a Kat š rambles post
I apparently have a lot to say about Top Form, but in respect for the limited time I have, I'm here to say:
Jin's redemption is in giving Akin what he needed - even if it wasn't what I, as the audience, wanted.
Discussion of Top Form episode 6 and 7 under the cut. TW for discussion of SA.
I have a whole unwritten post in my head about The Nightmare Jin / Akin Heart Rending Fest at the end of episode 6, and how Jin, who has been a magical unicorn of giving Akin what he needs all along, failed Akin.
I have A LOT of feelings. I wanted groveling. I wanted to see Jin feeling all the shock and horror of understanding what he did. Of how he stomped on Akin in his moment of greatest vulnerability, of how broken and wounded Akin was in the garage, and how Jin - the one person Akin NEEDED to love him and hold him and comfort him - shattered what was left of Akin. I wanted epic level groveling and amends making. I wanted Jin to metaphorically rip his own heart out of his chest and lay it at Akin's feet. After the opening of episode 7 I wanted blood to run in the streets for that man. I was ready to go vengeance demon for Akin.
But what I wanted, is the exact opposite of what Akin needed.
Jin's biggest failure in the series was how he got so caught up in his own feelings in episode 6, that he couldn't SEE Akin and therefor wasn't able to give Akin what he needed. In episode 7, he could have repeated that mistake. I do think Jin was remorseful. I think he -WOULD- have groveled, and would have spent the rest of his life trying to make it up to Akin. I think he would have delivered Johnny's (metaphorical) head on a platter. I think he would have burned down the theater and his career and raged in defense of Akin. That man has shown us, and Akin, repeatedly that he is in it for the long haul.
There is a great irony in that as much as I wanted a bigger and better apology, I think that Jin apologizing in that way would have been another way to fail Akin. Because the big apology would have been about Jin's feelings, about making himself feel better. But I think his true was redemption is that he was able to step out of his own feelings, and once again see Akin and what Akin needed.
Jin apologized, but Akin didn't want it and couldn't tolerate it. Akin didn't need Johnny's head. Akin didn't need Jin to set the world on fire in anger and vengeance. Akin didn't need an apology. It causes me great pain that despite all MY anger and rage, that Akin wasn't angry. Akin didn't blame Jin. Akin wasn't mad. Akin was heartbroken. Akin blamed himself. Akin was full of shame.
Jin gave Akin everything he needed. Jin gave Akin his body back- by giving him the knowledge that he had not been violated in the way he feared most.* Jin gave Akin his innocence back- by giving him the knowledge that he hadn't done anything wrong. Jin gave Akin his heart back - by giving him the knowledge that he was loved and cherished.
like okay i know i said that kant would be just as unhinged as style this ep because he knows bison won't actually hurt him now and like he was! boy was he!
but i think the real moment you can see how much kant KNOWS that bison won't kill him isn't even any of the moments that he's joking with him or annoying him in the way style does. for kant, his true moment of proving he knows bison loves him and won't hurt him is the penguin scene!
cause like i thought at first maybe it's a test, but no. kant is so, so certain bison won't hurt him. he's so calm the whole scene, and even with bison telling him to shut up over and over again, kant keeps confessing and telling bison the truth of his feelings. and bison points the gun at him and he smiles. because he knows, he knows bison is getting emotional because he's getting to him, finally he's listening even if he doesn't want to.
and the gun doesn't scare him. he doesn't say penguin for himself. he says it for bison.
like. this is the face after he says it the first time.
he's not scared. the gun hasn't been a real worry for him the entire time - and certainly not when it's not even pointed at him. that's proven when bison pulls the trigger! he was aiming above kant's head the whole time. and kant knew that.
kant doesn't have to worry about bison killing him. but what is a worry for him is bison - crying and refusing to let them talk it out and continuing to pretend he's actually going to hurt him.
and that kant can't let continue. he can't let bison keep hurting himself in this game. because that's all this really has been. bison torturing himself under the guise of torturing kant.
so he says their safe word. and bison listens. because he loves kant and he doesn't actually want to hurt him. and kant knew that the whole time - he was just waiting for bison to realize it too.
