→ THE WEST WING (1999-2006) 2.10 'Noël' (insp)

ZYZ + ZYC (49. …out of necessity)

(asexual-ZYC attempts to make an advance on ZYC, out of what he feels is necessity, hurt/comfort ensues ♥️)

I cannot tell you how much joy this prompt gave me, thank you so much! It took a while to get this story down the way I wanted to, I hope you enjoy 🖤🩶🤍💜

Zhuo Yichen isn't blind. He has long since seen the eyes Zhao Yuanzhou makes at him when he thinks Yichen isn't watching, or even when he is. He has heard the flirtations (the same as directed an Wen Xiao), has heard Yinglong say zhiji, he has noticed the others giving them space to be alone, creating chances for him to confess. 

It's not that he doesn't like Zhao Yuanzhou. Most of the time the demon is sharper, funnier, more interesting, more true to his own nature than anyone Zhuo Yichen has ever seen. He wants to spend time with the demon, he wants to be the one sitting next to him, wants to feel as comfortable around the other as his friends seem to be– as Wen Xiao seems to be, despite the demon's endless stream of flirty comments.

Except…

Love is a confusing thing, to Zhuo Yichen. He loves (present tense, always present tense) his brother, his father, loves his friends. Only that doesn't seem to be the kind of love that makes people do ridiculous things. The kind of love that makes young people foolish and old people feel young, the kind of love that inspires so much art and poetry and song– This kind of love is not something Zhuo Yichen feels. Well, that or he is the most sensible person the world has ever seen.

Regardless, he likes Zhao Yuanzhou. In a way that feels different to the way he cares about his family and friends, he really likes that annoying demon. And the demon seems interested in him. So according to all the great stories, the songs, the poems (he has done his research, thank you very much), if two people like each other then they kiss. And that's how you're sure that it is love, and not just like.

And that's how he ended up here, waiting for everyone else to retire after their dinner on the veranda, hoping Zhao Yuanzhou doesn't go to bed before the others do. It is late, and they've already collectively bullied Bai Jiu into going to bed, with placations and lies that they too are about to sleep. Pei-daren may even have been telling the truth, for she retired soon after. Ying Lei is still talking, going on about this divine feast he was invited to some decades ago and about how he wants to recreate a specific dish. Wen Xiao knows him better than anyone, and winked at him when she left, claiming she had some more studying to do.

Zhao Yuanzhou has been eyeing him all evening, and Zhuo Yichen has never before had cause to wonder if this is what a piece of fruit on a market stall might feel like. He's not sure he likes the feeling of waiting to be picked, of being judged, or perhaps of being assumed to be something delicious– anyway. 

Ying Lei yawns halfway through his meandering description of herbs he'd need to grow, and stands from the table. "I'm heading to bed as well, you two night owls behave yourself!"

"What do you-"

"We always do," Zhao Yuanzhou answers over Zhuo Yichen. The mountain god snorts and shakes his head as if they were children and not an ancient demon and a human more responsible than their little runaway god himself.

With Ying Lei gone this would be the perfect time to make his move. The only thing he needs to do is to turn to Da Yao and… kiss. Just kiss him. Somehow the songs and the stories failed to mention how hard that next step would be. Zhuo Yichen stares at his tea cup, and finds himself wishing for something stronger. The tea stares back at him, growing cold in accusation of his inaction. The silence loudly proclaims his failure to act, the night sky moving inexorably on to morning.

"Zhuo-daren?" Zhao Yuanzhou's questions startles him, and he turns to the demon. "You've been preoccupied all evening, am I really so very distracting?" He knows the smirk the demon will be wearing before he even turns to look at him. When he does it is hard to look away from those lips.

"No," the lie is painfully obvious to Zhuo Yichen, and of course the demon notices too. For the first time Zhuo Yichen can say he is grateful for the fact that Zhao Yuanzhou is such a flirt.

"Did you know demons can sense lies, Xiao Zhuo-daren? Why don't you tell me what's really on your mind-"

"-Can I kiss you?" The words are out of his mouth before he knows it, and he cringes at how silly, how earnest, how innocent he sounds. His cheeks are burning, and he'd give anything to be elsewhere right now. Perhaps the earth can open up to swallow him, perhaps enemies can beset the capital, hordes of demons attack the Bureau, absolutely anything… Anything would be better than sitting under the stars by the light of a few candles as Zhao Yuanzhou stares at him.

Surprise is the first emotion that flashes across Da Yao's face, but amusement follows it swiftly enough. Close behind it is a hunger Zhuo Yichen doesn't have a name for. Is that what love is, or even lust? A hunger? It seems strange, but Yichen doesn't have the time to think about that now. The silence stretches too long, and Zhuo Yichen is about to start making excuses, blame the food, the time of night, even an imaginary fever or poison.

