Latest Posts by welivetodream - Page 9

Me: I am not crazy. I am not crazy

Brain: burn everything!

Me: No that's not me

Brain: kill everyone!

Me: NOOO

Brain: nothing is worth it. Everything you do has no meaning.

Me: ....plz stop torturing me, my teachers already do that.

Life goes on:

Life goes on,

When the blossoms may.

When dry leaves fall down,

In a sun free day.

Life goes on,

When childhood ends.

When you grow apart,

From all your friends.

Life goes on,

When you walk alone.

In sunny paths and trails,

Of a hillside house.

Life goes on,

When you let things go.

When you accept,

There's always left some hope.

Life goes on and on

And on till the-

Day you die and-

Leave your imprint behind.

~ME

Characters that fascinate me:

1. Albus Dumbledore (Harry Potter): after re-reading HP again, I started to put more effort on dissecting the interactions between Dumbledore and other people, especially Harry and Snape. Dumbledore's strategies, plans and the use of emotions of other people for his favours and for the greater good is for me unlike what most people consider, admirable. I have heard many people mention the fact they hate Dumble's because he is "evil", I like morally grey characters and the fact is Dumbledore's actions were not evil in any way. Did he raise Harry to die? Yes. But that doesn't mean he did that for fun (or ounce presented a way to save Harry he didn't make sure to prevent his death). Every step Dumbledore took was to defeat Voldy in the end, who was committing mass genocide. To prevent deaths of hundreds, thousands of people, it was okay for him to sacrifice certain people (mostly Himself, Harry and Snape). I also think Dumbledore could or should have been in Ravenclaw or Slytherin because his qualities matches those houses more than Gryffindor (also can you imagine how conflicting it would have been for Harry if Dumbledore causally mentions he is a Slytherin or if he was a Ravenclaw there could have been more characters in that house than Quirrell and Lockhart of all people)

2.  Daria Morgendorffer (Daria): if there was a character that I could relate to the most, it's her. Daria's cynical outlook, her quick wit, her quotes are so entertaining to watch. Its really amazing to be able to have a character that represents the perceptions of the quiet kids. As one of them, Daria is the representation of rebellion against the power hungry, capitalistic and tone deaf world we live in.

3. Amy Dunne (Gone Girl): this woman sacres me. She is the epitome of the perfectly imperfect villainous yet fascinating character that captures your attention. She is a psychopath. She is a liar. She is deranged. And I can't help liking her as a complex person.

4. Wanda Maximoff (Wandavison): from her ability to manipulate the minds of all the original avengers (except Hawkeye) in age of Ultron to her batshit crazy powers in multiverse of madness (including the fact defeating the entire illuminati while dream walking), Wanda had come far from being just another avenger to one of most powerful beings in the current MCU. And all of that due to a mother's love, shows you how powerful loss and love can be.

5. L. Lawliet (Death Note): world's top three detectives, the boy who stopped WW3 as a kid, the blueprint for Wammy's house, the deductive genius who almost captured the worst serial killer in history. L will never cease to be interesting. His backstory reveals that L was always the best, no matter if he could defeat Light Yagami or not (he sort of did defeat Light as he knew Light was Kira the 1st time he met him). The most interesting aspect of L is how neutral his moral ideals are, on one hand he spends all this time (literally, as he doesn't sleep) to solve the Kira case, on the other hand he isn't reluctant to play with people's emotions and sacrifice certain people to reach his end goals. While L is the antagonist, everyone loves him as the hero to Light's protagonist villain. I do love L as much as the next person; what I love more than that is how he is just as morally grey as Light but stays on the grey part and never becomes the villain he could be, something that Light became.

6. Allison Dilaurentis (Pretty Little Liars): in my opinion, the most evil of the onscreen Mean girls (except for Courtney Shane and Chanel Oberlin). Allison in the first few seasons was the most fascinating aspect of the show, the sheer power she holds in Rosewood, the way she manipulates all her friends, the way she could destroy lives of anyone she wants is the best part of her character. But after her return from the "dead" she became kinda boring and not the fantastic villain we wished she was. Like, they could have made Aria "A" instead of evil British cousin and made Allison the one controlling Aria, as it was clear Aria was hiding something about herself, the show also gave many clues about her and she seemed be the person Allison liked the most among the liars (she also got the least torment from Allison as well as A). It makes sense if they were both working together. But no, that's too predictable! You have to pull the evil twin plot for shock value!!!!

