Your personal Tumblr journey starts here
Benedick : Am I right, Beatrice?
Beatrice: I’m almost certain you’re not, but to be fair, I wasn’t listening.
Hero: The salary of a clown is 51,000 dollars.
Hero, gesturing to Beatrice and Benedick fighting: And yet these idiots do it daily, and for free!
Friar Francis: *watching the squad's shenanigans with concern* Do you feel like this has gotten out of hand?
Imogen: I don't know. Feels normal enough for a group that's on 911's blocked callers list.
Benedick: I have been tricked, I have been backstabbed, and I have quite possibly been bamboozled.
Benedick: Why are you burning our marriage certificate!?
Beatrice: Good luck trying to return me without a receipt.
Hero: While I'm gone, you're in charge Claudio.
Claudio: Yes!
Hero, whispering to Beatrice: You're secretly in charge, but I don't want them to feel bad.
Beatrice: Obviously.
Beatrice: What do I get?
Benedick: A night of fashion, mischief, mayhem, and possible death.
Beatrice: Ooh, check, check, and check; not sure about that last one.
Benedick: It won't be you.
Beatrice: I'll get my coat.
Hero, pointing a camera at Beatrice: There they are, our sweet baby.
Beatrice, holding a cigarette and a beer: What-?
Beatrice: I didn’t even realize how sarcastic I was being. It’s starting to become a problem, I think.
Claudio: I sort of did something and I need some advice, but I don't want a lot of judgment and criticism.
Beatrice: And you came to me?
Claudio: Hero, what does IDK, ILY, and TTYL mean?
Hero: I don’t know, I love you, talk to you later.
Claudio: Alright, I love you too, I'll ask Benedick.
Hero: Wait- Claudio, no-
*At the police station*
Beatrice: Hi, I’m here for Benedick.
Police officer: Who’s Benedick?
Beatrice: Ah, you must be new.
Beatrice: All in all, a 100% successful trip.
Hero: But we lost Claudio.
Beatrice: All in all, a 100% successful trip!
Beatrice, to Claudio: Are you peanuts? Because I want to boil you alive.
Hero: I left instructions for everyone while I'm gone.
Claudio: Mine just says "Claudio no."
Hero: I want you to apply it to every possible situation.
Beatrice: I didn't drink that much last night.
Hero: You were flirting with Benedick.
Beatrice: So what? They're my partner.
Hero: You asked if they were single.
Hero: And then you cried when they said they weren't.
Claudio: I only have 6 weeks left to live.
Don Pedro: Oh my god, really?!
Claudio: It's just a guesstimate based on the choices I've made.
Leonato: I just found out from Hero today that when Claudio died and the service did the 21-gun salute at their funeral, Beatrice said, “They should aim at the coffin to be sure.”
Beatrice: Benedick and I got married!!
Hero: Don't share your personal problems with everyone.
Beatrice: Claudio, this morning, I called you abhorrent and reprehensible, and I’d like to withdraw that statement-
Claudio: Aww, thanks-
Beatrice: But I can't. Those are the 2 words that best describe you.
Beatrice: Hey, quick question. How petty am I allowed to be?
Claudio: Benedick, why are you standing in front of the fan?
Benedick: I’m waiting for Beatrice to look into our window when they come home. When the fan is blowing on me, I look like a fancy supermodel.
Claudio: You want Beatrice to think you’re a supermodel?
Benedick: Giving them eye candy is the least I can do. It’ll probably be the best part of their walk!
Claudio, sarcastically: You’re selfless.
Benedick: Thank you for noticing.
Hero: *trying to get five seconds of sleep*
Beatrice, poking Hero’s arm: Hero Hero. Hero. Hero.
Hero: WHAT?
Beatrice: …We’re out of Capri Suns—
Claudio: *working in a flower shop and minding their own business*
Benedick, storming into the store and slapping $20 on the counter: HOW DO I PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVELY SAY “FUCK YOU” IN FLOWER???
Claudio: Hey, Benedick? Can I get some dating advice?
