeling it's because he's so focused on muffling his noises of pain. You practically dump him onto your old, shitty couch, not too bothered by the idea of a few more bloodstains on it, and go to fetch your first aid kit.

When you return, Aizawa's managed to maneuver himself onto his back, his strange scarf and a particularly loud pair of yellow goggles set on the floor beside him. You realize, then, that he's wearing some sort of costume. Interesting.

"There a zipper on this thing?" you ask as you kneel beside him, looking over his black jumpsuit. He gestures to a hidden zipper and you're tugging it down, revealing his sculpted torso to you. It'd be a much more appealing sight if not for the nasty gash in his side. It looks like it was made by a knife.

You help him take some painkillers, nothing fancy or very strong, and start on cleaning his wounds, working with a practiced hand. You're mildly aware that Aizawa's watching you as you work, his breathing not as labored as when you first found him.

"You've done this before," it's not a question.

"I have," you confirm, not looking up from what you're doing. If he has any questions, he doesn't ask them, neither do you, and you definitely have questions.

Silence settles over the two of you as you patch him up. You don't think anything's broken, but you're not a doctor. Now that most of the blood has been wiped away, he doesn't look as bad as you'd initially thought, especially the cut on his head. Still, that wound in his side would need stitches.

You have the needle and suture thread in your hand, but you're hesitating. Again, you wonder if a doctor really isn't an option for him.

"You don't have to do this for me," he says quietly, almost gently, probably picking up on your reluctance to continue. He's already trying to sit up, "I can handle the rest myself, you've already done more than enough." Despite his stoic demeanor, the guilt in his expression is easy enough to read.

"I've already done this much," your hand presses to the center of his chest, stopping him from getting up. "I might as well do the rest."

It's clear to you that if you don't help him now, he's not going to go to anyone else. The images of him in his tiny apartment bathroom, an exact copy of your tiny apartment bathroom, trying to stitch himself shut flits through your head and it doesn't sit right with you.

"I'll be quick," you tell him, finding your resolve.

The minutes pass as you carefully suture his wound, sweat beading on your brow as you work. Every flinch and tensing of his body, every concealed grunt of pain, has your stomach turning slightly. It's been a while since you've had to do this for someone, you never quite got over the queasiness it gives you.

"Okay," you practically gasp, sitting back and setting the needle aside. Your hands are shaking.

Aizawa is looking paler than before, sweat coating his body, his breathing rapid. "...thanks," the words are sincere through his labored breathing. He looks exhausted and you don't blame him.

You shrug, awkward in the face of his gratitude, staring down at your bloody hands, the stains on your pajamas. You lick your lips, "...have I just involved myself in something illegal?" you have to ask. Providing aid to vigilantes or villains, even unintentionally, was a decent invitation for the law to step in and fuck you. If you have trouble coming your way, you want to be prepared.

He raises an eyebrow, "no," he tells you, giving a tired shake of his head, "you're fine... I'm a hero."

Your eyes drift from his dirtied costume to the goggles and strange scarf, "huh." It hadn't been your first guess, but it makes sense.

There's an awkward silence, "are you a paramedic?" he asks, and you can't help but snort. "Or a nurse?"

"Nothing like that," as if anyone would let you handle a job of any importance.

His eyes narrow, like you're a particularly interesting little puzzle. "You sure handled all this pretty well. You seemed to have experience."

"Yeah," you confirm, but you don't elaborate. You turn your face away from his curiosity, gathering up all your supplies. "You can crash here tonight if you want. You should probably see a real doctor soon."

You can feel his eyes on you as you stand, but you don't look at him. There's a pause where you think he might protest staying and try something stupid like attempting to get up and walk to his own apartment or some other macho nonsense, but in the end he just lets out an exhausted sigh. "Okay..."

By the time you've washed his blood off of you and changed your clothes, he's out like a light.

(Requests)

Gojo SMAU - The Art of Falling Fake

Introduction

Summary: The campus buzzes with life, but you feel like a shadow slipping through the cracks—unnoticed, unimportant. At home, it’s no better. Your parents dote on your step-sister, the star tennis player, while you’re the afterthought they barely acknowledge. She’s here too, her perfect reputation casting an even bigger shadow over your existence. College was supposed to be your escape, but living at home and walking the same halls as her makes it impossible. Then he shows up—Satoru Gojo, the rich, arrogant engineering major everyone seems to worship. His smug grin and effortless charm are the kind of things you can’t stand, but when a ridiculous twist of fate forces your lives together, you find yourself fake dating the most insufferable man you’ve ever met. It’s just a deal, temporary and harmless—or so you try to convince yourself.

tropes: Fake Dating, Opposites Attract, Hurt Comfort, Reluctant Allies, Found Family, Slow Burn Romance

an: I hereby welcome you to my third SMAU in this Universe! (Yay?). I hinted at this one in Chapter 14 of Toji’s SMAU if any of you noticed hehe. I really hope you enjoy this story because I’ve had so much fun writing it so far LMAOOOO. Let me know what you think! SMOOCHES 💋💋💋

{next}

taglist: OPEN!

Main Cast:

HURT WITH COMFORT

You're Stuck With Me (comfort version)

She was hidden away in her room, crying a river. She tried so hard to be quiet. It was late and she didn't want to disturb anyone's sleep. Then, a knock was heard at the door if her bedroom. She held her breath, hoping they wouldn't hear her and leave, but the door soon opened, with all of her three siblings standing on the other side of it. She tried pretending to be asleep, but they could already hear her. That was fine, though. She didn't have to cry in front of them, or talk to them about it, but they still wanted her to be okay. They shuffled into her room, the second eldest closing the door behind him, and gathered around her bed. Then, the second eldest flopped over her, onto the other side of her bed, and the others followed. Now, with all of them cuddled up onto her bed, they fell asleep.

Sara Berry- Sad Lesbian

So I don't know how big the Sara Berry fandom is on here, but I wrote like a novella's worth of stuff based on shipping her with Julie Jenkins, and I figured some people here might like it. Contents include: angst, sad lesbians, hurt and comfort, happy endings, silliness, a bunch of horror movie director/actor references, sesbian lex in the second part, and some AU fun in part 4

Hurt All Might :( Angst

-hello, third fic. Lots o’ you want this, sooo. After this might do a deku one. Btw, this is after all might retired. Follow and like for more!-

All might was just walking home from the store when- “HELP!” A woman screamed. Immediately, Yagi ran toward the scream to find a villain with a bat breaking the windows of a café and hurting people inside. “SOMEONE HELP US, PLEASE!” She screamed desperately.

Without any hesitation, All might ran toward the café. “Do not worry, I Am Here!” All might shouted. He started to analyze the situation. He couldn’t defeat the robber, but he could get everyone to safety and call the other heroes. He sent an alarm out for the pro hero “deku” or for all might, Midorya. He said he would always answer all might’s call, so now he better hope that’s true. “EVERYBODY, EXIT THE BUILDING. THE HEROE’S GOT THIS!” all might shouted, everyone now evacuating the building. “Oh, so your all might, well, better get you over with.” He said, before hitting all might in the head with a bat. As all might’s vision began to fade, he could hear an ambulance and the shouting of an angry deku. Everything faded into black. He woke up in the hospital with a gasp. “All might! Your awake! Deku said with a pure smile. “I know, my boy, I know.” They spent the rest of all mights time in the hospital together.

Lowk wanna write a loser!Dazai hurtcomfort fic

#sakuiwaoi

É a primeira vez que Oikawa passa a virada de ano longe de casa, por que mesmo morando na Argentina há tempos, ele sempre conseguia ir para o Japão nessa época.

Claro que ele já passou longe dos seus pais e sua irmã, mas nunca sozinho, em um país do outro lado do mundo com cultura e costumes totalmente diferentes.

Ele se sente só. Mais só que pensava que se sentiria. Afinal, casa para Tooru não era um lugar e sim pessoas, duas pessoas para ser mais exato.

Oikawa sentia falta de seus namorados. E era isso o que mais fazia se sentir só, por que esse era o primeiro ano que passariam a virada separados.

Mas nada superou o fato de só ter recebido uma mensagem de bom dia no grupo dos três e nada mais. E Oikawa sabia que não era verdade, porém sua mente o levava a pensar que finalmente a distância tinha vencido e que o fim de seu relacionamento estava próximo.

Tooru suspirou e abriu uma garrafa do seu vinho favorito enquanto cozinhava seu almoço daquele último dia do ano. E após mandar uma foto da taça para o grupo que tinha com Suga, Akaashi e Hanamaki, riu da velha piada "agora o próximo almoço só ano que vem" vinda de Makki.

O levantador continuou sua cantoria e jornada na cozinha tentando afastar os pensamentos intrusivos que Iwa e Sakusa finalmente tinham decidido terminar com ele. Como se depois de tantos anos juntos, os dois finalmente tivessem se cansado dele.

Após o almoço, Oikawa sentou-se no sofá da sala, tendo como compania sua segunda taça de vinho branco, para assistir um filme qualquer na televisão.

Mas uma batida na porta o interrompeu de continuar rolando a procura de algo que o agradasse.

-Já vai - provavelmente era só algum de seus colegas de time, não seria incomum.

Quando Oikawa abriu a porta, precisou lembrar a si mesmo que ainda segurava a taça na mão para não soltá-la e manchar o carpete da entrada.

- Oi amor, estamos em casa - um sorridente Iwaizumi o encarava através da soleira da porta seguido por um cansado mas igualmente feliz Sakusa.

- E então, mi vida, você vai ficar de boca aberta ai ou vai deixar os amores da sua vida entrarem?

Oikawa sabia o quanto Kiyoomi gostava de provocá-lo, era mútuo, como uma linguagem de amor que ambos tinham entre si. E a familiaridade de tudo isso finalmente trouxe Tooru para a realidade, fazendo-o soltar a mais solta das gargalhadas, com direito a algumas lágrimas até.

Ele é claro os deixou entrar e naquele dia, na virada de ano, as preocupações do levantador foram varridas para baixo do tapete quando os dois homens que mais amava o pediram em casamento quando o relógio bateu a virada de um novo ano.

Nada era perfeito mas aquele momento poderia ser perto o bastante e mesmo com a distância, Oikawa sabia que eles fariam funcionar como sempre fizeram e fariam.

Afinal, promessas de ano novo na opinião dele tendiam a durar para sempre. Assim como os três.

_____

eles 🥺

(essa foi do ano-novo de 2021)

Let me kiss your scars.

I know it won't fix or erase the pain that caused them, but maybe, if only for a moment, it will make you forget.

Maybe, if only occasionally, you will see those scars and remember how much you are loved rather than the hatred and fear that put them there.

Let me kiss your scars.

Let me kiss your stretch marks.

Let me kiss all the things you hate most about yourself.

Let me make you feel as beautiful and precious as you are in my eyes.

I know I can't erase how the world has hurt you, but maybe, if only for a moment, it won't hurt quite as much.

Please kiss my scars.

My skin is a mosaic of scar tissue, all from my own choices, many from mistakes.

Please kiss my scars.

It won't erase the pain that put them there, but maybe, if only for a moment, looking at them won't hurt quite so much.

Please kiss my scars.

Make me feel as beautiful as you say I am.

"Love at first bite" - Sanji Fanfiction

Summary:

Being Sanji's lover, you are very much not okay with the way he fawns over your fellow nakama, Nami and Robin. The two of you have very different expectations towards your relationship leading to plenty of hurt and angst along the way.

Notes:

I have never learned to cook personally, so please excuse any strangeness featured in this work. At episode 420 in the anime (at the start of writing this). An "Hors d'œuvre" is a pre-appetizer part of a multiple course meal. I tried to make some notes for what I'd like to include in a Sanji fanfiction, but ended up only writing down "mon ange" multiple times because I'm a total sucker for Sanji being french and calling Y/N his angel. Am I as much of a simp as Sanji is? Possibly. Poor Sanji, he's in for a ride.

Chapter 1: Hors d'œuvre

Sweat trickles down your forehead.

You wipe it away with the back of your arm quickly, not wanting any of it to drip down and spoil any of the hard work you’ve been doing.

You’ve been standing here for hours, trying your hardest to make something for your lover.

Well, not lover, ex-lover. A rather recent development, as you had never quite found it in yourself to trust Sanji to be loyal to you until a week ago.

Knowing all too well how… enthusiastic he can get about any woman that isn’t above a certain age or decidedly ugly, you had always doubted his loyalty to you, no matter how many nice words he had spoiled you with.

Initially you hadn’t been so cautious, but when you’d seen him swoon over Robin and Nami, your other crewmates without any restraint, even though the two of you had started being lovers semi-officially on the Strawhat crew, the pang of hurt in your heart had shown you all too clearly that for you, he was definitely more than just a passing attraction, and that you certainly wished for him to feel the same way about you.

Your mind goes back to that instance one week ago. After Sanji had made an afternoon snack specifically for you – or so you had thought - you’d initially been over the moon with happiness. When finding out not long after that he’d showed the same attention to Nami and Robin, not so much anymore. You had confronted him, barging in on him in the kitchen washing some dishes without even bothering to knock, all politeness and manners washed away in your jealous rage.

“Sanji!”, you had exclaimed, voice taut with tension. Sanji had looked up curiously at your voice, and then beamed with happiness at seeing it was you. “Beatrice-chan! My love! You look as radiant as ever!” Your eyes had narrowed, and you’d spoken with frigid intensity. “Sanji. I’m not okay with you acting like you’re doing something special and exclusive for me and then finding out that Nami and Robin are getting the same treatment.”

Sanji’s face falls at your words. “But Beatrice-chan! They’re lovely ladies too, just like yourself! I can’t help but make sure all of you are comfortable and well.”

You cross your arms, glaring daggers into him. “Yeah, but I’m your lover, aren’t I? Those two aren’t. Shouldn’t I get special rights?”

You realize yourself how childish and petulant you sound, but you can’t help it. Sanji always fawning over the other two has left you rather irritable and unhappy and having let those feelings accumulate you are now on the verge of yelling at him.

Sanji, ever the ladies’ man, tries to soothe you. He stops  washing the dishes and moves over, his look apologetic. “Darling, my beautiful angel, of course you get special rights. But I can’t neglect the crew either, surely you understand?”

You pout, unwilling to back down even in the slightest. “Yeah, you say that. But actions speak louder than words. And I’m sick and tired of you always being all NAMI-SWAAAAAN and ROBIN-CHWAAAAAN every time they’re around.”

Sanji sighs and frowns. “But sweetheart, they’re my friends, my nakama. It’s a sign of respect, don’t you see?”

Your glare against him hardens. “What I do see is that you’re head over heels for women who aren’t me. And I know I’m just some random lover of yours which I’m sure you have plenty of, but I don’t like it. Not one bit. I’m considering to stop this arrangement of ours. I don’t like sharing.”

Sanji’s face falls completely, a look of sheer dread on it now. “No, no, no, mon ange, please don’t say that.” He steps closer, taking your hands in his. “You’re not “just some random lover” of mine. You’re my whole world, my dearest darling.”

You narrow your eyes. “Yeah, Sanji. And you say that to any person walking around with tits. So excuse me when I don’t take your flair for the dramatic seriously.”

He looks genuinely hurt now, and you’re almost starting to feel sorry for your harsh words… almost.

Sanji looks down, speaking quietly, almost dejectedly. “Is that really what you think of me? That I don’t care for you, that you could be replaced with any woman?”

You snort, your own pent-up hurt making you uncaring towards his own. “Yes. That’s what I think of you. You’re a total player, Sanji, just admit it.”

Sanji lets go of your hands, turning around to start washing the dishes again. He doesn’t respond and you can’t see his face, so you have no idea what’s going on within him. He doesn’t reply, which makes you stand there rather awkwardly.

After a while, you’re starting to feel a little bad and decidedly a little guilty. Even if you two aren’t really working out as lovers as well as you’d planned, he’s still your nakama that you care for. You start up, saying “Sanji-“, before you are quickly interrupted by him.

“Don’t, Beatrice. Don’t bother.” His voice is calm and controlled. You see him lighting up a cigarette for himself in between dishes, needing quite a few attempts considering that there’s no wind blowing or anything else that could interfere with the success of it.

You’ve never heard him speak so unenthusiastically to you, and it makes your heart clench in your chest. You’d wanted to confront him, yes, but you’d hoped childishly that admitting to your jealousy would make him drop his obvious affectionate nature towards your other nakama, not push him away entirely.

You speak up quietly, voice laced with regret. “S-so I guess that’s it? It’s over?”

Again he doesn’t bother turning around, taking a puff from his cigarette before resuming washing the dishes. “I guess so.”

His voice is still unnaturally calm and collected. You had thought about this moment occasionally, about what would happen if you ever decided to discontinue your love affair. But in your mind it had either been a glorious change from a love affair into a genuine relationship, or Sanji on his knees begging for you not to leave him.

The reality you are faced with is jarring. You had your suspicions about Sanji being quite the player, but him being this cold and uncaring at the end of your love affair? Never once would you have imagined things to go this way.

“O-okay. I’m just gonna- I’m just gonna go.”, you say weakly. Waiting for a reply you don’t receive for a few moments, you quickly turn on your heel and rush out of the kitchen. Tears are stinging in your eyes as you quickly make your way towards your room, praying you won’t run into anyone from the crew, especially not your ever-curious captain.

Whatever gods above there may be seem to heed your calls, as you make it there without coming across a single soul. You lay down on your bed, burying your head in your pillows as you let out a sniffle. You had certainly not wanted things to go this way. For Sanji to be this cold towards you.

It was such a stark difference from your previous encounters, from you initially being completely swept away by his unwavering and doting attention on you after you joined the crew, to a few ups and downs of you realizing you weren’t the only woman he fawned over and you two making up and reconciliating in steamy encounters of passion over and over. And now it’s over. Just like that.

You hadn’t thought about whether or not your love affair would be a long-term arrangement, but you’d never imagined it end this quickly either. Three long months had you been enjoying Sanji’s unwavering devotion to making sure you were okay and trying to fulfill your every wish and now it’s gone entirely, ended quickly by one of your jealous streaks.

As you cry into your pillow in a swirl of sadness and frustration, you curse Sanji for being such a player, for not caring about you when you’d wanted him to so badly, when you had hoped he’d eventually get past his initial infatuation and finally have any sort of real feelings for you. You have no idea how to face him again after this, but then again, he doesn't seem to care about you much anyways, so he probably won't care about that either.

Chapter 2: Amouse-bouche

As you finish reminiscing about your time with your ex-lover – and the separation that had felt surprisingly much like a break-up – you keep stirring the pot you’re currently standing in front of. You’ve been cooking for hours in hopes of somehow impressing Sanji as an apology for your previous rude behaviour. You’ve never really cooked much of anything before – usually just living by scraps and the small bits and pieces of food you actually could afford – and you are not so sure if the something brewing within the pot is actually edible.

You’ve asked Zoro to keep Sanji out of the kitchen, and every now and then you can hear the two of them arguing loudly over it, but Zoro has remained steadfast and adamant about Sanji not being let into the kitchen. You’d gotten Luffy’s permission for this specifically, or rather, you bribed Luffy by promising him he’d get a good chunk of the food you were gonna be cooking.

The recipe you’d decided on had been one you found in the various cookbooks to be found in the pantry. You were pretty sure Sanji just cooked everything by heart at this point, but apparently these were fond mementos he didn’t want to get rid off, even though they didn’t have his, but rather the name “Zeff” written inside their covers, whoever that was.

Having chosen a recipe by image alone you’d ended up with a seemingly simple recipe of octopus, sea king liver and plenty of funny looking vegetables. You’d been able to find all of the ingredients within the pantry where Sanji kept a rather impressive collection of ingredients and had been cooking away since. Again you peek into the pot, one octopus tentacle arm thing reaching up while many vegetables swam around in the strange brown liquid everything had turned into. You frown, wondering if it’s really supposed to look like that, but all you have for reference is the image of the finished meal in the cookbook. Which it does not remotely resemble as of yet, but surely it’ll get there... right?

By the time you finish, you’re sweaty and uncomfortable in the very warm kitchen. How Sanji manages to look so perfect while cooking for hours here, you have no idea. You wipe the sweat off your brow and put the pot on a device that’ll keep the food warm as you head for a quick shower.

Apologies and dinner are best had while not reeking worse than Zoro after a workout, you decide.

You head to the entry to the kitchen, where Zoro and Sanji are still standing, bickering. You clear your throat. “Uh. Sanji? I-I’d like to talk to you about something.” Sanji turns towards you, his expression guarded and mostly neutral. You’ve become one of the only women that Sanji appears indifferent to, and you’re pretty certain you don’t like this change. You much preferred Sanji still being yours. Or well, your lover. Semantics.

Luffy’s voice carries across the deck from the figurehead he’s sitting on: “Is it ready yet???”

You frown, giving your captain a hard stare. “No, need to do something first! I’ll let you know once it is.”