7. Regulus Black (Harry Potter): he is the best example of a good Slytherin (*ahem* Snape *ahem*). The best thing about his arc is he used to be a death eater but changed sides after knowing how shitty Voldy is, protected his house elf and sacrificed his life for the world. And had a better reason for changing sides than someone very similar to him (*ahem* Snape *ahem*)

Ps: I did not die. Next time.

I I H I T L

W D O H H I

A O W A E V

N N B V W E

T T U E I G

T K T L L O

O N I O L O

D O W S T D

I W I T O B

E L Y

L E

Underrated HP moment: when Lupin defends Neville from Snape and says

"Oh and give my best to your friends"

BURNNN.

"There are many types of monsters that scare me: Monsters who cause trouble without showing themselves, monsters who abduct children, monsters who devour dreams, monsters who suck blood... and then, monsters who tell nothing but lies. Lying monsters are a real nuisance: They are much more cunning than others. They pose as humans even though they have no understanding of the human heart; they eat even though they've never experienced hunger; they study even though they have no interest in academics; they seek friendship even though they do not know how to love. If I were to encounter such monsters, I would likely be eaten by them... because in truth, I am that monster."

~L Lawliet, Death Note Relight 2.

"It was good while it lasted. We eased eachother's boredom for a while. It's been interesting"

~Ryuk, Death Note.

I don't know how many times I have to say this:

I DON'T NEED HELP

I just want to sleep and not wake up again

Is that too hard to ask?

Do you read books on murder and people getting away with it? Do you often wish upon deaths of the rotten people in the world? Do you find the notion of living in isolation with coffee and a book intriguing? Do you fall in love with morally grey anti heros? Do people call you unusual and insane? Do you wake up everyday wishing you didn't? Do you consider yourself to be better than others at the same time feeling inferior in a world that doesn't accept you?

If not then you are actully a fully functioning human being who does not rely their life's worth on hopeless soul searching and "you can't sit with us" *Gretchen Wiener voice*

Richard's unhinged energy is the most entertaining part for me beside the murders. Like the guy is an inspiration for chaotic people. He lies about his family life, pretends his rich father has business in oil (who irl has a petrol pump), lies to his part time employer to get money, goes on a 90s teen movie shopping spree, takes any free item from Judy, lies about going to a prep school, lives on a diet of wine and more wine, takes any pill anyone gives him, joins a cultish greek gang, lets Bunny die an aesthetically pleasing death and not to forget.....does cocaine in the parking lot of Burger King.

Me: I want friends

*People become friends with me*

Me: Not like that

If INTP was in The Office:

INTP: My job as a sales person made me realise how much I hate people

(Looks sideways from camera at the cameraman)

INTP: I hate when people are prying into my life.....cuz guess what? I have nothing interesting in it....except Pam, Pam is awesome.

(Gets questioned if he likes Pam)

INTP: No, not really. I like her a lot, which is surprising since I don't like many people here *mouths Angela*

INTP: now Pam and I are good friends, I do believe she hates her fiance tho...but what can I do about it?

(Gets questioned about his work)

INTP: I come late everyday, Dwight is always mad at me being late, I don't care much. I check in my computer and play Pac man while talking to stupid clients like an idiot selling paper which won't be useful in a future paperless world.

INTP: then I take a 2 hour break and pretend to be friends with Micheal to justify my 2 hour break.

INTP: I have lunch in my car so I won't have to see Kevin eating 4 tuna sandwiches in one go.

INTP: I spend time with Toby, he is like the only normal person here. We sit down and mumble about our misery.

INTP: I hate Andy, he is so annoying, I have to hide in the bathroom to avoid his constant brags about Cornell. I mean I went to Yale, and now I am a paper salesman *shrugs* this is always how it ends.

(Gets questioned about Jim and Pam)

(Looks at the camera)

INTP: everyone knows they are in love. It's not even a question at this point.

Reading IWWV was such a journey. While I did enjoy TSH, it never broke me like IWWV did. The book is shorter than TSH but has more impact than the prior. The style, the writing, the characters and the story is so vastly different yet same as TSH. The thing about it is, I can read TSH as many times as I want, get new theories and discover more details. But I couldn't read IWWV even ounce after the first read, because all I could feel was pain.

Forget Romeo and Juliet when we have Oliver and James.

(Seriously, why any ship I like sinks?)

The reason I always thought there was something more to Camilla than what we read is because the book is from the perspective of Richard who was supposed to be in love with her.

