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Anxiety - Blog Posts
why can anxiety cause psychical symptoms. why is it allowed to do that. i don't like that. no
Sitting on my couch, nothing at all is happening... I don't work tomorrow... But my heart is racing and so are my thoughts... Wishing I knew how to change my life so that who I am can be who I am, freely expressing and enjoying who I am... So I don't have to worry about the future... So I don't have to have an autopilot for worrying and fear...
Anxiety Moments #2
Sitting at a restaurant and feeling like everyone is microanalyzing how you sit, eat and breathe so you just revert into your shirt hole like a turtle
Anxiety Moments #1
Listening to top 10 most inspiring movie speeches in the the car to pump yourself up enough to walk into a Michael’s.
Issa mood. Where’s the bathroom? 🤷🏻♀️ How was your summer? 🤷🏻♀️ Ma’am, do you know it’s illegal to drink on campus? 🤷🏻♀️🍸 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . #16bathrooms #bravotv #bravotvaddict #bravotvmemes #bravotvmeme #bravotvnetwork #bravotvjunkie #bravotvhousewives #shasofsunset #shahsreunion #rhop #rhoa #rhod #rhoslc #rhonj #rhony #rhoc #rhobh #golnesa #workmemes #worksucks #sundayscaries #teachersofinstagram #teachermemes #pettymemes #funnymemes #dailymemes #anxiety #anxietyattacks #anxietyrelief https://www.instagram.com/p/CTQsskDj1pf/?utm_medium=tumblr
Bonus fun fact: I’m also regularly depressed. . . . . . . . . . . #16bathrooms #bravotv #bravotvmemes #bravotvmemes #bravotvnetwork #bravotvjunkie #bravotvhousewives #bravotvaddicts #seasonaldepression #mentalhealthawareness #anxietyrelief #robyndixon #rhop #rhoa #rhod #rhoslc #rhobh #rhoc #rhony #shahsofsunset #southerncharm #pettymemes #dailymemes #funnymemes #icebreakers #millenialmemes #anxietymemesofinsta #socialanxiety #anxiety #depression #gizellebryant https://www.instagram.com/p/CTCX-KNjnuK/?utm_medium=tumblr
I wanna play D&D so bad. Or really any ttrpg. I'm basically brand new, but I've been itching to for years. Did a couple sessions in person and one on roll20 like 9 years ago. But, gods, I'm so anxious. LFG terrifies me and I'm so worried I'll be bad but I have to start somewhere and just AAAAAAAAA
𝐈 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐒𝐎
𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬 : edward midford, soma, platonic!joanne harcourt
𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭 : you surprise your boyfriend with a smothering of kisses/platonic! you surprise your brother with a visit/hug
𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 : slightly suggestive obv minus joanne’s, mentions of anxiety
𝐚/𝐧 : love the phantom five boys! this idea is from @dior-luxury ‘s series with the twst characters. i highly recommend that you check it out! please enjoy. :)
𝐄𝐃𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐃 𝐌𝐈𝐃𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐃
Hot. That was the only word to describe the temperatures of June 4th, 1889. The sun rays beaming brightly down on your skin for the past few hours left you lightheaded, the abundance of layers that built up your attire only causing you more distress. But, you still needed to achieve your goal for the day; surprising your beloved.
You were lucky his prefect was so understanding of your request to visit him before his match against the Sapphire Owl house, him taking it as you delivering a good luck charm to the lad. A good luck charm? One supposes it could be. An ambush? Most definitely.
A creak in the floorboards of the locker rooms echoed as you crouched behind a set of wooden lockers, your eyes trained on Edward as he walked all on his lonesome to grab a sweat rag from his locker. His eyes were trained on the path in front of him, a determined gleam radiating off of them as his steps thunked across the room. His heart was dead set on winning, wishing to make his sister as well as you proud. So, he would make sure to play at his top performance.
As your beloved remained deep in thought, rummaging through his belongings with haste, you stepped out from your hiding spot behind the lockers.
Without even giving the boy time to think, your hand quickly gripped onto his wrist, dragging him into the nearest storage closet.
Edward’s eyes widened with alarm, immediately finding it difficult to adjust to the darkness in the room. His hands felt around for something to hold onto, perhaps the door handle so he could make a hasty escape from his perpetrator. However, he was met with a soft texture. This was no type of wood, or cricket paddle, it was a cloth of high quality material. Soon after, the scent of something, more accurately, someone familiar met his nose.