Sanji crosses his arms, giving away nothing as he speaks in a neutral tone: “Okay. What do you need to talk to me about?”

You gulp and gesture towards the door. “Uh, can we talk in private?”

Sanji shrugs faintly and heads into the kitchen ahead of you, not even bothering to hold the door open for you, a lack of chivalry that would previously have been unheard of. Seriously, you’d only called out his less-than-awesome tendencies. He should really not take it so poorly.

As you head into the kitchen after Sanji, you move in front of the pot containing your culinary creation to hide it from sight for now. You meet Sanji’s eyes hesitantly. “Right. So, I, uh. I wanted to apologize to you, Sanji. What I said back then, one week ago… I could have been a bit nicer to you. I’m sorry.”

Sanji’s eyes soften for a fraction of a second before his expression hardens again. “So you didn’t mean what you said?”

You bite back your immediate honest reply and give a faint smile as you lie through your teeth: “N-no. I didn’t. I know you wouldn’t lie to me about your feelings towards me.”

Sanji still seems a little cautious. You know that you’re a pretty good liar, so your expression and voice shouldn’t give it away.

Sanji’s eyes then train on the pot, furrowing his brows in confusion: “What’s that? Did you- did you cook something?”

You nod, forcing your smile to grow a little wider. “Yes. Yes I did. As- as an apology to you. I hope it turned out well. It’s why Zoro’s been keeping you out of the kitchen.”

Sanji almost breaks out into a wide smile, but you can see him visibly restraining himself from doing so at the last moment. "F-for me? You cooked something for me?"

You nod once more. "Yeah! I did. I hope you'll like it. I, uh, don't exactly have a lot of cooking experience." 

Sanji nods, stepping closer to the pot, looking inside curiously. You can practically see the gears turning in his head as he takes in the scent, discerning the different ingredients you used. 

His expressions aren't giving anything way, after a moment he simply recommends a spice to use. 

"Oh! It didn't say anything about that in the cookbook." You feel a little stubborn and point to the cookbook. 

A brief flash of recognition passes across Sanji's face. "Ah. You took one of mine." 

You bite your lip. "Uh, yeah. It was just laying around, I thought anyone could use it." 

Another lie, you’d found the cookbooks stored away hidden under countless ingredients in an infrequently used corner of the pantry.

Sanji can easily identify the lie as what it is, of course, having put the cookbooks there himself. He doesn’t comment on it, however, just fixing you with an inscrutable gaze.

“Well, these cookbooks don’t know everything. I’d suggest you add the spice for a bit of added flavor.”

You’re about to protest again, but then stop yourself. Your stubborn nature insists on knowing better, but you’ve cooked this in order to apologize to Sanji, after all. It might be smart not to start an argument over your apology meal.

You know where the spice can be found, but you smile at him innocently, having read somewhere that men like being needed for help and that it makes them like you better or something. That certainly can’t hurt for your goal. “Where is that spice? Sorry, I don’t know my way around your kitchen.”

Sanji wordlessly points to the shelf right to your left, where the spice is prominently displayed. You grimace but quickly regain your composure and smile, laughing awkwardly. “Oh! I’m so silly. My bad.” Inside you’re seething, your pride wounded at your failed attempt at manipulation. It’s entirely your own fault, but in your mind Sanji is definitely the one to blame.

Sanji doesn’t seem to be in the mood for much further talking about things after this awkward interaction, so he nods curtly. “I look forward to tasting this food for dinner.” He then excuses himself from the room politely.

You grimace as you stare after his retreating figure. This has gone much worse than you’d hoped. You’re going out of your way to do something for the man, so why isn’t he accrediting you the way you deserve to be? What a stuck-up snob.

Later, during dinner, Luffy is positively ecstatic to get to taste your food.

“Smells so yummy!”, he keeps saying. The other crewmembers are eyeing your culinary creation far more suspiciously, and you’re pretty sure you heard Usopp whispering to Nami if you were trying to poison them all earlier.

Luffy and Sanji are the only ones who immediately start loading food onto their plates. When Zoro crosses his arms and only takes a sip of his beer instead of loading any food onto his plate, Sanji stands up and snaps at him. “Oi, Mosshead! Bea worked very hard on this! Be polite for once in your life and take some food!”

Zoro glares at Sanji but obediently takes some food onto his plate. The others follow shortly after, although you can’t help but notice how small the portions are.

Luffy is already on his second plate and keeps stuffing his face with the food, one octopus tentacle dangling out of his mouth as he speaks “I love it! You should cook together with Sanji so we have even more food! Sanji’s food is the best, but if he teaches you I bet you’ll get there quickly too!”

You beam at Luffy’s praise and look at Sanji, hoping to hear the same sort of praise from the chef himself. Sanji’s giving you a smile, but his cheeks are looking distinctly green and his forehead looks a little sweaty.

You haven’t touched a bite of your own food yet either, and as you load it onto your plate Usopp suddenly yells loudly “GAAAAAAH I KNEW YOU WERE TRYING TO POISON US! What did you put in here, sea slugs and algae?!”

As you look at the other members of the crew, everyone has a similar look of green on their face, some looking utterly repulsed, some looking like they’re about to throw up.

Zoro’s face is a grimace but he loads a second potion onto his plate without complaint, clearly willing do endure the culinary horrors of your making stoically.

Sanji stands up once more, smashing his hands against the table. He speaks in a snarl. “Shut up, Usopp. And you others too. Bea made this food, and you’re all damn well going to eat your fill. None of this is going to waste. She tried her best and that’s what matters. It’s still better than what most of you could cook.”

Luffy, completely oblivious to the tension in the room, grins widely. “That’s okay, Sanji! I’ll just eat everything myself!”

You can see all of the crew members discreetly pushing their plates towards him, all but Sanji and Zoro, who are eating their plates diligently.

Luffy’s hands stretch out and grab at all of the plates being handed to him. He appears to be on cloud nine. Well, at least one of them is happy with your food. When it’s only the monster trio and you left in the room, you address Sanji quietly. “Is it really that bad, Sanji?”

Sanji’s eyes meet yours, a tender smile spreading on his face, the first smile he’s given you since your splitting apart. “Chèrie, it’s not that the food is bad per se. You’re just starting out on your journey, it takes plenty of time and training like most things in life. But I’d say it was a good first attempt.”

Zoro snorts. “Oh, stop kissing her ass. It’s edible, but just barely. Maybe try something easier first before jumping into the fancy stuff that curly eyebrows always makes. You’re asking too much of yourself.”

While Zoro’s advice is solid and meant well, you can’t help but feel irritated. You’ve never been one to handle criticism well, and this time is no different.

Luffy’s words, however, soothe your angry heart. “Whaddya mean just barely?! I think it’s great!”

You smile and nod at Luffy gratefully. “Thanks, captain.” Luffy giggles. “Shishishi! Don’t call me “captain”. We’re friends, aren’t we?”

Your smile widens. “Yeah, that’s true. Alright… Luffy.”

Dinner ends on a positive note this way. Sanji insists on cleaning the dishes for you, saying that you’ve spent enough time and energy cooking for the crew today. You can’t help but be a little impressed with how usually he does both things on his own every day, multiple times a day.

As you head to bed that night, you can’t help but feel a little disheartened. You’ve barely even gotten to speak to Sanji today, and you’re frustrated that your food turned out so poorly when you invested so many hours into making it. On the other hand, at least Sanji defended your food – and you – valiantly to the others. But he’d probably have done the same for Nami or Robin. In fact, he’d probably have done it far more intensely for Nami or Robin, granted how distant he’s been with you lately.

As you drift off to sleep your dreams are uneasy and your sleep fitful, filled with feelings of rejection and disheartened feelings.

Chapter 3: Soupe

Summary:

Here's where my naming system for these chapters fails me. Hors d'ouevre and amouse-bouche sound fancy enough, but soup is... well, soup. I'm so sorry that I'm taking so long for these chapters to come out! I had about 60% written about a month ago, but took a horribly long time to refill my Sanji-Angst-o-meter.

Sanji has always wanted a girlfriend. Having been taught to treat all women well, he’d always dreamt of the day he would get to find his very own princess and spoil her to the heavens and above. 

Unfortunately, fate seemed to have other plans for him. While he certainly never stopped trying, most women didn’t exactly take him for full with his admiring and subservient approach. 

He’d been exploited by a few women, sure, but he’d never found the one thing he so desperately wished for - true love. 

But all of that had changed, or so Sanji had thought, when Luffy invited a new crew member to the Strawhat pirates. Bea. Short for Beatrice. A name worthy of an angel. 

Bea was everything Sanji had ever dreamed of. She had long, flowing auburn hair, a sweet smile, rather impressive assets, and the very best thing was - she seemed to be interested in Sanji too. 

Sanji didn’t know what he had done right to deserve a girl like her, but he was over the moon with joy. He’d shower her with his attention, with praise, reading her every wish from her eyes. 

They’d never officially established their relationship or talked about their love explicitly, but Sanji figured that seeing as they were both deeply in love with another, they would automatically be boyfriend and girlfriend. 

Despite his previous obsession with seeing women naked and what could only be called being a total pervert, Sanji found himself realizing something. While he and Bea had started sleeping with one another, it wasn’t the one big highlight of the day for him as it had been with his previous short-lived relationships.

No, Sanji found himself enjoying Bea’s company during the day just as much as during those intimate times. He would always love chasing those exclusive highs and getting to enjoy the divinity that is the female body, but even the quiet moments held so much charm and romance to him that his heart almost leaped out of his chest every time he got to spend time with Bea. 

Sanji had it bad. Really bad. He’d always make sure to make Bea the most exquisite meals, showering her with incredible desserts and cocktails - never leaving his beloved Nami-Swan or Robin-Chwan on the side, of course - and she seemed to revel in his attention just as much as he did in hers. 

So then, why had he ruined it all? During that final confrontation with Bea, he should have begged for her forgiveness. Told her more convincingly that she was the one for him, that he’d already imagined the two of them walking down the aisle, that while he owed Nami-Swan and Robin-Chwan his affection too, they’d always be his nakama first and foremost, while Bea… well, she was his everything. But he had been weak. Weak, weak and stupid. He'd been so shocked to hear her cruel words, so panicked to hear her say the things she did, that he'd been unable to properly function. Unable to think things through and make the right decisions to keep his beloved Bea by his side. He'd wanted nothing more to get down on his knees, pleading with her to give him another chance.

And yet, he’d made her unhappy. He’d made her feel like she wasn’t special to him, like she was interchangeable with any other woman. He’d completely and utterly failed in his job as her boyfriend and future husband. 

Worst of all, Bea had acted like they were just… just lovers. Some passing fling, nothing too noteworthy. She’d claimed to be one of his many lovers. Didn’t she realize how deeply he felt for her? How he’d completely and utterly given her his heart? 

Her words echo in his mind, sharp pain coursing through his chest as he remembers them - “You’re a total player, Sanji, just admit it.”

A player. Had he not told her how much he adored her, every single day? Every hour, whenever possible? And besides, they were boyfriend and girlfriend, right? How could he be a player when they’d been dating each other so happily? 

He’d kept showering Nami-Swan and Robin-Chwan with affection and treats, sure, but he’d never once even thought of being disloyal. Okay, maybe he tried to sneak some peaks into the girls’ bathroom once or twice, but Bea had been in there too, so it was totally excusable! 

But perhaps it was not all over. As much as Sanji had spent his days just staring at the walls in his kitchen, mourning over what he’d lost and what he’d done wrong to lose it, Bea had shown him that she was ready to forgive him. 

She’d made him a meal as an apology. “Foie de poulpe et serpent de mer”, a dish way too complicated for somebody without cooking experience, as she’d shown to be. From an objective standpoint, it had tasted terrible and it had made him sick later that night, but it had been cooked with love from Bea, and that had made it a dish far more divine than anything he himself could ever have created. 

Sanji had personally bribed Usopp, Nami and Chopper to not say a word to Bea after all of them had been sick that night too. Luffy, with his incredible metabolism and dubious methods of digestion, had been completely fine and practically begged Sanji to take on Bea as his apprentice, because in Luffy’s mind, two cooks meant twice the amount of meat. 

Sanji had entertained the idea for a while, getting lost in daydreams of maybe opening his own restaurant with Bea far, far in the future once Luffy had become King of the Pirates and he himself had found the All Blue. How delightfully beautiful she’d look in her cooking apron, with a chef hat to top it off. How he’d personally beat up every single lowlife who dared insult her cooking skills and prove to be a most valiant knight in shining armor for her. Even just thinking about it now, he sighs wistfully, dreaming of this future.

He’d make it up to her. There was no way he would get in the way of his own happy future with the woman he loved, and he’d be damned if he would really allow himself to ruin it all before they’d even gotten married to one another. 

That afternoon, Sanji spends a lot of time diving in the water at the shore of the island the Merry is currently docked at. He was just swimming for leisure earlier when he’d discovered some beautiful shells under water, and he had immediately decided to craft a bracelet for his beloved Bea and give it to her as a form of apology. Initially it had been a rather doable task, but after he’d already found the prettiest shells near the shore he’d had to go deeper and deeper into the ocean, looking for more. 

The shells had become more scarce the further he’d gone, and eventually, much to his dismay, he’d asked the mosshead for help. Zoro had been training near the shore anyways, and seeing as freediving classified as some sort of training too, the two of them had set out to find more shells together. 

Sanji didn’t mind Zoro that much. He was stupid, a jerk, didn’t respect women enough, and his haircolour was straight up offensive to the eyes, but when he asked him for help with anything, even though they usually bickered constantly, Zoro’d help without even a second question. Just plenty of insults to the chef's eyebrows. 

Eventually, the two of them take a break. Sanji had insisted on it so they wouldn’t get even the slightest hints of diver’s disease, not wanting to rope Zoro into something that could potentially harm him, especially knowing of Zoro’s stubborn nature when it came to training. 

They hadn’t talked about the reason for Sanji’s search for shells yet, but Zoro’s figured it out regardless. He speaks quietly, laying on the beach on the shore beside Sanji. “So you’re gonna gift Bea some shells, I guess?” 

Sanji sighs wistfully. “I want to make her a bracelet with only the most beautiful shells I can find. Maybe she’ll forgive me for what I’ve done then.” 

Zoro turns his head around and frowns at Sanji. “What you’ve done? She was the one who threw the jealous fit and ended things between you two just cause she couldn’t handle you bringing Nami and Robin their usual cocktails.” 

Sanji’s eyes widen and he shakes his head quickly. “What, no! I did shower Nami-Swan and Robin-Chwan with too much affection. I made Bea feel like she wasn’t enough, and that’s unforgivable. Don’t dwell on it, mosshead, it’s not like you know much of romance to begin with.” 

Zoro just grunts in response before getting up and resuming the search for seashells together with Sanji. 

They spend a few days doing this, the crew thankfully being docked at the island for a while, allowing the two of them to engage in their search. Sanji would have hated having to leave and needing to use different shells from other places, he wants this gift - and his apology - to be nothing short of perfect. 

Once he’s finally crafted the bracelet, having asked Usopp and Franky for some help to make sure it’s very durable and won’t fall apart quickly, Sanji approaches Bea. He’s got a cocktail and a light snack on his tablet, approaching her with his usual suave confidence, even while his heart is fluttering nervously in his chest.

"Beatrice.", he addresses her. Oh, how he loves saying her name. It's like honey on his tongue, a name truly befitting of an angel like her. 

Bea turns around to him, giving him a hesitant smile. "Yeah?" 

"I've got something for you." Sanji quickly pulls up a table onto which he places the cocktail and snack, and before he can think better of it, he adds: "And something else as well." 

He gets down on one knee, presenting the bracelet on the palm of his hand. "I would like to gift you this bracelet as a form of apology. The way I acted was entirely uncalled for, I never intended to make you feel so bad. I humbly beseech you to forgive me for my misdeeds and give me another chance if you can find it within the kindness of your heart, oh sweet beloved Beatrice." 

Bea's eyes widen considerably. "O-oh, Sanji. Thank you. I accept your apology. You did hurt me pretty bad. So you won't swoon over Nami and Robin anymore now?" 

Something inside Sanji's chest starts to painfully clench when his apology is met with the confirmation that he did indeed hurt her so much. How can he claim to want to be anyone's knight in shining armor when he could possibly hurt the woman he loves? Is he really so faulty? Doesn't he pride himself on treating every lady with nothing but utmost respect? How did it come to this? 

And more importantly, how on earth is he supposed to promise not to swoon over Nami and Robin anymore now? They're his nakama, his dearest friends, and they just so happen to be the prettiest women in the entire world right after Beatrice, followed only by the snake empress that had become so fond of Luffy. Which Sanji still hadn't entirely gotten over. How'd that monkey score a woman like her? 

He bites the inside of his cheek and bows his head. "Yes, mon ange. I promise I will not swoon over Nami-swan or Robin-chwan anymore." He feels like he's betraying himself and his core values even as he says it, but he can't help himself. He's so madly in love with Bea, and if this is what it will take to win her affection back, then he'll do it. 

Bea's eyes narrow and she almost glares at him. "Nami and Robin. Not Nami-Swan and Robin-Chwan." 

Sanji gulps and meets her eyes as he responds. "Y... Yes. Nami... and Robin." He's not sure if he's ever spoken their names so disrespectfully. They're basically goddesses, how could he call their names so disrespectfully, without expressing his admiration through the suffixes? But this is what Beatrice needs in order for him not to hurt her with his behaviour. It is still a sacrifice in the name of love. It's fine, Sanji repeatedly tells himself. Maybe he can still call them Nami-swan and Robin-chwan when Bea isn't there. Or would that be betraying her too? Would she find out through the others and then feel hurt, still? His mind's racing with these new developments, and he finds himself surprised at how queasy he feels, even if he's agreeing to things that will hopefully bring Bea back into his arms. 

Bea crosses her arms. "Okay. You're on probation. If you show me that you mean it for a full week then you can be my lover again." 

Her... her lover? Sanji's face falls. She's making demands of this sort just for being her lover? Does she not realize how much she is asking of him? How willingly he'll sacrifice this for their love, even as she's writing it all off as a simple... love affair?

Beatrice takes the bracelet from the palm of his hand and inspects it closely. "It's pretty. Where'd you buy it?" 

Sanji blushes ever so faintly, a little overwhelmed by the entire situation. "I didn't. I collected all of the shells myself and then Franky and Usopp helped me stabilize the bracelet so it'll be durable even through extreme situations." 

Bea nods, seeming only vaguely impressed. "Ah. So that's why you've been going swimming so much. This is pretty nice. Thank you, Sanji." She gives him a smile and Sanji helps her put the bracelet on, his fingers trembling ever so slightly as he touches her wrist while closing the bracelet around it.

"You know, the reason that I react so negatively around you fawning over our fellow crewmates even though we're just lovers is that I've been hurt before. A lot. My previous long-term boyfriend cheated on me. Multiple times. Hell, there was barely any time where he wasn't cheating on me. So I'm a little cautious when it comes to this sort of stuff. You understand, right?" She flashes him a wide, disarming smile and Sanji can feel his heart doing somersaults in his chest at just how beautiful she is, the way she gets these cute dimples when she smiles.

It takes him a short moment for him to come back to his senses and he immediately takes on a concerned and sympathetic look. "Of course, mon amour. I'm so sorry to hear that you have been hurt like that. You deserve only the best, and whoever that boyfriend was, he could live a thousand livetimes and never deserve you." After a short moment, he adds: "But darling, is that really all we are to you? Lovers? I'd go to the ends of the earth for you. You own my heart, body and soul. You could do me no greater honor than becoming my wi- I mean, girlfriend." He barely catches himself before this becomes incredibly embarassing. 

If he didn't know any better he'd have thought that Bea's expression had just turned decidedly greedy at his promises. But that doesn't make any sense, he must have just imagined it. 

Granted the depth of his confession, he'd have expected some big response, but all he gets is Bea staring at him in shock. "Uh. You wanna be my boyfriend?" 

Sanji's heart feels like it's made out of glass. He's praying that he's not said too much, that he's not pushed her too far, especially if she struggles with trust after that asshole ex of hers hurt her so much. "Yes, Beatrice. Please. I promise to cherish you now and forever. I will be loyal to you for as long as I draw breath." 

It's like watching a robot switch between emotions. First there was shock, then there was vulnerability, then there was greed, and now she appears to switch to a softer side of her. 

"Yes, Sanji. I'd like that. I- I want to be your girlfriend too." Her smile is almost coy now as she smiles at him bashfully. 

He can't believe it. She's actually said yes. SHE SAID YES! Sanji is so elated that he immediately picks her up by her waist and spins her around in pure, unbridled joy. "Really?! Really!! Oh, mon ange, you have just made me the happiest man in the world! I will treat you like nothing short of the goddess you are, and strive to make you happy with each breath I draw!" 

