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Apology - Blog Posts
Hello sweeties, sorry for not posting, I'm quite shocked that my last post was in June, as an apology, I'll be writing from any game/anime that you guys pick, I'll write everything I've watched or played, if you'd like it to be specific, don't be afraid to ask me <3
Looking back at it, I'm surprised I wrote something like that, I'm.. Amazed, in a way, sadly, my writing has changed over time, hope you don't mind :)
Multiple turtles because I’ve missed so many days 😭
Sometimes, I want to be issued an apology that I’m going to refuse anyway. I’m glad you recognize that what you did hurt me, that doesn’t mean I forgive you. That apology doesn’t fix anything, I want you to do better. To BE better. A failure in deliverance makes me feel like you don’t know how you affected me, or you don’t care. And I’m not sure which is worse.
Tw: The use of slurs.
Hi, I’m Oli a 16 year old Non-binary Lesbian, and I just really need the apologize for the use of the phrase “fruity”. Unfortunately the post is deleted now, but it was about my opinion on the new DBD Killer, The Trickster. In the beginning of my statement I called him a “Fruity Motherfucker”. When I typed that out, I was not thinking of it as a malicious thing, I was doing it in a joking way, I can see how it could be taken out of context and I’m really sorry that it did.
When I typed that phrase out, I was under the impression that it was okay to say, as a bunch of people in my friend group describe me as fruity all the time. And I know now that it’s just not okay. The last thing I wanted to do on this blog was hurt peoples feelings, the last thing I wanted to do was offend people that are in the same community as me. It was a case of me being misinformed and Im really, really sorry.
Please just understand I did not have any ill intentions when I wrote that. I love each and every one of you, hopefully this clears things up. I understand I was in the wrong the whole time, I really do.
-Oli
Faded Memories
Talking into the void at this point but Tumblr kind of feels like the right place to do that. I don't know why I'm here. Hopefully one day you will see this and know I meant what I said when I told you about how you came into my life at an extremely pivotal point for me. I was at the end of the darkest tunnel of my life that lasted 9 horrific years of agoraphobia and panic disorder. Your friendship got me to leave the house and take a chance on living life again. It was all just a coincidence but regardless, it was you. So, thank you for being who you are and regardless of all the hardships our friendship endured along the way just know that the times I remember the best are the times that mattered the most to me. I helped you move away from what I thought was a dangerous household and living situation, I helped you get your GED when you moved up here, I helped you try to find a job by driving you around and working on your resume, I helped you learn to drive better by letting you use my car to practice and I'd like to think I helped you enjoy life a little better off and on throughout the years when I could come down there. I know there are dark times in our past but the ones I just mentioned are the ones I can recall with the most clarity. Hanging out and just enjoying each others company whether it was skateboarding, swimming, going out to eat or checking out the local thrift stores in whatever town we found ourself in that day. Riding electric bikes in the Smoky Mountains. Listening to music up and down the highway for hours. I think I did the math right on the mileage and it showed I came down to pick you up 60+ times over the years. Sushi in Chattanooga or the Ski Lift in Gatlinburg. The list goes on and on the adventures you and I embarked on. You literally helped me live life again. I will never forget the day you dove into my arms in that UHAUL truck and you told me he was going to let you move in with me and you balled your eyes out from sadness and happiness at the same time. I thought I was doing the right thing by helping you. I hope my friendship brought you happiness. It brought me a ton of unforgettable memories. Playing PS2 in my living room and racing you - Chilling in your room on the bean bags at your parents - Going to rock city and having to hold on to your arm from leftover anxiety issues (Eating subway sandwiches 2 miles under the urf) - Playing with Satchel - Helping you get your wisdom teeth out by finding a good doctor while you lived here - Playing with Pootie and Burrito - Taking Satchel to go to the vet and get taken care of - Cooking Thanksgiving dinner with you and my mom - Taking you and Satchel to have a photoshoot - Going for walks at the greenway - Taking you to walk in clinics when you were sick or hurt from a spider bite - Decorating the basement so you could work in it - Helping you take typing and other various tests to help you get employment. I hope you see this one day but on the off chance you don't; maybe me putting this positive energy into the atmosphere will some how reach you. Hands down one of the coolest women I have ever met on this planet. If you DO see this then I hope it brings you peace and comfort. I hope you can come back here if you're feeling down and be reminded of all the great times we had. I know we parted ways as enemies but I just wanted you to know that your friend is still here and I still care. Sorry for the essay but some things are just worth putting out into the world. Thank you for all the great memories and I hope you are making even better ones wherever you are now and always. Love ya' Burgy. <3
I've expanded the instructions I gave for apologizing into a detailed listicle. I hope it'll be helpful. Some of the points, however, are very specific to the English language.