“[Name]? What are you doing—“
You did not give him time to finish his sentence before you cupped his cheeks, placing an eager kiss on his lips.
It was no simple kiss; it contained the passion, adoration, and longing star-crossed lovers shared when finally meeting. Many months had passed since you had last seen your Edward in person, and letters simply were not enough to regale your adoration to him. The emotion within your shared embrace was telling of your yearning, and he could not help but be consumed by it.
Arms wrapped around your waist in an attempt to ground himself, his wide, emerald eyes, blinking rapidly as he took in the sight of you. “Bloody—“, he sputtered, before being silenced by another kiss.
Numerous kisses were then placed on Edward’s body; one on his nose, two on his cheeks flushed with red, then one on his neck. You did not want to stop; you were practically radiating with the tenderness and warmth you had missed giving your beloved. His flustered protests went ignored by you as you pressed more and more gentle, passionate kisses along his pale skin. A growing feeling in his stomach kept growing, like butterflies that would flutter in a garden. It made him feel like he was going to melt into a pile of mush simply from your affection.
Finally, one last kiss was placed upon his lips where your assault had begun. You then raised your hands to cup his cheeks once again, brushing away the blonde pieces of hair that framed his face. Soon enough, his hands raised to steady the gentle hold you had on him and his face lowered, allowing you to lean your forehead against his.
“This is highly inappropriate,” he mumbled, eyes intent on looking into yours despite the uneven beating of his heart.
You smiled cheekily, playfully pinching his cheek. “You seem to be enjoying it though, my knight.”
Edward released his hands from your grip, confidentially placing his hand in your own to lead you out of the darkened closet. The lad still had a game to win, after all. “How in the world did you even get back here?” He questioned as he guided you.
“I told your prefect that you’re my fiancé. He was more than willing to let me in.”
His eyes widened with fear, already sensing the onslaught of questions from his housemates. “WHAT—?” He nervously shouted, though it sounded more like the screech of a banshee.
You slyly smirked behind your gloved hand. “By the by, he expects an explanation as to why you did not tell him about me during the celebration later this evening.”
“You are bloody lucky that I’ve missed you.”
───
𝐒𝐎𝐌𝐀
Soma’s time spent at Weston College had been one of the best experiences of his life in England— an entertaining game of cricket, enjoying a large slice of chicken meat pie, and being able to celebrate his good friend's victory with a party created unforgettable memories. Unforgettable is more of an umbrella term for his feelings, even the more painful aspects of his adventures were precious to him; such as his yearning for you whilst apart.
Yearning is agonizing, yet it makes the heart grow fonder. The amount of love and sweetness that dripped into the ink he used to write his letters to you was immense, nearly overflowing. He spoke of his new friends, his studies, and his secret, not so secret, mission for the Earl Phantomhive; but every letter without fail contained heartfelt words of a longing to embrace you again. Tears were brought to your eyes each time you received a letter, knowing deep down that he had more than likely placed a kiss on the seal before sending it off. It made you feel as if you were a young child again, dreaming of an extravagant future where an unexpected suitor swept you off your feet.
Prince Soma of Bengal simply had that effect on you.
So, when you finally caught sight of him at the celebration, you quickly grabbed his forearm and dragged him away from the festivities. It only took Soma a moment to realize who exactly had whisked him away. “[Name], just the person I wanted to see! How are you, my-” he laughed as you abruptly pressed him against a tree, stealing a kiss as you did so.
Your attack did not simply stop there, no, it continued for what felt like hours. Kisses were placed on his cheeks, then his forehead, and then suddenly his lips again; all gaining a deeper, gentle passion as you entangled your fingers in his dark plum locks. All the while, his hair was spilling out from its low-pony and his boater hat was nearly completely off his head. He was practically melting from your touch, consumed by the gratification he felt after receiving the affection he had been craving from you.
“Whoa, feeling bold are we?” He whispered against your lips, grinning happily as he wrapped his arms around your waist.
Now he was only encouraging your behavior. You pressed several more kisses onto his skin, scattering light kisses across his neck and along his long fingers. Finally, you placed your last kiss on his nose, gently holding one of his hands to cup your cheek. “Hello, my love.” you whispered, pressing deeper into your beloved's hand.
Soma returned the favor, pressing a quick peck on your temple. “Hi, sweets.”