He does three happy little twirls with her before setting her back down and taking both of her hands into his own. "We should celebrate. I'll make you your favourite meal tonight. What would you like? No matter what. I'll make as much as you want. And I'll make sure to hide it all away from Luffy so that greedy bastard doesn't gobble up all of it before you've had your fill." 

Throughout the entire preparation of the meal and the following feast, Sanji is on cloud nine. He's singing happily while cooking on his own in the kitchen, spins around on the spot and dances happily even whenever the other Strawhats are watching. 

His pure elation and joy quickly spreads to the rest of the crew with the exception of two. Luffy, Usopp, Brook and Chopper are up on the tables singing shanties and dancing around with sticks in their noses the second their dishes are empty (and everyone else's too, as far as Luffy was concerned).

Bea's happiness is more subdued in contrast to Sanji's infectious happiness. The crew has never heard him laugh quite as much and crack quite as many jokes, usually he's far too busy upholding his suave look, but tonight he couldn't be any happier if he tried. 

He manages to keep his promises for now, treating Nami and Robin cordially and only ever so slightly better than the rest of the crew, avoiding to say their names so they won't know of him not using the respectful suffixes anymore. 

But amidst all the chaotic happiness spread amongst the crew, there are two that do not join in anywhere near as much as the others. 

Zoro, usually the first to drink himself to a happily blissful state, is drinking moderately, something that has previously been unheard of. He's laughing along with the crew ocassionally but for most of the night his eyes stay trained on Beatrice. Both Zoro's lack in alcohol consumption and his laser focus on Bea are things that Sanji notices, not less attentive due to his immense happiness, but he doesn't comment on it for now. 

Every now and then Zoro and Robin exchange conspiratory looks between the two of them - something seems to be worrying them quite a bit, even as everybody else is happily enjoying the celebration.

Chapter 4: Appetizer

Summary:

Bea and Sanji have started going out (and this time both of them are aware of it). What challenges lay ahead for this new couple?

Notes:

I'm so sorry that this took so long for me to write! Christmas time has been horribly busy, but I hope that the chapter's quality will make up for the long wait. We've got enough angst to feed a whole village!   Content warnings: Explicit, talking about Sanji and Bea's sex life (but not actual smut, if ya get me?), harassment, consensual roughhousing and abuse

Throughout the following two weeks, Sanji feels like he's in heaven.  He didn't know that he could possibly become any happier than during his previous time (thinking he was) dating Bea, but it very much is possible. 

Every morning he wakes her up with her favourite snack, tells her that he'd be more than happy to bring her breakfast to her bed if she so wished. 

When he's not busy working in the kitchen he's constantly hovering around her, making sure not to be too intrusive but always at least in close-enough proximity to fulfill her every wish at so much at a word falling from her lips. 

Frankly, Bea does keep him pretty busy. She's incredibly demanding, asking for snacks at the most impossible times, even whenever he's already left the kitchen for the day and is looking forward to winding down with his beautiful girl in his arms. 

But he never complains, not even once. Not whenever she asks him for ridiculous amounts of berri to spend on jewelry (which she doesn't even pretend she'll ever pay him back), not when she tells him that his cooking used to be better (which makes him try to work even harder), not whenever she'll randomly push him out of bed and call him a pervert when all he'd done was hold her close and marvel at her beauty. 

Daft as he may sometimes be around women, Sanji isn't stupid. He's aware of her behaviour not being okay, but he brushes it off as a meager price to pay in order to get to date her. 

One thing he cannot brush off, however, is whenever he sees Bea hang out with Zoro more and more. 

He'll catch her watching the swordsman work out, giving him some of the snacks Sanji had made for her whenever she's already full, talking with Zoro more and more. 

One evening, when Beatrice had promised him that the two of them would hang out after he'd finished washing the dishes, she doesn't show up in his quarters. 

Sanji heads out to the deck looking for her and is about to call out her name when the words die in his throat. 

He can hear Beatrice's laughter echoing down from the crow's nest, the usually so beautiful symphony of her angelic voice tainted by a much deeper, masculine voice. Zoro's. 

Sanji freezes in his tracks. Did she forget about their planned meeting? He knows Zoro's on night watch, so it makes sense for him to be up in the crow's nest. But why is Bea there? 

And what are they laughing about? 

Sanji takes off his shoes, careful not to make a single noise as he starts to ascend the ropes towards the crow's nest. Overhearing a lady's conversation isn't something he thought he'd ever do, but he can't help himself. His heart feels like it's being squeezed to death by a sea king just hearing Bea laughing with Zoro like this. 

It gets worse, however. Once he's close enough to overhear their conversation, his heart actively skips a beat. Then two. Then three. 

Bea's words are so callous, so cruel. "Yeah, and do you see how stupid he looks every time he's fawning over me? Like his nostrils go super wide and honestly he looks more like a pig than a man." She even snickers. 

Zoro's words are a lot more controlled, more held back. "He certainly does look a lot like his wanted poster." 

Sanji's hands tighten around the ropes so tightly that the rope starts cutting into his hands. A shiver goes down his body from thinking of that thrice-cursed ugly wanted poster. 

Bea continues. "And oh my god he's so touchy. Ugh. So annoying. No wonder everyone calls him a pervert. He totally is one. Doesn't keep his hands off of me even for a second when we're in private. If I didn't love him I'd call it harassment." 

This time Sanji is glad for Bea's callous laughter, because it serves well to be loud enough to mask the choked sob that escapes him. It's not true. Is it? He's always made sure to be so polite towards Bea. To ask her multiple times if she was interested in doing anything intimate on each respective night. Respecting her sometimes arbitrary seeming reasons for denying him even basic physical proximity. 

How could she think of him like this? Like his tender, loving touch was harassing. It takes him all he has to remain quiet and surpress his sobs as he hangs there on the ropes, silently crying. 

To his surprise, Zoro's voice can be heard defending him. "Really. He doesn't strike me as the type. More like he'd be too scared to hurt a girl's feelings to even do anything with her in the first place." 

Okay, that's not great either. Zoro's basically calling him a virgin, but still, he's surprised to hear the mosshead defend him in the first place. From his very own girlfriend, no less. 

Bea snorts derisively. "Yeah? I'm still sore. Man doesn't give me any rest at night, like ever. Chopper's given me something to numb the pain, at least, but yeah. He doesn't hold back. He's too much of a pervert to care about his partner's comfort." 

Zoro just huffs in response. 

Sanji's not sure if he can listen to this any longer. That can't be right. It absolutely can't be. He's always been so gentle with Bea. Sure, she'd asked him to be really rough with her a few nights ago, but that was after she'd specifically requested that multiple times. He'd asked for her permission countless times, and every time she'd asked him to hit her he'd felt a piece of his heart crumple and die. 

He wouldn't hit a woman. Ever. But Bea was his girlfriend. And had specifically told him that she was into being hit and mistreated, as being used as less than. So he'd sacrificed his morals, his number one priority, to make her happy. He had cried during the act and felt so utterly repulsed with himself, but Bea hadn't noticed, her back being turned to him. He'd taken the next day off, pretending to be sick, crying bitter tears in his quarters, hating himself for what he'd done. At her request. With her permission. But still, he'd hit a woman. His woman. He didn't deserve to call himself a man anymore. 

And now she was telling Zoro that... what? That he was a mindless brute? Completely indifferent to her well-being and comfort. Had he made her feel this way? But she'd been begging him for some roughhousing. He was a disgusting piece of shit for complying, but that's what she had wanted. Had he missed signs of her secretly telling him to stop? But they had established a safe word, which she hadn't used. His mind is spinning and not only that, it feels like the world is spinning around him. Not the best condition to be in when currently suspended in mid-air, clinging to some ropes. 

He falls. He can't even remember letting go of the ropes, but apparently he has. The last thing he sees is the crow's nest of the Going Merry, getting smaller and smaller in the distance as the air rushes by around him. 

He hits the deck with a resounding thud and then everything turns to black. 

Chapter 5: Salad

Summary:

After falling off the ropes of the Going Merry and hitting the deck hard, Sanji has been unconscious. A little bit of a wholesome Strawhat get-together before we jump into the deep end of angst once again. Content warning: Suicidal suspicions

Notes:

If not for @mere-mortifer, this fic would be receiving far less love from me than it is. Thank you so very, very much for always commenting, you make torturing Sanji through Bea so much more fun and I'm so glad we can enjoy some heavy angst together!   I've decided to throw out another chapter right away! Consider it my apology for being so inconsistent with the updates.

He's dreaming. 

It's a swirl of different dreams, short snapshots of his family and the loneliness he's felt, intermixed with snapshots of his time with the Strawhats, of finally having a found family he could call his own, snapshots of the island he'd spent so much time on in complete isolation, waiting for a ship to come rescue them together with Zeff. And Bea. Beautiful, lovable Bea, the girl he married. He can see the wedding ceremony and the beautiful tiny little girl they had, who inherited Sanji's blonde hair and Bea's beautiful eyes. 

When he finally wakes up from days of laying in a coma he's rather disoriented by being met with Zoro's grey eyes rather than Bea's. He blinks rapidly and groans. "Mosshead?" 

Zoro's previously stoic expression widens into a small, but genuine smile. "Oh thank god, curly brows." 

Before Sanji can even fully register what's happening, big, strong arms have enveloped him and it feels like he's being squeezed to death. He wheezes helplessly as Zoro seems intent on forcing every single bit of air out of his lungs in a crushing hug. 

"C-Can't... can't breathe...", he finally manages to get out, and Zoro's grip lessens. He lets Sanji back down onto the sick bed, and looks at him with a frown. "You had us all worried to death, idiot." 

"What happened?" 

Zoro's gaze darkens. "I'd like you to tell me that. I was out on night watch when suddenly I heard a loud noise. When I checked, you were there, laying on the deck, looking like..." He averts his eyes and his voice quiets down. "Looking like you were dead". 

Sanji's mind is foggy and so is his memory. He frowns. "I- So I fell onto the deck? Why?" 

Zoro grimaces, meeting Sanji's eyes steadily, worry in his. "Bea said you jumped." 

Sanji's eyes widen in shock. "What? She said what? Why would I?"

Zoro shrugs, looking away again. "How the hell should I know? You're the one that was suddenly on the deck. And you'd taken off your shoes. We've all been worried sick." 

"I'd taken off my...? Huh?" 

Zoro shrugs again. "Robin said that that might have some significance, but she wasn't sure." After a short pause he adds. "Do you want me to get you anything? Or should I get Chopper?"

Sanji shakes his head. "No, I'll talk to Chopper later. Have you been here for long?" 

Zoro clears his throat. "Nah. Just thought I'd check in. You've been out cold for five whole days. Obviously I've not been by your side all that time." The forced laugh that comes after sounds so unnatural and so unlike Zoro that Sanji isn't sure if maybe he might still be dreaming. 

"Right. Where's Bea?" 

Zoro looks almost angry at the question. "Fuck if I know. Sorry to tell you, curly brows, but she's not been here once since the first day. Everyone else has been here, taking shifts. Luffy tried to stuff some meat down your throat a few times thinking it would fix you, but we thankfully prevented him from suffocating you like that."

It sounds so much like something Luffy would do that Sanji can't help but smile, even through the pain of knowing of Bea's absence.

Zoro continues. "Nami and Robin were here a lot too. They took turns reading you stories. Chopper said that some of what we say might get through to your subconscious and have a positive effect on your healing. Which isn't a proven theory, he says, but it'd be worth a shot. Anyways, it gave everyone something to do besides just worry about you. Usopp and Luffy were singing you songs about recovering that they made up themselves. You can be glad that you missed that, it was god awful." 

Sanji's brows crease in confusion. "Wait. How do you know all this? If you haven't been here the entire time." 

Zoro stares at him for a few seconds. "Uh. Cause we've been talking about you and what to do all the time. Obviously. Idiot cook." 

"Right." 

The two stare at each other silently until the silence becomes super uncomfortable and they both have to look away. 

Eventually, Zoro gets up. "Right. I guess I'll go get Chopper." 

He leaves quickly. Sanji notices that Zoro's three swords are laying on the sofa in the room, as if Zoro had been sleeping here. Come to think of it, Zoro leaving without taking his swords with him? He must be really out of it. 

Chopper comes in shortly after, beaming at Sanji. "Sanji! I'm so glad you're okay. There wasn't much I could do for you, all that we could do was sit around and wait for you to wake up again. How are you feeling?" 

After letting Chopper check him through thoroughly, Sanji feels like he has to address the elephant in the room. "I- I wouldn't have jumped. You know that, right? You guys are my family. I wouldn't do that to you. Not in a million years." 

Chopper nods and smiles at Sanji. "Yeah. Zoro said the same thing. Honestly, it was only really Bea that believed that theory. Robin was telling us all about the likelihood of suicidal ideation which made everyone super uncomfortable, but I don't think she actually believed in that either. After all, you're our Sanji, right?" Chopper laughs awkwardly, clearly at unease with the topic. 

Sanji reaches over and ruffles the fur on Chopper's head, the reindeer not wearing his signature hat at the moment. "Yeah. I'm your Sanji." 

Chopper seems greatly relieved at the reassurance, bouncing off the chair he'd pulled up. "Right! You can get up any time you want. Might feel a little dizzy at first from your circulation being so out of practise, so please take this cane. I know it looks silly, but just to make sure." Chopper runs to the corner of the room before coming back with a highly overcomplicated-looking metal cane with a few buttons on its side. 

Sanji smiles at Chopper warmly. "Well, if you say so, I'll make sure to use it. I'd be a fool to ignore our awesome doctor's advice after all." 

Chopper beams and flails his body around happily. "Oh shut up, you moron! I can totally see what you're doing, buttering me up. That won't work on me! Hehe." 

Chopper leaves him alone to do as he prefers after that, and Sanji uses the cane to get up. After the initial dizziness, he quickly regains his strength by practising his steps. 

He's feeling a little overwhelmed by everything, but at least his memory is finally clearing up on what had happened before. He'd heard... Zoro talking to Bea. Was that it? It feels right. 

But why would he have fallen? Did Bea see him jump? Is that why she assumes he did? 

He sighs, leaning heavily on the cane as he pauses. Nothing makes sense as of yet. Maybe talking to Bea would solve this mystery. But he can't deny that he doesn't exactly feel excited to talk to Bea. He'd been so eager to see her again right after waking up, but if what Zoro said is true... 

One single visit. In five days? He hates himself for comparing the situation to the reverse, but he would have spent every single waking minute at Bea's bedside. He'd have moved her sick bed into the kitchen to continue watching over her even as he took care of his duties of cooking for the ever-insatiable crew. 

He's not asking for too much. Is he? After all, they're not just friends. Bea is his girlfriend. Or... wife? Where's the image of her at the altar coming from? He shakes his head, feeling confused, but checks his ring finger just to make sure. Nothing. Okay, so he's not married. 

Still, married or not, she should have been there for him more. Is it because she thinks he jumped? Does she resent him for thinking he wanted to leave her behind? 

Sanji feels exhausted. He's slept for five days straight, but he doesn't feel like he has the energy to deal with Bea right now. That thought in and out of itself just drains him even further. That his own girlfriend, someone he loves with all his heart, is a burden to deal with. It makes tears well up in his eyes which he quickly swipes away. Damn fall, making him emotional like this. 

He finally makes his way out of the infirmary, only to immediately be floored by an overly enthusiastic Luffy. "SANJIIIIIII!!!!!! YOU'RE OKAY!" Luffy's basically yelling, wrapping his long rubber arms around Sanji and lifting him back up. His eyes are shining with excitement and relief. 

Sanji huffs. "Not if you send me to the floor like that, I'm not.", but he can't help but start smiling at the infectious energy. And when he looks around, all of the others are there too. Nami, Robin, Zoro, Chopper, Usopp and Luffy have all gathered to welcome him back to the land of the living. 

Robin's many devil fruit arms pass a "get well soon" card over to him, which he takes into his hands, smiling at what appears to be Robin's self-made drawing of some kittens nursing him back to health.

Nami has apparently baked a muffin with some decoration resembling Sanji's hair style which she's holding in her hands on a plate, beaming at him in relief and waving him hello.

Usopp has a manual in his hands about all of the awesome features that Sanji's cane has (which is another great invention by the amazing Captain Usopp TM). 

Zoro steps forward, patting Sanji on the shoulder. "Good to have you back, waiter. Finally we don't need to eat the crappy food Nami and Usopp have been putting together anymore." 

He goes down quickly after suffering a hit by Nami, who shouts at him. "Yeah then you try and make better food yourself next time! You didn't even try to help!" 

Sanji can't help but smile widely. His crew. His family. And when he spots Beatrice making her way towards the group, he feels such a huge weight lift off of him, that he nearly starts crying there and then. 

"Beatrice." He gazes at her lovingly. She's even more beautiful than he remembers her. 

"Hey there. Glad to see you up and about again. Gave us all a good scare." She's smiling back at him, and all of the rest of the world fades away at the sight of it. 

The other Strawhats discreetly slink back, Nami giving Sanji a wink before removing herself from the picture. 

Sanji hesitantly takes a step closer to Bea, but she moves towards him on her own already, pulling him into a big hug. It's a lot more tender and gentle than Zoro's was, this time Sanji can't feel any ribs cracking from the force alone, thankfully. 

The amount of relief he feels at her hug, at the proof that she does care, it's overwhelming. He'd felt so vulnerable, so scared of there being an issue between the two of them since he'd woken up again, but the hug reassures him and makes him feel safe once again. 

"Missed you", he murmurs into her hair, breathing in her scent like a man starved. 

She chuckles. "I thought you've been out cold for the past five days? If anything I was the one missing you." His heart soars with joy just hearing those simple words. 

"Really? You missed me?" 

"Of course I did, you big dummy. I was so scared you weren't going to wake up anymore." 

He rests his chin on top of her head. "I dreamt of you. A lot." 

"Good things, I hope?" 

He huffs. "Of course good things. You're the love of my life, I'd never dream or think ill of you." 

Bea hums. "Just making sure." 

She pulls back and looks at him, smiling. "You must be starving. Come, I made you something." 

He follows her to the kitchen, where everything is in far more disarray than he'd ever let it get to. Never having cooked in his kitchen before Usopp and Nami seem to not have known where to put most of the utensils back, so there a plenty of pans and pots standing around. At least they've been cleaned. 

On one of the kitchen counters lays what appears to be a simple ham and cheese sandwhich, accompanied by a bowl of suspiciously inedible looking salad. Bea presents the two things proudly. "Here! Something with some kick to it and some nutritious vegetables." 

He smiles and thanks her awkwardly, but eats dilligently. There's so much salad dressing that the hair on the back of his neck stands up straight from disgust, but he tries not to let it show and finishes the whole bowl before eating the sandwhich as well. 

He can't wait to get back into the kitchen and save himself from Bea's culinary horrors again. At least the muffin that Nami had made looked really tasty, he's very much looking forward to eating that. Just thinking about how his beloved Nami-Swan took the time and care to bake him something, and even decorate it with a silly piece representing his hair, it could make him swoon with happiness. Unfortunately, he did actually swoon a little bit, earning him a hefty smack on the head from Bea. "What the hell are you thinking about?!" She looks positively vicious, and Sanji is reminded of that phrase he once read in an old book: "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned". 

He quickly clears his throat and smiles apologetically. "Sorry, my darling. Your salad is simply swoon-worthy." Her eyes narrow in mistrust, but she lets it go for now. 

Sanji can't help but let out a sigh. It's not been that long, and he's already pissed her off again. Couldn't she at least give him a bit longer of a recovery period before getting mad at him again?

Her furious voice reminds him of something. Something he'd tried to forget. A cruel and callous voice, making a horrible comment. Multiple horrible comments. 

He flinches as if struck, staring at Beatrice. "You told Zoro I'd hurt you." The memory comes rushing back to him. The horrible conversation he'd overheard. Resulting in the fall. 

Beatrice seems a little confused at the sudden change in topic, but quickly gathers herself. "Huh? But you did hurt me, darling. Don't you remember?" Her smile is so sweet, so kind. 

And she's right. He had hurt her, hadn't he? He'd hit her. Multiple times. Out of his own free will. No devil fruit or other outside force controlling his actions. His own hands, striking at her face, her beautiful, beautiful body that he so adored. 

His eyes widen with shock as he remembers it all. Tears well up involuntarily as he stares at her, lips quivering. "Oh god. Oh god, my darling, I'm so sorry. How could I hurt you? How could I do that to you?" 

Bea's eyes become calculating as she fixes him with a glare. "Because you're no more than your base instincts, Sanji. You were like an animal. It's been a week and a half and the bruises are only now disappearing. I had to lie and cover for you to Nami and Robin when they saw them in the shower, you know? The things I do for you." 

He wants to reach out to her, but his hand freezes mid-air. A choked sob escapes his throat as he starts begging. "My darling. Oh god. I don't know why- Why I would do something to you- you deserve so much better, you don't deserve to be treated like that, I'm so sorry, so, so, so damn sorry, please, please forgive me, I can't- I don't-", he trails off, not even knowing what he's saying anymore as his vision becomes blurry due to his tears. 