Benedick: Just because I'm with Beatrice doesn't mean I know how I did it.
Beatrice: I hate you.
Benedick: Well, according to this picture I drew of us holding hands, that is untrue.
Benedick: Beatrice and I are no longer dating.
Beatrice: Benedick, that’s a horrible way of telling people we’re married.
Claudio: How is the most beautiful person in the world?
Hero: *blushing* I—
Benedick, butting into the conversation: Beatrice is perfect, thanks for asking.
Beatrice : I have very high standards, you know.
Benedick : I can make spaghetti...
Beatrice : Oh no! You're meeting all my standards!
Benedick : *on the phone* Hey Beatrice , do you know my blood type?
Beatrice : Of course, it's B negative.
Benedick : Oh, I guessed wrong. Excuse me, nurse-!
*Benedick and Beatrice are in Paris.*
Benedick : I'm...moved. I...I don't know what it is I'm feeling right now. I feel...destiny?
Beatrice : But...
Benedick : I don't know what it is. I feel like... I just never thought I'd see it with my own two eyes. And here it is. It's just there. It's right in front of me, and...
Beatrice : This is what you wanted to see? The bridge from Inception?
Benedick : Yeah.
Beatrice : But the Eiffel Tower is behind us, babe.
Benedick : Yeah, but this is the bridge FROM INCEPTION.
Beatrice : Okay, alright.
Benedick : Wait you like me? For my personality?
Beatrice : I know, I was surprised too.
Benedick , looking over Beatrice ’s shoulder: You can draw?
Beatrice , stopping what they were doing: You can speak?
Beatrice : BEHOLD, the field in which I grow my fucks! Lay thine eyes upon it, and thou shalt see that it is barren!
Benedick : Can I ask a dumb question?
Beatrice : Better than anyone I know.
Benedick : What are you eating?
Beatrice : You wouldn't like it, it's really salty.
Benedick : I like you, don't I?
Beatrice : I can’t believe all these people are wearing black. black is supposed to be my thing, they’re all just posers.
Benedick : Beatrice, for the last time, we’re at a funeral.
Beatrice, to Benedick: Are you peanuts? Because I want to boil you alive.
Benedick : Guess what I'm about to get!
Beatrice : On my nerves.
Beatrice : What are you doing here?
Benedick : I could ask you the same question.
Beatrice : I live here. This is my house.
Benedick : I should probably ask you a different question.
Benedick : I am so cool. I am an absolute Chad. I am the epitome of coolness and awesomeness—
Beatrice : Hi.
Benedick : *melts down in a flustered heap of softness*
Benedick : Beatrice is playing hard to get.
Benedick : Little do they know, I'm a master at playing hard to get rid of.
Hairdresser: How would you like your hair cut?
Beatrice : Preferably with scissors, but a sword could be badass.
Benedick : I'm going to take a shower, I'll be right back.
Beatrice : Why are you telling me this, I don't care.
Beatrice , right after Benedick leaves the room: I miss them already.
Benedick : Beatrice , I sense hostility.
Beatrice : Good, because I hate you.
Benedick : Are you busy?
Beatrice : Yes.
Benedick : Cool, listen to this...
Beatrice : Can I ask you for a favor?
Benedick : I would literally die for you, but continue.
Beatrice : We need to talk about you starting sentences that way.
Beatrice : You are an absolute fucking dork.
Benedick , singing: Yeah, but I'm your dork!
Beatrice : *sighs* Yeah, you're my dork.
Benedick , admiring a sleeping Beatrice : You’re so cute.
Beatrice , sleepily: I could beat your ass.
Benedick , lovingly: I know.
Benedick : Met a dumbass today. Awful.
Beatrice : You looked in a mirror?
Benedick : someday you will have to answer for your actions and god may not be so merciful.
Benedick: They don’t make them like me no more. I’m the last of my kind.
Beatrice: Thank god.
Benedick: Are we fighting or flirting?
Beatrice: I'm pinning you against a wall with my hand around your neck-
Benedick: Your point?
Beatrice: I can’t believe we have to be stuck in this room together!