Before he was able to pull back, you pressed closer to him, flushing your body against his. “I missed you.”
He was going to go crazy.
“I missed you more! It was so boring here without you. You know what’s amazing, I already learned all the subjects they teach here back at home in Bengal. I mean, you would be amazed by how easy it—” he whined before abruptly being interrupted by another onslaught of kisses.
Small chuckles came from the boy, slowly turning into full blown laughter. “Again? You flatter me, love!”
“Soma, stop giggling!” you groaned, pulling away from him.
He only giggled in response, pulling your waist closer so you couldn’t back away. “I can’t help it! Your kisses are so gentle that they tickle.”
A frown formed on your face as a heated staring contest was shared between you and the prince, neither winning nor losing in this particular debate. After all, he found you cute whether you were upset with him or not. “Don’t be embarrassed, I love it!”
───
𝐉𝐎𝐀𝐍𝐍𝐄 𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐓
Excitement. There was no better word to describe how the shy boy from Scarlet Fox house was feeling. Today was going to be wonderful; a face off between friends, high stakes, and a thrilling game of cricket were waiting for him in just a few hours. The most exciting event of all, however, was none of these. It was finally being able to see you, his sibling, after so many months.
How he’d missed you, it was odd waking up in the morning without you and your older sisters at the breakfast table. Though, his mornings still contained just the right amount of lively chatter. But of course, it has not been the same without you.
Being a sibling is a privilege, and having good-hearted ones was an even bigger privilege. He had heard and read stories about siblings who would back-stab, manipulate, and abandon their siblings; but he never quite understood why. He had been lucky enough to have been born and allowed to grow up with good people around him, people who had already experienced the harshness of the world yet remained kind. That trait became something he admired; something he wished to be. And he can only believe what the people around him say, that he’s as kind as a summer breeze.
But some part of him wonders, is that really true?
Truthfully, he feels selfish even for asking that you make an appearance at his first cricket game. Selfish for asking you to carve out part of your day for him, and even more so for requesting you specifically. He can not help but feel as though he is asking for so much, yet he knows deep down he is asking for so little. He knows you will show up, but a seedling of doubt makes him believe you won’t. Such are the troubles that come from his anxiety.
Finally, it is his turn to throw the ball. His confidence is at its high, yet it wanes as he catches a glimpse of the crowd. Suddenly, his eyes are searching, scanning for any familiar faces, until finally they land on your family. You are quick to notice his stares in your direction, waving eagerly at him as you released a loud cheer for his team. You came, you really came!
A relieved smile spreads across his face, now fully focused on this game. He was going to make you proud. Until, a painful stabbing feeling was felt coming from his stomach.
Terrible. He feels terrible, and so dreadfully embarrassed. After being hauled off the field by one of the housemasters, Joanne was placed onto a bed in the infirmary. And even worse than that, his whole team had been disqualified due to the majority of them getting food poisoning. It was unfortunate, the chicken meat pie had been quite delicious.
A sigh left his lips as he rested on the white sheeted bed, a silence soon following as he was left with only himself and his thoughts. The scene of him falling to the ground in pain kept replaying in his mind, making his fingers twitch with discomfort. He then began counting three objects in the room, then three sounds he recognized, then three body parts that he could move; a method of calming down he had learned from you. But, it wasn’t enough to make the thoughts and images leave his mind.
That was the curse that was his anxiety.
Suddenly, two knocks on the door drew his attention. Then, shortly after, the door creaked open, revealing you on the other side holding a glass of water. Closing the door behind you, you entered the room and approached the bed your brother laid on.
His eyes widened, quickly adjusting his body into a sitting position. “[Name]?”
You smiled fondly, taking a seat in the wooden chair next to him. “Of course it is.”
You carefully handed the glass of water to your brother, making sure he would not drop it. Soon, he began taking small sips of water, which quelled his thirst. “How are you feeling, Jo?” you questioned, leaning back in your chair.
For a moment, you thought you caught a flash of a frown on his face. His hands fidgeted with his cup before he placed it on the side table next to him. “A little better, though my first cricket game did not go exactly as I had hoped.” he chuckled, attempting to hide the truth of his feelings.
However, it didn’t go unnoticed by you. You took a gentle grip of his hands, drawing his attention to something other than the memories of the last few hours. “It’s alright, dear. A little food poisoning might hurt you now, but I’m sure later you’ll laugh at the circumstance soon in the future.” you smiled.