Beatrice steps closer, her hand finding Sanji's arm and stroking it up and down. "Ssh. It's okay. I forgive you. If you make it up to me." 

He's practically whimpering at this point. "Anything. I'll do anything. Oh god, darling, Beatrice, mon ange, I'm so sorry. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me, I don't know how I could treat you this way. You poor, innocent angel. I'm so sorry." 

"Ssh." She shushes him once more. "It's okay, darling. You are but a man, at the end of the day. Barely more than an animal." 

Beatrice guides him to his room, where he falls asleep sobbing desperately against her chest, so eager for the comfort she provides. So desperate for the reassurance that he's not a monster. 

She holds him against her body, speaking soothingly, stroking his back, smiling to herself at just how dependent he's going to become on her from this point forth. 

Chapter 6: Poisson

Summary:

Poisson = Fish in French. These chapter titles are as close to culinary knowledge as I'll ever get. Zoro confronts Sanji.

Notes:

So yeah! Third chapter in one day. Don't ask me how. Guess it's all just one big writing flow. Originally I wanted to make the chapter a little longer, but I don't think there's any more to get out of Zoro's POV right at this moment, so we'll end it there to have a smooth swap back to our dysfunctional couple next time.

Zoro is starting to get seriously worried about Sanji. He's always been a bit stupid in the head - no wonder with ridiculous eyebrows like that - but Beatrice has been a terrible influence on him. And since Sanji's jump, fall, whatever it was, things have only become worse. So much worse. 

Sanji has started bending over backwards for Beatrice at every turn. He's made the crew wait for their meals, has neglected his night shift, even once insulted Robin at Beatrice's command. After which he'd profusely apologized and cooked Robin twenty different snacks to make up for it, but still. 

Sanji has changed, and Zoro's not the only one who can see it. But Zoro is the most worried. 

Nami's mostly shrugged the issue of as Sanji being a simp as per usual and has promised that if things stay the same or get worse, she'll have a word with Beatrice. 

Zoro has been talking to Robin about the issue a lot, but that hasn't exactly been helpful. In fact, it's made Zoro's worries just that much worse, but no wonder, with how many books on abuse and manipulation Robin had produced and started citing. Smart as he may be, Zoro had been completely overwhelmed with the sheer amount of information Robin had provided. Besides, Beatrice was a crewmate. She wouldn't have any reason to want to abuse and manipulate Sanji. She probably just had really shitty manners, social skills and no idea how to act in a relationship. Zoro still thought he'd be able to set her straight with a firm talking-to. 

Sanji has certainly been deaf to Zoro's words, no matter how many times Zoro tried to breach the subject. In fact, Sanji won't talk about Beatrice with him at all. He seems almost... scared, whenever Zoro brings her up. Not scared of Beatrice, but scared of Zoro. He's never acted that way before, and the two of them still bicker and fight normally outside of conversations about Beatrice, so Zoro's got no idea what the hell's going on. 

Zoro thinks back to that conversation he'd had with Beatrice in the crow's nest a lot. After that point, he hadn't really seen Sanji act normally anymore.

How Beatrice had told him all those vile things about Sanji. That he hadn't respected her comfort and properly abused her. Which Zoro doesn't believe any more now than he did then. 

But the true question is - why does Beatrice want him to believe that that is the truth? What on earth would she gain by making Zoro think Sanji was abusive. 

He's been more docile, more obedient towards Beatrice as of late, yes. But abusive? Zoro can't imagine that, no matter how hard he tries. 

As inofficial first mate of the crew, he feels that it is his duty to fix this. Luffy's too much of an airhead to ever suspect one of his friends of doing any evil, so it's up to Zoro. 

Zoro catches Sanji on his own as he's currently fishing on one side of the Going Merry. Luffy and Usopp are fishing on the other side. Zoro grabs his fishing rod and sits down beside Sanji. 

Sanji doesn't acknowledge him, just stares out at the sea. Normally Zoro is the first to enjoy the silence while fishing, but he can't do that today. Not when there are important matters to discuss. 

"Sanji". Saying his name feels strange. He can't remember the last time he'd called him by his name, if ever. It's always been "curly brows", "idiot", "waiter", or some other variation. 

Sanji snaps his head around to look at Zoro, eyes narrowing as he looks at him and the unfamiliar greeting. "Zoro." It's just as jarring hearing his own name back from the blonde's lips. 

The two stare at each other in silence for a short while before Zoro finally continues. "You're not happy." 

He's not even sure why that's what he leads with. All his ideas of how to approach this, carefully talked through with Robin in advance, thrown out for saying something so simple and so stupid. Great job, Roronoa, he chides himself.

"I didn't know you were suddenly an expert on feelings." Sanji's remark lacks its usual bite. It's not an insult, just a neutral observation. 

The two sit and fish in silence for a while until Zoro finally manages to continue. "I'm not. But you... you worry me." 

Sanji scoffs, clearly about to say something like "Since when do you care about me" out of habit, but he stops himself and falls silent. Neither of them are used to this sort of straightforward talk. No usual bickering, no random insults to hurl at each other's heads for once. That they care for each other is a given anyways, making such a remark redundant. 

"There's nothing for you to worry about. I didn't jump." 

"That's not what I mean." 

Sanji scoffs. "Then what are you concerned about?" 

"I don't think Beatrice is good for you." There. Now he's said it. The cat's out of the bag, and as expected, Sanji tenses up. 

"You have no idea what's good for me." Sanji is immediately defensive. Not the best start. 

Zoro sighs deeply. "Sanji. I wouldn't bring this up if I wasn't seriously worried." 

Sanji's fists clench around the fishing rod. "You should be worried for Bea. Not for me." 

Z: "What the hell is that supposed to mean?" 

S: "It means that- oh, whatever. Just forget about it." 

Z: "How am I supposed to forget about that?" 

S: "I don't care. Just... do." 

Zoro huffs in frustration and turns towards Sanji. "Come on, man. Talk to me. I can't help you if you don't-"

Sanji cuts him off and glares at him. "I don't WANT your damn help!"

Zoro falls silent for a few moments. "I think you need help, whether you want it or not." 

Sanji basically snarls and grabs Zoro by his collar quickly. "I don't give a damn what you think. Leave me alone, mosshead." 

He's back to the insults. Back to the safe territory of insults and banter, not willing to open himself up to Zoro. 

Zoro shoves him back. "We're not done talking about this. Sanji." He deliberately uses his name, trying to regain that fragile balance they'd managed to uphold mere seconds ago. 

But Sanji's had it with him. He can't face what he's done. He can't face the fact that Zoro knows about what he did to Beatrice. He can't accept the fact that Zoro knows that he's a monster. Maybe he'll want to tell the crew. Maybe he's looking for Sanji to confess and then he'll tell everyone. And then they'll see him for what he truly is. A monster, a vile pig, a disgrace to his friends, to the crew. 

So Sanji attacks Zoro with a flurry of kicks, sending him flying into the wall a short distance away from them. 

Why didn't he defend himself? He'd had his swords right at his fingertips, and Sanji knows just how quick Zoro is able to draw them, as countless previous sparring sessions have proven to him. 

Yet he just took his kicks.

Zoro groans and sits upright against the wall, holding his stomach in pain. Sanji hadn't held back, attacking Zoro with the usual ferocity, fully expecting Zoro's quick response and blocking of the kicks. 

Luffy and Usopp come rushing over from the other side of the ship. Luffy yells. "What the hell happened?" 

Sanji just stands there, hands in the pockets of his trousers, staring at Zoro without a word. Zoro gets up and comes over to them. "Nothing. Nothing happened." 

But his face is still twisted in pain. Sanji can't stand to see Zoro like that so he snaps at him. "Why the hell didn't you parry my kicks, shitty swordsman?"

Zoro's eyes fix on Sanji's and he snaps back. "Cause I was talking to you, not fighting you, you damned moron." 

Usopp tries to make peace between the two. "Now calm down, both of you, I'm sure if we just-" 

"Oh shut the hell up, longnose.", Sanji snaps. Everyone falls silent. It's increasingly obvious just how much Sanji has changed over the course of the past few weeks. 

Luffy frowns. "Sanji. Zoro. Why?" 

Zoro grimaces. "I was trying to have a serious conversation with him."

Sanji barks back. "I never agreed to having a conversation with you." 

Luffy looks between the two, clearly at a loss for what to do. Emotional intelligence isn't exactly his strong suit, after all. 

Eventually he settles for a diplomatic: "You need to fix this. Between you. Whatever it is." 

Then he strolls off to rejoin Usopp. 

Sanji and Zoro are left standing there. Finally, Sanji relents. "Want me to get some ice for your stomach?"

"I'll live. I'd rather you talked to me." 

Sanji's gaze darkens. "I overheard you and Bea on the crow's nest."

"I don't believe her. The things she said about you. I don't believe a word of it." 

"Well, you should." 

Zoro's face falls. He'd expected anything but that. "No. I don't- You wouldn't." 

"I would. And I did." 

"No. Sanji. There's no way." Zoro tentatively reaches his hand out towards Sanji, unsure of what he even wants to do with it. 

"There is a way. That's who I am. Just look at yourself." Sanji points to Zoro's stomach where his kicks are bound to leave a few ugly bruises. 

"No. This is... This is Beatrice's fault. This isn't you." 

"Blaming the victim, are you? How mature of you." It's a low blow, and Sanji knows it. But the words are out before he can stop them, hurt flashing across Zoro's face. 

Zoro clenches his fists. "Dammit. Stop. Stop being someone else for her. You're acting the exact way she paints you out to be. Can't you see that?" 

Sanji scoffs. "The way she paints me out to be? You're being delusional. She's told you who I am. Who I've always been. You're just too damn stubborn and stuck in your preconceived notions to realise it." 

Zoro shakes his head. "No. I don't believe it. I'm not going to let her convince me of that too, even if she's got you fully subscribed to the idea." 

Sanji's eyes flash with anger. "Then be delusional. Just... just stay away from me. I don't want your sympathy and I damn well don't deserve it."

Zoro looks after him helplessly as Sanji departs. 

Chapter 7: First main course

Summary:

With a chapter title that imposing I feel a little pressured to produce a good chapter. Sanji and Zoro work to overcome their differences.

Notes:

We're stepping on cannon material now. I'm going off of my memory alone because I want this work to remain independent and not lose itself in making sure to be 100% accurate to the manga / anime, so if I remember things wrong, then hooray for unique plot. Is it the fourth chapter in one day? Yes. Do I know how to restrain myself? No. Will there eventually have to be a horribly long break again? Please no. Content warnings: Mention of harassment, violation, Beatrice's usual shenanigans

Things haven't been so merry anymore aboard the Going Merry. Not since the huge fight between Sanji and Zoro. 

They've barely spoken to each other since besides a few obligatory words and Zoro's "thank you"s when being given food by Sanji. 

Beatrice had asked Sanji for another session of roughhousing. At this point, Sanji barely even felt like he had a choice anymore. He was a monster, he was scum. He beat women, he didn't differentiate between gender, nor between whether or not he was in love with whom he hurt. He's glad Zeff can't see him as he is now. He knows the old geezer would be more than disappointed. He'd be thoroughly appalled. He'd probably tell him that a monster like him could never be his son. That he regretted saving him. That he regretted sacrificing his leg for Sanji. 

Sanji loses weight. A considerable amount. Nami and Robin try to talk to him, but Beatrice punishes him harshly every time he speaks to them by denying him physical proximity as well as the love and affection he so craves. So he avoids Nami and Robin when they try to speak to him. Every now and then a hint of the old Sanji will surface and he'll swoon over them, but those ocassions become more and more rare. 

Even Luffy has been trying to talk to him and fix things. But it's always a stalemate with him. Luffy believes in Sanji and won't listen to Sanji talk himself down. So they get nowhere. 

Usopp and Chopper try to talk to Sanji as well, but Beatrice intervenes before they manage to have any effect. She tells them that Sanji is going through a very difficult time after hitting her, and that he needs to be left alone for now. The two of them want to do what's best for Sanji, so they comply. 

In turn, Sanji is completely isolated. The only person he has left is Beatrice. The Strawhats feel more divided than ever and what was once a joyful crew is now filled with mistrust. 

Zoro and Luffy start having long conversations with each other. They both know that this isn't right, that something needs to be done. But they simply don't know what to do. 

Things get even worse when they come across a small island where they meet Marine Admiral Aokiji. A fight breaks out during which Zoro, Luffy and Robin become frozen, encased in ice. 

Zoro had taken the hit for Sanji, and in turn, Sanji feels even worse. He feels useless, like he's barely worth the title of fighter on the crew anymore, his reduced weight and stamina subtracting from the power of his kicks. He watches over Zoro the entire time while he is encased in ice. He feels terrible for Luffy and Robin as well, but it's worst with Zoro. Zoro's condition he feels personally responsible for. He spends day and night hugging the ice statue that Zoro has become, hoping to warm him up as quickly as possibly with his own body heat whenever the shower stall is occupied with trying to save Luffy and Robin. 

One morning after a long night spent hugging the ice-cold Zoro he wakes up to find a lot of fluffy fur surrounding him. Apparently Chopper had changed into another one of his forms - the "cuddle point", judging by the look of him - to make sure Sanji wouldn't become too cold during the night. The sight and knowledge of his crewmate's care for him brings a bittersweet smile to Sanji's lips. 

He removes himself from the bed, letting Chopper hug Zoro instead. He knows the reindeer won't mind the coldness of the ice, or at least he assumes so. He gazes down at his crewmates wistfully before returning to his own quarters. While he loves Chopper for looking out for him, he simply doesn't feel deserving of it anymore. 

The next morning, he's woken up by screaming aboard the ship. It's Usopp, shouting "THEY'RE AWAKE! THEY'RE ALIVE! OH MY GOOOOOOODDDDD!!!" 

Sanji immediately rushes over to the infirmary, where Luffy is already up and about, demanding meat, while Robin is sitting up in bed with a gentle smile on her face. His heart sings with joy seeing the two of them alive and well, but his eyes immediately train on Zoro who's sitting on the edge of his sick bed, yawning. 

He can't help himself. It's like his feet have a mind of their own, carrying him over to Zoro before he can stop them. He pulls Zoro into a massive hug, burying his face against his shoulder. 

"You idiot.", he mumbles. "Don't go tanking hits for me like that." 

Zoro just huffs, mildly surprised, but is quick to return the hug. 

It's their first real interaction since their fight. Sanji had constantly worried over their fight being the last time he'd ever spoken to Zoro. His mind had spiralled and practically gone mad with worry and grief. It would all have been his fault. 

To get to hug Zoro once more, to get to insult him, it's more than he thought he'd get. So when the tears come, he doesn't stop them. 

Zoro doesn't react in the slightest, just keeps on holding him tightly in the hug. Sanji feels incredibly grateful for Zoro's stoic demeanor in that moment, this way none of the crew need to see his tears or get to see his trembling frame in the first place. 

They stay intertwined like that even once the others have cleared out of the room, Luffy eager to raid the pantry (which Sanji doesn't even care about whatsoever for once) and Robin eager to give the two some time to talk to one another. 

Once he's at least somewhat calmed down, Sanji speaks up hesitantly. "I think you were right. I do need help. I- I keep getting worse." 

Zoro doesn't say much. Just: "I'm here." But it's all Sanji needs in that moment. He doesn't need big proclamations. He doesn't require some intricate exclamations that he knows Zoro would never be able to provide in the first place. All he needs is for Zoro to be there. And he is. 

After Sanji has calmed down and his sobs have quieted down somewhat, Zoro speaks up again. "Thank you. For trusting me." 

Sanji nods and gives Zoro a small, teary smile. "Thank you for becoming an ice statue for me." 

Zoro gives him a lopsided, shit-eating grin. "I like taking long naps." 

"Idiot". 

"You're the idiot." 

"True." 

Sanji eventually huffs. "We look like a couple." 

Zoro scoffs. "Well, we're more affectionate than you and that damn girlfriend of yours." 

Sanji doesn't protest. He feels safe with Zoro. Far safer than he's felt with Beatrice in a very long while. But he can't help but crack a small joke regardless. "No homo." 

Zoro actually laughs at that. "No homo." 

Sanji moves back, awkwardly situated in Zoro's lap as he looks up at the other man's eyes earnestly. "I- I'd like to lay off the fighting with you for a while entirely. Like not even any play-fights. Is that okay with you?" 

Zoro nods immediately. "Yeah. Sure. Guess you're tired of losing." 

Sanji can't help but grin. "In your dreams, marimo." Then he sighs and settles in comfortably with his flank to Zoro's stomach, head resting against his chest. "Hold me for a while." 

It's not exactly a plea, but not quite a demand either. Zoro complies either way, wrapping his arms around Sanji once more. "I got you." 

"I don't want to be so alone anymore. I've always felt like that was the difference between my fami- between before I met the crew, and being with the crew. That noone was ever alone. But now everyone feels so split apart and it sucks and I can't- it's hurting me.", Sanji confesses. 

"I'm here." Those two simple words again. The inflection slightly different, but the meaning is clear. Sanji won't need to feel alone anymore. He's got his best friend by his side. His demons won't be easy to fight, but who better to fight them with than the demon swordsman himself? He shakes his head and chides himself for being so cheesy. 

Zoro speaks carefully and slowly. "Tell me about how you hit Bea." 

Sanji tenses up. Is this conditional? Will Zoro take back his offer of being there whenever he confesses? "She- she said that was something she liked. In an intimate context. Th-that it turned her on whenever I hit her." 

Zoro scoffs. "And you just did what she asked? How spineless are you?" 

Sanji's completely rigid in Zoro's arms by this point. That's it. The thing he'd feared. Zoro's gonna hate him for this. They'll all hate him for this. "I-I wanted to make her happy, even if it was through that horrible way." 

Zoro sighs and his grip on Sanji tightens. "Damned moron. Just like you to make yourself unhappy for a damned girl. Throwing away all your core values."

Sanji's words are just as stiff as his body. "I don't need your judgement." 

"Yeah, well, you're getting it." 

They fall silent for a while after that. Zoro eventually breaks the silence. "So you never truly hit her. Not in the way she was trying to make it look like." 

"For all intents and purposes, I did in fact-" Sanji is cut off as Zoro's hand comes to rest over his mouth. "Shut up and listen to me." 

Sanji glares at him through narrowed eyes but doesn't fight against Zoro's hold on him. Zoro continues. "You did as she asked you to. If you weren't such a damn chivalrous moron this would never even have been an issue in the first place. I can't believe it escalated into something this big. Look at us. Whole crew's in fucking shambles. Just because of your sex life. How stupid is that?" 

There's something about the way Zoro had phrased that. Or maybe Sanji is simply becoming hysterical. Either way, he can't fight back a strained laugh escaping him. 

Zoro scoffs. "Yeah. Laugh it up. Idiot. Beatrice told the whole fucking crew that you were an abusive dickhead. That you basically violated her. What the fuck is her problem?" 

Sanji falls silent at that, staring down into the ground. When he speaks he's got himself under control again, speaking quietly. "I don't know, Zoro. I don't know. I've been trying to do everything I can to make her happy. I- I know I'm a horrible person for hitting her and that I should never have done what I did. B-but I'd never- I'd never have done anything she wasn't okay with. I asked for her permission so many times, please, you've got to-" 

Zoro shushes him by cradling him in his arms. "Shuddup. I never doubted you." 

"Never?" 

"Never." 

"What about when-" 

"Never." 

"Okay. I'll shut up." 

"Didn't think you had a brain cell in that huge head of yours." 

"I hate you." 

Notes:

Notes: Zoro only got frozen because of Sanji's reduced fighting strength. If Sanji was at 100% performance, things would have happened like they did in the series. Beatrice's manipulations are starting to take their toll on the Strawhat crew.   Mock summary: Sanji finds out that he has better shipping chemistry with Zoro than with his own girlfriend. He curses the author for saddling him with someone as dysfunctional as Beatrice and wishes to ride off into the sunset with Zoro. Mock summary 2: When all feels broken apart, a certain green-haired swordsman gets up, says "Nothing Happened" and everyone gets to move on. After writing their banter (and it being 4:22 AM) I feel way too unserious to continue on writing angst. Maybe that's why this became more of a wholesome ZoSan bonding time than more BeaSan angst. Oh well. Consider this a filler episode, maybe. Depending on how it'll continue.

Chapter 8: Palate cleanser

Summary:

Contrary to what I said before, I am going to go along with the cannon plot in regards to Water 7. I really like the arc and I can already see plenty of opportunities to weave in distaster and drama. Yay! Plus, I'll take any excuse to rewatch One Piece ^-^

"Look! That frog is doing the front crawl!" 

"Are you kidding?! Frogs don't do front crawls!"

