Once Again, The Failed Prototype Takes A Backseat To Its Creator's Magnum Opus. That's How It Always
Once again, the failed prototype takes a backseat to its creator's magnum opus. That's how it always happens.
A frame, gifted to me for my birthday sat empty because I had no friends and no fun memories with which to fill it.
They were put there instead.
"This is temporary."
It wasn't.
I used to shine so brightly, the brightest star in the sky, blocking out so many others. I was the pride of the galaxy. Now that I'm older, I've burned out and essentially been replaced. I lay here, wasting away with little to show for the time I've spent living.
I was gifted a frame once again. This time, it had something in it. A photo of the stars, the way they were in the sky over the place I was born, on the very night I was born.
Their photo sits on top of mine. In my frame.
How fitting. How poetic.
"Don't act like they're the favorite. Or like they have special privileges."
They clearly are, and they do.
I felt almost numb about it at first. I didn't want to be bothered by it, but I was. The tears fell immediately. I can barely complain about it. It always ends in my words being brushed off or a full blown argument. Never an apology or even an admission of wrongdoing.
How dare you. How dare you do this. It's such a small act, but the hate and disrespect feel earth shattering. I know I'm being dramatic, and it hurts that much more because of it. I know I sound crazy for crying and complaining about it. After all, it's a picture frame. It's not the end of the world. It feels like it, though. I'm literally nauseous.
"You have to toughen up. You can't be a soggy little sad sack."
I don't want to toughen up. People who have to steel themselves often lose their compassion, empathy, and patience. That's one of the many things I hate and fear. Those emotions don't disappear. They only fester and ferment until they bubble over. You could've had juice, and then maybe wine, but no. Now you have vinegar, and you can't just keep trying to hold it in. It will escape whether you like it or not. You can't keep pouring more juice into a full glass and expect it to not spill.
I shouldn't have to toughen up about this. Something so stupid shouldn't be happening in the first place. They knew the pictures were coming. They could've bought a new frame. They aren't expensive.
"His picture is from an achievement. Yours isn't. What do you need the frame for? You have no achievements and you haven't since you were younger."
I wanted to break the frame as soon as I saw the picture. Life has been kicking my ass, and I managed to keep my cool until I came home that terrible night and saw that photo.
Why do I have to be the broken, failed prototype? Why do I have to be defective? It isn't fair.
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Over 20,000 killed
Is there a name for being that person who is always reprimanded for "wasting potential" or "not applying yourself" constantly, until one day, you magically outperform your usual self. But it never lasts. It lasts a day, at worst and maybe a few months, at best. But everyone is finally proud of you and they come to expect it from you and you're just thinking "No...please. I can't do this with consistency... This was just a fluke." And then once you're back to normal production (maybe worse if you tried to keep overachieving), they're back to "You're not trying hard enough."
Is there a name for it? Am I the only one?
First you procrastinate on the task because it is not a big enough deal to get done urgently. Then you procrastinate on the task because it has become such a big deal that doing it is overwhelming. You would think that this implies a middle point where it is just big enough of a deal to get done easily, however the inherent perversity of the universe's causal geometry prevents this
People aren't joking when they say progress isn't linear... I hate it here
Oh I don't like how my parents are treating me... But I guess it's normal. I'll try to be better :)
Hm. Being better didn't work. Maybe I'll try again. :)
Okay maybe I'm just having some trouble. They could be nicer about it though
Okay. They're definitely mistreating me. Someone help?
Hm. Maybe I should run away. Maybe if they find out how much they're hiring me, they'll stop.
They know... They don't care. I wish someone would come and save me.
Maybe if I tell them again, they'll care this time and change?
They still don't care. I'll leave at 18. I can make it.
Not sure if I can make it that long, but at least it's not as bad as it was before.
Maybe I was just overreacting and it's not that bad. It could've been way worse
It was pretty bad. Once I move out, I'm cutting them off.
But I can't abandon them.... They're my family...
But I wouldn't let my friends be treated that way. I should stick to the plan
The plan didn't work, but I still plan to cut contact.
But I've been a burden for a while. The least I could do is repay them and stick around. It doesn't matter if I'd let my friends do it. They're not as awful as me
They're back at it.... I'm leaving... When I finally get the money
Oh so you're just going to use them until you get on your feet and then abandon them????
February started with false hopes of a ceasefire.
It is now February 15 and the largest medical facility in South Gaza, which sheltered ~2,500 people and had been under siege for two weeks, has been attacked. It is now completely out of function.
We are 21 days away from marking 5 months of ongoing genocide.
Here are several posts with numerous donation links & other ways to help. I’ll also include the tag I use for those posts, where you’ll find individual gofundme’s listed as well. There is also Operation Olive Branch, which has an excel sheet of numerous families in Gaza & how to donate to them + how to contact them. If you can afford it, please consider donating and please, please remember to scroll down to donate to families at the bottom of the list. If you cannot give, please simply share as many resources as you find.
an impossible reality
I think I said too much.
I was mentioning how almost everyone was secretly packing up to move out and away from my abuser and one of her cohorts.
My sibling who doesn't necessarily see her as abusive looked at me like I was crazy when I mentioned it...
I hate thism I have almost no one irl I can talk to about this shit, especially since my siblings and I were all treated differently. They even look at me like I'm crazy for pointing it out.
But most of them are in fact leaving to get away from her because she's the problem. Sure, some are leaving because they're young adults now and they need freedom, but you also have to acknowledge her behavior. Not me though. I'm stuck
Haven't seen anyone mention the fact that sanrio is kinda racist... That's another reason to be "bitter"
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