It was such a simple yet true statement; that made it fact. The fact was he was going to enjoy a laugh about the incident with his new friends. The fact was he was going to forget the situation and remember it as a fond memory. The fact was he was going to be okay.
Joanne let it sit for a moment, took a deep breath in, and let it out. He let his body relax and focused on the good events that happened today. “I suppose you aren’t wrong. I still had a lot of fun playing against Phantomhive.” he muttered, a smile creeping up on his face.
“Is that the friend you wrote about in your letters?” Keeping his mind off the matter was a good thing, it kept him occupied. To your question, he gave you a single nod.
Your eyes widened for a moment, then you gave him a pat on the head. “I’m glad you’re making friends again.”
Joanne was a shy boy, not one to branch out or make himself known to the people around him. Him simply making the reach to make new friends was refreshing and exciting for him, it almost made you jealous.
Soon your arms wrapped around your brother, bringing him into a warm embrace. Feelings of longing and pride filled you, happy to be reunited with your dear brother once again. It nearly brought you to tears. “I’m so proud of you, Jo. You’ve grown so much, I almost fear I’m falling behind.” you whispered, adding a light chuckle towards the end of your words.
Joanne returned your hug, squeezing you tightly. He nuzzled into your shoulder, murmuring against your shoulder. “Don’t say that, [Name]. I think we’ve both changed in the months we’ve been apart, but I think our respect for each other hasn’t faltered a bit.”
Removing one of your hands from your embrace, you gently patted his hair. “You’re too sweet for your own good, truly.” you whispered, placing a soft kiss on the crown of his head.
Though it was not said with words, both of your actions wrote words of thanks.
Thank you for being here for me.
Thank you for worrying about me.
And thank you for being kind to me.
After a few more moments of silence, you removed yourself from the hug. A light grip was then placed on your brother's shoulders, bringing his attention to you once again. “Would you like to come sit with me on the lawn to watch the last match tomorrow? Your friends can join us.” you insisted.
Joanne’s eyes widened with shock at your suggestion. “Is that truly alright?”
Another smile spread across your face upon seeing his change of heart. “As long as your school’s rules don’t hold a tradition stating you’re not allowed to sit with your family.”
Joanne returned your smile with his own grin. “Lawn it is, then!” he happily exclaimed.
@𝐩𝐡𝐪𝐧𝐭𝐨𝐦𝐡𝐢𝐯𝐞 — ˚ ༘ ⋆｡˚ - please do not translate or plagiarize my works.
want to see him and let him dick me down but to scared to even have a phone call with him
OMG YK WHAT PMO SO BAD????
so i have pretty bad social anxiety, and presenting in front of people is one thing, but presenting in front of people i’m not comfortable with/don’t know well is another. In this case, I’m presenting in front of people i’m not comfortable with or don’t know well. Sometimes while i’m presenting, i’ll be talking, then all of a sudden in the middle of saying a word, i’ll just stop speaking unintentionally. it’s like, for example, “I love Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure so mu-…” AND THEN I JUST STOP SPEAKING??? It’s like my breath gives out or something??? idk but it pmo so bad and i’m so tired of it😭
Another thing with my social anxiety is that it takes me a while to actually get started on talking when presenting something in class. I just stand there and look dumb. I look around the room and at the floor then back to my teacher and they’re just like, “It’s fine. Whenever you’re ready” and then I try again, but i just CANT DO IT. So of course my classmates get impatient and start looking at their friends with THOSE kinds of facial expressions while they wait for me to finally start talking. Then when I do the other problem I talked about before starts up☹️ idk what to do you guys ugh this is so annoying
sorry for the yap
The amount of times she has made me cry because I can relate to feeling powerless when I have to have power.
Adora + Insecurities
“ So You Should Really Stop Thinking About It, Stop Stop Thinking About It… Why’re Your Mind Overclouded ?