"Well then look for yourself!" 

Beatrice yawns as she hears the commotion from the crew. She's currently resting on a sofa, legs put up on a stool in front of her, Sanji massaging her feet. 

It's a good look on him. Some men really were made to serve. Although she must admit that this one is almost boringly subservient. Never even fights back. 

It's a good thing, but she is starting to get a little bored with him. Maybe she should flirt with Zoro a little. Stir up some drama between those two. She's noticed how close Sanji and Zoro have been lately again and she does not like it one bit. After all the work she had put in to separate Sanji from the rest of the crew and the stupid swordsman comes in and ruins all of her efforts. Such a nuisance. 

Now that is one man who is no good to her at all. Shame that he's so strong. She'd love to dispose of him one way or another. 

He's been talking with Robin so much more lately, and he's been giving Beatrice dirty looks. He's probably plotting something. Best keep your enemies close, she ought to find out what it is he's planning. He doesn't appear particularly smart, how hard could it possibly be? That man can't even follow a straight road. 

Sanji smiles up at her softly and asks. "Would you like to see what-" 

But he's abruptly cut off as the entire ship shakes. It appears they've run into something. 

"What the hell?" Sanji frowns and wants to get up, but Beatrice calls him back. "Sanji. They can deal with it on their own. Stay." 

At least he's obedient. His one benefit, boring as he may be. "Okay, mon ange. As you wish." 

"Hard to starboard! We're gonna crash! Oh god!", Nami's panicked voice can be heard from above. 

Sanji shudders. It's so hard for him to ignore Nami's calls, but Beatrice ordered him to stay so stay he must. Else he'll lose Bea's affections again. He can't risk that. 

Loud noises can be heard from outside. If that wasn't just absolutely ridiculous Sanji would assume what he's hearing is a train. But they're out on sea, how could there possibly be a train? 

More panicked screaming can be heard from above as Nami orders around the crew to avoid the certain crash with what does decidedly sound like a train. 

The entire ship is thrown around as they can feel it plummet into the waves. Bea nearly falls off of the sofa, but Sanji manages to catch her in his arms just in time. 

He's very happy with himself for getting to save her, grinning stupidly as he loses himself in another fantasy of being her knight in shining armor, when Bea snaps him out of it. 

"Hey. Go check what's up." 

Sanji sighs, sad to have his romantic moment interrupted so soon, but he lets go of Bea after giving her cheek a small, affectionate kiss, as he heads out on deck to check what's up. 

He returns not long after, letting Beatrice know about Granny Kokoro and Luffy's plans to hire a shipwright in Water 7. 

Beatrice nods. "An island full of shipwrights, huh? Well that's good. I doubt that there are many female shipwrights. At least you'll be loyal to me for once." 

Sanji flinches as if struck. "Mon ange. I'm always loyal to you." 

Beatrice rolls her eyes and fixes him with a glare. "Are you, now? You were awfully cozy with Zoro the other day." 

Sanji's jaw goes slack and his cigarette falls out of his mouth. "W-with Zoro? Awfully cozy? What are you trying to say, darling?" 

Beatrice narrows her eyes at him. "That you're a little close for comfort with the swordsman. What's up with that?" 

Sanji splutters, turning slightly red as he defends himself. "Nonsense, chérie. I don't swing that way. Besides, you're the only one I love. Why would I want the shitty swordsman of all people when I have you?" 

Beatrice gives him another glare before leaning back on the sofa. "You tell me. I'd prefer if you didn't get so cozy with him all the time. One could think the two of you were in love." 

Sanji's frown deepens and so does his blush. "That's nonsense, darling. You're seeing things." 

Luffy, Nami and Usopp head out to go trade in the gold from Skypeia as Beatrice, Sanji, Zoro, Robin and Chopper stay behind. 

Robin lets everybody know about some of the island's specialities, like the fact that plenty of Water 7 can only be accessed through water canals and that the inhabitants use small boats pulled by animals to get around. 

Sanji's immediately twirling around happily. "Oh! We could have a romantic little getaway, just the two of us, Rob- Beatrice, sweet!" His initial course of twirling had been towards Robin but he catches himself just in time and swerves back around towards Beatrice. 

Beatrice is thankfully too busy glaring at Zoro to pay him much mind. "Sounds like a place that's easy to get lost in." 

Zoro huffs and fires back at her. "Yeah? Make sure you don't get lost then. I'd be happy to leave you behind." 

Sanji stops his twirling, looking between the two of them in horror. Things are never usually this hostile amongst the crew. In fact Zoro has always been the one looking out for everyone and making sure they get along, but now he's the one antagonizing Beatrice. 

Chopper is silent, looking uncomfortable with the hostility present, and Robin just views the scene silently. 

Beatrice scoffs. "Some first mate you are. Do you want us all to jump ship?" 

Zoro's glare is unwavering. "Nah. Just you." 

Sanji clears his throat awkwardly. "I-I'm sure marimo doesn't mean it like that, mon ange." 

Zoro scoffs at that. "Damn right I mean it like that. I'm sick and tired of your bullshit, Bea." 

Beatrice snarls, drawing her lips back like a feral animal. "Yeah? And what is it you're doing? Trying to abuse your higher position to turn everybody against me. You just have something against me personally so you try and manipulate everyone on the crew to your favor. Don't think I don't know what you're doing." 

Sanji tries to intervene. "Please, both of you, calm down. I'm sure that if we just settle down and think this over we can work this out in some way. Okay? Set aside our differences. We're part of this crew, no matter if we all like each other or not." 

Sanji gives a pointed glance to Zoro who just shrugs and crosses his arms as he replies. "Not all of the members of this crew seem to be focused on the well-being of the others here, though." 

Beatrice bares her teeth in what barely qualifies as a smile. "Says the person who only cares about playing with swords and napping all day." 

Sanji sighs. "Chérie, please. Let's not fight each other, okay? I'll make you a nice lovely cocktail and grab a lounger for you. The weather's lovely today, isn't it?" 

It's a weak attempt to distract everybody, but he hopes that it'll work. 

Zoro seems to have had enough of the discussion as he just scoffs and heads off (presumably to take yet another nap.) 

Chopper quickly excuses himself to prepare some medicine in his office as Robin heads off to drink some coffee as well. 

Beatrice turns to Sanji. "He's impossible, isn't he? Making me feel so unwelcome here. I already feel like I don't belong with how I'm the newest crew member." She sticks her bottom lip out in a pout, looking up at Sanji helplessly. 

He could absolutely melt when she looks all innocent and cute like that, so he nods, eager to please her. "Yes, sweetheart. I'm so sorry he said those mean things to you. You don't deserve that at all. Would you like me to have a word with him?" 

Beatrice shakes her head. "No. He'll continue to hate me no matter what. I just know he will. There's no use." Her bottom lip is actually quivering now. Sanji can feel himself getting a little weak in the knees. 

"Oh, mon amour. I'm so sorry. He's such a brute, you don't deserve to be treated like that at all." 

Beatrice nods in affirmation. "Honestly, Zoro reminds me a lot of my abusive ex. They're very similar in a lot of ways." 

Sanji's eyes widen in shock. "Z-Zoro... reminds you of your ex?" 

Sanji's mind starts spinning. So her ex must have been somebody Beatrice was attracted to once upon a time. If Zoro is like the ex, then is he also somebody that Beatrice finds herself attracted to? Surely she wouldn't prefer the shitty swordsman over him though. Right? There's no way. No woman could possibly love a ball of moss that only rarely bathes more than once a week. 

Beatrice nods solemnly. "A little, yeah. They both have these little habits, you know? Because of that, I don't feel safe around Zoro. To hear him say those awful things about me as well... it just makes everything so much worse." 

Sanji nods, eager to please and agree with her. "I get it. I really should have a word with him, then." 

Bea shakes her head again. "No, like I said, forget about it. There's no use."

Now it's Sanji's turn to pout. "But I need to make you feel happy and welcome on the ship. How am I supposed to do that when you feel so unsafe around Zoro?" 

Beatrice lets out a long suffering sigh. "Well. There's only one thing I could think of. But I'm asking for too much really." 

Sanji perks up eagerly. "Anything, my love. I'll do anything you ask of me." 

Beatrice bats her eyelashes up at him. "If you spent less time with him, I'd cross paths with Zoro less, of course. Then he wouldn't get to be mean to me as much." 

Sanji gulps, his throat suddenly dry. "Y-you mean it's my fault for hanging out with Zoro? That he'd leave you alone if I didn't hang out with him so much?"  

"Exactly. But of course I can't ask something like that of you. He's your best friend, after all." Beatrice's coy expression is tugging at Sanji's heartstrings. 

"No, no, that's okay. He's just a shitty swordsman, we're not that close anyways." 

Beatrice's eyes widen in faux shock. "Really? I always thought you were close. With how much time you spend together." 

Sanji forces a smile and shakes his head. "Nah, we just want to bash each other's heads in most of the time. No wonder we argue so much, right? Hah." 

Beatrice hums in contentment. "That's great to hear. Then spending less time around him won't affect you at all. I'm glad, Sanji. I wouldn't want to be a burden on you or those you consider friends. But if you don't care for Zoro anyways then this won't even be an issue to begin wtih." 

Sanji feels like he's skating on ice for the first time. Everything feels far too slippery right now and he's unsure of how to regain his balance of managing his relations with the crew while also pleasing Beatrice at the same time. "Of course you're not a burden, sweetheart. You could never be a burden. You come first. Always." 

I'll keep updating the fic on here once I keep writing, but AO3 is a lot more reliable in terms of actually getting updates first!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/58304974/chapters/158023099#workskin

Writing Prompt #10

A is violently ill and B has no idea what to do.

hi love !! i recently discovered your blog and to say im in love with your works would be an understatement<3

i was wondering if i could request a hurt/comfort fic with minho and gn reader? where the reader is struggling financially (for whatever reason) and minho wants to help them but they're hesitant, being ashamed of their problems.

if its too much then its completely fine !! take care, sending you lots of love<3

i'm on your side.

💭 GUIDELINES ‣ LIBRARY ‣ TAGLIST & ANONS ‣ IN PROGRESS ‣ REQUEST LIST ‣ PINNED.

pairing: minho x gender neutral reader

content warnings: hurt/comfort, death of a sibling, grief, mentions of an orphaned child, financial struggles, christmas

rating: 13+

summary: following the devastating death of your sister, you find yourself navigating a world that throws you into the deep end of piling bills and worries that you were unsure of how to handle.

The empty locket in your hand had never felt so heavy, the silver bee engraved onto the front seemed to somehow come to life the longer you stared through the blur of unshed tears. Your entire body shivered as you sat on the front steps of the hospital, white smoke forming with every breath exhaled though none of this was something that pained you as much as the loss of your sister. The thought of returning home, where her small son had slept for the past six months since his mother was admitted to the ICU was something you simply could not bear. It was unthinkable. He was too young to know pain, your chest burned with anguish as your mind echoed the last hour in excruciating detail and tears rolled down your cheeks as a wail ripped through you. 

People stared and your phone buzzed incessantly in your pocket but you hardly noticed any of it. Your throat ached from your screams of despair that only stopped when someone placed their tender hands on your shoulders, the ones you didn’t need to look to know who it was because the only person brave enough to touch you in this state would only be Minho – your lover and source of support for the past year. His touch alone reduced you to hiccups as you melted into his embrace. 

“She’s gone!” You sobbed, finding it difficult to breathe. Minho tightened his arms that wrapped around you, you could vaguely feel him shaking as he, too, grieved your sister’s death. “This isn’t fair! It’s not fair! She had no right!”

“I know, my love, I know.” 

“What am I going to tell her son?” You moaned, heart tightening at the thought. “He’s too young to really understand why he’s never going to see his mom again…how will I explain?”

He was rocking you gently as a weak attempt to calm your disconsolate state. “We can figure it out later, he’s sleeping at Chan’s place right now so we have time to think about it. I’ll be with you, so you’re not doing it alone.” 

Tears were no longer streaming down your face, eyes instead glued on the snow covering what had once been the greenest grass you’d ever seen. The world around you began to fade away as you felt yourself becoming numb – barely even able to feel Minho’s grip on you as your cries weakened to sniffles. 

“Baby? Where did you go?” Minho’s voice was the softest you’d ever heard it. 

You glanced around, briefly taking note of the people who stood around watching the scene of your grief. “She had no right,” you mumbled almost to yourself. “The holidays are next week…we were in the middle of making plans to bring the kids here to celebrate here with her. I don’t understand– she was fine just a second ago. She had no right. What will I say to the kids?”

Minho’s plump lips pressed against your temple and remained there for a good moment before he replaced his kiss with his forehead. “Your sister fought so hard, she tried so hard to get better, baby, and I know you know that.”

His words were like a stab in the chest, and a choked sob escaped you once more. A desperation like this was not something you’d felt before, and it was something you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemies. Your hand opened to reveal the empty locket she’d given you just a moment before her passing, she had asked you to wrap it up for her son as well as print a photo of the two of them together to place inside of the locket. She wanted him to always have her over his beautiful, beating heart no matter what became of her; and you’d scolded her for thinking so negatively, promising her that she would pull through and watch her own son grow up into a wonderful young man, but she’d only smiled at you with grief. Thinking back, you couldn’t help but wonder if she knew this would be the last time you’d see her alive. 

ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ 🎄

It was still dark outside when you watched the drowsy employees open the front doors of the toy shop. Minho sat behind the steering wheel of his car, wide eyes gauging your reaction though you only glared forward. He’d tricked you into coming here, saying that he wanted you to walk in there and pick any and all the gifts you thought your nephew would enjoy without worrying about the prices – adding salt to injury. 

Over the last couple of days, you and Minho seemed to argue incessantly – mostly about financial matters. You were behind on bills, adding the costs of your sister’s stay at the hospital and the coming holidays you had desperately wanted to make the best of for your nephew and Minho kept insisting you to let him carry some of your burden, but you simply refused. Your nephew was left to you by your sister, and it would be a betrayal if you admitted that you were incapable of taking on such responsibility. Minho meant well, and you were very well aware, but you wished he would just let things go instead of being so infuriating like this. 

“Y/N, I know you’re upset–”

“Oh, you think so?” You couldn’t help but respond sarcastically with a scoff, crossing your arms over your chest. “I told you I was going to figure things out, I don’t need your help.”

He was quiet for just a moment, visibly growing frustrated with you though trying to mostly keep it to himself. Your eyes remained glued to the entrance of the toy shop as you watched a few people walk in for some last minute shopping. 

“Baby, Christmas is in two days, and you still don’t have anything ready for him.”

“So? Plenty of people buy gifts the day before!”

Minho sighed heavily, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Y/N, do you really think that’s practical at all? I’m offering you a chance to make this a day that he remembers after all the shit he’s had to deal with. Why do you continue to fight me like I’m your enemy when it comes to things related to money? I’m on your side, and I thought you knew this. I have more than enough money to spare, I want to give it to you so that you both can live comfortably.”

“But I don’t need your money to take care of him and myself, Minho! My sister entrusted me with her son, and who would I be if I can’t even do that? If I have to depend on somebody else to do what she wanted me to do?” Your voice cracked slightly as a sob bubbled up, though you forced yourself to push it down. You were tired of crying, tired of arguing with your boyfriend, tired of seeing your nephew’s sorrowful face, tired of not being enough to fix everything. 

“Y/N, you wouldn’t be depending on me though,” he insisted stubbornly, causing you to roll your eyes in exasperation. “Baby, I think your sister would understand if you let me pay a few things here and there. You’re still working, you’re still doing everything else that you need to do to make sure he has the best life you can offer, you’re just letting me help you even if it’s a little bit. If anything, my love, your sister would appreciate you putting your pride aside for just once– just once, so that this sweet kid can have a good day opening presents. And no, I know these presents won’t fix anything, but it’ll make him temporarily happy, just long enough for you to figure out the therapist costs and everything. Don’t you think he deserves that? I am offering you a chance that not many people get, Y/N, you can walk in there and put everything you want without worrying about the prices. Please, let me help you on this if you won’t let me help you in anything else.”

His words circled around your brain, and you knew he was right despite how angry and uncomfortable the thought made you. So instead of saying anything, you unbuckle your seatbelt and hop out of his car before slamming the door behind you. You didn’t wait for him to walk inside together, your cheeks heated in shame as you wordlessly took on his offer. You hated this no matter what perspective you tried to look at it from, this is not how you wished you could care for your nephew, but if this is what it takes for him to thrive for now, so be it. Minho quickly fell into step with you as you fetched a cart, a grin very clear and wide on his face which only made you scowl. 

After a few moments, though, you heard him sigh beside you as he grabbed you by the elbow so you’d stop and turn to look at him. “Please, don’t be like this. I keep telling you, Y/N, I am on your side. All I want is for you to share your burdens with me, especially if I have the means to help you. I love you, and it would be selfish if I just stood on the sidelines as you struggled like this. Me helping you doesn’t make you anything less than a fierce person who puts their family first, you’re strong and resourceful, you’re always fighting everyone and everything in order to move forward – you must be so exhausted. Let me fight some of your battles every now and then, just until you can stand on your own again. I’m not here to take care of every single hardship, I’m not here to take control of anything. I’m just here to help my soulmate out sometimes and I don’t think that’s a sin, is it?”

You said nothing at first, only sighing before pressing your forehead onto his chest in defeat. He chuckled lightly, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you into the familiar warmth of his embrace. 

“Today, I’m helping you with the presents, and tomorrow we can figure out something that helps but doesn’t overstep any boundaries you might have, how’s that sound? I could be the one to bring groceries every week, I’ll be happy with only being responsible for that while you continue paying for everything else like you want to, yeah?”

A muffled groan made it past your lips before you pulled away to look up at him. “I’m so lucky to have you, Minho. I don’t know what I did to end up here, but I’m happy you’re on my side.”

He smiled at you tenderly, cupping your face with both hands and caressing your cheeks with his thumbs. “I will always be on your side, I can promise you that. I adore the two of you, and I want to stay here for a long, long time.”

The words were barely out of his mouth before your lips crashed onto his. You were still uncomfortable with the idea of having someone else take part of your financial burdens, but you also knew that you were in safe hands with him. You trusted Minho, and the thought alone made your heart flutter. 

word count: 1.8k 🎄 posted: 12 • 07 • 2023

💬 a note from green;

Okay, so this one really had me thinking! When I received your ask, I immediately knew it would be Christmas theme considering that we're already at that time of the year where we spend a whole lot of money on gifts for our loved ones. Also, it wouldn't be me if I didn't add a sprinkle of tragedy into my work.

Anyway, thank you for reading my work and I'm so happy you love it! Thank you for the challenge and the request! Sending you lots of love back!

P.S. I also love your writing <3

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# @grandpafelixx

Hi green! Since you've left me some lovely requests, I thought I'd leave you one! I'm in love with the friends to love trope, so if you could do something like that with Felix, I'd eat it up. I'm thinking of something like the reader (gn please) has a really hard day and decides to go to Felix, but then it starts raining, so when Felix opens the door, reader is soaking wet and distressed. You can do anything from there! Again, I love your writing, so anything you come up with will be undoubtedly amazing. Hope you're doing well! <3

everything is you.

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pairing: felix x gender neutral reader

content warnings: hurt/comfort, mentions of parental abandonment years prior, mentions of recent death of a parent, smoking weed, daddy issues

rating: 13+

summary: through every single hardship you'd ever endured, felix always waited for you, ready to bring you into the safety of his embrace. so when you're stuck amidst the complicated emotions following your father's recent passing, the first and only person you sought for comfort was your best friend.

Echoes of the youth you’d spent in this house haunted the eerie hallways of this vacant home. Every inch of this familiar place has remained the same, though you certainly haven’t. Sitting on the front porch floor, a joint you’d just rolled burning between your fingers as you watch the rain pour outside, a vacant expression on your face as you decided on what to do. The initial plan was to walk towards your best friend’s house, which was a short walk away but the sky seemed to have other plans. And so you remained there, stuck sitting beside a box full of letters addressed to you, but that had never been sent – all written by your father. 

Too many times you had driven past him on your way to visit your best friend, making the point to keep your eyes on the road in case your father sat out front like he sometimes tended to do. The two of you had never been on good terms, especially since your mother left when you were a teenager to chase another man who’d made empty promises to her, and your father didn’t know the first thing about caring about another human being. It wasn’t a surprise to anybody when you left without a word the very minute you were old enough to do so and never returned. And yet, here you were, years since you’d gone – a box of letters he’d written to you though never sent, and you knew you didn’t have the nerve to open them alone. 

