I Swear I Act Identically To The People Around Me, So Why Does It Feel So Uncomfortable?

Masculine Titles I'm Okay With

Wizard

Career Boy

Femboy (rarely)

Dad (not Daddy)

Werelord

Realized in the middle of the theater that I want to be a sexy symbiote woman. Get that purple lightning goop inside of me ASAP.

Assuming this hasn't been done yet.

I'll be at work, trying to take myself seriously, doing something mature like preparing gas chromatography samples, when Spotify decides that I absolutely MUST hear "The Silly Piss Song" by Pent Up Pup.

Sometimes I wonder how I didn't realize I was trans until I was 21 years old and then I remember that my dad gaslit me into believing I was white until I was about 16 years old.

Hmm, the caves call to me... I wish to be underground.

I've been terrified of going insane for a long time now, specifically loss of lucidity/memory. When I was in high school, I would occasionally have minor hallucinations when I wasn't getting enough sleep.

The most afraid I've been in my life was once when I lost access to all my memories for about thirty seconds. I couldn't recall any details about my identity or my whereabouts (my apartment).

I think the second most disturbing experience was years ago when I was in the shower and I thought my hair turned into spider legs. It took every fiber of my being not to freak out and start thrashing my limbs all over the place.

The last time I visited my dad, he described two occasions of having hallucinations similar to ones I've had, so I asked if my family has a history of mental illness. He said his grandmother or something like that "went crazy," so that wasn't very helpful or reassuring.

I think overall, the best thing to do is enjoy life now. Worrying about the future will probably just make it hard to deal with. Eventually I should talk to a therapist, but I'm happy where I am.

My friends probably wouldn't believe this, but I consider posting something in my friend group's groupchat 20 to 30 times before actually posting it unprompted. I'm not sure if this is normal or anxiety.

Inspired by this tumblr post. based on this twitter post

Ollie's doing her best. (bonus after the jump)

I don't know why I feel like I have to be sleep-deprived and listening to loud music in order to be productive.