1. Don't explain what happened, it will sound like you're justifying your actions. And because of the way our brains work, you're likely to actually start justifying your actions. At that point, you're no longer apologizing. Remind yourself that the apology needs to have priority right now, and that there will be time later to identify causes and solutions.
2. Be specific, or at least use more words than "I'm sorry." "Sorry" is used so often as a polite noise, nearly meaningless, that it's difficult to be sincere, or even sound sincere when using it for a formal apology. Again, this ties into what @theconcealedweapon wrote: we're trained to say "sorry" when we don't mean it, so that becomes the core of the word's meaning, without our even realizing it. And if you're Australian, it gets even worse!
Personally, I use "I apologize" or "My apologies," or in dire circumstances, "Please accept my apology." This allows me to break my conditioning and focus on my genuine contrition, as well as making it clear to others that I'm taking the apology seriously.
3. Apologize for what you did, and absolutely NOT how it made someone feel. The latter is often used for manipulation.
Other things not to apologize for:
that the consequences of your actions happened
what you don't like about the person or group you're apologizing to
being right
being better than the people you're apologizing to
allegedly not having any idea what you're supposed to be apologizing for
...you'd think all this would go without saying, but it can be subtler than you might expect, and sometimes we do it without thinking, because we picked it up as children, from the nastier adults around us.
Instead, take a moment to focus on what you did, and how to describe it clearly in a way that accepts your fault and/or responsibility for the situation. Again, don't bring anything else into the apology, lest you make it seem less of an apology. People are so used to hearing the above crap from unrepentant people, that they will not give you the benefit of the doubt.
4. Watch your tone of voice. This is actually two separate points.
First, yet another thing we unconsciously pick up as children is the obviously sarcastic mock apology. It's not always a bad thing, it can be a joke or a verbal gesture, but you have to make sure you don't let that habit find its way into a genuine apology, and ruin it. This is where the bit about "Say it like you mean it" comes from. The easiest way to say it like you mean it is to mean it. See next paragraph.
Second, if you can't be respectful and express regret, you shouldn't be apologizing just yet. You're not ready. Leave the art of convincingly faking an apology to the con artists and cult leaders. You will probably need to just keep your mouth shut for a while. Acknowledge (to yourself) the possibility that you might change your mind later. In some rare cases, it may be possible to tell people, "I'm not ready to apologize just yet," but don't count on it.
5. (optional) If necessary and you can do it honestly, either characterize what you did, or agree with others' characterization of it, or promise to/ask how to not do it again, or multiple of the above. Say that it was wrong or inappropriate or a failure or whatever. Name people who called you out, say they were right, and repeat what they said about what you're apologizing for. If you promise not to do it again, don't pivot to talking about how great you will be in the future, keep it focused on the apology.
This might be a bit too much for less dire apologies, and you may not be able to manage this if you apologize the minute you can bring yourself to be sincere, but otherwise, you can build yourself some credibility by immediately seeking to improve yourself and make sure that YOU never do whatever-it-was again. It's more for privately apologizing to your direct supervisor, or to a friend.
On the other hand, beware of doing this if you're the authority figure, or are apologizing to a large group, because politicians routinely pivot away from making actual apologies by making big promises for the future. People are wise to this, though, and your whole apology is liable to be dismissed as bullshit if you try to use it for self-promotion.
So many people seem completely unaware of what a genuine apology is.
And that's because children are forced to say sorry on command.
Before they ever had a chance to process what they did, why they did it, what effect it had on others, or what they should have done instead, they're expected to say that they're sorry. And they're expected to "say it like you mean it" with no indication of what that even means and with no time to figure out how to phrase it correctly.
Sometimes, even when the child's actions are justified by any logical reasoning, they're expected to apologize because an authority figure demands it.
The goal of saying sorry ends up being solely to avoid punishment. And they phrase the apology in whatever way the authority figure will accept.
The result is an entire society filled with people who give completely useless apologies that appear like they're only trying to avoid punishment.