An exasperated sigh escaped your lips, pulling your phone out of the back pocket of your jeans for what was possibly the millionth time only to be met by the same symbol of no signal available for you to message Felix, the aforementioned best friend – the boy you’ve known since you could barely form a sentence due to living so close to each other. He was the kind of guy who would smile a little bit wider whenever his eyes landed on you, the one to allow you to lash out when you were angry despite how sensitive he was because he wanted you to feel better, the one to remember your birthday and plan something intimate and special even if nobody else bothered, the one to pay attention to the little things you would mention in passing and always remember – he was very much in love with you, had been for a very long time and you were well aware. But he never mentioned it directly, and you decided that you wouldn’t bring it up either because you knew that the reality of this lifetime is that you were made to destroy and hurt while he was made to heal and rebuild and you couldn’t risk having him be the next victim.

In moments like these, while alone with your thoughts that slowed down from the flower you smoked that still seemed to suffocate you all the same, you wished things were different. If only you were a stable human being, good enough for him to safely lay his head on your shoulder the way a lover would do, someone who’s sane and loving and all things good – all of which you were not – then perhaps he would be sitting beside you already, encouraging you to open the first letter while being ready to kiss your forehead at the first sign of distress. It’s selfish, and you knew, but as the screen of your useless phone remained blank you couldn’t help but wish his name would pop up. 

Your mind swirled with thoughts that made it harder to breathe with each passing second. The box of letters beside you. No signal. Felix’s smile. Childhood home. Your mother leaving. Your father’s cold demeanor. Yourself.

Not willing to wait for the rain to end, but also not wanting to dwell in here any longer, you grunted as you put out your joint and walked inside. A plastic sheet that covered one of the cushioned chairs in the living room was the only thing you took before making a b-line back outside. You lazily throw the sheet over the box, struggling only slightly to lift it before leaving the shelter from the rain, instantly drenched as the it offered no mercy. Barely able to keep your eyes open, you followed the same path you’ve walked a thousand times throughout your life, the pull of your best friend’s comfort and warmth being the true source of your rush as your pace quickened.

The neighborhood was the same, with the same married couples still residing in them – though most of their children were gone, already having moved on in their adult lives as their parents awaited for the next holiday to see them again. Everywhere you looked, a memory tied you to Felix as though his entire, beautiful being had been burned into your consciousness forever. Perhaps he had been, not that you would complain about it one bit if that were the case.

Felix’s childhood home came into view at last, and you all but sprinted clumsily with the box in your hands as your mind, body and heart yearned for his strong arms around you. Your heart was pumping blood through your veins harshly by the time you’d made it to his front door, dropping the box at your feet before banging on his wooden door. The air was having a hard time reaching your lungs and you realized that you were crying now that the rain was not hammering onto your skin – flashbacks of a similar scene played in your head, your teenage self distressed after you’d read your mother’s goodbye letter and your grief engulfed you and sent you down a spiral while the scene of your father sitting on the dinner table reading his newspaper and sipping coffee as you screamed at him to see you and your broken heart left at the departure of your mother. Your fists shaking as you gave up, falling onto your knees in despair just as the door swung open. 

A wide-eyed Felix stood before you, shocked to see you in such a state and so late at night. It only took him half a second to react as he practically threw himself onto the ground and pulled you into the safety of his embrace despite how drenched you were. A sob you hadn’t realized you’d been holding back escaped your lips, and the gravity of the fact that you were officially alone dawned on you. Your heart ached in a way you couldn’t describe and all you could truly focus on was the fresh scent of his blueberry shampoo and vanilla soap on him as you briefly realized you must’ve caught him getting out of the shower. 

“Hey, hey,” Felix attempted to pull away slightly to speak to you but you tighten your hold on his torso, not quite ready to let go yet. “I thought you wouldn’t be here until tomorrow.”

You said nothing, silently cursing yourself for being so weak – crying over a man who had never even smiled in your direction. 

“Felix, darling, what was all that noise?”

The sound of Felix’s mother’s sleepy voice caused you to jerk away from him, cheeks heating up in shame. You were on your feet in a second, bowing deeply to the kind woman who’d supported you through all of your hardships. 

“I– I’m so sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking when I came here, making all that noise. I just–”

“Nonsense,” Mrs. Lee waved you off with a concerned smile. “I’ve been telling you for years that you’re welcomed here at any time of day. Come in, darling, you’ll catch a cold. Come!”

Felix moved out of the way so that you could enter his home, pushing you away when you tried to grab a hold of the box you’d carried through the rain so that he could take care of it himself. You knew that you must’ve looked deranged, but there was no hint of judgment in their eyes as they watched you take your shoes off at the entrance. Mrs. Lee guided you into the living room by the shoulders despite the fact that you knew your way through the house like the back of your hand. The tenderness of such a simple touch made your sight blurry with tears that you refused to release this time. 

“Darling, go take a warm shower and Felix will bring you a fresh towel and some spare clothes for you to change into, deal?” Mrs. Lee raised her brows as she waited for your response, you merely nodded. “Good, have you eaten?”

“N– No.”

“I’ll heat up some leftovers from tonight’s dinner, then.”

With that, she rushed over to the kitchen. You remained in the same spot though, letting the rain drip onto the floor as your body trembled from the chill the weather outside had instilled into you. Felix gently dropped the box on the couch, paying no mind to the wet plastic sheet that was still covering its contents. 

“Y/N,” Felix said, voice low and warm. “You told me you were coming tomorrow in the afternoon. Why are you here?”

“I lied,” you sighed defeatedly. “I just didn’t want you to worry too much and I thought that I could– I thought that I would be able to go in there myself. And I really was fine, really…until I found that stupid box.”

He glanced back at the box behind him, sighing. Felix didn’t say anything, choosing instead to lead you towards the second floor and into the bathroom he typically shared with his sisters, closing the door behind you. 

While standing under the scalding hot water in the shower by yourself, you couldn’t help but scold yourself at the lack of impulse control. You could have knocked like a normal person, instead you simply decided that you would bang on his door as though your life was in danger which in turn startled everyone in the house and probably the neighbors as well. The thing that had you so upset was not something that couldn’t wait until tomorrow, it wasn’t urgent at all. It was just a dumb box filled with letters that you’d never received while your father had been alive. So dramatic, you chided. 

Just when you were about to shut the water off, you heard the bathroom door open quietly while you assumed Felix gathered your wet clothing and replaced them with fresh ones along with a towel. Once the door closed again, you drew the curtains back to be proved right. You dressed quickly, not bothering to brush your hair as you made your way back down and into the kitchen only to find that Mrs. Lee was no longer there, instead you found Felix looking for chopsticks for you to use while you ate. 

“I told my mom to head to bed,” Felix informed you without looking up, placing the chopsticks on a napkin beside your warm plate. “What’s in the box?”

Your feet felt heavy with each step you took closer to your meal – to him. You leaned your lower back against the counter, gingerly taking the plate into your hands. “My father wrote me letters. A whole lot of them. But he never sent them.” 

Felix’s eyes remained on you, taking his place right beside you, leaving only a hair’s distance in between. In order to not get distracted by this silly fact, you shoved your first bite into your mouth even though you didn’t feel particularly hungry. He didn’t seem to notice, only waiting patiently like he always did. 

“The house hasn’t changed a single bit since I left,” you swallowed, voice thick. “I could tell exactly where he spent the majority of his time– the same spot at the head of the dinner table where he left stacks upon stacks of newspapers he never did bother to throw out, the reclining chair right in front of the TV where his weight had left its mark over the years, and his room that was a complete mess of clothes and books and papers and everything he ever used was thrown onto the ground.”

Another bite. Felix still said nothing. 

“My room was left intact,” you continued. “It almost felt like time had stopped when I left, and the clock only continued when I walked in again. It was clean– my father kept his own room in chaos but cleaned my room. Not a speck of dust anywhere, and I checked.” 

A third bite and then you set the practically full plate back onto the counter, you didn’t have the appetite to finish it. Felix wordlessly cleaned the area and left your plate in the fridge. 

“I think the only thing that changed there was that all the family photos were taken down.” You pinch the bridge of your nose, squeezing your eyes shut as your breath becomes slightly shaky. “Not even put away, he just– took them and smashed them on the floor and left everything there. I can’t help but wonder just how long ago that was, and how many times he turned a blind eye to the broken glass as he stepped over them.

And then I went down to the basement, and everything was pretty much the same except for this stupid box. All of the letters with my name and address written on the envelope and I just– I lost it. I don’t know what to think anymore, of him…of anything.”

Felix’s arms suddenly wrapped around you tightly, surprising you for a second before you returned the gesture. Your heart was beating erratically in your chest despite this not being the first time he’d hugged you, but this one felt like it did when you were a teenager. It was strong, yet gentle; protective, yet freeing. Although it’d only been a few weeks since you’d seen him, you missed him deeply. You had left town, and he remained here with his family and his happy childhood memories – though you visited often and he did as well, but still; you missed him deeply. 

“I think that your father loved you in his own twisted way,” Felix murmured in your ear at last, arms tightening around you. “He was hurting, too. And you still didn’t deserve any of the things he did and didn’t do to you, because you were hurting and you were the child. But I think he loved you.”

Tears welled up in your eyes once more, hands shaking as you gripped Felix’s blue hoodie. 

ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ☀️

The rain had stopped after a while, so you and Felix took advantage of that and sat on the roof right outside his bedroom window like you’d done a thousand times before. Overlooking the neighborhood in the dead of night as you lighted up the freshly rolled joint between your lips, inhaling the comforting flower before exhaling its smoke. The weight on your shoulders and mind was lifted as your anxiety dulled and your body relaxed. You passed the joint to Felix, who mimicked your actions. 

Your tears had long since dried, and the box had been left in the living room as you decided not to look at them tonight. Instead, you focused on the serene atmosphere that surrounded you and Felix like a warm hug. He passed the joint back to you, though you didn’t immediately bring it up to your lips again, letting it burn slightly between your thumb and index finger. Your eyes slowly found their way to Felix’s that had already been on you, analyzing you in the same way he had always done. You couldn’t tell if the glitter in his eyes were a reflection of the stars in the sky, or if they were truly his though they looked enchanting anyway. His smile widened when he noticed you meet his intense gaze and your heart burned at the sight, thinking back to your train of thought back on the front porch of your childhood home right before you’d come here. 

After all of these years, all of the tears, grief, arguments, and lashing out – he remained beside you, eyes on you as if you’d placed the sun in the sky yourself. You would never understand how he could stay by you when everyone else had left, there was nothing special about you other than your cutting tongue and vengeful heart. Though you couldn’t help but soften at the sight of him and his optimistic way of seeing the world. He was far too good, too pure for you or anyone else. And yet he sat there, subtly inching closer to you though you had still noticed. 

Lee Felix was in love with you, and had been for a long time. You were well aware, and had been for a long time. Though he never mentioned it directly and you decided that ignoring this would protect both you and him; but after all of this time, perhaps you’d maybe fallen in love with him too. It would be impossible not to let your own smile widen at the sight of his brown eyes watching you with so much genuine gentleness, to not feel your heart quicken every time he touched you, to not think of him when your bed was empty and cold, to not wish with every aching cell in your body that you were not as damaged as you were so that maybe, just maybe you would have a chance of deserving such a rare soul. 

Despite knowing all of this, you allowed him to move closer to you as the joint became smaller and smaller with each pass between the two of you. Eventually, your arms and legs were touching, and you could practically feel Felix’s erratic heartbeat. 

“What are you thinking about?” You surprised yourself by asking him, pointedly staring at the streetlamp directly in front of Felix’s house. His breath hitched slightly, though he didn’t say anything for a few moments. 

“I don’t know,” he eventually mumbled with a half-shrug. “Everything, I guess.”

“What is everything, Felix?”

His eyes met yours, wide with curiosity as he attempted to read you. Your own veins were pulsing with adrenaline from your boldness, though somehow you weren’t as mad about it as you thought you would be.

“I– I’m not sure.”

“I don’t believe you. What is everything?”

This was everything against what you’d done since you noticed his feelings for you, this was not keeping a safe distance. But you couldn’t help it, it was as though your heart had finally gained control over your brain and was pushing you to confront your own feelings for the first time in years. Because the truth is, your heart did burn for him in a way you couldn’t explain; it fluttered and skipped a beat a thousand times whenever he was around and it had been for as long as you could think back. You didn’t deserve him, but he thought the world of you – so maybe that was worth something. 

“Everything is–” Felix’s eyes searched yours, his breathing picking up slightly. “Everything is you.”

If your heart either exploded or simply stopped beating, you wouldn’t be surprised in the least. His words sent a chill down your spine, and you couldn’t stop the smile that snuck onto your face. 

“Good.” You stated, putting out what little was left of your shared joint on the roof before moving to straddle him, and you might as well have pushed him off and onto the ground before with the way the wind seemed to have been knocked out of him. His eyes were so wide, so surprised yet so excited. “To me, everything is you, too.”

His eyes scanned yours for a moment before he released an incredulous, airy chuckle. He didn’t get the chance to say anything, however, as your lips met his for the first time and the world melted away.

word count: 3.3k ☀️ posted: 12 • 05 • 2023

💬 a note from green;

Thank you so much for the request! I truly, truly enjoyed writing this for you. I just sat here and the words just kept flowing and flowing and I just couldn't stop, so I hope you enjoy it! (Side note though: I'm sorry if this a bit darker for your taste, I read it back and was like 'yikes, didn't mean to start off like that'.)

Anyway! I appreciate your compliments, always. Your feedback is something I genuinely look forward to every time I post, and so I'm happy that we're mutuals out here supporting each other because honestly – you're a magnificent writer as well, so I can promise that every time I think of something new for you, I'll grab my phone and tell you all about it no matter where I am!

Again, I hope you enjoyed this and thank you!

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# @grandpafelixx

you can burst into flames.

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pairing: seungmin x gender neutral reader

content warnings: hurt/comfort, reader has a fear of thunderstorms, reader goes nonverbal

rating: e (for everyone)

summary: seungmin helps you get through a thunderstorm by showering you with tender love and singing to you.

🕯️ volcano — seungmin & han (2 kids’ show)

A myriad of candles lit up the bedroom you’ve shared with your lover for a few years, casting its yellow glow over the sheltered space while the world outside took on the wrath of the thunderous storm that has carried on for the past several hours. Your soft snores were the only sounds heard apart from the violent pattering of the rain against the windows and the occasional boom of thunder, your head rested on Seungmin’s chest as you’d finally slept.

The two of you had just settled on the couch to watch a movie together when it first started raining, a small detail you’d taken note of yet paid no mind to at first. Although as the weather worsened, so did your anxiety. Seungmin was well aware of the person you became whenever the first strike of lightning occurred – almost as though you had been replaced before his very eyes as your muscles tensed and your eyes clouded with fear. He’d tried to comfort you as soon as he knew what would come, though nothing can really prevent you from panicking, and this was a fact that aggrieved him deeply since he would do anything to make you smile once again although this was beyond his power.

When the power went out as a result of the storm, the trembling and whimpering began. Seungmin was not allowed to leave your side for even a second as you gripped the hem of his shirt. And so he gently took your hand and guided you towards the hallway closet where you stored the innumerable amounts of candles you liked buying, and then took you with him towards the kitchen to find a lighter. Throughout the entire process, you could hear him murmuring sweet little nothings as a form of encouragement while moving at the pace you’d set. He sat you on your bed, and immediately began lighting as many candles as he could, creating as much light as he could before he settled beside you. Arms pulling you into his comforting embrace, your back pressed to his chest as he whispered about how brave you were being. You didn’t think so, since you felt a little ridiculous being so afraid of something so silly at your age, but the sincerity in his voice made you feel validated.

“I’m sorry,” you whimpered after jumping at a particularly loud crack of thunder. “This is so stupid, and we were having such a nice time before all of this.”

Seungmin pressed a tender kiss to the back of your head, settling his chin on top of your head as his thumb rubbed gentle circles on your shoulder. “Sorry for what? There’s nothing to be sorry about.”

You couldn’t help but pout slightly, sitting up so you could look at him. He merely chuckled at the sight, hand reaching up to push a strand of hair away from your face and you could see the tiny flames from the candles reflected in his eyes. It took everything in you to not melt into his touch, your heart immediately steadying. Love was engraved in every touch, every word and you adored it. You adored him in a way you couldn’t even begin to describe. “I’m sorry you’re dating someone with childish fears.”

His expression suddenly turned serious as he furrowed his brows and frowned up at you. “It’s not childish at all, what are you talking about? I don’t want to hear any self-pitying from you, I want you to know that you’re being very brave, and I love that about you.”

He looked so stern you couldn’t help but smile a little bit, rolling your eyes playfully. But as you glanced at him again, you could see the expectant expression on his face as he waited for you to say the same words he always forced you to say in moments like these. So you sighed, moving around on the bed so that you could rest your head on his chest. However, right as you opened your mouth another thunder seemed to shake the room, which caused you to scream in surprise instead. His arms immediately wrapped themselves around your trembling body, hands squeezing whatever he could grab as a way to make sure you knew he was there with you.

With your eyes squeezed shut, you mumbled over and over again: “I’m being brave right now. The storm can’t touch me. I’m safe with Seungmin. I’m being brave right now. The storm can’t touch me. I’m safe with Seungmin. I’m being so brave right now, and Seungmin is proud of me.”

Seungmin’s lips pressed against your hair once again as he settled into a more comfortable position from underneath you. “I am so, so proud of my baby right now.”

Although the rain had shown signs of slowing down over the past hour, it seemed to intensify now, and your body began trembling once more. Seungmin was at a loss right now, he couldn’t think of anything else to say or do while the two of you rode out the storm. It wasn’t the first time that he’d had to help you through something like this, and he was always so willing to calm your mind and settle your heart each and every time; though it always seemed as though he would run out of things to do or say as the storms carried on. As you balled up his shirt into your shaking fists, he cleared his throat.

“You know,” he began, voice soft yet loud enough to be heard over the noise. “Hannie and Chan have been working on a song together. It made me think of you.”

This piqued your interest, releasing a shuddering breath as you momentarily looked up to let him know you’ve heard him since your voice seemed to have stopped working. He understood immediately as his eyes remained fixated on the dancing flames of the candles he’d placed in front of your bedroom television.

“You know Hannie’s always been good with words.” Seungmin smiled slightly at the thought, his fingers finding their way to your hair as he played with it. “Would you like to hear it?”

Without hesitation, you reach over his lower torso to squeeze his hip. Another crack of thunder was heard, and you jumped.

“I’ll protect you, it’s okay to hurt,” he began, your eyes shutting as his melodic voice rang through the air. “I’ll embrace the wounds you shed. To me, you’re already a sin…”

A soft smile tugged on your lips, your heart and breathing steadied at last, your muscles relaxing. Seungmin could feel the weight of your body change almost immediately as he continued to sing, and his heart soared at the realization of the effect he had on you. “...You were so warm when you hugged me tight. I guess I teared up for a moment, because it was the first time…”

Anything outside of this embrace seemed to fade away at your lover’s soulful singing, the warmth of his body and his fingertips that traced swirly figures on your skin bringing a sense of peace you didn’t expect. You sighed in content.

“...You can burst into flames, you can wound me next to you if you like, I can be anything…”

As the first of your snores were heard, Seungmin finally relaxed completely. You’ve endured another stormy night, and his own heart warmed at the sight of your sleeping figure. He didn’t stop singing, though, determined to finish the song at this point – the song that had reminded him of you the first time he read the lyrics, the song he’d unintentionally associated with you and he wasn’t the least bit sorry about it.

“...you are my volcano.”

word count: 1.2k 🕯️ posted: 12 • 02 • 2023

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# @grandpafelixx

Amazing, you hit my interest boxes 💖 👏🏻

in the eye of the beholder (portgas d. ace x reader)

req: You wanted an Ace request? 👀

How about Ace with a zoan mythical devil fruit reader that never really changes into their devil fruit form or variables of it because she felt like it would scare them or something, but when Ace is near death, the reader comes in full force and saves him

I don't know what type the zoan will be, but can you have it be a big creature like a dragon? I just love the trope of a person going ape shit for their beloved/crush

a/n: omg i love that trope too ;;0;; i love any trope that involves one person losing control in order to protect someone else dat shit Hits also oops i think i got a bit overenthusiastic with the descriptions of reader’s body changing so i hope it’s not too much for anyone :0 !

ALSO MORE ACE REQUESTS PLS AND THANK U MUAH

contents: somewhat gory descriptions of bodily harm(? but nothing too gross i don’t think), some angst, fluff, hurt/comfort!!

wc. 1.8k

wanna be on my taglist?

despite being your boyfriend for nearly two years now, Ace still doesn’t know what your full Zoan form looks like. he knows you have the Dragon variant of Devil Fruit but that’s pretty much the full extent of his knowledge, aside from the rare occasion you use your hybrid form to fly but even during those moments you move so fast his eyes can barely keep up

Ace would be lying if he said he wasn’t a tiny bit upset he’s never seen your full form–back when he was a fresh member of the crew he’d even pestered you quite a bit in hopes you’ll cave in and show him–but he understands why you’re hesitant to use it

“you do know it hurts her, right?” Thatch said out of the blue one day when Ace had nothing better to do and decided to watch him cook to kill time. 

