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Okay so this is mostly a personal rant (feel free to skip)
Ok so
The summer before 8th grade I had determined I didn’t like being called my legal name or the (god damned) nickname that came with it. So I started thinking about names that could pass as nicknames for my legal name.
I was listening to musicals like I often do and in the heights came on, and I guess you can see where this is going.
I chose my name in honor and reference to Sonny and kept that spelling as a way to convince that it was derived from legal name.
And so I started introducing myself as Sonny. It made me happy, when people call me Sonny I would be more excited to answer, and my mom started introducing me to her friends as Sonny.
When I accepted that I wasn’t cisgender I started to think of ways I could either come out to my mother or gain comfort without.
I have determined that I shouldn’t come out, not with how my mom see’s people who fall out of the binary and even those who just don’t associate with their AGAB.
But I started to drop hints that I dislike how my figure falls. Y’know specifically the stupid flash sacks hanging from my torso.
This is about the time that things started to change.
My mom stopped introducing me as Sonny.
It was slow at first
“Oh this is Sonny”
“Oh this is my DAUGHTER, *legal name* but SHE goes by Sonny”
“This is *legal name*”
“This is *god damn evil nickname*”
I don’t know if she suspects something, but she’s the type to confront you if she is suspicious.
That’s how I got dragged out of the closet as asexual.
But I just wanted to illustrate how bad it can make you feel when someone ignores your name.
When she stopped using my preferred name, it felt like she decided I didn’t have to be respected.
I don’t need to be acknowledged correctly.
I don’t have to feel comfort or joy when someone addresses me.
I don’t think that’s just me.