Teen Wolf Movie - Blog Posts

Also guys… uh Eli isn’t “the middle letters of Stiles backwards” that’s so obscure, his grandfathers name is literally Elias. Elias, the one who went by “Stiles” first. Eli and Stiles both have the sherif’s father’s name

Look, i was never a sterek shipper but there were some real strong sterek vibes in the movie...

The jeep - like why is Derek so hung up on Stiles' jeep that it's literally the emotional center point of his relationship with his son in the film??

Also Eli looks and dresses so much like Stiles. He's a sterek lovechild

The first point at least had to be intentional right?

Derek having feelings about the Jeep™ specifically is just like when the car went to heaven but the gay angel didn't

Obsessed with how Allison and Scott jump right back into a relationship and COPARENTING A CHILD as if they haven't been apart since they were like 16 and as if Allison herself isn't mentally STILL 16.

Like Scott has had DOUBLE her total life experience. He's graduated from high school, left home, experienced adulthood, had at least two other relationships, and gone through unspeakable traumas including being relentlessly hunted (though I guess they resolved that offscreen?) since she died.

She didn't even get to her senior year! She's missed a LOT. She's just not experienced a LOT. She's basically who she was at 16 and he's THIRTY-TWO (or thereabouts) will all the change and life experience that implies. He's settled! He's ready to have kids!

Their relationship is gonna be so so so messy.

The Movie

As someone who is a big Stiles fan, and appreciates a good Stiles-led fic.. the movie isn’t bad because Stiles isn’t in it.

The movie is bad because it should be a TV show season. It’s too complex for the timeframe. If it had been an extended film, like three hours, it could’ve been FINE. 

The movie is bad because it has so much going on in the worst way, half of the characters get left behind and nobody is happy about it.

The movie is bad because Jeff Davis’ writing is questionable at best sometimes, and he’s determined to have a more confusing timeline than fucking homestuck.

The movie is bad because the lore of Teen Wolf is inconsistent and every time something is established, Jeff Davis has to piss on it.

The movie is bad because it has so many plot holes and loose ends that I don’t think will ever be tied up in a way that is satisfying.

The movie is bad because Jeff Davis seems to have forgotten all the character development we got in season six.

The movie is ‘bad’ because some fans cannot accept that it has been roughly fifteen years since the end of the show in world (not including the time skip) and they don’t like that their favourite couples didn’t work out, even though that is realistic. (Sure maybe one would’ve worked out, like stydia maybe, but certainly not all of them).

The movie is ‘bad’ because some fans will not be satisfied unless it’s the Stiles Show.

Well it's no "unrequited love confession on the way to SuperHell" but I suppose we do have to give "bungled car metaphor delivered in proxy because one of the characters is gone and the other is dead" some credit.

i just need to know like. why and what is the reason and wherefore are we just deciding to kill off perfectly fine and capable and young middle aged characters with their entire fucking half a life ahead of them when they FINALLY step back from the life that should have killed them but didn’t like WHY CAN’T THEY JUST RETIRE AND TAKE THEIR KIDS FISHING AND HAVE BIRTHDAY PARTIES AND A WIFEHUSBAND TO KISS IN THE MORNING AND MAYBE SOME PIE FOR SUPPER ONCE IN AWHILE ITS NOT THAT DEEP

no because i just remembered a few extra things that make the teen wolf m*vie even more of a pathetic exercise in clownery:

allison staying Alive and getting back together w/ scott means that they’re doing a dan/serena in s3 of gossip girl (in that they are dating. while their parents are ALSO dating. ew. gross. what the fuckkkkk)

the age gap between malia and parrish is JUST as gross as when they tried to make lydia and parrish a thing in s5 and it’s disgusting and i hate parrish on the basis that he is an empty husk of a character who’s always Just There and Shirtless Whilst On Fire

speaking of, derek dies by setting himself on fire. FIRE. the same thing that killed HIS FUCKING FAMILY????? and he sets himself on fire in front of his own son which he would never do because he went through the same thing when he watched his family die???? 🥴 huh?????

isaac took the box that contained the nogitsune in it w/ him to like france or whatever. so how the fuck do liam and discount!kira have it with them in JAPAN????? 