Benedick, swallowing the key: Truly unfortunate.
Benedick: We all have our demons.
Benedick, grabbing Beatrice: This one’s mine.
Benedick: Could you be anymore annoying?
Beatrice: Yes.
Benedick: This date is boring!
Beatrice: This isn't a date. I said I was going to the store.
Benedick: Then why did you invite me?
Beatrice: I didnt, I specifically said "don't come with me," then you said, "fuck you Beatrice I'll do whatever I want!
Benedick: Think you can answer some questions without the usual level of sarcasm?
Beatrice: If you can ask the questions without the usual level of stupid.
Benedick: Well, if you're not at least a little bit gay for your friends, then what kind of friend are you?
Benedick: Hey Beatrice, can you give me the opposite of these words?
Benedick: Always, Coming, From, Take, Me, Down.
Beatrice: Never, Going, To, Give, You-
Beatrice: The fucking satisfaction.
Benedick, very tired: Can I sleep in your bed?
Beatrice: *half asleep* Benedick, this is a queen-sized bed. That means it’s for *gestures vaguely to themself* the Queen.
Benedick: *venting endlessly to Beatrice about their week*
Beatrice, every once in a while: *in a monotone* Wow, that is so wild.
Benedick: Beatrice, can I ask you a question?
Beatrice: You just did.
Benedick: Okay, can I ask you two questions?
Beatrice: You just did.
Benedick, frustrated: OKAY, CAN I ASK YOU FOUR QUESTIONS?!
Beatrice: You just did.
Benedick: When?!
Beatrice: Just now.
Beatrice, to Benedick: I'll be under the mistletoe when you start feeling desperate!
Benedick: Valentines Day? I'm ready. *Sprays an entire can of AXE body spray on themselves*
Benedick: Tommorrow's garbage day.
Beatrice: I can't believe they made a whole day dedicated to you.
Beatrice: I love the term 'partners'. Are we dating? Are we robbing a bank? Are we the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies and are members of an elite squad known as the special victims unit? Who knows.
Benedick: We have a problem.
Beatrice: No, YOU have a problem. I have an idiot who keeps making them.
Benedick: So... what would you do if you were in bed with me?
Beatrice: Depends. Is your bed comfortable?
Benedick: Yes.
Beatrice: I'd sleep.
Benedick: I left instructions for everyone while I'm gone.
Beatrice: Mine just says "Beatrice no."
Benedick: I want you to apply it to every possible situation.
Beatrice: I want to kiss you.
Benedick, not paying attention: What?
Beatrice: I said if you die, I wont miss you.
Beatrice: A fistfight CAN be romantic.
Beatrice: I've met a lot of pricks in my time, but you, Benedick, are a fucking cactus.
Benedick: You know, when I first met you I thought you were a real bitch.
Beatrice: What changed your mind?
Benedick: Oh, I still think you're a bitch. I've just grown to like that about you.
Benedick: I’m in love with you.
Beatrice: We called off the prank war last night at midnight, dork.
Benedick: I know.
Beatrice: Ah. Okay. Um. Cool. Neat. Very cool. Cool. Cool. Coolcoolcool-
Benedick: Even Beatrice and I have been getting closer. The other day, they gave me half of their sandwich.
Beatrice: I mistook them for a garbage can.
Leonato/Don Pedro: Woah dude, premarital handholding? That’s just not cool or groovy.
Beatrice : Of course I have a lot of pent-up rage, you fool! I've been the same height since I was twelve!
Beatrice/ Benedick: Not to be nsfw but I want someone to hold me while I sleep.
Beatrice : If karma doesn't hit you, I fucking will.
Don John: If I can't cause tiny bits of chaos every day, I think my body will shut down.
Beatrice : I love sarcasm! It’s like punching people in the face, but with words!
Benedick : My heart is guarded but like… very poorly. The kind of guards that would let 3 kids in a trench coat into an R rated movie.
Beatrice : I'm not funny, I'm just really mean and people think I'm joking.
Benedick , at Hero’s funeral: I need a moment with them.