Dreams Detached From Reality Turned Into Bubbles “
Fanka - OverThink
Silence The Demon in Your Head
vincent being afraid of doctors as an adult without really understanding why.
vincent feels the physical symptoms of anxiety, with unrationalised fear of the doctor that caused him to practically attack his doctor, who was then saved by a very concerned reeve.
they have to take him to cloud's doctor, who specializes in ex-SOLDIER care, in that his office looks unlike the labs in all ways possible. no coats, no mako tanks, and ecstatic consent with every action. cloud mostly only goes for emergencies, or when tifa and marlene bully him into it, but cid and reeve grew up on yearly doctor's visits. besides the fact that vincent has a more "dangerous job", the two of them worry about vincent's mysterious medical history.
eventually vincent puts it together that he's equating nibelheim's basement to doctor's offices, lucrecia's prodding to blood tests. cid and reeve insist they come with, and vincent doesn't need to come along to theirs.
reeve being anxious about one thing or another but vincent and cid (and yuffie and shelke, sometimes) are always there to help him
always catching when he's overthinking something
dragging him away from wro hq to go out with them for dinner
being with him after some sort of scare, so he knows they're all okay
helping him get through panic attacks, if and when he has them
yuffie sends him updates when she's away in wutai, or on a mission
shelke updates reeve on cid and vincent, since neither of them are technology experts, and she's with them all the time anyway.
cid likes to have reeve "help" him bake (reeve just sits there, and they talk, mostly.)
vincent takes naps on reeve when he's home, since reeve always seems to worry the most about vincent.
To anyone that I was ever a brat to as a child;
If it makes you feel any better, I have crippling anxiety and depression now
I am sadly not a legitimate be gay do crimes thrillseeker. the idea of getting in trouble makes my tummy hurt. Sorry
Will I be okay ?
Will I ?
Fuck the meritocracy
Fascism is on the rise
I will not be the first target
but I'm scared I will be the second
I should fight like hell
For me, for my friends
But I'm tired and powerless
Things don't feel like
they're getting better
Help.
We're supposed to be one
of the best countries
when it comes to social rights
But they're slowly
Eroding
There's nowhere else to go
when it all comes to shit
I can't run
No flight only fight
or freeze
I don't get a second chance
I pray to any god that listens
Don't let it come to that.
I pray to my peers
Don't let it come to that.
I pray to the reader
Don't let it come to that.
But I might preach to the choir
Don't let it come to that.
And I pray to the ones that want me dead
Take pity, be human
Or I will have to fight to death
It's not too late
I will try to take you down with me
Make you suffer like you make me
Or maybe I won't
Maybe when the time comes
I will be weak
I don't wanna find out
Don't let it come to that.
Etudier
Avant, étudier c’était pour faire briller des étoiles dans les yeux des adultes. C’était pour faire croire que j’étais quelqu’un de bien, de digne d’intérêt. C’était facile, c’était un jeu, je me racontais des histoires, ce en quoi j’excellais, on disait tu iras loin, et j’étais persuadée que c’était vrai. Longtemps, étudier a été une échappatoire, une fierté, un moteur d’ambition, quelque chose que j’aimais.
J’écrivais mes dictées comme des lettres d’amour. Je récitais l’alphabet comme un poème. Etudier valait la peine.
Aujourd’hui, maintenant que je suis adulte (qu’il est laid, ce mot, qu’il est écrasant), étudier est un mot qui me tord le ventre. Ce sont sept lettres comme une menace irrationnelle, sept lettres en moi qui font résonner les pierres. Pour mes études j’ai créé des échos qui font rouler des graviers dans ma gorge et me lacèrent de l’intérieur, l’angoisse en est devenue physique, et moi je suis : incontrôlable. J’ai des coups de sang, des crises de larmes, des rages infantiles. Je me noie entre mes fiches et mes listes interminables.
Il faut croire que même les études réveillent des monstres. Je suis terrifiée : de rater ma vie, de ne rien valoir, de me battre sans savoir pourquoi. Je suis terrifiée de poursuivre dans cette voie et de me rendre compte dans trente ans que ce n’était pas la mienne, que voilà, je me suis trompée, et que j’ai passé toute une vie à satisfaire des désirs qui n’étaient jamais les miens. C’est que je ne suis pas faite pour choisir, je n’ai pas de voie, non ; je suis mouvante et incapable de faire le deuil des possibles.
Je ne sais pas me définir sans ma quête de perfection, mes ambitions démesurées, mes exigences tyranniques. Je ne suis pas : sociable, jolie, intéressante, drôle, désirable. Alors je ne sais pas qui je suis si je ne parviens pas à réussir. C’est tout ce qu’il me reste. Je ne sais rien faire d’autre que cela, répondre à des exigences académiques, rentrer dans la norme, avoir un parcours sans accrocs.