I always got some unsettling energy from the twins, they were just too perfect at the start. By the end of the 2nd part it had changed when Charles showed his real colours. But Camilla throughout the story remained the only person to not have a flip of personality. Francis sheds off his "too cool for you" persona and becomes close with Richard. Henry....well Henry after killing Bunny stops functioning a little. Even Julian is no long the John Keating of the story but a normal person who as soon as found out his students killed two people, left them alone (what would you have done in that situation?)

I thought it was strange that Camilla never became anything more than a girl Richard liked, and later connected with Henry and Charles. I wished so much more for the character to be than that. And after the reveal of her and Henry's relationship (after Henry orchestrated Bunny's murder) I felt like Camilla has a dark side that Richard just ignored to portray her as the best of them. She seemed to be hiding something all the time.

I don't think she is a bad person, not at all. I think she has a more complex personality than being the goddess of a person Richard portrayed her to be. The amount of abuse she went through since childhood must have had some effect on her as a person. She didn't really deserved any of the guys. I wished in the end she would have just said "Stop!" And left all of them.

I would have liked to know more about Camilla, we don't get any insight to her at all, which made her not really my favourite character (especially during my first time reading when I was waiting for her to change a bit like everyone else)

Reading TSH again and again and finding out more details and theories is always fun.

Like the fact the entire story happened because Bunny wasn't able to fast for some more time and got caught eating.

Or that no one would have found Bunny's death suspicious if it hadn't snowed

Or that Henry tried to frame Richard by making him write the calculations for the posion mushrooms

Or that Richard thought of murder as poetic as a coping mechanism

Or that none of these horrible things would have happened to Richard if he hadn't picked up the pretty brochure.

(edited after a re-read)

Saying "I swear on god" when you are an atheist is the biggest power move I have ever done.

Death Note happened and kept going on because Light, Ryuk and L were just bored with their lives and I respect that.

An INTP view of life: part 2

ESFJ: how was school today?

INTP: the usual. I slept through 4 classes, aced the history quiz and skipped P.E by staying in library to "research"

ESFJ: ok, did you make any friends?

INTP: there was this girl in English class who thought my comment on the teacher was really funny.

ESFJ: So you made a friend!

INTP: no I offended her next minute by saying it was really amazing that she could decipher a joke like that.

ESFJ: You know what? You shouldn't try at all

INTP: that's what I keep saying!

...........................................

INFJ: If you look at him more closely it's clear he is in love.

INTP: But the face he is making isn't emotional enough. That's how I look when I wake up in the morning

INFJ: but then the girl told him he has to wait for her!

INTP: which is why he looks like he is in pain

INFJ: then we found out from the inner monologue that he never loved her.

INTP: he was just using her

INFJ: That is so...

INTP: interesting!

INFJ: I was gonna say sad, but ok.

INTP: maybe we are looking too much into it.

INFJ: overthinking is our job.

..........................................

ESFP: ....blah....blah....blah...I went to the room and saw him....blah....blah....no he said...I made dessert.....we laughed so hard.

INTP: hmmm... (what is she talking about?)

ESFP: then she started to complain about her best friend again...like girl if you don't like them don't be friends with them!

INTP: yeah (why I am I even here?)

ESFP: I can't believe he said that to me....that is so rude *cries*

INTP: (she didn't stick with the script, she is crying, what do I do?) There there...*pats ESFP*

ESFP: You are like my favourite person! You are such a great listener. Such a great friend!

INTP: Sure

..........................................

ISTJ: hey you need to clean the room.

INTP: I thought you were doing it.

ISTJ: we share a room. You have to clean your part.

INTP: well if it isn't your part of the room, you don't have to worry about it.

ISTJ: *triggered* but as humans we should keep our surroundings clean and neat.

INTP: are you a human?

ISTJ: yes.

INTP: How do you know? What if this is all a dream and you are just a butterfly that is imagining all these things. Maybe I am not real and just a figment of your imagination. What if you are in a coma and your brain is.....

ISTJ: I'll clean your side. If you just shut your mouth and don't open it again.

INTP: I can do that. Thanks.

...........................................

I can't imagine how much sass Harry would have had if only he was raised by Remus and Sirius.

One of the things about Harry Potter that always bugged me is the treatment of Ron Weasley in the fandom. Like jeez people hate this man more than Voldy. Ofc everyone has their own opinions but hating one of the most wholesome people is just straight up stupidity. I know, Ron isn't perfect, he has flaws; he is insecure, he can get jealous easily, but being in his brothers and later his friends shadow can really suck. But hey so does Hermione, she gets insecure about her appearance (teeth), she feels jealous too ( whenever Harry outperformed her she was livid) Not only her but Harry as well is insecure and gets jealous (When Ron became prefect). These flaws is what make these characters so real. It makes them human.