Everyone: Of course. *They leave*
Benedick , leaning over Hero′s coffin: Okay, listen here you little shit. I know you’re not dead.
Hero : Yeah, no shit.
Beatrice , to Benedick : How do you tell someone politely you want to hit them with a brick?
Beatrice : If I may interject...
Benedick : Oh, awesome, Beatrice was eavesdropping.
Benedick: Can I bother you for a second?
Beatrice: You're always bothering me, but go ahead.
Beatrice: Hey, Benedick? I need advice.
Benedick: I’m pretty useless at giving advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment instead?
Beatrice: My hands are cold.
Benedick: Here, let me hold them.
Beatrice: My lips are cold too.
Benedick: *covers Beatrice's mouth with their hand*
Benedick: Beatrice, I screwed up, big time.
Beatrice: Benedick, given your daily life experiences, you’re gonna have to be more specific.
*
Benedick: I can't take this anymore, someone needs to take me out!
Beatrice: In a dating type of way, or an assassination type of way?
Benedick: I don't know, surprise me!
*
Beatrice: I’m proud to identify as morosexual. I’m attracted to dumbasses and dumbasses exclusively. Someone asked me what the Spanish word for "tortilla" was once, and now I dream of kissing them under the moonlight.
Benedick: What kind of animal is the Pink Panther?
Beatrice, already taking off their clothes: God, Benedick, you’re so fucking stupid.
*
Beatrice: Valentine’s day is just a consumerist holiday that holds no real value other than drive people insane buying heart shaped chocolates for their significant others and pos-
Benedick: I wrote you a poem.
Beatrice, already crying: You did?
*
Benedick: Hey, random question, what are your favorite flowers?
Beatrice: Peonies, why?
Benedick:
Beatrice: Were you going to get me flowers?
Benedick:
Beatrice:
Benedick: ᶦᵗ’ˢ ᵃ ᵖᵒˢˢᶦᵇᶦˡᶦᵗʸ
*
Benedick: Strawberry milk doesn’t taste like strawberry OR milk.
Beatrice: Go the fuck to sleep Benedick.
*
Beatrice: You’re overthinking this.
Benedick: You don’t know the appropriate level of thinking, Beatrice. What if I’m underthinking?
*
Benedick: I have a problem.
Beatrice: Kill it.
Benedick: Can you chill for like, two seconds?
*
Benedick: Anyone down to take couples counseling and see at what point the therapist realizes we barely know each other?
Beatrice: Idiots to lovers, 20k words, angst with a happy ending.
*
Beatrice, laying in bed: Get out of my room.
Benedick, standing just outside of the door frame: I’m not in your room.
*
Beatrice, ordering Starbucks: Hey, I just got my heart broken, what do you recommend?
Benedick, who’s running the drive thru: …
Benedick: Tequila.
*
Beatrice: I don't know how to tell you this, but... I love you.
Benedick: That's great, Beatrice. Especially considering the fact we've been married for 6 fucking years.
*
Beatrice: *standing on a balcony and sneezes*
Benedick: *standing on the roof* Bless you.
Beatrice: God?!
*
Benedick: Do we have any orange juice left?
Beatrice: *pours the remaining juice into their cup*
Beatrice: Sorry, we’re all out.
*
Benedick: Am I right, Beatrice?
Beatrice: I’m almost certain you’re not, but to be fair, I wasn’t listening.
*
Benedick: Hey, Beatrice. What kind of flowers do you prefer?
Beatrice: I like sunflowers.
Benedick, pulling out a bouquet of Venus Flytraps: Well, shit-
*
Benedick: Go fuck yourself.
Beatrice: Come over here and fuck me yourself you coward!
*
Beatrice: Don’t weep for the stupid. You’ll be crying all day.
*
Benedick: Capitalizing every word in a sentence is vomit inducing.
Beatrice: Enjoy Your Trip To Puke Land, Boy!
*
Beatrice: Benedick, can I ask you a question?
Benedick: Sure, anything.
Beatrice: Why don't you go back to your own house and leave us alone?