My Feelings For Diavolo Are Complicated, Ok? I Just Want To Be In A Lucifer/Mammon Sandwich To Appease

This is actually a joke I’ve heard a couple times from Latinx folks:

Policia: Papeles?

Conductor: Tengo tijeres! Gane yo?

Mammon gets pulled over by a cop

Cop: *walks up to the window* Papers?

Mammon: HA! Scissors, I win, later LOSER! *drives off*

~

Is this the time to admit that I dropped a pat of butter on the ground tonight and still used it to cook dinner?

I washed the dirt off of it I promise?

Beelzebub is adorable and is holding my heart hostage, but no one can tell me he wouldn't eat something he just dropped on the ground

Having eaten scorpion, that actually doesn’t sound too bad. Like a bug-pub fusion snack!

As a fellow married Obey Me! player, I can confirm that nothing is worse than forgetting to turn the notification sound off and hearing Lucifer yell at you when you’re chilling with your spouse. Husband: “I don’t know what kind of hentai you’re watching, but you are not allowed to make fun of my browser history ever again.”

Today in reasons I’d like to be buried

Y’all I got this card and y’all

I’m simping Barbatos.

When he’s your surprise guest and he’s so --- UGH I HAVE DIED FROM UWU

THEY DID NOT JUST PUT GLASSES ON BARBATOS

I’m drinking and tired of politics, so let’s do this.

Nickname: I always go by Nikki, which is the short form of my middle name. My mother named me Whitney specifically so I wouldn’t get a nickname, but my dad decided that since he was Ricky, it would be cute to have a kid whose name rhymed with his.

Zodiac: Cancer, the crybaby bitch of the zodiac meme pages.

Height: 5′2″ but I refuse to leave the house without heels so TAKE THAT NATURE.

Hogwarts: Gryffindor forever.

Song stuck in my head: “Save Your Tears” - The Weeknd

Number of followers: Fuck if I know, my fragile ego won’t let me look.

Amount of sleep: Not more than 4 hours at a time, but I usually get two or so blocks of sleep so I guess it adds up.

Lucky number: I don’t know, I usually play 20 when I play roulette.

Dream job: Independently wealthy guinea pig trainer.

Wearing: My fluffy bathrobe I haven’t washed in several weeks so it smells like my dogs who use it as a bed when I’m out of the house (I’m sexy).

Favorite instrument: Played the piano as a kid, sucked ass at it, but still love a good Satie bop.

Aesthetic: Dark academia or bubble goth, depending on how drunk I am.

Favorite author: I usually read nonfiction, but I own basically the entire collection of Mary Roach’s books.

Favorite animal noise: When guinea pigs hear a bag crinkle and they go whee whee whee

Random: My past jobs have included tanning salon manager, sex ed teacher, math tutor, DMV clerk, and staff writer at a newspaper.

17 Questions 17 People

Tagged by: @emilycollins00 !! (>♡<)

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Nickname: I actually have, lots of them;;; my name is not much of a nicknamable one (Ray) but I have been called Mal (it was a typo but then it stuck lol), I am used to being called Kitten/Kitty and also I love when you guys give me nicknames in here such as Honeybee! Other nicknames include: demon, angel, beauty, mallow, bee, tiger, etc etc etc ^^;;

Zodiac: Leo ♌

Height: I haven't measured in years but since I'm quite taller than my mom and she is 1,57 meters and have been taller than some people at 1,60 meters, I supose I pass the 1,63+ meters line.

Hogwarts: everytime I do a quiz it gives me Gryffindor so that's that-

Song stuck in my head: Traumerei to Kuhaku

Number of followers: currently a bit over 1,600

Amount of sleep: I try to get 8 but then my body says

And I get 5 instead. I force myself to sleep 3 more hours or so but it's always with a bit of waking up from time to time.

Lucky number: 3

Dream job: I have no dream job, my full time wish is just to get enough money to spend on what I like and to my own happiness.

Wearing: the most used sweater I have that I refuse to give away no matter how old it is, pajama pants and one of my knee high striped socks.

Favorite instrument: Violin

Aesthetic: hmmm, I'm not really sure! Any aesthetic I use for something is used to match whatever mood I am trying to give or just something that looks good.

Favorite author: myself lol

Favorite animal noise: any bird noises are my favorite noises even if it is them screaming at 2am.

Random: I once tried to impress my crush by doing a high kick with flip flops and the one that was on the foot I used ended up on my house's roof.

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Honestly the only person that comes to mind is @jae-tries-writting-stuff but there is no pressure! And it would be fun if others did it too! I would like to know about you guys if possible! I really find everyone really interesting and just want to know about silly things-

May I humbly suggest

Barbadeliae

Lukoira

Diavourso

In my free time I like to make cursed things. I ran out of clever names at the end don’t @ me

Self-defense idea: get a big chrome grill with sharp gemstones for extra biting power

(edit I think the gif depicts blinged-out braces, but I can confirm from experience that those bitches are sharp)

This has been bothering me since I started playing otome games, especially the Ikemen series (aka “Kidnapping for Fun and Profit Romance”). Why are the MC’s always helpless as shit and/or shaking in their boots as soon as the love interest gets into some kind of scuffle?

My daddy didn’t teach me to throw a haymaker so some malnourished nineteenth-century twat could pick me up and carry me away. When the MC is threatened by an antagonist/random mugger/whatever plot device, I want an option to say, “Bitch I can bench-press you and your Dickensian orphan buddies, go eat whatever sewer rats you use as a protein source and come back to me in a couple months.”

Maybe it’s a cultural thing, and the Japanese market likes their protagonists sweet and innocent, or maybe I’m just white trash, I dunno. Give me an MC who is about to take her earrings off and turn her rings in ‘cause she is gonna step to these fools.

In summary:

I actually like these! You could add brush strokes/texture or something like that and it would be an Impressionist Obey Me!

Today I hope to give you nightmares so may I present... my art without lineart 😌

Y’all can go sit in the corner with my husband who used to steal my lighter and now steals my juul AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU’VE DONE.

(jk my forgiveness can be bought in those cute bic lighters with pigs on them)

I'm that annoying friend that steals everyone's lightners too!! *insert spiderman pointing to other spiderman meme here*

YAAAAAY LIGHTER THIEF FRIEND!! 😂💖