Then the demon is moving, swift as a blade, and Zhuo Yichen almost tries to block and evade until he realizes: he asked for this. Zhao Yuanzhou lunges for him like he is attacking, but grabs him as soft as one would hold a flower, one hand snaking around his waist and the other around his neck. His lips meet Yichen's in a soft greeting, asking without words to touch him and yet being so much more eloquent about it. It's… strange. People do this for fun?

The lips against his own are warm, and while not unpleasant it's a little weird. People use their mouths for eating, and talking, and breathing– and then they also want to touch their mouths together? For extended periods of time? It isn't bad, per se, and Yichen is no poet or artist, but this does not seem like something that inspires such great art.

"Xiao Zhuo?" Oh gods. He's been thinking too much, and Zhao Yuanzhou has noticed while kissing him that he… doesn't care for kissing, apparently. "What's wrong?"

How does one explain to the person you just asked to kiss you that no, thank you for the scientific experiment, I'm not actually interested in doing that. In hindsight Zhuo Yichen realizes how awful his question was. He got the demon's hopes up over nothing, only to disappoint him. Li Lun's words about humanity's cruelty echo in his mind. Zhao Yuanzhou's eyes are searching his face, increasingly concerned with his lack of answer. He is still holding Zhuo Yichen ever so gently, their faces still close enough to feel the demon's breath ghost across his skin.

Zhuo Yichen shrinks back, breaking that gentle hold, trying to hide himself from those kind, concerned eyes. "I'm sorry."

Da Yao reaches for him, this time slowly instead of knife-fast, and lays a careful hand on his arm. The weight of it settles with the weight of a thousand expectations and Zhuo Yichen stares at it like it is something fearful. Whatever Zhao Yuanzhou reads in his gaze makes him retract his hand quick as lightning.

"I'm sorry," Zhuo Yichen repeats. He might be apologizing for either of his actions, or both, or for even waking up and thinking this was a good idea. He's honestly not sure which one it is. Perhaps running away like Ying Lei did is not such a ridiculous action after all. Especially because the ground isn't obligingly opening up and swallowing him whole. He focuses his attention on his abandoned tea cup, because he can feel Zhao Yuanzhou's eyes searching his face.

"I'm not sorry," the demon announces, and it's such a weird thing to say that it makes Zhuo Yichen look back into those dark eyes. "I got to kiss my favourite human, so whatever it is that you've done: I don't mind." His smile is entirely cheerful mischief and is such a 180 from moments before that Zhuo Yichen knows he is acting, and reacts accordingly to roll his eyes.

"There, that's the infamous Zhuo-daren I know," Zhao Yuanzhou drops part of the mischief-mask, but keeps his smile. He returns to his own seat instead of being so terribly close, and waits patiently for Yichen to sit upright and collect his thoughts. "Now, if Zhuo-daren would tell this lowly demon what he has done wrong, perhaps this one can forgive him, hm?" He makes it sound so easy, Zhuo Yichen thinks. He makes it sound so tempting, as well: forgiveness. 

Zhuo Yichen stares at the demon for a long moment before deciding to put away his pride. It's the least he can do for leading the demon on like that. "I… have never kissed anyone," he begins, and resolutely looks away from the smirk Zhao Yuanzhou lips curl into at those words. "All the stories say people kiss, but I've never understood why? It just… has never seemed interesting." 

"And it was interesting enough to ask now?"

"I wasn't sure– so I thought I should check, because kissing seems to be how people tell if they…"

"If they like one another?" Zhao Yuanzhou completes the words that Zhuo Yichen cannot make himself say.

"Yes," he admits, looking firmly at the table.

Laughter is probably the last reaction Zhuo Yichen expected, but Zhao Yuanzhou is laughing. "Ah, Xiao Zhuo, I have good news: there are many more ways to tell a person you like them besides kissing."

When the demon says it it sounds so simple, so obvious. Zhuo Yichen wonders why he hadn't thought of that, why the stories are so full of kissing if there are other ways to show love. Still, he feels the need to check: "You don't mind?"

"Mind? That I was given your first and last kiss? Why, Zhuo-daren I am honoured-oof," Zhuo Yichen punches him in the shoulder for that, but stays to wait while Zhao Yuanzhou gets them the wine he offered earlier. They've got much more to talk about.

Akin and his Disorganized Attachment Style with Jin

(No spoilers from ep9)

If you don't know what a disorganized attachment style is, it is one of the four attachment styles (Secure, Anxious, Avoidant, and Disorganized), often stems from childhood experiences resulting in inconsistent and unpredictable behaviours in relationships.

People with this style of attachment often find it difficult to trust people, have mixed feelings, and have negative views of others and themselves. They seek closeness and then withdraw to avoid getting hurt.

