Spectrum-speculation - Autistic Earth Visitor
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What is autistic masking, and how does it affect mental health?
This is a common topic of discussion in the autistic community, but I haven’t ever written a post specifically about it before. So, here it is: a thorough explanation of what masking is, examples of it, what causes it, and why it can be harmful but sometimes necessary.
Masking is when autistic people disguise (mask) our autistic traits & behaviors, by replacing them with more “socially acceptable” (read: neurotypical) mannerisms and actions. Usually, we do this to fit into neurotypical social situations, including our schools and workplaces. Masking can require careful internal thought, and often results in a state of heightened vigilance and awareness of one’s body and how it is being perceived by others.
Autistic people are taught from a young age, whether by our families or by society at large, that the way we interact with the world is wrong. We are told that we need to look people in the eyes, smile and nod when spoken to by authority figures, sit still, and have “quiet hands.” All this, despite the fact that most of us find eye contact overwhelming, have to stim to meet our sensory needs, and find it easiest to communicate in unconventional ways.
We are taught that in order to be accepted by our peers, we have to mimic their mannerisms and speech patterns. We have to learn to fit in. Many of us try this, but it’s exhausting work. Things that seem to come naturally to other people are a constant, conscious effort on our part.
The absolute exhaustion and painful overload that happens when we mask can lead to awful meltdowns, and even long-term autistic burnout. When I was in kindergarten and elementary school, I masked all day. I didn’t let myself stim. I was a model student. I smiled and made eye contact with everyone. And when I got home, almost every day, I had massive meltdowns. Screaming, sobbing, violent meltdowns. Many of them lasted for 30 to 40 minutes, but some went on for 3 hours.
It was these meltdowns that led my parents to seek an autism diagnosis for me, which I received at 8 years old, after years of suffering from the effects of masking my autistic traits at school. Because I didn’t know I was autistic, I thought I should be acting like the neurotypical people around me. I wanted to please my teachers, and I wanted to make friends. I was extremely sensitive to criticism from teachers, so I did everything in my power to avoid it.
I distinctly remember seeing fellow autistic classmates with higher support needs wearing ear defenders, and wishing I had my own pair that I could wear to school. I wished that I could stim like them. I wished that I could have sensory breaks like them. But I couldn’t, because I wasn’t diagnosed, and besides: when you’re deemed “high functioning,” you’re expected to mask no matter what the cost is to your wellbeing.
My ability to mask, coupled with my extremely high measurable intelligence, was cause for me to be diagnosed with “mild, high functioning Aspergers.” Nevermind the fact that I still couldn’t bathe myself at 9 years old, that I had to be restrained by my parents for them to brush my teeth, or the fact that I continued to have meltdowns so violent that I broke several doors.
Because I was labeled “high functioning,” I was expected to mask my autistic traits at school and at home. But once I discovered that I was autistic, I rebelled against that mandate. At 9 years old, I started stimming more, exploring more comfortable speech patterns, and reconnecting with my senses. My parents told me to “stop acting more autistic.” But I was just rediscovering parts of myself I had lost.
Now that I’m older, I know myself. There are certain circumstances where I know that masking is a good idea, because otherwise I won’t be able to obtain certain educational or job opportunities. It’s an unfortunate reality that autistic mannerisms and behaviors are still seen as undesirable and unwanted in most professional settings.
So when I’m in those settings, I unmask as much as I can, when I can. I take vestibular stimming breaks in the bathroom. I vocal stim when other people aren’t around. I play with the rings on my hands.
But it’s still difficult. It’s still exhausting. It still takes a toll on me. I have to be aware of my posture, the position of my legs, the movements of my arms and hands, the nature of my facial expressions, the social appropriateness of my words, and more.
And that is why, more than anything, I want society to become more aware and accepting of autistic behavior and body language.
I want to live in a world where I can jump and flap and squeal in public, and instead of staring at me, people laugh and smile with joy. I want to live in a world where adults wearing ear defenders are taken seriously and treated with respect. I want to live in a world where autistic people of color are not at risk of being shot and killed for stimming or having meltdowns in public.
Unmasking will look different for everyone. But I want all of you to know that each public act of autistic expression is revolutionary. I want you to know that flapping your hands in the supermarket is a battle cry. I want you to know that wearing ear defenders in public is to wear a badge of honor. I want you to know that defying the rules in a world not built for you, standing your ground and existing despite attempts to make you disappear, is the bravest thing a person can do. We are warriors, and one day we will win. Remember that.
~Eden🐢
Alhamdulillah for the flaws that keep us humble.
(via islam-reflections)
i’ve got plenty of those
Oh yeah, I want that. No, I need that cat! And I need it fast
This design available on Redbubble for April in case you need some autism pride stuff for Autism Acceptance Month.
shoot me a reblog if you can! Links don’t show up in the tag I don’t think
I’m a butterfly in those flowers
https://www.instagram.com/p/BEHqXpqu7m_/
Oi! Come on, people! I haven’t gotten any comments on this one, so I’m trying again.
Poor excuse
I could have been a great success…if only I had been someone else.
That’s me to a T
I love being alone in my room, I love not having to be a person
I bless u in the name of the... Uh, how does it go? Let me think... Mmmm. Nope, can’t remember. Carry on.
You know I’m not sure cats actually understand cats either
An Exo-What...?
Simply put, an exoplanet is a planet that orbits another star. That said, just because a planet orbits a star (like Earth) does not mean that it is automatically stable for life. The planet must be within the habitable zone, which is the area around a star in which water has the potential to be liquid…aka not so close that all the water would evaporate, and not too far away where all the water would freeze.
Recently, with the help of our Kepler spacecraft, scientists have discovered the most Earth-like exoplanet ever, Kepler-452b. Pretty cool! This chart shows 12 other exoplanet discoveries that are less than twice the size of Earth, and live in the habitable zone of their host star. Kepler-452b is special because all previous findings have orbited stars that are smaller and cooler than Earth’s.
You may be thinking, “Okay, so what? There’s an Earth-like planet that spins around a similar sized sun.” Well, Kepler-452b orbits its sun at nearly the same distance from its star as Earth does from our sun, which means that conditions on the plant could be similar to those here on Earth!
We can already guess your next question…”When are we going to Kepler-452b?!” Well, this planet is located in the constellation Cygnus which is 1,400 light-years away, so not anytime soon. However, our Kepler spacecraft continues to search for Earth-like exoplanets and gather important scientific information about them.
[Image description: a huge whirlpool of blue water with white waves and ripples. It looks like the ocean is draining out like someone pulled the stopper out of a huge bathtub. End of image description.] VORTEX DAYS A vortex day is a day where one appointment suck all your energy up for the entire day before and after. For example, today I went out for Japanese class which I really enjoy, but from the moment I wake up I have to start fighting with my own irrational negative thoughts that say: “No, it’s too difficult, it’s not worth it, no one will miss you if you don’t go, just stay home.” Then in the midst of this tug-of-war, practical preparations have to be made: my hair is a mess; where the heck is my hairbrush? Oh no, better feed the cat first. I should wash my face...but ugh, no, I don’t want to see how ugly I am. Let’s have a Klonopin and sit down for a while. Oh no, I fell asleep! I’m already late! Rush out the door tripping over things and cursing like a sailor. I do enjoy Japanese class, but when I get back the rest of the day is devoted to recovery. Curl into a ball, pull my hat over my eyes, twist and turn my tangle toy into and out of a thousand knots. Light my butterscotch scented candle, turn on the humidifier, turn on the air purifier and the white noise machine. Ah, finally I’m back in my space capsule. Expeditions to Earth take a lot out of a fragile alien visitor like me!
