Narcissistic Traits - Blog Posts

Narcissistic Traits: When is it Fucked Up?

... when it is to do with somebodies eyebrows.

I came across a study that studied what people thought, and I’ll add, based on appearances over behaviour, when people perceive the eyebrows of another person. No, I am not joking and yes, this is one of those things that I could only dream was fake news. 

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/324971942_Eyebrows_Cue_Grandiose_Narcissism

The study revealed that thick, well groomed eyebrows were a narcissistic trait by viewers standards, and going on the trends of increasingly large eyebrows in the last five years, I’d say that this was well dangerous to put out publicly and only highlights to me just how dangerous narcissistic trait lists online can be for a person.

With these trait lists we are leading ourselves into an era where people feel that they are entitled enough to call others narcissists, and a lot of the time quite publicly. The problem with that is, that unless the person doing it is a registered psychiatrist or related health professional with the full, educated understanding of the disorder, people who shout out narcissist are making a slur. A self entitled slur that only shows the speaker of such words for who they truly are.

Quietly, we can decide for ourselves that someone has traits that we would rather not have in our lives and move on swiftly, but where there is a need to openly and directly name someone a narcissist and holding no qualification to do so, we have to look at the motive behind that need, for that is where the real problem lies.

Something a former care taker would often say to me as a teenager being a teenager: it’s not big and it’s not clever. 

Don’t worry eyebrow groomers, I’m not blanketing you with this one. 

Narcissistic Trait lists: A Dangerous Corner of the Web.

The popularity of narcissistic traits on the web looks like it is at it’s peak right now, comments all over sites like Quora and Reddit, forums, websites and even Twitter “specialists” are everywhere, but not all of the information given is accurate. Although some information is completely valid for an experiencer of narcissistic abuse who is writing of exactly that, their own experience, some people are just there to suck up a loyal following who will pay them for advice, follow them on social media, and provide them with the public likes, re-tweets, and adulation that they need. Notice anything here?

Narcissistic behaviour is not something that can be diagnosed by the general public, in fact, it should never be so, but spotting a narcissist is a great way to keep ourselves safe from their careless behaviour, so what is the work around? How can we, as individuals, not get caught up in the programmed behaviour that is being set out by people posting information that may not apply to all, whilst also keeping ourselves safe from unnecessary crap?

There are a few basic things about narcissistic behaviour that can be pointed out as fact for many of them, although these will be interchangeable, and and entire context should be applied for the individual in question. Additionally, nobody can escape the fact that many narcissists do scour information on the web to train themselves into known passive, submissive, readily acceptable, or caring body language and behaviours, but be assured that this is not to self improve their own narcissism and become more compassionate towards others, it is just another way for the narcissistic person to net people in and “take them for fools” - that’s their words not mine by the way heh.

If you, the reader, have had trouble with many narcissists before, you will be a little more equipped because it is likely that you may have noticed some narcissistic patterns or other repeating across the board already. I have noticed some in my own experiences, which is why I can post you the following short few things which I call a The Skeleton. I call it The Skeleton because this is the framework that the narcissist is operating on in basic terms across the board, and it is where many of their further behaviours spring from. Noticing a skeleton has helped me get to the real reasons for a persons woes on many occasion, so here goes.. but remember, not everybody who does one of these things is narcissistic, there is always a wider context and individuality that must be taken into account.

Intense Staring

Narcissists do this, but in a way that is bare faced odd. It will be uncomfortable for you, and strange. This is because you are two things; prey, and someone that they are trying to work out so that they can get in.

Inferiority and Superiority Imbalance

Either one will be out on display, although usually it is superiority. Superiority is an attempt to cover the painfully inferior feeling person beneath, although if you are seasoned you may see the inferiority first.

Lies and Dishonesty

Lies will be obvious, repeated, and quite courageous.. too courageous in fact, as if they even believe in what they are saying themselves. Dishonesty and lies will occur in just about anything, although it usually always serves a narcissists self protection, greater plot, or protecting such a plot from being exposed.

Unreciprocated Use of People

Narcissists must find a beneficial use for each person, or else they are useless and to be discarded. This is wildly different from a healthy relationship where people get their needs met because narcissists are in for what they can get alone and get nothing from reciprocating, unless it is still early days and they are trying to win you over.

Stupified Eye Response and Facial Expression

If you catch it, there will be times where the narcissist (and also a psychopath whilst we’re here) will have a look on their face that looks like they have just had a few swift blows to the head with a baseball bat. It usually occurs when they are incensed about something, which more is often that their current plot is not working out or has not worked out entirely.

So that’s The Skeleton from my perspective, although remember, there is always a wider context and individuality that must be taken into account when noticing these signs.

Many people read similar trait lists and find something in everyone, like a one size fits all, and to me that is quite a dangerous corner that we have been programming ourselves to sit in. The truth is that narcissism is a scale, anyone can become one given the correct surroundings and experiences, and that there is such a thing as healthy narcissism which we all must have a little of in the world.

I will be posting again about The Skeleton, breaking down some interesting points about it so if you're interested, keep a look out for that.

Stay awesome :)

© Thursday 10th Feb 2022

People might shout and swear at the narcissist. And think they’ve put them in their place. But really they’ve played into their hands. Like a petulant young child, if a narcissist can’t get positive attention, they’ll settle for negative. And a good argument or telling off still fuels their fire. Yes, they’re happy you’re focusing on them. Even if you’re telling them how awful they are.

The above quote is from: https://narcissisms.com/why-narcissists-create-drama/

I read through an old journal today, with entries from a time when I was in an emotionally manipulative relationship. INFJ's are particular magnets for malignant and emotionally abusive individuals. I didn't know it back then, and even though I know it now, it still hurts to remember it.

It took me almost a decade to realize that with certain people, attempting to have a calm conversation about your needs and feelings is actually a field day for their continued emotional manipulation. The alternative--standing up for yourself and being assertive, or even letting your righteous anger flow--also fails to resolve things and, what's more, it even fails to create any amount of distance between you and the offender. In fact, anger feeds the narcissist, and further fuels their desire to remain attached to you like a leech. Whether it's a calm conversation or a fury-filled telling-off, both give them exactly what they want--attention, be it good or bad.

It took me a while to realize that even when I was driven to tears, when I was sobbing to my ex about how much he had hurt me, that in those moments, he seemed to gain an air of peacefulness. My anger seemed to be a key that unlocked a sense of comfort within him. At first I thought I was misreading him. Then, when I realized I wasn't, I thought it odd. Then, when I realized that my despondent tears actually fed his need to be needed, and that because of that, he was totally okay driving me to tears over and over again--I finally realized I had had enough.

The INFJ "door slam" is a gift. It is not a flippant choice, but wisdom pulled from the depths of an almost unbearable despair. At some point, you get the point--reasoning nor anger can fix it. Only an end can fix it. A total and complete end. Cut ties to that person. Take the ties and burn them. Then gather up the ashes, douse them in gasoline, and burn that shit a few more times.

Then walk away and be free.

a cut that always bleeds

I have not seen an uglier flag than this

i do °❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

NPD is NPDing

"how are you feeling today?" gives me war flashbacks.

Fractured Fury

The world stands still, the air goes thin,

A silent void erupts within.

A crack inside, so sharp, so deep,

A wound that wakes but does not weep.

Then fire strikes—my veins ignite,

A raging storm, no end in sight.

My breath is smoke, my voice a blade,

A fury born, a war replayed.

I scream, I shake, the earth must hear,

A beast unleashed, too wild to steer.

The walls may break, the sky may fall,

Yet still, my rage outlives them all.

Then silence creeps, so cold, so vast,

A fragile peace that will not last.

The ashes glow, the embers hide,

But fire still burns beneath my pride.

- a little poem about how i feel about narcissistic injury and narcissistic rage :)

A midnight breeze whispers, sudden and cold,

tracing her thighs, with fingers sharp and bold.

*trying to get help with something*

"weak, worthless, useless bitch"

*splits on myself*