Akin, the most huggable (or sexiest) man and the winner of so many Best Actor awards comes across as cold and detached at first. But then we see how caring and considerate he is of the people around him (arranges food for the whole crew, helps a newbie with his acting, and even deals kindly with his stalker). He is emotional (the hundred times he cried) and most importantly he is a perfectionist. Even though that helps him in his acting career, he tends to bring the same in his relationship with Jin which worsens their already existing issues. Perfectionists need a certain amount of control over whatever they do and when they cannot have that, they either procrastinate the task or abandon it completely.

Akin suggests breakups whenever he feels like he's at fault because he fails to control the situation.

-> He starts freezing Jin out when he doesn't win the Sexiest Man award and feels even worse about feeling the loss. The breakdown that day was not from jealousy. No- when he couldn't maintain the perfect Actor/Celebrity status he’s expected and worked to be, he broke down. To stop projecting that bitterness onto Jin he acts cold.

-> He wants to break up when Johnny happens and he believes he was at fault. He lost control and there's nothing he can do/be to Jin to make it any better or perfect as before. During ep7 when Jin confesses his love, Akin’s instant response is, “That's why want to break up with you “. Meaning- ‘I did something wrong, I can't be perfect for you so let's end this’.

But he doesn't bring breakup during the whole stalker headache. He knows he's not completely at fault (he says the same thing in ep8) and knows there’s something they could do to control the issue.

-> He wants to break up again (not spoiling for those who didn't watch ep9, but you're going to see a lot of Akin’s need for control there). He's losing control, he cannot ensure the perfect love life for Jin if things continue this way.

But what does Jin want?

Jin only wants Akin. He wants to be there, good or bad. He doesn't care for awards or titles. He’d praise his boyfriend openly, even when he's the winner, consequences and ego be damned, and wants to share every happiness with him.

-> He throws himself out of the car immediately when Akin storms out in distress in ep5. He doesn't hesitate a second to run behind his man, lets Akin cry and gather his thoughts by himself and then kisses him to apologize for not understanding him.

-> Even though he leaves Akin alone in the parking lot after the Johnny thing, he goes to watch Akin’s play, when he himself said he wouldn't chase Akin anymore. He's not ready to abandon their relationship and goes to investigate the truth of it. Again there's no hesitancy in Jin to apologize for leaving Akin alone and not be with him that day.

Now Jin is not perfect, none of us are, but he is perfect for Akin’s disorganized attachment style.

Often people with this type of attachment are the first to initiate breakup as a means to control the situation. But do they really want a breakup in the first place? No. Underneath all the pain, and fear of abandonment they need someone to fight for them and be with them even when they are not perfect.

(None of the GIFs and images are mine. All credit to the creators)

Hello!

I am really new to tumblr, so I’m still learning the ropes. I want to experiment with fics and one shots, so if any one has any tips or pointers that would be great!

I see you have a problem with my female shikigamis, I can fix that.

The Yin-Yang Master: Dream of Eternity 阴阳师：晴雅集

the suhosieun & bakugotak parallels are actually insane if you think about it

maybe it's just me projecting because they're my favourite pairs from the show but there are just too many similarities to brush it off as coincidence!!

1. soulmates to the grave: suho & sieun. baku & gotak. suho & sieun are each other's best friends & soulmates. baku & gotak are the same for each other. they protect each other, they bicker, they laugh together. baku sleeps at gotak's place when he has a fight with his dad.

2. guardian angels: suho has always been the protector. baku is the protector of the whole school. they’re both the unspoken shields of their best friends, always showing up when things go sideways.

3. crippling guilt: sieun’s greatest wound is suho getting hurt because of him. and baku's greatest wound is gotak getting hurt because of him. they both carry the unbearable weight of believing it’s their fault. even if it wasn't.

4. the obsessive third wheels: beomseok's fixation on suho. baekjin’s twisted obsession with baku. they're the reasons suho & gotak actually got hurt.

5. the combat athletes: suho the boxer. gotak the taekwondo prodigy. both reduced to tragedy after a fight. suho ends up in a coma. gotak is forced to quit his taekwondo career.

6. they don’t want to fight—but they will: suho and baku both hate violence. suho's always asking people to stop when the fights get too serious. and baku has a no-fighting policy for eunjang. but when it’s for their friends? they will. suho's calm shatters. baku’s restraint burns. and they fight.

7. crossing the line for love: suho breaking youngbin’s hand because he hurt sieun’s. baku almost choking someone to death with his bare hands because they laid a finger on gotak. when it's them getting hurt, suho & baku — who never the cross the line — actually end up crossing the line.

8. "he only exists for him": jihoon saying “gotak exists because baku exists.” the director saying “suho solely exists for sieun.”

