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Teen Wolf Movie Spoilers - Blog Posts
Derek having feelings about the Jeep™ specifically is just like when the car went to heaven but the gay angel didn't
i just need to know like. why and what is the reason and wherefore are we just deciding to kill off perfectly fine and capable and young middle aged characters with their entire fucking half a life ahead of them when they FINALLY step back from the life that should have killed them but didn’t like WHY CAN’T THEY JUST RETIRE AND TAKE THEIR KIDS FISHING AND HAVE BIRTHDAY PARTIES AND A WIFEHUSBAND TO KISS IN THE MORNING AND MAYBE SOME PIE FOR SUPPER ONCE IN AWHILE ITS NOT THAT DEEP
no because i just remembered a few extra things that make the teen wolf m*vie even more of a pathetic exercise in clownery:
allison staying Alive and getting back together w/ scott means that they’re doing a dan/serena in s3 of gossip girl (in that they are dating. while their parents are ALSO dating. ew. gross. what the fuckkkkk)
the age gap between malia and parrish is JUST as gross as when they tried to make lydia and parrish a thing in s5 and it’s disgusting and i hate parrish on the basis that he is an empty husk of a character who’s always Just There and Shirtless Whilst On Fire
speaking of, derek dies by setting himself on fire. FIRE. the same thing that killed HIS FUCKING FAMILY????? and he sets himself on fire in front of his own son which he would never do because he went through the same thing when he watched his family die???? 🥴 huh?????
isaac took the box that contained the nogitsune in it w/ him to like france or whatever. so how the fuck do liam and discount!kira have it with them in JAPAN?????
the logistics of derek having a 15 yr old child is so ridiculously dumb like they didn’t even TRY with that it makes no sense and the only person who could be the mother is fucking kate argent (derek’s literal rapist) and i hate that so much
stiles would never leave the jeep behind. the jeep is the only thing he has left of his mother. why would he leave it in beacon hills and then never return to beacon hills. lmao.
in the s3 finale, the pack defeats the nogitsune with a WOLF BITE. because he “can’t be a fox and a wolf” (direct quote!). so how the fuck does the nogitsune come back and turn into a *squints* FOX WOLF HYBRID is this even real-
lydia said that her grandmother had banshee premonitions of her own gf dying, and even though she tried to prevent it, her gf died anyway. so how can lydia be 100% sure that if she breaks up with stiles, he still won’t die????? lmao
how are derek and scott both true alphas if there’s only 1 in like a 1000 years or whatever the fuck i forgot but. it’s still stupid
there’s probably more but yeah this is what happens when you can’t just leave well enough alone. let things end. not every piece of media needs a reboot revival requel sequel spinoff whatever. just let things go instead of sacrificing your fans and creativity for a souless cash grab 🫥
OKAY so here are some liam-related thoughts after finishing the teen wolf movie:
- he had like three lines. im not even exaggerating like it truly felt like it was only three lines.
- i wasn't mad at the fact that him and hikari were a thing? like obviously im a ride or die thiam enthusiast but like the only thing that actually bothered me was the lack of EXPLAINING on the script. how did liam get to japan? how did he befriend this girl who turns out to be a kitsune?
- we get NO scenes of liam when scott is being shot by three arrows. scott, HIS ALPHA, who his presumably dying. this pissed me off so much because we know liam is HIS beta, we would suppose they have a really strong connection (which they DO), but there's no shot showcasing that in one of the most important times of the movie. what the fuck.
- THE FUCKING SCENE WITH SCOTT, DEREK AND ELI. like i get it, you couldn't have more than one beta and eli is very important to the plot of the movie (kinda?) but you are actually leaving him out of this. out of the fight. when he's the only werewolf not doing shit.
- honestly they just should've stuck to the queer baiting with this one. like honestly.
Dylan and Arden sitting back drinking wine, unscathed from this dumpster fire like:
