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I firmly believe that the batfam would be a half-decent family to be adopted into while not knowing about their Nighttime Activities TM... at least in the beginning.
Lets say that Kiddo gets dropped off after the death of their last guardian (mother, most likely) and somehow the cops get their hands on a letter or something that says that Kiddo is Bruce Wayne's biological child. CPS wouldn't DNA test a child otherwise, but with some sort of evidence they may. Either way, something tells me that as soon as Bruce was notified of the possible child he would get the test done lol. While that processes the kid would end up in foster care (yikes! Gotham foster care is def rough af) whether Bruce is a foster father or not (that sounds like a problematic placement and he'd probably have to pull strings if he wanted to take care of them during this time). So, for 3-14 days an already traumatized, possibly orphaned child waits in limbo in a cesspool of a foster system. Trauma on top of trauma. And then the results come back and Yay! You've got a daddy!
So they pack up everything and go live with the People's Billionaire who they have definitely seen scandals of on the news before. Can you imagine the thoughts going through their head at the time? Are the other kids gonna bully me? Does he even want biological kids? Is he abusive? Neglectful? Pervy?? Does he really drink that damn much and fall in that many damn fountains?!?
And then they'd meet him and he'd be... stoic? And awkward and kind of cold? Which they could definitely take wrong (Bruce is emotionally inept, not malicious) and assume he hates them off the bat. They withdraw, straining themselves and the barely-there relationship more. The ink's still fresh on their adoption and they already want to leave.
Anyway, lets say things pick up. They meet Dick, the emotional center of the household, and then Jason, their caring (if abrasive) older brother, and so on. They start to find their place. Maybe they still struggle to warm up to Bruce or really feel like on of his kids, especially since everyone else seems so comfortable.
But Dick invites them to get ice cream and burgers and whatever else just as an excuse to spend time with them and make sure they're adjusting well (or enough to be expected). Jason teaches them to punch and how to finally get A's on the English assignments, and how to actually like their English assignments. He buys them fancy bookmarks and they pretend not to notice that he has the same one (they match!). Tim comes to them whenever he finds out a new fact he thinks they'll like and lets you pull coffees out of his hands without too much complaint after he's surpassed his daily limit (he only gives a grumble and an affectionate look) Cass teaches Kiddo all the best places to hide during hide-and-seek and pulls you into her side during movie nights. Cass makes sure you always have someone to eat with if them want it and brings back food whenever she's out. After some work, Damian even lets you help him train Titus!
But they still can't quite settle in because... where did everyone go at night?
If Kiddo's home situation before wasn't exactly ideal then they'd be a light sleeper, which is how they'd wake, and if not it's because they go down for a glass of water or something and see way too many bedroom doors open and beds empty on their way. Either way, after living with people for so long they'd catch on.
They notice that every single person in the household had been unaccounted for at some time. Every single one of their siblings plus both adults in the house were getting together every night to do something without them.
The realization was like a stone at the bottom of their stomach. And so, they start to pull away.
And everyone notices.
"Hush, be patient, Master Wayne."
"But that's my son, not yours!?"
"Careful, darling, you might break his poor little angel ears."
Bruce could hear his parents talking. He knew his head wasn't on the right way when he saw the vision of his mother and father. Even Alfred is there. Exactly how Bruce remember him when he was younger.
He quietly grasp for nothing in the air. Thomas squealed. He carries Bruce, lift him up in the air like some sort of toy. And Bruce doesn't understand it even a little bit.
Where was he? Why is his parents still alive? How did this happen?
As it turns out, he time traveled. Sort of? Perhaps.
He had been died in his first timeline. That's all he could remember. Being under Superman's embrace, his head badly wounded, and Dick was desperately trying to keep him alive. But it was all worthless.
Bruce is dead.
And now he somehow get transported into where he had been started. In his lively manor, with his parents and Alfred. Like a family supposed to be. But Bruce know better.
Somehow, he could still lose his parents. He doesn't want to. But it's the event that would impacted so much to his life.
And what Bruce did is to pretend that it doesn't impacted him that much. To pretend that he's alright and had been moving on. Never becomes Batman. Just a regular kind, caring, and cheerful Bruce Wayne.
Somehow he still got Dick Grayson who sneak out every night, followed by Jason Todd (he didn't die in this timeline, thank god), Cassandra Cain... basically all of his previous children.
He knew that they were up to something. Something like "vigilantism".
And what's wrong with the Justice League trying to protecting Bruce all cost? It's not like he's a damsel in distress! (He is an attention seeking whore instead).
This is the funniest batfam meets JL crack fic I've read. Nightwing joins JL, they suspect him because he's close to B and it turns into the batfam doing a home alone on the JL. It's unserious and hilarious I was crying laughing and I really needed that after all the angst I've been consuming recently
Maybe the real reason Batman is known in the JL for giving single syllable replies or even just grunts is that he trained all his small talk skills for his Brucie persona and now he doesn’t know how to small talk without flirting and he will absolutely not be doing that in front of Diana, Hal, Oliver, Dinah, J’onn, Billy, or Clark, all for very different reasons.
How I picture Brucie Wayne’s birth in the battinson universe.
8yr old Dick Grayson: so B I gotta ask
Battinson: hn
8yr old newly Robin Dick Grayson: do you really think that people don’t suspect the crazy Rich secluded billionaire who disappeared for years to be Batman and then takes in a child only for ‘I’m vengeance’ to appear with a child at the same time.
Battinson: hnnn
DG: nonono like no offense but like don’t you think it’s a little …obvious… like marvel movies exist..
Battinson: hnnn what do you propose I do then?
DG: duh you gotta make sure it’s impossible for you to be Batman
Battinson: hmm so I should plan an event where we are both spot-
DG: get drunk and swim in a fountain
Battinson: ???
DG: if Bruce Wayne is dumb he can’t be Batman
Battinson: Bruce Wayne is the head of one the most successful companies in the worl-
DG nodding along: yep all thanks to the amazing help he hired to do the work for him while he search for the cure to polio in the Sahara desert
Battinson: the polio vaccine already exists Dick
DG hand placed on forehead like a fainting damsel: oh it’s so sad about poor Brucie you know, dumb as a rock that one. Didn’t get an ounce of his parents intelligence thank god he got lucky enough that the people he surrounds himself with are loyal to his parents and aren’t stealing money from him.
Battinson: Robin I’m really not followi-
DG rolling his eyes and grabbing B’s face: I’m telling you to play himbo with heart of gold. If people think you’re sweet and pathetic, they’ll (A) underestimate you (B) not question why you disappear for months (C) pathetic good looking idiots get sympathy points.
Battinson: and how would you know this
DG who got adopted by a billionaire who won’t say no to anything he says bc puppy dog eyes: …….
Battinson: …fair point
DG: worlds greatest Detective he says
Do we think that Bruce Wayne sleeps with others to maintain his Brucie persona or does he just pay people to say he slept with them?
Or a secret third option where people constantly spread rumours that he sleeps around a lot and Bruce just says they are true cause it fits his persona?
This can be entirely Headcanon based if you want, I’m looking for opinions!
Love fics where Batman’s identity is revealed as Bruce Wayne and the JL is just not connecting the dots.
But I need a fic specifically where the JL is in a situation where they have to lay low in a safe house or whatever for a few days while they figure out their next move and Bruce just takes off his cowl without explanation and somebody looks up to see BRUCE WAYNE in their secret hideout.
The entire JL: *tired from fighting and crashing in the nearest safe house to hide out in for the next few days while they figure out their next move*
Batman, putting a lot of thought into it: ‘well I don’t want to have to wear all my body armour and my cowl for the next few days, and I trust these people with my life, so I think I can safely take my mask off and reveal my identity’
Batman, without a word even though he should probably say a whole speech and explain why: *takes his cowl off and silently continues with his work in the corner of the room*
The ENTIRE JL: *doesn’t notice*
Someone, probably Hal Jordan: *looks up to see BRUCIE fucking WAYNE sitting in the shadows of their top secret hideout*
Hal:
Hal: WHAT THE FUCK
The JL: *freaking out because why is a civilian billionaire in the secret safe house and how did he get in without the worlds strongest and smartest heroes knowing?*
Also the JL: WHERE THE HELL IS BATMAN????
Bruce: *politely sitting in the corner, still working while he waits for someone to ask him a question instead of incoherently screaming at each other about him*
Hi I'm back again hope everyone's Christmas was well! In spirit of the just past holiday I want to post some batfam hc's of mine Christmas edition!
Bruce: I feel like Bruce can go two ways either holiday wine mom and last minute prep mom. He either is on a couch watching movies with the kids sipping some nice wine OR he's the parent that piles everyone in the car last minute for a present/meal item and triple checks everything 5 hours before people are supposed to be at the house.
Dick: I feel as like the oldest sibling he's in charge of making sure Bruce doesn't go crazy during the holidays. I also feel like he gets those like family ugly sweaters for everyone and if your not wearing it he'll make you feel bad and guilt trip you about it for WEEKS LIKE- " Oh you don't wanna go out to hang? Remember that time I got us all cute sweaters and you decided to make me really sad and not wear it?" ( It works every time.)
Jayson: He's honestly super stressed during the holidays even if he doesn't show it. Poor baby😭 he's tryna figure what gifts to get his siblings. Cuz what do you get the children of Bruce Wayne?? He could snap his fingers and you'd have it. So I think in typical Jason fashion he just gets like gag gifts or gives them like his old weapons/gear that they always bug him about (cuz they think it looks cool).
Tim: I feel like Tim's the type that if they did a secret Santa he's now going to stalk them for like 3 weeks before Christmas and find the most perfect gift after stalking and a lot of calculations. Oh what does he want? Sleep and he's favorite brand of coffee.(I think he'll take the simplest gift anyways so he just asks for coffee.😂)
Damian: Damian's lost and he's barely holding on by a thread. I believe he's never experienced holiday season like this before. I feel when he was still with the LOA they did something small on only Christmas, so coming to America and experiencing the holiday rush between Thanksgiving and Christmas. He probably decides to go hang out with Jon between holidays because it's calmer and if he stays in that house any longer he's gonna murder one of his brothers. I think the first he saw Bruce stress over gifts he almost fainted. I mean he's dad is BATMAN. He's seem him take on foes stronger than him and now he's worried if he should give Cass a barbie or tickets to Wicked?!? It kinda throws him off. But after awhile he decides to help and just like his dad has notes and it takes even LONGER 😂. The whole experience make Damian see why Bruce is so stressed for the holidays.
(plz interact if you want a part!2. Also comment or put it in my asks I don't bite! and I wanna hear your thoughts)😁
Ok so I need some people to post some comments(or put it in my asks) so I can get some thoughts on this. I have had this hc for a while that Bruce Wayne just ABSOLUTELY has a bad habit of like unmasking at ransom times and it freaks people out. Like I'm neurodivergent so let me set the scene. Bruce Wayne out at a gala like usual and he is SO BORED talking to some rich snob and so to entertain himself he just starts daydreaming (for me when this happens sometimes i unconsciously unmask) so his face just drops and he gets this almost like dead doll like look on his face and just dead eyed STARES INTO THIS PERSONS SOUL. Like it's so bad he scares someone half to death and then he like snaps out of it and switches back to Brucie and it damn near gives them a heart attack. (I also hc he's done this to the justice league and it still freaks them out till they realize he was paying ZERO attention to what they just said) I also believe his kids have picked up on this habit and do it too.
after some seconds of blank silence Tim comes in
Tim: it's too low, his voice is too low and the growling keeps messing with it, the voice changer sounded too strange, so for that we are giving to people the excuse of a sore throat Dick: yes, that Diana: *blinks* Diana: ...ok?
Bruce gets a bad concussion with the JL, it's how his identity is revealed. Bc he can't stop talking in his bruice voice and he doesn't know he's doing it (like those people who hit their head and getaway accent)
can we do it the other way round where bruce has an unskippable wayne event he has to go to but he got a concussion day of and now for some reason he can’t drop the batman voice. he just has to go be brucie wayne but while growling menacingly every fucking word and he cant stop. some of the JL are also attending this event as their super personas and they don’t know what to do bcs their old pal brucie wayne is sounding EXACTLY like their coworker batman and eventually dick has to pull them aside and cover for him like ‘ok so dad got caught up in an emergency and we asked batman to cover for him as a favour. he’s wearing a face change technology thingy’
diana is like ‘how come you have face changing tech and not voice changing tech?’ and dick just stares at her for a really long time bcs he truly does not know what to do
Welcome, everyone!!
I'm Oli, the creater of the following AU's:
Batman+Wolverine, teen dad Logan, Feral Baby Logan, Logan Evolution AU, etc Etc. I'll probably start actually posting my stuff into a fanfic soon in order to prevent this from happening a gain. But!!!
I love a lot more than just Wolverine:
I Love
Snufkin!
Batman
Kai from Ninjago
And others but thats the start!