9. their weaknesses: baekjin uses gotak to manipulate baku into joining the union & threatening to harm suho to torment sieun. everyone knows where the soft spot is.

10. the colors say it all: suho & baku often seen wearing red. sieun & gotak usually in greys & blues.

so like, please get on the bakugotak agenda, because they're literally suhosieun adjacent.

What is it you are hiding underneath that red cloth?

Rudimentary Fangs of Fortune romantic/sexual relationship chart based on the first seven episodes.

A Love Like Ours

an asexual!joo won gift fic for @echo-story by LipstickDaddy on AO3.

Summary: The working relationship between Han Joo Won and Lee Dong Sik has never been easy to understand, to those on the outside looking in. But for them, it makes perfect sense.

Note: I've never written an asexual character or sex-repulsed character before so I tried my best. I hope you enjoy!

if you enjoyed my work, please consider leaving a tip or commissioning me!

read it here.

Thank you so so much!!!! ♥️♥️♥️

Many hugs to you!

The Price of Freedom||TLK One Shot

@echo-story​ thanks so much for the request! We can all always do with some Ragnarsson bro love <3 It kind of turned into a feels/angst-fest, but I hope you enjoy it!  

Fandom: The Last Kingdom/The Saxon Stories

Pairing: none

Words: 1060

—–

The Gods love chaos. Men created oaths to fight that chaos and men are ruled by their oaths. Though all who knew the old Gods knew oaths were just the attempts of men to manage that chaos -to break an oath was to invite chaos. At the foot of Yggdrasil, the Norns spun fate and they did not care for the oaths of men.

Uhtred had learned that lesson at a young age. His oath to Ragnar was one of revenge. They would kill Kjartan the man who had betrayed their father. He had sworn it. The Gods must have been laughing. Because the Gods see what men do not.

His oath. It was Alfred’s price for Ragnar’s freedom. Swear to Alfred, become his man, and protect Wessex from the incursion of the Danes. He had balked with indignation. The audacity of Alfred’s claim that Ragnar was to blame for Uhtred’s actions was astonishing.

“My actions are my own!” Uhtred argued.

“None the less, you killed a priest in a house of God…while in Ragnar’s custody.”

Keep reading

a Kat 🐈 rambles post

I apparently have a lot to say about Top Form, but in respect for the limited time I have, I'm here to say:

Jin's redemption is in giving Akin what he needed - even if it wasn't what I, as the audience, wanted.

Discussion of Top Form episode 6 and 7 under the cut. TW for discussion of SA.

I have a whole unwritten post in my head about The Nightmare Jin / Akin Heart Rending Fest at the end of episode 6, and how Jin, who has been a magical unicorn of giving Akin what he needs all along, failed Akin.

I have A LOT of feelings. I wanted groveling. I wanted to see Jin feeling all the shock and horror of understanding what he did. Of how he stomped on Akin in his moment of greatest vulnerability, of how broken and wounded Akin was in the garage, and how Jin - the one person Akin NEEDED to love him and hold him and comfort him - shattered what was left of Akin. I wanted epic level groveling and amends making. I wanted Jin to metaphorically rip his own heart out of his chest and lay it at Akin's feet. After the opening of episode 7 I wanted blood to run in the streets for that man. I was ready to go vengeance demon for Akin.

But what I wanted, is the exact opposite of what Akin needed.

Jin's biggest failure in the series was how he got so caught up in his own feelings in episode 6, that he couldn't SEE Akin and therefor wasn't able to give Akin what he needed. In episode 7, he could have repeated that mistake. I do think Jin was remorseful. I think he -WOULD- have groveled, and would have spent the rest of his life trying to make it up to Akin. I think he would have delivered Johnny's (metaphorical) head on a platter. I think he would have burned down the theater and his career and raged in defense of Akin. That man has shown us, and Akin, repeatedly that he is in it for the long haul.

There is a great irony in that as much as I wanted a bigger and better apology, I think that Jin apologizing in that way would have been another way to fail Akin. Because the big apology would have been about Jin's feelings, about making himself feel better. But I think his true was redemption is that he was able to step out of his own feelings, and once again see Akin and what Akin needed.

Jin apologized, but Akin didn't want it and couldn't tolerate it. Akin didn't need Johnny's head. Akin didn't need Jin to set the world on fire in anger and vengeance. Akin didn't need an apology. It causes me great pain that despite all MY anger and rage, that Akin wasn't angry. Akin didn't blame Jin. Akin wasn't mad. Akin was heartbroken. Akin blamed himself. Akin was full of shame.

Jin gave Akin everything he needed. Jin gave Akin his body back- by giving him the knowledge that he had not been violated in the way he feared most.* Jin gave Akin his innocence back- by giving him the knowledge that he hadn't done anything wrong. Jin gave Akin his heart back - by giving him the knowledge that he was loved and cherished.