“what does?” the second division commander replied through a mouthful of bread.

“transforming into her Zoan form,” the head chef continued. “i’ve seen it myself only twice but both times it was kind of hard to watch.” 

the more Ace listened to Thatch’s descriptions of the sounds of your bones cracking and flesh tearing as your human screams gradually turned into monsterish roars that shook the very earth, the more guilty he felt for all the times he’d asked you to show him. he’d seen Marco transform so many times, he ignorantly assumed the process was just as easy and painless for you. 

“the last time she did it,” Thatch added, “she scared some civilians by accident and they got hurt trying to run away. i think that fucked her up a bit for quite a while.”

it’s safe to say, he stopped asking you to transform after that. though the suddenness of it all surprised you, it was nice being able to hang out with him without worrying about being asked to show your Zoan form. a few months afterwards, you even end up dating him–something your past self never would have considered

Ace still is very interested in what your full form looks like but he can see himself spending the rest of his life with you so he’s sure he’ll see it one day–and soon he learns he’s right, he just never thought it would be under such dire circumstances

for the first time in a long time, Ace finds himself panicking on the battlefield. his heart pounds painfully against his ribcage and no matter how much air he tries to inhale, his lungs are constantly begging for more air. Ace’s vision blurs but he refuses to lose consciousness, blinking rapidly to clear his sight as he stares down at his blood soaked hands.

he’s not wounded, though. you are.

lying on the dirt in front of him as the two of you take cover behind an abandoned cottage, you gasp for air as fresh blood slowly pools beneath you; the red, hot substance pouring out from the bullet wounds in your torso and legs.

what was supposed to be a simple recon mission turned out to be an ambush by the marines. 

“stay awake, you hear me?” Ace shouts as he tilts your head to look at him, staining your cheek with your own blood from his hands. “give me one minute and i’ll be back. i just need a minute and we’ll be safe, okay?” his words are confident and firm, in stark contrast to his teary eyes and trembling hands; but you trust him with your life so you simply nod.

from where you lay, you can see most of the battlefield. you watch as he burns down the endless waves of marines almost effortlessly, like he always does, and you nearly break your promise as you’re nearly lulled to sleep by the familiar sense of security he brings you. in fact, you’re on the brink of dozing off when you’re startled awake by the sound of Ace screaming.

your eyes snap open as you frantically scan the area, bile rising up your throat as you struggle to find Ace. when you do finally see him, it takes all of your willpower not to puke out of fear.

at the feet of what looks like a Vice Admiral, he lies near-motionless, the only sign of life being the faint rise and fall of his chest and the hacking cough that tears its way out of his blood-filled mouth. the Marine orders his remaining soldiers to fall back and to “leave them to me.” with a sadistic smile painted on his face. he speaks to Ace briefly though you’re unable to catch what he’s saying and then, with a haki-imbued kick, he sends your lover flying across the battlefield in your direction.

wheezing and coughing as tears drip down his grimacing face, Ace reaches out to you with a trembling, blood-covered hand. his fingers brush against your own tear-stained face and with all the remaining strength left within him, he smiles at you.

“i… i’ll protect you… no matter what.” he mutters as you watch the Vice Admiral close the distance, taking step after step towards the back of your lover.

it’s in the moments that follow does Ace learn that Thatch’s description of your Zoan transformation did little justice to the real thing.

he watches helplessly as you begin to scream while you lift your upper body off the ground and at first he thinks it’s from the pain from your wounds but once your skin starts to turn into scales, he realises it’s so much worse. as your body grows in size, your limbs crack and shift and massive wings sprout out of your spine. your head’s tossed back as you shriek to the heavens while your eyes turn a golden yellow and your pupil transforms into a slit.

the ground trembles as your voice transforms into a deep roar that shakes even the faraway trees of the surrounding forest. too wounded to turn himself around, Ace can only guess the looks of terror on the marines’ faces from the sound of their panicked shouting and uncoordinated gunfire. he watches in awe as the bullets that reach your body fall uselessly to the ground.

Ace feels the hairs on the back of his neck stand up as his instincts scream at him to get away from the looming threat still approaching him from the back. under normal circumstances, he’s sure he’ll be able to get away from the Vice Admiral through sheer willpower alone, escaping death is nothing new to the young man–right now, though, he knows he’s safe when you lower one of your massive wings to shield him from the rest of the world.

he listens as the cries for mercy gradually die down into a peaceful silence composed of the evening wind, insects chirping and the crackling of small fires that are soon to fizzle out. although Ace can tell he’s not fatally wounded, his body hurts to the point where it feels hard to move–arrogance always was the achilles heel of logia users. 

the setting sun shines on him once more as your wing retracts while you slowly transform back to normal. he calls out your name but you don’t respond and for a moment, he feels the same sense of panic from before rising up in his chest. his poor heart only settles once he has your unconscious body cradled in his tired arms. you’re still badly wounded but your chest rises and falls steadily as you rest in his embrace.

Marco finds the second division commander and the Whitebeard Dragon asleep in each other's arms surrounded by nearly hundreds of dead marines, all burnt to a crisp. though most would naturally assume Firefist Ace was the main culprit, Marco suspects–just by looking at the faint scaly pattern still lingering on your skin–that you might have done all the work this time

Ace wakes up first, not in an infirmary bed like he thought he would but still on the battlefield, face-to-face with his close friend who’s leaning over to pull you out of Ace’s arms. it takes both men a second to realise the true extent of his protectiveness over you; and it takes another second before Marco starts making fun of the younger man for being so whipped

it takes a long time for you to wake up even after Marco uses his Devil Fruit abilities to help heal most of your wounds. “it takes a bigger toll on her than normal Zoan Devil Fruit transformations would,” the doctor had explained to a distraught Ace, “her body goes through a lot to become something so massive, y’know?”

being patient was never Ace’s strong suit but he has zero complaints while waiting for you to wake up. for weeks he stays by your bedside, talking to you about his day, playing with your hands, and taking naps whilst curled up by your feet. the other crew members who come in to check on you daily constantly poke fun at him and yet it’s these same people who leave snacks, drinks and comics for him to use while waiting by your side.

almost a full month passes by before you wake up to the feeling of something warm and heavy resting on your chest; and moments later, Ace is roused from his nap when he feels your fingers brushing through his hair.

“hey,” he whispers, head still resting in the valley of your breasts, tilted up just enough for his eyes to meet yours. his legs are tangled with yours as the infirmary bed blanket lays uselessly on the floor.

“hey,” you reply, voice hoarse from the dryness of your throat.

“you’re really cool,” Ace says, eyelids forming into crescents as he smiles–the simple expression almost infectious in the way you feel the corners of your own lips tugging upwards in spite of being reminded about the sheer agony of your Zoan transformation.

“it must’ve been shocking, huh?” you ask, “watching me transform? i’ve heard some people say it’s gross and scary–”

“no!” he cuts you off, eyebrows furrowing, “it was amazing.” Ace runs his warm fingers up and down your bare arms before trailing downward to meet your hands, all the while staying laid on top of you with his eyes locked onto your own. “you were amazing. i’d never felt safer in my life.”

you can’t help but sniffle as you feel your eyes begin to burn with tears. “it wasn’t disgusting? i… wasn’t disgusting?” shaking his head, Ace inches forward until the tip of his nose brushes against yours.

“you were beautiful,” he murmurs, “you are so beautiful.” 

gen taglist: @irethepotato @i-reblog-fics-i-like @grierpilots @appalost @hyper-fic-ation @dressycobra7 @38lyra38 @chaseyui @paraparakiss @krooschl @teewon @olliesoxenfree @misstraffy @riftmage27 @aletch

Wrap your arms around me, stab me in the

      gut. I'd be Grinning happy as i die — holding

      the one person I love.

Tell me pretty lies

Look me in the face

Tell me that you love me

Even if it's fake

Cause' I don't fucking care

At

All

We all have things we hate about ourselves.   Mine is the desire for your love.

saving for when ao3 returns.

"If it helps, one of the many scenarios my brain likes to twist around is imagining Sonic's perspective of No Cracks In A Closed Loop (and I adore Tails getting to be a badass and pulling off the impossible, too- my brain just likes to spin on the angst sometimes)" - @manynerdthings

A/N: So I was inspired...

I think it's safe to say this helped a lot xD Thank you, manynerdthings!

This is a continuation of my fic "No Cracks in a Closed Loop"

No Cracks in a Closed Loop — Sonic's Side

"Sonic."

That single word—no, just the voice alone—was enough to cut through the adrenaline rush as pure chaos energy sang through his veins and ignited every nerve with its spark. In a flash of light and sound, Super Sonic punched a hole through the Starfall-titan-wanna-be by using his own body as a projectile. A cocky grin cut across his muzzle as it wobbled in place, setting its sights on him instead of the city it had been about to level; its laser cannons aimed directly at the fault line.

This fight wouldn't last twenty seconds. They'd already won.

"What's up, partner?" Sonic said into the comm as he shot skyward.

The streak of gold drew the mech's cannon higher, until it cleared the tips of skyscrapers and nearby mountaintops by the time it shot at him. The laser's heat didn't even singe his fur, firing at full power into the stratosphere instead of drilling deep into the crust of the planet. It zinged past the satellite Tails was communicating from, but Super Sonic's gaze didn't linger on it for more than half a second—already more than certain it was out of the laser's range. Speeding through the air, he whirled around towards the mech for his next move. He was going to cyloop Eggman's newest addition to his junk pile right off its feet. 

Swerving down in a sharp arc, Super Sonic avoided the next blast while he swung around to try and circle it. It's clawed hand swiped at him before he could complete his first circuit. He shot straight up before it could catch him, homing attacking it in the face instead.

The comm was still quiet. Tails must've swapped to their own channel. Super Sonic flew backwards, putting both the titan and the distant satellite in his line of sight. Whatever he had to say, he didn't want anyone else to hear it.

Super Sonic's brow furrowed as a barrage of bullets opened up on him. He weaved between the hundreds of projectiles glinting dangerously in the sunlight, but his chaos energy and speed worked in tandem, as fluidly as a dance, while he searched for another opening to try the cyloop again.

He could beat this thing without it, sure, but it was the fastest way to take it down.

"Tails? Still with me, bud?" Super or not, Sonic still spared a second to check in, static ringing in his ears as he burst through the center of the mech's chest plate for a shortcut.

"I'm here," Tails answered, but his voice sounded faint, like the feedback was drowning him out. "Sorry, I…" Super Sonic started his cyloop. "I just wanted to—" He was halfway around. "I'm sorry—"

Sonic closed the loop. A burst of chaos energy swelled up with a deafening boom. The air rippled with the force of it in great gusts of wind that rocked the trees and the grass of the nearby hills. Waves rose up in the bay, their white caps scraping the bottom of the golden bridge that marked the edge of the sea. The fake titan lifted into the air, sparks crackling off its metal casing as its system overloaded. Super Sonic didn't give it a second to recalibrate itself.

Faster than anyone could see, he smashed into it on all sides. A tiny mote of golden light against the towering behemoth, but it struck every weak point, fried every circuit, as the chaos energy pressed in on it from the outside. Metal crunched and caved it on itself, contorting into a twisted configuration until it no longer resembled a machine.

A cheap imitation of the ancients' attempts to defend themselves, designed only to destroy instead of protect.

Super Sonic grabbed onto mech's arm—or maybe its leg, it was hard to tell at this point—as the cyloop's effect faded, catching it before it crushed Westopolis. He swung it around and around, gritting his teeth as he built up momentum and set his sights on the ocean out ahead of them. Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh—

Super Sonic let go.

The mech's remains were flung through the air, over the coastline and beyond the bridge that cut off the bay from the sea. It crashed into the water, the ocean spray shooting up into the air in a tower of mist once it hit the surface. The waves rolled aggressively towards the coastline, but ultimately broke apart in the bay before they could do too much damage. Some millionaires might have to replace a yacht or two, but that wasn't Sonic's problem.

As he dusted his hands off, he could finally acknowledge the warning bells Tails's last words to him had set off. "Hey, what was that, bud? I didn't catch—"

Super Sonic turned towards the satellite, addressing it like he would Tails, but it was gone. Instead a cloud of smoke filled the space where the satellite had been not ten seconds ago. Metal shards and fire rained upon the bay. Everything in pieces. Everything gone.

His comm was in chaos. Unintelligible voices shouted over one another in a cacophony of white noise that was already fighting a losing battle to the ringing in his ears. But he still noticed one voice was missing. He couldn't hear it.

He hadn't heard any of it.

Over the sonic boom of his cyloop and the screeching of metal as he demolished the titan, Sonic hadn't heard the satellite explode.

The satellite his little brother was on.

He'd been trying to tell him something.

He'd been trying to tell him something before a satellite exploded with him on it.

"I'm sorry."

Tails. 

Super Sonic shot off like a bullet, speeding towards the black cloud of smoke and smoldering debris like there was even a chance—

No. There had to be a chance—

"I just wanted to—I'm sorry—"

Why? What happened? What did you do, Tails?

He hadn't even properly seen him off before he left. Tails had been trying to hack into Eggman's satellite remotely while Sonic was out chasing after the faux titans. He told them all about his plan to board the satellite and everyone agreed it sounded like the right call, so long as he could do it quickly. They needed to disrupt the signal, after all, and Tails was their best shot.

That was what he'd said, wasn't it? "You're our best shot, Tails. I believe in you, partner."

Their best shot, but not the only one. Not if it meant this.

Nothing was worth this.

Sonic didn't need to breathe while super, but his lungs still burned twin holes in his chest as his own nervous system caught fire. Golden sparks flicked off his quills as he raced through the air. Fiery eyes frantically scanned each scrap of metal that fell, but they must've already been irritated from the smoke because they burned and blurred with the rest of the world around him—

"—onic, wait! Come back! Sonic!"

One voice.

Super Sonic stopped. He stopped so fast and so suddenly, it felt like his own soul completely missed the memo. Like everything inside him continued to hightails it towards where Tails had been without him, leaving him empty. Hollow. Cold.

A vacuous space in the center of himself where there'd once been something. 

The chaos energy inside him didn't know what to do with that.

With so much… nothing.

Stunned, he could only float in place for a stupid second until he remembered he'd stopped for a reason. With a sharp turn, his stare locked onto a splash of orange amidst the blotchy colors of the rest of the world bleeding into one another. Like he was still moving too fast to see clearly. Like he couldn't catch up to himself.

"Sonic…" Tails's voice broke like it had on the comm, but it wasn't with pain guilt fear regret static.

Vision clearing, Sonic could see him now. At the edge of one of the hills overlooking Westopolis and the bay. Tails just rubbed at his nose with a sheepish sort of grin, like the explosion was a minor miscalculation. A hiccup. My bad, he could hear him saying, like he was standing in the middle of his workshop, covered in soot and singed fur, one hand on his hip and a fire extinguisher at his feet.

Like he was fine.

Like he hadn't been incinerated in the fiery inferno smoldering above them.

Tails lowered his hand, eyes shining as they looked up at him, reflecting the very sky Super Sonic was caught in as the satellite's remains fell all around him. He'd been on that satellite. Just seconds ago, Sonic had been so sure of it.

He'd been so sure he'd lost him…

Then Tails opened his arms to him and laughed.

All at once Sonic crashed back into himself, chest heaving with a sharp inhale as his heart lurched forward. 

Faster than a blink, Super Sonic barrelled into Tails and sent them toppling down the hillside. They smacked hard against the ground, but Sonic took the brunt of the fall even with the world spinning around them. His arms encircled Tails tightly, one hand protecting the back of his head while the other braced the small of his back as they tumbled and whooped like a pair of idiots. Pure joy radiated through him, burning brighter than the chaos energy coursing through his quills. It knocked the emeralds right out of him. The seven gems fell into the grass around them as the two mobians eventually rolled to a stop.

Sonic clutched Tails to him, shaking with breathless laughter as he felt his little brother hug him back just as tightly. "I'm here," Tails was saying, and it took a minute to realize he'd been repeating the words while Sonic's hands were trembling. "I'm here. It's okay, big bro. I'm here. I’m here."

"And you say I'm the one that's gonna give you a heart attack," Sonic wheezed, not bothering to give himself room to breathe if it meant letting go for even a second.

"Can't let you have all the fun." Tails smoothed his hands over Sonic's spines to try and settle him, his touch purposeful and grounding. "Deep breaths, big bro. You're gonna pass out."

"Nuh-uh," he argued, but filled his lungs with his next inhale anyway, then let all the air ease out of him.

"That's it. There ya go," Tails encouraged, but Sonic couldn't help his snort of indignation at being coddled and pushed away from him. 

Except Tails just tightened his grip; fingers curling in his fur like they'd be forced apart if he didn't. He hid his face in the crook of Sonic's neck, his breaths coming only a little too fast. But his hands were shaking, too, and his twin tails wound around them both as if they were enough to protect them from the next threat. 

Sonic didn't pull away. He just sat back, the eleven-year-old practically in his lap, and rested his hand atop Tails's head.

"Gave me a real scare there, pal," he said, voice low and gentle as he smoothed out his fur, picking at the grass and brambles they were both covered in.

"…Scared me, too."

Sonic's heart clenched, the open admission like a bludgeon to his protective instincts, even if his pride assured him Tails could handle it. After all, the proof had all but climbed into his lap. But now that he was looking at him—really looking at him—he could see his fur was mussed up from more than just a tumble at supersonic speed. A streak of blood stained his fur on his shoulder and there was a lump near the center of his back that filled Sonic with an angry fire hot enough to burn through the atmosphere when he so much as brushed against it with his fingers. 

Tails didn't flinch when he grazed it, but his muscles gave an involuntary spasm that rippled beneath his fur and his hold on Sonic tightened. It was enough to quell the roiling rage to a simmer. Something he could stick a lid on without worrying it would boil over if left unchecked. It wasn't what Tails needed from him right now.

But Sonic still wanted some answers.

"What happened up there?" he asked. 

Tails shook his head. "Just a bit of a closer call than I thought it'd be. But I'll be okay. I am okay."

Sonic instinctively bristled, prepared to be shut out of whatever it was he'd gone through. "Tails—"

"I'll tell you someday," he promised, pressing his paw over Sonic's heart. "I mean it. But right now we've got a lot of Eggman's mess to clean up. There's still six other titans out there and I'm sure everyone else is worried."

Sonic sighed, as exasperated as he could manage when he was still just glad this kid was alive. "Gonna hold you to that," he threatened, ruffling his fur to muss it up on purpose. "You owe me. Nearly shocked the Chaos Emeralds right outta my system."

"Says Mr. Guy-Who-Loves-Adventure," Tails teased as he pushed himself up to stand. "You should be used to it by now."

Sonic snorted when he was offered a hand up, but he took it nonetheless. "When I go gray early, I'll know exactly who to blame."

"Don't worry. I'll help you dye your quills, old man," Tails snickered, but it broke off with a wince as a sharp twinge ran through his back.

Sonic was quick to lay a supportive hand at his hip to steady him. "Look who's talking. At this rate, you're gonna be right there with me setting the record for the world's youngest old timers."

Tails sent him a look, but accepted the help nonetheless as he leaned his weight against him. "Did you really have to knock us all the way down the hill like that?"

"Heh. Well, in my defense, wasn't exactly thinking straight." Sonic scratched at his nose, giving him a not-so-subtle onceover. "Didn't bang ya up too bad, did I?"

"Nah. I'll bounce back," Tails assured him, giving him a pat on the back.

"You always do," Sonic agreed warmly as they took a few steps in tandem so they could start collecting the Chaos Emeralds on their way back up the hill while Tails alerted everyone to their status on his comm and checked in on everyone else as well.

Sonic just listened, taking in the rise and fall of his voice, his steady assurances and sighs of relief to hear that the world hadn't fallen apart in his absence. Even if it very nearly did. As far as Sonic was concerned, anyway.

But he was okay now. That was what mattered. And whatever it was that happened on that satellite—whatever reason Tails had for calling him seconds before disaster—he would trust that his little brother would come to him when he was ready. Because he'd be there for him. No matter what.

Keeping his arm looped around Tails’s waist even after they made it back up the hill, Sonic looked up at the smoke still fading from the sky. He tightened his hold on him. It felt like another lifetime, like another him had first seen the explosion and feared the worst. Tails followed his gaze, quiet again with all the calls taken care of and winded from the uphill climb. Through his labored breaths, there was the slightest tremor that traveled from his chest to where he stood pressed against his brother.

"…Scared me, too."

 "Hey, whatever happened up there," Sonic broke the silence, his voice drawing Tails back down beside him. "Whatever you did, I'll bet it was seriously way past cool." He glanced over at him, waiting to catch his eye before giving him a wink.

All too easily, Tails grinned up at him, the shape of his smile the spitting image of his brother's. "Way past is definitely one way to put it."

