Spectrum-speculation - Autistic Earth Visitor

kirei des ne?

💄💋 0109

Still true

The last one is me exactly except I have only one cat

[Image description: A flower garden is surrounded by a high brick wall. We see a door in the wall has swung open, but perhaps usually the door is kept closed and locked so that the garden is private and secret. On the ground in the garden there are bright red flowers on the left, and on the right a mix of pink and purple flowers. The brick wall is covered with green-leafed vines. The door is painted light gray, but the paint is old and faded.]

When I go out into the world where the so-called normal people live, I sometimes feel resentful that I have to remain silent about so many things that interest and appeal to me. I feel I have to remain silent, because if I talk about these things I may get enthusiastic and go on for too long, and other people will find this annoying. In any case, they don’t want to hear about them. When I get enthusiastic, I get hopeful that they too may find these things interesting, but I am almost always disappointed. So it’s safer to be silent about them.

On the other side, I feel disdain for them and I also feel sorry for them. I think: “I have a secret garden with so many beautiful flowers in it, and it’s visited by honey bees and butterflies. And my cat is there too, playing in the grass. You people have no idea what you’re missing!” 

In a way, the fact that the garden is secret makes it more beautiful and more cozy to be in. But to be honest I do sometimes have daydreams about having a friend to share it with. 

This post is based on the idea for The Secret Garden, a book by Frances Hodgson Burnett, first published in 1911.

same with other special interests

me talking about kpop to my non kpop friends

Getting ahead of myself

So it’s Monday evening and I say to myself: Good grief, it’s already Wednesday! It seems that way because I’m thinking: tomorrow I’ll have to start worrying about my Japanese class, which meets on Wednesday evening; but with that thought I realize that I’m already worrying about it now. So Tuesday is already part of Wednesday, and so is Monday. And that’s how the timeline collapses.

It looks like a black leather bat wings spread soaring over the water

Fairy tale by Max Magnante

[Image description: a huge whirlpool of blue water with white waves and ripples. It looks like the ocean is draining out like someone pulled the stopper out of a huge bathtub. End of image description.] VORTEX DAYS A vortex day is a day where one appointment suck all your energy up for the entire day before and after. For example, today I went out for Japanese class which I really enjoy, but from the moment I wake up I have to start fighting with my own irrational negative thoughts that say: “No, it’s too difficult, it’s not worth it, no one will miss you if you don’t go, just stay home.” Then in the midst of this tug-of-war, practical preparations have to be made: my hair is a mess; where the heck is my hairbrush? Oh no, better feed the cat first. I should wash my face...but ugh, no, I don’t want to see how ugly I am. Let’s have a Klonopin and sit down for a while. Oh no, I fell asleep! I’m already late! Rush out the door tripping over things and cursing like a sailor. I do enjoy Japanese class, but when I get back the rest of the day is devoted to recovery. Curl into a ball, pull my hat over my eyes, twist and turn my tangle toy into and out of a thousand knots. Light my butterscotch scented candle, turn on the humidifier, turn on the air purifier and the white noise machine. Ah, finally I’m back in my space capsule. Expeditions to Earth take a lot out of a fragile alien visitor like me!

today it was Wieniawski violin concerto

autism problem #1218

When you have to turn your music up so loud it nearly hurts but its to drown out all the gross feeling sounds from elsewhere