Ok yāallā¦
Iāve been blessed by the AO3 gods an decided to come out of my hibernation to write about thisā¦situation⦠š
Iād love to hear yāallās thoughts about Sand and Boeingās backstory.
Honestly, I just feel bad for Sand in this situation, cause, yes, he couldāve set clear boundaries, but weāve already established that heās too nice and forgiving. And, to me, he honestly seemed pretty uncomfortable whenever he interacted with Boeingā¦
Potentially unpopular opinion but I think this discussion came from a panel of the season 1 and 2 cast and director of the show where they discuss the differences in the motivations for Baku and Suho's actions. Baku does everything he does to protect everyone while Suhu does everything he does for Si Eun. And they were saying that the latter is more moving and sweet but personally I disagree.
To be clear I love both these boys but imo doing whatever it takes for the happiness of someone really close to you is expected. Because viewers are so attached to these characters and they were here first it's ofc gonna be seen as the more endearing. Like I get it, however, there's something about completely, selflessly putting your ass on the line for everyone in your life, Gotak, his dad (who sucks) , Si Eun and Jun Tae (who he'd known for like what a month, maybe two), and literally the entire school. Mind you this isn't all good people he's protecting. He's doing it for the bullied, the bullies, the bystanders he's never even spoken to. He did everything he could to keep them out of the Union, protected them when the Union messed with them for it, and when he was forced into it, he didn't move like the Seong je and them making others participate in it. He alone would do Baek Jin's bidding and hide behind a smile to his friends and everyone at school that he was fine. That mf was constantly running, fighting, and taking literal crowbars to the temple, just to protect his friends.
Idk dude it's just something about being so unabashedly good, that I find endearing. Again both boys are great but I just think looking beyond the Suho x SiEun of it all that Baku deserves his flowers especially.
everyone: the pitt is great! so nice to have a medical show thatās not all about whoās sleeping together!
me: itās all very simple collins and robby are in love with each other but collins and dana are platonic girlfriends who kiss and have sex but are straight which is different to perlah and princess who also do this but are bi and robby has a thing for that dunkin donuts doctor thatās purely sexual and a thing for abbot that at its core is a deep desire for a strong firm father figure to treat him like a babygirl to offset his anxiety about having to be everyone elseās big strong father figure and itās deeply sexual but abbot is playing 4d chess trying to get mohan to tie him up in a basement meanwhile langdon is beaming his own deeply sexual father figure crush on robby completely one-sided but also langdon and mel are having a dark fantasy romance smut novel 2007 sheās all that romcom wattpad nerd x jock adultery lost focus and had a consensual workplace relationship except mel might just forgo all of that for a class president x troublemaker exploratory sex with girlbestfriend trinity meanwhile trinity is one ācan i do the intubation?ā away from being eiffel-towered by two of the hottest older lesbians at the hospital meanwhile whittaker is gonna have a farm wedding with that hot nurse in the next 2 to 3 business years where sheāll peg him on the wedding night and mateo is going to give my girl javadi head so good that itās gonna solve her mommy issues
Rudimentary Fangs of Fortune romantic/sexual relationship chart based on the first seven episodes.
Iām itching to write something for this show (strangely did not have the same urge after the first season)
done with the "came back wrong" trope. what about came back American
I LOVE SAFEWORD USE IN NONSEXUAL SITUATIONS I LOVE THAT KANT HAD A WAY OF TELLING BISON THAT HE WAS CLOSE TO CROSSING A LINE I LOVE THAT THE SAFEWORD WAS ACTUALLY USED IN THE STORY I LOVE THAT BISON SAW THE SINCERITY OF KANT'S PLEA AND LEFT I LOVE THAT KANT WAS HONEST ENOUGH TO COMMUNICATE THAT BISON COULD DO A LOT OF SHIT TO HIM BUT THERE WAS STILL A LIMIT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT
Anything yāall might want to see in it ? š¤
The dynamic(s) of these two have completely rotted my brain, and now I need a fic to fill the void.