———

Five years later…

———

"You've been quiet all day, partner. Something going on in that big brain of yours?"

Everyone else had split off for the night. Team Dark vanished sometime after lunch, after Rouge once again tricked Shadow into accompanying her, and Team Chaotix had an appointment for their next case. Amy took Cream back home to Vanilla while Tangle and Whisper left to help Jewel out with some Restoration business.

Which left just Sonic and Tails lounging on the couch; the former picking up where Vector had left off in the game he'd been playing, tapping away at the controller while the latter watched.

Tails hummed in acknowledgement, so Sonic let him have a minute of quiet to collect his thoughts. He picked at one of Whisper's cinnamon muffins, crumbs scattering across the coffee table, but he didn't eat any of it. He hadn't had much of an appetite since slinking out of his lab earlier that afternoon.

It probably had something to do with the quiet and the way he'd been kinda clingy. Sonic had planned on going for a run as soon as Tails retreated back to his lab to tinker with whatever gadgets he had tucked away back there, but he seemed pretty content to stay curled up on the couch beside him. Still, Sonic could adapt. He kicked his feet up onto the coffee table and slumped back into the cushions as he wandered aimlessly around in a game he couldn't remember owning.

"Do you remember that time you went up against Eggman's seven fake titans?"

Sonic let out a low whistle. "Boy, is that a blast from the past. What about it?" 

When Tails didn't immediately continue, Sonic pressed the pause button, then shifted against the cushion to sit up and face his not-so-little-anymore bro. The sixteen-year-old fox tore his gaze from the screen to watch him instead, eyes bright from television's glow. Looking at him like that, for a split second, Sonic could still see the insecure, little fox kit he used to be in the way his shoulders hunched up as if to make himself smaller. To take up less space in the world.

Sonic draped one arm along the back of the couch, leaving space for him to lean into if he wanted it. No matter how big he got, there'd always be space for him.

Tails scooted closer and rested his head against Sonic's arm. "I needed to disrupt the satellite signal powering the Chaos Emerald vaults, but Eggman locked me out of the remote connection so I had to access it directly—"

"On the actual satellite," Sonic interjected, fingers drumming against the back of the couch. "I remember."

Tails released a long exhale. "Well, he set a trap. A way to slow me down so I wouldn't be able to unlock the emeralds for you in time. The same code that would disrupt the satellite's signal would also cause it to self-destruct. Eggman banked on me having enough self-preservation that I wouldn't engage it without trying to disable that function first."

"But you set it off anyway."

"I set it off anyway," Tails confirmed with a decisive nod. "It was the outcome with the highest percentage of saving people. The fastest way to help you guys. I thought I could get out in time. I should've gotten out in time," his voice lowered, eyes distant as if he was reliving the moment right there on their couch. "But I couldn't. Not on my own. I needed… help."

Sonic tried to follow him there, even if he didn't much like to relive that day in his waking hours. "So you called me."

"Not… exactly." Tails sat up straighter so he could look him in the eye. "I knew you'd come get me if I asked, but then countless lives would've been lost if the titans had gone on unchecked, even if just for a couple of seconds. Sometimes that's all it takes…" Tails's fist clenched as he dropped his hardened gaze to his lap. "I made the call to initiate the self-destruct in order to save people. I couldn't take that back. I couldn't take you away from them. Not again."

A younger Sonic would've snapped at him—would've argued over the value of his life with him until he wasn't the only one blue in the face. But at twenty-three, Sonic had fought more of these battles than he cared to count and never once walked away a winner. So he sat back, held his tongue, and let Tails explain himself.

"I called you to say goodbye," his voice lowered to a whisper, "I wanted to give you that, at least.”

He'd had a feeling. It wasn't one he dwelled on freely, but sometimes the thought wandered in uninvited. Moreso during the first couple of months after the incident, when everything was still fresh and closer to their present.

Before Sonic could respond, Tails pressed forward. "But then an older version of myself traveled through time with two Chaos Emeralds to save me. He said it was the only way. Because at the time, only the two of us knew what transpired on the satellite. We created a temporal paradox, a loop without a proper origin, but as long as it was contained between the two versions of me, nothing could disrupt it. That's why I couldn't tell you before. I wasn't sure… I didn't know if the future version of myself had told you what happened and if that would open up possibilities in the time stream that would botch the encounter entirely." Tails lifted his gaze to seek out Sonic's again, and he could see the eleven-year-old sitting in front of him like it was that very same day. "I'm sorry. I wanted to tell you."

"Nothing to apologize for, bud. I get it. I wouldn't want to mess up the time stream for that particular moment either." Sonic shifted the arm draped along the couch so he could cup the back of Tails's head, idly ruffling the fur there. "But if you're telling me all this now…" he drawled, moving to scritch behind Tails's ear. "Charmy wasn't the one who swiped Shadow's Chaos Emerald earlier, was he?"

Tails shrugged, muzzle quirking up on one side. "When he showed up with it today, I just had this feeling that it was time to make my move…" Tails explained. "I've been feeling it for a couple weeks now, to be honest. I had all the equipment I'd had on me that day and I looked close enough to how I remembered. I knew I probably had to go back soon. Just needed everything to align so no one would interfere. Today seemed good…"

Sonic tilted his head as Tails trailed off, his eyes still a little distant. "Well, you made it back in one piece, didn't you? Mission accomplished."

"Yeah. Mission accomplished," he echoed, but whatever was on his mind continued to fester. "I thought I made a mistake."

"Hm?"

"There were only three seconds left," Tails whispered. "I thought I messed it all up. I thought I killed us both—"

"You—"

"I was so sure it would work because it already had, but there was still the possibility I could've gotten it wrong. I could've caused a split in our realities. Created two timelines where I ceased to exist, except in this one no one would've known what happened to me and two of the Chaos Emeralds would be lost to time. How would any of you have known where to look?" Tails rambled, pressing his hands over his face. "I estimated the time of day with a standard deviation of a couple of seconds, but those seconds could've been what killed us—"

"Hey, hey, hey," Sonic hushed, shifting to wrap both arms around his little brother as he slumped against him. "You didn't. You're here. You're right here with me, see?" He gave him a firm squeeze, smile tugging at his muzzle as Tails hugged him back tightly. "Atta boy."

"Stupid…" he mumbled into Sonic's shoulder. "Why does this still work so well?"

"Heh. What're big brothers for?" Sonic huffed out a chuckle. "Listen, you can't live a life of what-ifs, bud. It'll drive you outta your mind. I should know. And I know you know that, too." He felt Tails's nod against his cheek. "You did exactly what you set out to do. And heck, you used the Chaos Emeralds to travel through time! When did you learn how to do that, huh? Holding out on your big bro?"

Tails snorted, but it got him to relax enough to pull back. "Figured if I could use Chaos Control, time travel was just an added boost. Like adding a supercharger to the Tornado's engine."

"Tch. You figured." Sonic rolled his eyes, but the warmth in them was nothing but fond. "Give yourself a little more credit. You did something incredible today, Tails. You defied time and space to save yourself. And not only that, you gave yourself a future to look forward to. Because who wouldn't want to turn out to be like you?"

It was Tails's turn to roll his eyes, though it was his own chuckle that betrayed him. "That's what I told me."

"And wiser words were never spoken," Sonic assured him as he gave his knee a firm pat.

"I dunno. Could make a case for the consequences of rewriting timelines and creating unsustainable permutations of past and future events." Tails grinned.

"Now you’re just being smart," Sonic snorted.

"Well, I am a genius." Tails bumped his shoulder to Sonics. "But I also learned from the best. Even eleven-year-old me picked up on that."

"Well, he's a genius, too. He knows what's up." Sonic slung his arm around Tails’s shoulder, this time his turn to watch as his brother picked up the video game controller to continue where Sonic left off. 

He let him, taking his turn to be content as he watched Tails figure out the game faster than he did and go farther than Sonic could. They said nothing for a few minutes, Tails working out the rest of his pent up feelings through the game while Sonic quietly processed what he'd just been told. He wasn't a stranger to time travel, not by a long shot, but even so, it wasn't what he thought the answer to that day had been. As much faith he had in his best friend, his self-sacrificial tendencies were something he couldn't help but take notice of. After all, he'd learned from the best, hadn't he?

But it wasn't with bitterness or disdain when he set his gaze on the teen beside him. That wasn't possible; not when he saw every age at once. Not when he was in absolute awe of how far his kid had come. 

"Tails."

"Sonic," Tails answered instinctively, matching his tone with the hint of a crooked smile.

"Thanks for saving him."

Tails blinked and paused the game so he could look at Sonic. In the light from the television screen, green eyes glimmered with a depth that took him back to a younger version of his big bro, who was trying to do everything in his power to be there for him. Because he wanted to be. Because he needed to be.

One tail curled around Sonic's back and draped over his lap, giving back the same reassurance he always gave so freely.

"Anytime, big bro."

does anyone have any recs for leon comfort fics i’ve just had the worst past 5 days of my life and this morning did not get better

can you do toji? Like where he comes back home to see you but your gone and he would start to panic because he doesn't know where you are and wondering if you left him and the reader left to go shopping for groceries and we wrote a note for him and telling him we was leaving to shop but he forgot and thought we left him Completely until we returned to the house with groceries and Toji on the floor crying? 😼 I hope this makes sense this is my first time requesting this 😊

Running Errands, Not Away

Pairing: Toji Fushiguro x reader

Word Count: 2.1k

Warnings: SFW fic, sad pathetic Toji, established relationship, hurt/comfort, angst with a happy ending, domestic fluff, panic attack, a couple of swear words

A/N: Thank you so much for your request @sleepypulm ! You were the first to ask so I'm extra grateful to you <3. I got a little carried away and I didn't expect to write so much haha. I tried to do both Toji and reader POV. I hope my illustration of his panic was atleast a little realistic, going off my own experiences. I really hope you like it!

(image found on Pinterest)

Toji Fushiguro fears nothing. Why should he? He is the infamous Sorcerer Killer, after all. Sure, he doesn’t have any cursed energy. But that never stopped him, in fact even the Time Vessel Association begged for his help. He has hunted many and beaten more. Nothing ever gets in his way. But then he meets you. It’s as if the deeds of his past melt away in your wake, and his sins lay forgiven. The heaviness he carried within him seems insignificant now. You somehow brought back warmth and colour in his life. Sometimes Toji lies awake at night wondering what he did to deserve you. He never figured out why you loved him. He could barely express himself emotionally. He was a broken man from the inside and he had done everything wrong to fix that- gambling, killing, shady deals. Yet you never begrudged him of his shortcomings. All you did was love him. Quietly and loudly, through actions and words, in public and in private. You introduced him to all your friends, dragged him along to Sunday brunches and even made those stupid little sandwiches for picnics in the park. He’d never tell you that he actually loved those sandwiches, despite his protests, each and every flavour.

Which is why this hurt. Worse than when he had almost been gutted trying to take out some Grade 2 sorcerer. Worse than having shards of glass shoved down his throat. Worse than anything Toji had felt before in his miserable life. He had come home after a long day and was looking forward to sleep, you, a cold compress, and food. Not necessarily in that order. The keys jangled in his large hands as he pushed the door open. He called your name - once, twice, thrice. 

That’s odd. No answer. 

You always fling yourself at him like you hadn’t seen him in days every evening when he got home. You’d talk his ear off about your day and steer him to the couch while you asked about his. He had gotten used to this routine and after an initial few days of sulking, he had even leaned into it. But there was only pin-drop silence today. Worry blooms in his chest. Toji tried to tamp it down as he slid his bag off his shoulders. Maybe you were just taking a nap and hadn’t heard him. Or you were in the shower. Yes- that had to be it. Why else wouldn’t you answer him? Unless…

Toji stalks towards the closest door - the study - and flings it open. Nothing but darkness. Obviously unused, he shuts the door and takes off towards the bathroom. He didn’t even bother with the kitchen, the lights were off and only the fridge hummed gently. Nothing in the bathroom either. Toji’s heart was pounding now. That only left the bedroom, and he wasn’t liking his odds. He could see no light coming from underneath the door, but maybe that didn’t mean anything because, of course, you’d turn the lights off when sleeping… right? No such luck. Panic gripped him fully. Toji slowly makes his way over to the bed. The mattress bows under his weight. He can’t stop himself spiralling now. 

You’re just late, that’s all. Probably traffic, work’s been crazy. You’re not the kind to just… leave. You wouldn’t do that, not to Toji. The fight you had last week over taking a trip abroad seems so inane now. Surely that wasn’t the reason. People argue, it’s normal. Maybe you’re at your mom’s. You’ll text him, or call him, or something. You probably just needed some space. Yep, that’s it. That has to be it. 

The silence in the house suddenly becomes suffocating. It pushes its way into his lungs and threatens to take over his senses. Is this what a panic attack feels like? Toji tries to breathe. It’s the first thing they taught him, even before he lifted a weapon. 

Breathe, control your body, control your mind. Panic helps no one, it only disrupts concentration. 

Well, fuck that, Toji thinks. None of his training mattered now. Not when- not when you were just gone. Toji checks his phone one last time. His wallpaper- the picture he took of you laughing after he fell on his ass in the snow- seems to mock him now. Nothing in his messages and nothing in his calls.

You’re gone and it’s my fault, Toji thinks. 

His breathing speeds up. He feels the weight of it all now like it’s crushing his chest. He slips off the edge of the bed, his wide shoulders shaking. His face feels wet and warm- Toji can’t even remember the last time he cried, not like this. His body heaves and his mind betrays him further- What did I do? What did I say? What did I not say? And then it comes down on him, all at once. The sobs he’s been choking down, his denial turning into sharp-edged grief. It feels like he’s stepped into some kind of quicksand and he’s drowning in the absence you’ve left behind. He doesn’t even try to stop it anymore. For once in his life, Toji lets himself feel.

------------------

You hum in tune to the music blasting in your ears. Balancing a checklist in one hand and a shopping basket in another, you take a final sweep of the grocery store and confirm that you’ve gotten everything. It’s your second anniversary with Toji. Last year, you both decided to go to the fair like a couple of lovestruck teenagers and shared a slice of cake (black forest with cherries on top, Toji’s favourite) to commemorate the event. This year, you decided to surprise Toji with a home-cooked two-course dinner. The menu consisted of lobsters on pasta and black forest cake. After paying for the groceries and bidding the cashier a good night, you drive home in the quiet evening. The orange of the streetlamps cast a magical glow on the streets and you marvel at the calm in the neighbourhood. A peaceful night in, you conclude. 

You grab the paper bags and head to your shared apartment. The keys jiggle in the lock and the door creaks open softly. You slip inside and kick your shoes off. The clock on the mantle tells you that you had accidentally stayed out later than planned so you hurry to the kitchen and begin setting things up. As you haul the fridge door open, you hear it. You freeze in place. Was that… a sniffle? Confusion floods your mind. As you cast a glance towards the door, you note Toji’s bag next to the shoe rack. He’s home already? But that means… was that Toji crying? You’re utterly baffled now. Following the source of the noise, you head to the bedroom. 

“Toji?” Your voice is soft but it seems to echo in the stillness. You take another step forward and scan the room. And then you see him- on the floor at the edge of the bed, hunched over, his muscular frame shaking. Your heart twists. You flick the lamp switch on and take cautious steps in his direction. 

“Toji,” you call again, firmer but still gentle. He doesn’t respond, doesn’t even look up. He’s clearly in distress, although you don’t know why. His breathing is uneven and he doesn’t move. A sharp spike of fear courses through you, but you ignore it as you kneel beside him, placing a careful palm on the flat expanse of his back. 

“Hey,” you whisper, struggling to keep your voice steady. “What’s wrong, honey? What happened?”

Toji flinches at your touch and finally looks up. His eyes were lined with red and full of something you couldn’t place- Guilt? Despair? He stares at you for a long moment, as if he’s never seen you before. Your worry increases. You’ve never seen Toji cry. Ever. You can feel your heart breaking. Something must be seriously wrong and you open your mouth to ask him again but he interrupts.

“You—” he croaked, his voice raw from what you assume was hours of crying, “You came back.”

You’re even more confused now but you’re slowly piecing it together. “Toji,” you say firmly, wiping the tear tracks away from his face, “I didn’t leave, you silly man. I went out for groceries. Have you forgotten what day it is today?”

He shakes his head and his breath catches again- it’s like he doesn’t believe you, or won’t. You don’t know what’s worse. 

“I thought,” his voice cracks, “I thought you were gone. That my past, the things I did… I thought you had had enough. That I—,” You don’t let him finish as you pull him towards you, arms wrapped tightly around his shoulders. You feel Toji sag against you. His large hands come up slowly, and he clings to you as if you’d vanish if he let go.

You stroke his hair gently and murmur into it, “I’m here, Toji. I’m not going anywhere. I love you. I see you for who you are, and you can’t scare me off, I promise.”

“You didn’t call, you didn’t text… I know I haven’t been the best boyfriend, I know you deserve better than someone like me and I just thought that you’d.. found someone or something better, and that you’d just left me and I wouldn’t blame you but—”

“Toji, stop,” you command. Your heart aches. You had no idea he still had these insecurities and you feel guilt creep in that you haven’t been able to assure him otherwise. “Whatever you’re thinking, it’s not true, all right? I’m not leaving you. I’d never do that. I love you and we’re in this forever, okay?”

He doesn’t respond so you you just hold him tighter, hoping that your embrace conveys the reassurance your words can’t.

“Toji, I left you a note. You didn’t check the kitchen, did you? I thought that’s where you’d go for a snack after a long day, which is why I left you the note on the counter saying I’d be out for groceries. Oh, you big fool, Toji,” you’re scolding him now, “All you had to do was take two steps into the kitchen. I had to run out for groceries, it’s our anniversary tonight!”

Toji’s stiffens in realisation and he pulls back slightly. Embarrassment flits across his handsome features and he wipes a large paw across his face as if to scrub away traces of the panic that had gripped him earlier.

“Anniversary, huh?” He grumbles now, almost sheepish. “You.. uh.. just getting groceries? I thought—”

You laugh, feeling relief wash away your fears. Of all the times he’d called you melodramatic, it turns out he was the drama queen. You’re grinning now, “I wasn’t leaving you. I’ve been planning our anniversary dinner for weeks! I guess I’ve got to make it up to you now.”

Toji’s face turns a shade of red you’ve never seen before and you lean in to plant a kiss on his downturned mouth. He sighs, but he’s not angry; just embarrassed at himself for not taking a second to consider other logical conclusions. A small giggle escapes you as you watch him pull himself back together.

“I… I’m sorry.” He says it quietly, his eyes cast downward. “I just… I didn’t know, and I freaked out, and I thought maybe... I don’t know... you were done with me.”

You soften at his words, brushing his hair back from his forehead gently before cupping his face in your hands, making him meet your eyes. You run your thumb over the faint white scar across his lips.

“Toji,” you say, your voice tender. “I’m not going anywhere. You’re stuck with me, all right? I don’t care how much you think you mess up or how much you doubt yourself. I love you, and that’s not changing.”

His expression starts to shift as he takes in your words, the tension in his body easing slightly, but his eyes are still filled with uncertainty. “You really mean that?”

“I really mean it,” you reply, your smile softer now. “And as for tonight—let’s just forget about the grocery disaster and make it special anyway, yeah? We’ll laugh about this in a few years. How a big lump like you panicked and cried instead of taking the time to read a piece of paper.”

He chuckles, his hand coming up to gently grip yours as if holding on to that reassurance a little tighter, a smile slowly breaking through the wall of his insecurity.

“Yeah,” he murmurs, his thumb brushing over your knuckles. “I guess we will.”

thank you for reading! i appreciate any feedback. likes and reblogs are greatly appreciated. my requests are open. do not plagiarise my work and/or repost it anywhere without crediting me.

Secret.

it is time for me to open up with you. Seriously.

I’m destroyed, fully. I know that it breaks your heart, when I cry again, instead of being honest with myself; but I can’t stop. That’s so much more to my soul that you haven’t seen yet, and I’m hating myself because I haven’t even tried showing it to you.

I wanna be with you, in a way that you will never understand; I was brought up by two morally and emotionally diverse parents: one was too affectionate and oblivious to the world, and the other one was too cold and overprotective, so both of them never realised how toxic it became.

And you do it so well. You’re so understanding. You’re there for me. You’re my other half. That part which I’ve been missing for a lot of time. You stare at me and to me, that, that is the sun. The sun looking at me, admiring me but never blinding my eyes or burning my skin. Because you know exactly what I need.

You’re the moon to my inner stars. You complete me entirely.

And there’s a whole lot of baggage that you can’t see because i’ve been hiding it to you. Will I ever feel the need to show you where I’m hurting?

I know you hear me when I cry. It hurts you. But I can’t stop.

If you were anybody else, you’d leave me in my own torment. But, you're not and I don't know idf that makes me feel any better.

It breaks your heart. Leaving me.

So why are you leaving me?