the logistics of derek having a 15 yr old child is so ridiculously dumb like they didn’t even TRY with that it makes no sense and the only person who could be the mother is fucking kate argent (derek’s literal rapist) and i hate that so much

stiles would never leave the jeep behind. the jeep is the only thing he has left of his mother. why would he leave it in beacon hills and then never return to beacon hills. lmao.

in the s3 finale, the pack defeats the nogitsune with a WOLF BITE. because he “can’t be a fox and a wolf” (direct quote!). so how the fuck does the nogitsune come back and turn into a *squints* FOX WOLF HYBRID is this even real-

lydia said that her grandmother had banshee premonitions of her own gf dying, and even though she tried to prevent it, her gf died anyway. so how can lydia be 100% sure that if she breaks up with stiles, he still won’t die????? lmao

how are derek and scott both true alphas if there’s only 1 in like a 1000 years or whatever the fuck i forgot but. it’s still stupid

there’s probably more but yeah this is what happens when you can’t just leave well enough alone. let things end. not every piece of media needs a reboot revival requel sequel spinoff whatever. just let things go instead of sacrificing your fans and creativity for a souless cash grab 🫥

OKAY so here are some liam-related thoughts after finishing the teen wolf movie:

- he had like three lines. im not even exaggerating like it truly felt like it was only three lines.

- i wasn't mad at the fact that him and hikari were a thing? like obviously im a ride or die thiam enthusiast but like the only thing that actually bothered me was the lack of EXPLAINING on the script. how did liam get to japan? how did he befriend this girl who turns out to be a kitsune?

- we get NO scenes of liam when scott is being shot by three arrows. scott, HIS ALPHA, who his presumably dying. this pissed me off so much because we know liam is HIS beta, we would suppose they have a really strong connection (which they DO), but there's no shot showcasing that in one of the most important times of the movie. what the fuck.

- THE FUCKING SCENE WITH SCOTT, DEREK AND ELI. like i get it, you couldn't have more than one beta and eli is very important to the plot of the movie (kinda?) but you are actually leaving him out of this. out of the fight. when he's the only werewolf not doing shit.

- honestly they just should've stuck to the queer baiting with this one. like honestly.

Didn't Derek's whole fam die in a fire. To then. Kill him off in a fire.... Like if you had to let him go fine but did it really have to be like that???

Dylan and Arden sitting back drinking wine, unscathed from this dumpster fire like:

So we can all agree that Eli is the Sterek child, right?

He keeps stealing the jeep (for reasons???)

He dresses like Stiles, right down to the flannel over shirt

Prone to overly sarcastic quips (like Stiles)

Does not have a mother? (Really? The writers just left us the perfect opening and thought we wouldn’t take it or something)

Sheriff Stilinski is 100% giving tired grandpa vibes to Eli

SPOILERS AHEAD FOR THE TEEN WOLF MOVIE:

Ok so first of all, the Nogitsune's "divine move" didn't make any sense, wtf was that? They broke all the rules. You can't be a fox and a wolf

Then, there's the lousy excuse for Stiles and Lydia breaking up. The hell. I don't even ship them, but like NO. What, it was too hard to say that he was on an important FBI mission? Losers

Liam, Mason, Hikari, Jackson? What were yall doing here? What purpose did you serve my dudes? I freaking love Liam, and I was so excited for Hikari, and then they give us this. They barely even talked.

I was so confused during the entire movie, I didn't know whether or not Chris and Melissa were still a thing??

It wasn't explained properly enough that Malia was actually kind of Eli's aunt/cousin/sibling, like it took me a while to figure out he had grown up in her presence

Btw who tf is Eli's mom??? When they started mentioning Harris I was like oh we're probably gonna see Jennifer again right it's all linked, she came right before the Nogitsune it would make sense that she has something to do with his return and maybe she's also Eli's mom, like it was the most logical explanation if we think of the timeline but no, nope, Eli just doesn't have a mom!

Also what was Harris doing here? And the acting of the guy who plays him was weird (sorry to hate but not sorry it was really bad)

Allison coming back to stay just ruined her previous departure

They should have implied Thiam was a thing not give Liam a f*cking girlfriend

The way Allison came back was laughable

Why did they have to make Malia and Parrish a thing they interacted like twice

The random swearing every five minutes just because they could put it there smh

The way they explained Eli's reluctance to transforming being trauma and then Derek doing just the thing that traumatized Eli in order for him to transform and it working???