Pour la première fois, étudier n’est pas facile. Peut-être que je n’irai pas si loin. Peut-être a-t-on placé en moi trop d’espoirs, trop d’attentes : des étouffements. J’ai l’impression que je n’ai jamais grandi, que j’ai fait semblant. Comment se faire à l’idée de décevoir ?
First Post in Months!
Hey, hey, hey! It's been quite a while, and I've been meaning to sign back in and post, but I just haven't gotten around to it… until now.
I'll start off by sharing the reason I had stopped posting altogether. I was dealing with anxiety (which led to depression) for some of February and a good chunk of March. I've been dealing with it for years, but it became unmanageable and disrupted my diet and sleep habits. Since finding a psychiatriast (in addition to my therapist), I've gotten my medication changed and adopted healthy outlets (i.e., Animal Crossing and getting outside), and my anxiety is back at a mangeable level.
Next, work had picked up across several platforms, so I've been busy with my writing orders. I'm not complaining though; I'm grateful for the work, even when I was swamped. I would rather be stressed because I have too much than worried because I don't have enough.
Finally, I've been working on my work-life balance, so once I'm finished with my work, I'll usually shut down the laptop for the night. I decided this evening that I should really get in here and post something.
So, that's basically where I've been. I'll try to do better at sharing updates on my writing journey. If anyone reads this, or even if you don't, I hope you're all doing well! :)
Having anxiety is just like:
Me: "oh hey a youtuber I follow went to huston"
My Potential comment: oh hey, I was just in huston haha"
Anxiety: don't post that
Me: y?
Anixety: someone will hate u for it.
Me:.....
Me: u right *deletes*
Rant about my overconsuption with nail polish below. Read if you dare lol
The struggle of having so much of one thing you love the the point of it overwhelming you to the point of not wanting it anymore is such a bitch. I always get it with my massive nail polish collection. This only started with me becoming a fan of simply nailogical back in middle school. I became such a fan that me and my mom bought many polishes for myself, and then in recent years, she started to buy nail polish for herself too. My collection is so large that it's in or near the hundreds. It's all on these racks my mom bought (she had to buy a second to fit all the polish, and still I have some in extra bins). But now all I can see is the overwhelming amount of nail polish that I own, some drug store/ walmart brand, and some that are expensive, like Holo Taco. I've gotten so much nail polish over the years, some as holiday gifts and others just from passing by them in the store. I had a problem with buying, but now I have a problem with being unable to get rid of it. When I try to paint my nails, the self-doubt of if I'll hate it later latches onto me like a bloodsucking leech. I wish I could get rid of it like old clothes I don't wear but my mom won't let me. I know when I move out, I'm not taking all these nail polishes with me, I just can't. It's all too much, and I execute my solution.
Crying atm for being jealous that my boyfriend has such great friends and hangs out with them and I'm at home being a hermit doomscrolling and i have to be asked to get up from my bed. I need to get a therapist quick.
Ok, having depression or any kind of mood disorder fucking sucks. It can make even the simplest tasks feel overwhelming and impossible. But if you’re feeling shitty and you wake up and are able to accomplish any of these things you deserve a fucking medal. I know shit is hard but you’re not alone. Take solace in the little things. Just because they’re small doesn’t mean they’re not important. Little steps are never a bad place to start.
Pedestrian: What are you doing?
Me, mid panic attack, holding on to a tree for dear life: just chillin’.
On Journaling
Hi, so i LOVE journaling. im obsessed with it, i love talking about, its my main personality trait, i try to convince everyone i meet to journal (and have succesfully convinced many of my friends to do so).
I would like to talk about it, and answer questions about it. More than anything i think this is an interest and hobby of mine that has become so integral to my being and i cannot live without it and i think its super super helpful and fun. Obviously for many people it isnt helpful or inspiring but it could be! give it a try! so here is a LONG post about my basic journaling practice, why i journal, and how i became consistent and happy with it.
My journal collection.
Currently im actively using a 3 notebook system, and i have 4 total journals. the first (A) is my regular journal one that i will habit track, write my goals, ramble, diary entries, collages. anything. the second is my commonplace book (B) (the most recent additon) which i use to collect information i want to reference back to (everday reciepes, facts, excersizes/activities) and i also use it as a on the go notebook since its small enough to fit in my purse. 3rd (C) in my system is my planner. its a blank notebook that i draw a calender in and use it for to-do lists or things i need to remember, its the messiest of the 3. the 4th is a bit of a wildcard, i have a journal that i am making for a friend and they are making one for me and we trade them once they are done. fun little bonding activity, i do more prompts and artistic collages and lists for them.
