Tree Hugger☺️

You DO have some amazing hips...

Wow thanks! I totally use them when I walk

I can't sleep

Even in the darkest hours

My eyes lie bright and open

Not to be faltered by dreariness.

I go three nights,

Wide awake,

And silent during the most boring nights

Of my whole life.

And once again,

I lie awake at 7:14am on Tumblr

Complaining about my inability

To rest my thoughts

Because maybe they're overcoming me

And maybe i'm so consumed

That they wont let me go.

My thoughts won't complete,

And I can hear them cycling

All at once in my head.

I just lay here,

And my thoughts have become

So unfathomable.

I can't hear the words of my own thoughts,

I can only feel the colors.

Pink pouring out of my ears,

Yellow from my eyes,

Red throughout my fingers as I type.

My eyelids, relentless.

I have no purpose in sleep.

~ceramic-feelings

being a parent,

it is imperative to

shape your child’s mind

this is a rant, but i feel like i need it.

all of high school i submersed myself

with band

and it was quite competitive, really.

so much self hate,

surrounded by both the kindest people and

the most self-absorbed losers.

i really beat myself up trying to climb the hierarchy.

i even tried to quit when it became

too much to handle.

gaslit into staying, i still felt unwelcome.

i wasn’t necessarily on the bottom, i was

a section leader and was loved by my

section.

i still craved a sense of belonging.

marching didn’t come easily to me,

not like it did for most everyone else.

i couldn’t physically do it and i just figured

maybe i’m not pushing myself like everybody

else?

maybe i’m just lazy and don’t want to put the work in?

but that’s not how i truly felt.

i was going to physical therapy but nothing

was improving.

maybe everybody else is in pain too,

and i’m the only one not pushing through it.

constantly beating myself over the head

and then sitting out for reps.

i really did feel terribly embarrassed.

turns out all along i’ve had a rare genetic

connective tissue disorder.

And what the hell is Ehler’s Danlos Syndrome anyways?

I often wonder what I could’ve done differently

for my friends to have liked me.

I understand why many peeled off when

i had a kid,

but i felt the falling out way before that.

perhaps i get too excited that i drive people away.

it just feels terrible that i don’t have friends

that i can look back on the memories and laugh.

all i feel is hurt.

i’m getting married next year.

i won’t have any bridesmaids

or a maid of honor.

just the strange faces of my siblings

that have also outgrown me,

and the parents i worked so hard to leave.

travis’s family beside mine,

in a broken room

listening to broken music

with our broken families.

i almost would rather not have a wedding.

i have close to nobody

and my only happiness is within travis and niamh.

My sweater unravels,

A thread locked around a knob.

As I walk away, my sweater becomes undone,

Back to the single-stringed rope it once was.

~ceramic-feelings

Reflection

The water from the reservoir

Is entirely stagnant.

As I hover the water,

The eyes of my reflection rendezvous.

In that moment I began to apprehend

That I truly looked demoralized.

The tears from my cheeks cascade,

And the still of the water is interrupted.

The soft undulations ripple away

Along with the depiction of my reflection

That had scarred the human psyche.

~ceramic-feelings

me n rob

Norah Jones and Tracy Chapman

Echo the walls of a house I once lived.

Pizza in the oven,

Silverware laid out,

Mama singing out of tune.

Memories used to be comforting

Now there’s nobody home..

I snuck out last night and made frog bread

Dried dandelion flowers 🌻 I will be using them to make dandelion infused oil and a salve, useful for aching muscles/joints and dry skin.