I'm so sad and disappointed we didn't see more Malia/Derek interactions it would have been f*king hilarious

Last but not least, Derek. Derek dying, after everything that he'd been through. After all the abuse and years of fighting. They pulled an Enzo St. John fr. Derek dying in the same way his entire family died. Burned alive. And the writers being like "Yeah but look it's okay he became a true alpha" IDGAF. HE PROBABLY DIDN'T GAF EITHER. MY DUDE WANTED TO LIVE. HE WANTED TO RAISE HIS KID. AND THEN HE DIES AND ALLISON AND SCOTT JUST KISS LOVINGLY LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED, LIKE ELI ISN'T CRYING ON THE GROUNG TRAUMATIZED AFTER WATCHING HIS FATHER BURN TO DEATH?!?! Also Malia was the one who had the most appropriate reaction like thank you for being the only one to be shocked and crying, queen. Your cousin deserved better

Derek got sent to Superhell in the movie? I feel like I've unlocked forbidden knowledge

Also that you die when the wolfsbane reaches your heart. And Scott’s poisoning went past his heart and to his head. Tell me how that works.

Hey Jeff Davis one note among many, but did you know that for a wound made with wolfsbane, you actually need to burn it with the ash of that specific strand of wolfsbane to heal it?

This particular piece of knowledge comes from the tv show you created called Teen Wolf which you may or may not be familiar with.

Ten thousand fanfic writers have gotten this particular piece of lore correct for a decade since you invented it. There are fics where Stiles’ love language is gathering different kinds of wolfsbane to always be able to save Derek Hale.

Truly, get yourself sorted sir (disrespectful).

I am not usually one to post but I just need to rant about the teen wolf movie. *spoiler alert*

They did everyone but Scott dirty. And I know the ending was about how great Derek was and how he is the best person ever. They are not wrong but his son has so many problems with him and when they finally start to get along. DEREK DIES!!! Like what the heck. And how they only mentioned stiles like 3 times and they carefully edited him out of important sense and yes I know that was partly because of Dylan O’Brien and legal issues but still. And how easily sterek could have been cannon. Like all Eli had to do was call the sheriff grandpa and there sterek. They already had a grandpa-grandson relationship. I mean the sheriff came to threaten and this fool went “oh it’s just you” like buddy. And Derek and the sheriff had a father son relationship. And also how Eli is basically a mini stiles.

Scott is such a bad alpha. Like why would he leave his territory like that. He didn’t even tell his mom he was coming back. Didn’t even try to help with Eli only at the end. Like the first three season he only cares about Allison and everyone else can go fuck themselves. Love Allison but still.

Not to mention all the plot holes. Like who’s Eli’s mother? What up with stiles? Why bring back Allison but not Aiden? Who is the girl with Liam? Where were they at the beginning of the movie? Why do they have the nogitsune and why is it not with Chris or the hale vaults? Are the sheriff and Melissa together?

And how Harris doesn’t tie in with the whole thing. Like what.

There are so so so SO many other things but I won’t. I just feel like screaming, it was so bad.

Thank you for listening to my Ted talk. Have a nice night.

Teenwolf Thiam prompt

This is a sorta fix it prompt because the movie was kinda shit xx

*only Hikari had been caught by the oni's*

Queue Theo dragging Liam away from the group of oni's (just like the elevator scene with the ghost riders)

Liam: Let go of me, they took her !

Theo: If I let go of you, they'll take you too

Liam: Why would you care!?

Theo: Liam, you need to calm down

Liam: No, why do you care so much if they take me!?

Theo: Because I'm still inlove with you idiot, after we broke up 5 years ago-

Liam: Yeah and whose fault was that?

Theo: -I know but listen, after we broke up I didn't, I haven't moved on, how could I? I understand you did but I'm not about to watch you get taken or leave again

Liam: What do you mean 'I've moved on'?

Theo: You and Hikari

Liam: Me and Hikari aren't together she's my bestfriend, and it's my fault she's gone, because I'm the one who brought her here

Theo: So you haven't moved on?

Liam: Is that all you got from that? And no I haven't but I've gotten over it

Theo: Do you think there's a chance-

Liam: We are not doing this right now

If anyone has any or knows of any fanfics similar to this let me know please