Recent Musing

Old architecture give me life..

How do you decide what’s best for you?

I’m not sure if I can answer that question, I think it starts with asking yourself the hard questions.

Are you happy?

Will you be happy?

Does this make you happy?

Is this what you really want or is it what I think I should want?

Moving on

Moving on from something is an entire process, moving on from a person is a different ball game, however watching someone move on from you brings with it a unique different type of sadness, which can be hard to articulate at first but then you sit with it for a bit and you come to the realization of why this sadness feels different, it’s cause you are being de-centered but then you think when did being in the center of another person’s life matter to you so immensely and then you realize it’s simply love.

I don’t think you can fully stop loving someone you truly loved, they will always be a small part of you that you carry forever.

That’s it, that’s the post.

I have been lying to myself secretly and now I’m not sure how to move forward

What part of myself likes to ignore reality, what part of myself likes to warp reality, what part of me doesn’t understand reality

It’s like I live in a day dream and the rude awakening’s become increasingly ungracious

Why is it so hard to face reality, to speak my mind, to be brutally honest to myself, why is it so hard.

Maybe it’s the fear, that causes the trembling and the aversion

Maybe I need to become friends with my fear

Slow down, it's ok. Very few things in life are absolute

Deadlines can be flexible, career paths are flexible, relationships become close and far and close again, it's all going to be ok

via radiantsomatics

7, 8, 9 billion people I’d still chose you, why? I don’t know, I just know that I would, if wishes came through, we’d never be apart, all my anxiety wouldn’t exist, and I’d love you even more than I do now. It’s not just about you, it’s about us, I am scared of the hope, the tiny voice that keeps saying maybe this isn’t the end, maybe we’d chose different. Maybe we are still young, still figuring it out, still trying to have conversations, still t r y i n g t o s a y I l o v e y o u. If wishes came through, we’d hold so tight nothing would pull us apart but the high is high and reality slowly walks in, we both stand as still as we can not breathing, so we are invincible, maybe that’s what it’s all about being delulu until it becomes the solulu

There is no love here

Some places are simply selfish, they take and take and take for as long as it’s possible, some places are confusing, there is no back, there is no front, just a low buzzing level of chaos, some places are factual, they lack passion, authenticity, vibes, but the places that hurt are places where you realize that there is no love, knowing there is no love here, gives a different level of pain, it’s like a waking up but instead of coming to reality you are actually waking up on the opposite side, it’s cold and empty and a fucking nightmare

Watching another grieve

You almost want to cut a little bit of the sadness and hold it on their behalf

But you can’t, you can only sit with them, hold them,

Try to pour all the love you can muster into them and hope the sadness doesn’t swallow them whole