Exerpts From A Book I'll Never Write - Blog Posts

Do you regret the late nights out? The ache in your chest that you can’t place anymore but know is there from the constant nagging at that one hour of the day? Do you remember the day that they left clearly? Or does the warm escape of the whisky whisk you away? Is it all a faint memory? Or is it like a car wreck? Something you won’t ever forget?

Did you love her or the idea of loving her?

How to get the guy. A five step guide. Easy to follow instructions. Results may include but are not guaranteed to include butterflies in stomach, hypocrisy, fake laughs, fake smiles, jealousy, greed, true love, and a broken heart.

Is it really worth it

In the dead of night, I can only find you. So I’m left to wonder, When it’s 2 am and you can’t sleep, Do you think of me too?

I hope you do

Misery is knowing that I'm always going to be your second choice. Because there is always someone better than me.

It's fine since I'm used to it now

I still fake my smiles, but around you I feel as if I don’t need to.

My wounds start to heal around you

How do you love someone who won’t love you back? Easy. You suffer in silence and pray for something to stop the pain. Whether or not it is the person you love is completely up to circumstance. But I can’t say I’d take love from someone else over the bullet to heart that you so easily gave to me.

From the bottom of my (not yet dead) heart

My love is like those storm clouds that refuse to look normal. Love is not normal. My love is a fire that demands to be fed. One that has a passion outside the bed that we won't lay in. My love is not interested about what's in your pants. It's interested in your mind. Your thoughts. Your feelings. My love is nothing like anything you've experienced because my love is not your ex's. My love is not your mother's. This is my love. And it is only for you.

C.M. Lawliet

The day will come when I’m over you. That day may be the same day you realize you love me too. I can’t wait forever but you and your feelings can take their time. Because what was lost for me may return, but not the same as it was before.

Is this flirting or am I thinking too much?

You look at me but see her. You touch my skin, but you feel her. You kiss my lips, but you think that your lips are touching hers. I’m not her. I’m not the perfectly thin girl you used to date. My stomach comes out to play most nights, but you don't know this yet. I’d rather not be picked up and spun around yet you do it anyway. I’m not her. Yet you still call me pretty, attractive, fit. I feel I am none of these things. You look at me, but you see this perfect image of what I wish I was. You look at me and see something I’m just not.

I’m not her

I still look for you during my games even though we ended it months ago.

On the court or bench

You told me you liked magic, I like magic too. I love the targeted deception, almost like feelings, but with a fire pit inside. Like how your touch is like the trick I pull when I say 'pick a card'. How your breath against my skin is nothing more than an illusionist's touch on their own special segment. You told me you liked magic. Little did I know your favorite trick was the disappearing act.

Now You Don't

The butterflies in my stomach always seem to come out when I see your name on my phone.

2 A.M. Thoughts

Every minute you're gone, the more vulnerable I feel.

Celia Lawliet

I love you, and I know I will not regret it.

Every time we talk

"I know I said it was fine, that I was alright with just being friends. But I'm not. I'm not fine with feeling the way I do when I know you don't anymore. I'm not fine with getting my hopes up about feelings that don't exist between us anymore, at least on your end. I'm not fine with the empty conversations and the awkward pauses because of what could have been. I miss you, but I won't come out and say it. Just know that when I said it was fine, it wasn't. I was just letting you be happy even if I wasn't."

- I still haven't deleted our photos yet