Hermione is smart but she is also conceited and isn't very accepting of people less smart or different than her. She is just as flawed as Ron is.

Harry is a sassy lil bitch, he has his moments of judementalness and lack of trust. He too isn't perfect (Harry's inner monologue honestly tells a lot about his cynisim) (also he wished Snape's death upon becoming the new DADA teacher)

So, why Ron? What's so disgusting or cruel about Ron? The same Ron that took Harry as a brother and shared his small room with. The same Ron who broke Harry out from his abusive family's house as a 12 year old. The same Ron that stood on his broken leg and said "if you kill Harry, you have to kill us too" (f u Steve Kolves for giving that to Hermione). The same Ron that made sure Harry got a present on Christmas. The same Ron that took on stunning spells so Harry could practice for the tournament. The same Ron that choose to be by Harry's side when the entire class turned on him. The same Ron who despite his jealousy never made Harry feel any less good and kept all those feelings to himself.

Yes, he had some misteps. He fought with Hermione, but they were young. He fought with her and fought for her. When Snape made a comment on Hermione being a know it all he defended her (f u again Steve Kloves). He vomited slugs for her. He defended her when Malfoy made her teeth grow. He wanted to make sure she was eating. That she was okay.

Ron Weasley in my opinion is the most important part of the trio. He is the bridge that keeps them together. There is no Harry Potter without Ron Weasley

Ps: if Harry ever found out how Ron was treated in the fandom he would have killed everyone.

Death Note spoilers ahead:

I personally think it would have been harder for the police and L to catch up with Light if:

1. He hadn't been obsessed with the idea of being the "god" of the "new world" (aka being power hungry)

2. He didn't wish to be recognised, instead laying as low as possible (he was really excited to be KIRA, when it only made him be more in the police's radar)

3. He didn't kill extreme amount of criminals on the go. Instead focused to make sure there was no pattern (such as time, dates, kills, types of criminals)

4. Used other methods than heart attack, more accidental or predictable deaths would have made it quite hard to track back.

5. Hadn't accepted an open challenge of L by killing Lind. L. Taylor which confirmed a lot of stuff for L.

6. STOP DOING HIS EVIL LAUGHS AND MONOLOGUES IN HIS FREAKING HOUSE. (though his sister and mother probably thought he was going through an emo phase. I can imagine Sayu saying "Mom, Light is talking about being the god of the world again. He also has some imaginary friend called Ryuk" "Just, ignore it honey")

While I know Light wanted to be known and be treated as some vigilante god, on the long run being a hidden and mysterious force like L would have helped him achieve his goal. Also knowing L's IQ, he would still have found Light.

An INTP view of life: part 1

ENFJ: good morning my sunshine!

INTP: I just went to sleep.

ENFJ: It's 11 Am

INTP: time is an illusion.

.....................................

ESTJ: you have got to start your work.

INTP: nah

ESTJ: you have six hours till the deadline

INTP: six hours! I learned morse code in that time during a flight.

...........................

ISTP: you know we can conserve more energy and live longer if we don't move

INTP: I guess so. You wanna live longer?

ISTP: are you kidding?

INTP: yeah, I know living is the root of all our problems.

ISTP: wait, what exactly is our problem?

...................................

INFP: sometimes I see my reflection and feel sacred that no one will know the real me.

INTP: interesting

INFP: that I will live in a world full people who don't understand the reason of existence.....that we might have nothing to live for.....that everything is worthless

INTP: are you having an existential crisis?

INFP: yes...

INTP: happens to me six times a week, here have some tea.

INFP: maybe you understand me.

INTP: I am very good with people's thinking, I see through them.I just don't like to go near them. How about you don't hug me?

......................................

ENTJ: I will become the absolute best version of myself!

INTP: so you mean, you are not the best?

ENTJ: the best version of MYSELF

INTP: so there's a lame you, a cool you, a stupid you, a nice you....wait nice one doesn't exist

ENTJ: when I will be incharge I will make sure you rot in a dungeon

INTP: well that's where the best ideas come from. I don't mind it.

ENTJ: I can't believe you infuriate and amuse me at the same time.

The setting of TSH confused me at first. I thought it was taking place in the 50s as Richard's language sounded very pretentious. Then there's no mention of any pop culture making it hard to pin point which decade it takes place in. Then slowly we start to see that it's not that old with more mentions of new things. Despite that I wasn't sure when it was happening until I found out that Henry didn't knew that moon landing actully happened so it was probably in the 70's or 80's.

