Explodes U With My Mind - Blog Posts

...Oh.....

do you ever think that sirius constantly blames polaris for saving him, of all people, for sacrificing his own life for sirius's sake just because he could? doesn't matter how bad, how annoying, how desperate and how clingy sirius was, he still was worth dying for.

and, after rewinding time and basically creating mc, erasing everyone's memories and silently awaiting for mc to be back eventually, because it's not finished yet, the past is still not in the past, do you ever think how truly horrible he feels, for being so egotistical, that he allowed himself to bend time, space and reality itself, for mc to basically exist and deal with the problems and mistakes that polaris made during his life time?

how sirius must hate himself for being so reckless! mc is everything he hates about himself and polaris, but he can't bring himself to truly despise and abandon them, no matter how hard he tries. he physically can't, due to the constellation contracts. he's always jealous, always so full of hatered: towards himself especially.

when in fact, we as mc owe sirius our lives. isn't that... tragically beautiful?

no matter how worthless he thinks that he is, sirius is mc's main reason why they're still alive. he is their life line. he is the one who somehow managed to save them, defying reality and everything else! nothing mattered for him, only mc's life.

it shouldn't be possible, and yet, here we both are, standing face to face. alive. breathing. not well, but we will be eventually, once this whole... debacle is finally over!

sirius doesn't truly want to die. he wants to live. but if it takes his own life for mc to live on, he wouldn't even think twice about sacrificing himself for mc's sake!

can you please for once dream about our lives together and not the end of the world, sirius?..