I am pretty picky but also broke so i wanted to share the types of journals i use. type A is currently a art creation sketchbook (im canadian so a win for us) i adore it and its a good length of pages for me since i can finish them quickly and they are thick enough for me to draw in on occassion. B is a A6 spiral bound blank muji notebook, small enough for my purses and i like the hard cover so i can flip it over and write even without a hard surface. C was a gift, a grid notebook a freind got me but i have in the past used an A5 muji blank notebook, im the least picky with this type. Just no lines, my handwriting is messy and lines get in the way.
My History + Why
so i have been doing diary writing of some sort since i was a kid, if very sporatically. i was definitly inspired by dork diaries <3 and i for sure think it was a way for me to talk to someone about the traumas i was experiencing without guilt or shame. I have journaled on and off for years. i started taking it a bit more seriously in highschool, I'd finish one journal every like 2 years/1.5 years. last fall i had a pretty thin notebook that i didnt love that i had for oct-dec since i didnt want to start a new nice one so close to the end of the year and for some reason i just poured into it. i think the goal of finishing it was motivated 1. because i was excited to use my new one for the new year 2. i was very conciously working on my mental health and developing new hobbies, 3. i was away from my friends, and 4. I decied that instead of having the like 5 journal system i previously did (why idk) and being so precious about it i would mush them all into one and build from there. this year I have finished 2 journals and started my 3rd one yesterday. not even that i was trying. infact my first journal of the year i thought was so beautiful so i was a bit precious about it sometimes. It just got solidified as a habit, and i needed it as a coping mechanism. its definitely something i use more when I'm feeling lonley or my friends are away at school, but even during the summer i love it. I dont force myself anymore which is a wonderful feeling.
The biggest change i made to become consistent started with me noticing how bad of a vibe my journals had before. i only ever journaled the bad things or the things i was too embarassed to say. So everytime i picked it up i felt BAD. i stopped using my journal at the time half way through and started a new one with the express mentality that i was going to do both good and bad things in one space. make it my life. I started writing out my goals semi regularly, documenting good days like my birthdays, journaling while waiting for friends at cafes, sticking in receipts and packaging, doing pretty/ugly collages, all while also journaling through late night breakdowns, difficult times, therpay sessions, and coping strategies. i used it as a place to extend my joy AND process my sadness and mental health. the point is, make your journal a confidant. Its so helpful for me (a chronic oversharer) to write stuff down and then if i still feel the urge to talk to someone i do. this doesnt limit my social interaction but enhances the conversations i can have because I have already processed parts of my emotions.
So generally speaking i journal because its helpful and fun. I suspect i have ADHD and i also dissacociate from my depression/anxiety so i forget things. both good and bad. so i need a record of not only my plans but also the good things that happen in my life. Nostalgia runs deep in my bones and i cannot wait to read these back as i age. every year i wish i had journaled more in my childhood. its also a way for me to process my emtions and feelings without spiraling, i write slower than i type so it forces me to slow down. I also feel like externalizing my emotions to a book gets them out of my head. there are a few anxiety reducing things i have learned that help A TON
You dont need to be consistent about it, there has been days or weeks where i dont touch my journal because i dont feel the need to. But because of the years of practice i know when i havent been thinking about my emotions or I feel like my brain is a mess that i need to. Even when i've just had a really really good conversation i know its something i want to write down. sometimes i will type entries into my phone and either print them or copy them into my journal.
My journals, past and present, are some of my most prized possessions. PLEASEE feel free and encouraged to ask me things or tell me about your journaling practice!!!!
Just do your best that’s all anyone can ask for…
But Sometimes it doesn’t feel that way…
Today was the first two days of my collage classes, and one is okay, but the other one is a lot like my mentally unstable history teacher from 8th grade. I won’t go into too much detail but it was literal hell for me. And when I went up to him to tell him about my disabilities, he said, “You don’t look autistic, fill out this disability form and then I’ll help you, until then you’re on your own.”
I’m feeling my anxiety spiking and I just hope that we got off on the wrong foot, and the rest of the year will be okay… 😰
Are we twins or something? I do the exact same thing every time!
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