I wish Henry had lived long enough to find out there's 8 planets not 9. He reminds me a bit of Sherlock and how neither of them concerned themselves with whatever was happening in the world and cared about only what they thought was important.

The sudden feeling you get to just run away from everyday life and have a grand adventure.

"Human nature is hard to understand. Humans themselves don't understand their true natures. It's the people who do, are the one's to fear. I know I have a dark side, I indulge in it beacuse it's who I am. Tell me, why do you have to be good in a world with such bad people?

Everyone underestimates me as some pushover who does whatever anyone tells her to do. They talk freely around me, because I am not a threat. They laugh at my awkwardness. They think they have power over me.

I have calculated my interactions to an extent that I have no enemies and been so cautious about whom I talk with, I have no friends. But that doesn't matter, I know what I want, I get what I want, life while cruel has always worked out for me in the end. I have fears, yes, but I also know that I have the potential to do immense good or bad. It's your choice, if you are not in my way, you will be alright. If you challenge me, it won't end good for you."

~Emma Wright, A Girl In The Crowd (my debut novel, hasn't been published yet)

Trigger warning: ED

As someone suffering from ED. It's really triggering to have those "health check ups" at school. And guess what, mine is back AGAIN. On top of that, the way people talk about weight and body image so insensitivly can make you go back to old habits. Today I heard so many people talk about their weight that I started to feel so anxious about mine. When anyone asked me I didn't say. I just feel like if you do have health check ups, it should be only the person and a teacher and not all the students watching, making fun and comments on others appearance.

I have had BDD since I was 11 or even younger due to certain comments in my family. I have had ED since I was 14. It's not easy. But I know I am not alone.

Favourite movies: range between "classics" to "deranged". (The 1st 25)

1. Mean Girls (2004)

2. Clueless (1995)

3. Heathers (1988)

4. Dead poet's society (1989)

5. Pride and Prejudice (2005)

6. Marie Antoinette (2006)

7. The virgin suicides (1999)

8. Jawbreaker (1999)

9. Black Swan (2010)

10. Drop Dead Gorgeous (1999)

11. The Perks of being a Wallflower (2012)

12. Legally Blonde (2001)

13. She's the man (2006)

14. Ready or not (2019)

15. Lady bird (2017)

16. Little Women (2019)

17. Love, Rosie (2014)

18. Twilight (2008)

19. Entire Harry Potter series.

20. Melancholia (2011)

21. The Devil Wears Prada (2006)

22. The princess diaries (2001)

23. A walk to remember (2002)

24. The Favourite (2018)

25. Do Revenge (2022)

Life is like a choose your own adventure book. Except you don't get many choices if you live by other people's rules. As Robert Frost said;

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference."

Interviewer: so how do you feel like speaking right now?

INTP: I don't feel anything. I was told I will get 50 bucks for this.

Interviewer: haha really? You gave this interview just for the money?

INTP: of course, I would not talk to you if I wasn't paid for it.

Interviewer:....lets go to the first question. When do you wake up in the morning?

INTP: if I have to go to work 8 am and if I don't then 12 pm

Interviewer: and when do you sleep?

INTP: it depends on my caffeine level and current hobbies. A lot of all nighters if watching a new T.V show.

Interviewer: what's your favourite food?

INTP: anything that can be cooked with minimal cooking skills and effort

Interviewer: favourite season?

INTP: winter or autumn

Interviewer: favourite movie?

INTP: I can't choose one

Interviewer: favourite book?

INTP: don't go there.

Interviewer: what is your biggest dream in life?

INTP: I want to do something for the humanity.

Interviewer: that's nice

INTP: the lack of humanity in today's world baffles me. I thought I was aloof. But if everyone is like the people around me, even I want to help them.

Interviewer: how would you help humanity?

INTP: by destroying the humanity before humans destory each other and let the animals and plants live in peace.

Interviewer:....oh big dreams! Last question, how was your childhood like?

INTP: I grew up being paraded as a gifted child with intellect and curiousity. I didn't have friends and avoided any social situation. As I grew I realised my talents aren't valued by others and my mind was too fast for them. I slowed down and accepted that I am a medicore genius and my parents had lied to me about my abilities. I recently dropped out of college and adopted nihilism to make myself feel better about my failures and disappointments.

Interviewer: that's bad...

INTP: it doesn't matter much to me. My mom always told me I will end up in a jail or asylum. So life's been okay.