This Is Actually A Really Cool Concept.

You know that one post about how his mom doesn't love him?

If the hotel ever finds out what Lucifer said to Ali-corn's mama,what do you think their reactions would be?Like if they found out (by angsty means) that Luci had gone and shit-talk thinking that Al wasn't listening (which is still bad!) ,what would they think about it and him? Because right now I'm thinking resting bitch faces targeted straight at the king ,while Alastor is two seconds from one of the most terrific mental breakdowns since Vox.

I'm asking because you have made me think about that interaction non-stop and now I'm just waiting for your response because I'm genuinely in-fucking-vested.

(I cower in fear as you twiddle your fingers)

Alright, so this is the post that anon is referring to for those of you who have absolutely no idea what's happening (ofc @that-hazbin for the inspiration/original post). My response for this is DETAILED, so we're taking it below the cut one character at a time

Charlie - Charlie loves Alastor despite how shifty he can be, and cannot STAND for it when people hurt those she loves, so hearing what he dad said about him felt like a punch in the gut. She knew he and Alastor didn't get along, but this is entirely too far. She always tries her best to keep from getting angry at anyone, but she positively loses her shit once she hears about what he said. It's even worse if she finds out that Alastor heard everything, and his response was to smile and make everyone dinner with a recipe his mother loved. She cries to Vaggie about how unfair it all is that Alastor was unloved for things that happened before he was even born, and that her dad would be so cruel as to say he wasn't worthy of love anyways. Even when he apologizes, Charlie can't help but add the whole incident to the mental tally she has of every time Lucifer has hurt her, even though she knows that it isn't about her. Alastor should be the one who is upset, but he just...isn't. He doesn't show that he's bothered at all, and that's honestly worse than if he'd gone into a rage, or screamed and cried about it because that just means that he's used to it

Vaggie - Vaggie usually doesn't give a shit about Alastor besides the fact that Charlie cares about him, he's part of the hotel, and he has the potential to be a threat. However, hearing what Lucifer and Alastor's supposedly "incredible" mother were saying was...jarring. It was honestly shocking how quickly she became defensive over Alastor considering how little they usually got along. She didn't say anything to his face (bc that's potentially her future father in law and the KING OF HELL), but she immediately became much more short with him, heading off any of his attempts to speak with her and remaining stiffly formal despite his insistence otherwise. Of course, it's not too hard to maintain icy formality with someone who can't even bother to remember her name despite the fact they live together and that she's dating his daughter. And if she manages to interrupt Alastor and Lucifer's arguments before Lucifer can start truly cutting with his words, that's no one's business but her own

Nifty - Thanks to her lobotomy in life, it's sometimes hard for Nifty to keep up with what's going on in the world around her - especially when it's something emotionally based rather than physical. But that doesn't mean she's dumb. And she'd known Alastor pretty much the entire time she's been in Hell. 70ish years is definitely long enough to pick up on Alastor's tells. Unlike almost everyone else, when Nifty sees him at dinner after he overheard Lucifer and his mother, she immediately knows that he's deeply upset and hurt by something. She'd already realized that Alastor's mother didn't love him, and that Alastor was steadfastly ignoring that fact and loving her twice as much in return. All it took was some alone time with Alastor once he'd had a few drinks, and she knew exactly what he'd overheard. No one in the hotel besides Alastor and Husk had ever seen Nifty truly angry before, but they quickly realized just how unsettling it could be when she go to that point. Being angry made her surprisingly lucid, and she didn't act as everyone had become used to. Instead of delivering frightening threats, she ignored Lucifer and plotted, and glared out of the corner of her eye, her expression sparking with a protective sort of rage. Alastor was hers, and anyone who hurt what was hers was a pest waiting to be swatted like a bothersome fly. At the same time, she made sure to shower Alastor in affection in the only ways she knew how: bug crowns, drawings, little things she found that made her think of him. If she curled up against his chest or comfortingly pet his ears while he tried to go to sleep, well it wasn't as if Alastor was going to tell anyone - and he hadn't pushed her away either

Husk - Husk and Alastor had a...complicated relationship. Alastor saw his thrall as a great source of entertainment as long as he didn't broach certain topics, and Husk resented having his soul owned, but didn't hate Alastor himself. He'd seen a lot of fucked up shit while he was alive, so he doesn't blame Alastor's mother for not loving him - but he doesn't blame Alastor for it either. Lucifer on the other hand had no right to comment on the issue the way he had. Not only did it make Alastor's mother feel worse, but Alastor managed to overhear, and reacted accordingly - by trying to make himself as little of a burden to his mother as possible. He'd talked at dinner, but he hadn't truly spoken, only saying anything to make his mother feel less awkward. Husk already hadn't liked Lucifer - Charlie's rampant daddy issues spoke for him well enough, but Lucifer hadn't really done anything to endear himself to the hotel residents since his arrival. He still proudly displayed his general disgust of sinners as a whole, and one couldn't help but be offended at the treatment. However, he couldn't exactly confront the king on that whole mess, and Alastor would probably eat him for daring to fight his battles for him, so Husk instead settled for being a listening set of ears and having Alastor's favorite bottle of rye at the ready on the days Husk could tell he was really struggling

Angel - Angel's always protected his friends from people more powerful than himself, so you better believe he immediately confronted Lucifer on the shit he said about Alastor the minute he heard about it. He and Alastor may not have been super close, but they bonded over their shared hatred of the Vees, and had been slowly getting closer as friends. Plus, Alastor (like Vaggie) was someone who was always guaranteed to never want Angel for his body, which was a nice change of pace. Alastor wasn't exactly happy with Angel stepping in on his behalf, but Angel was quick to shut any protests down by saying that he shouldn't have to defend himself from people (especially people who had been around since before time started and should really be more mature by now) picking at his family's personal (and incredibly painful) issues. Just like Husk, Angel wasn't exactly endeared to the king anyways with the way he openly disregarded them all in their first meeting without even talking to them

Overall, everyone got a lot more defensive of Alastor then anyone (especially Alastor who assumed that Lucifer's claim was accurate) would have expected. And it will take some serious grovelling for them to even consider letting Lucifer off the hook for saying something so fucked up about an already fucked up situation. But then again, he is the sin of pride, so that makes it a lot less likely that he'll even get around to admitting he's wrong in the first place

hey, is the same anon who asked about the playful punishments series! that’s not selfish at all, don’t worry! i also write, so i completely understand lol i don’t love writing characters who aren’t my favorites either. completely valid!!

thank you so much for the headcanons!! 💜

Thank you, love you, you're literally so sweet😭🥺

Me, looking at you in my inbox:

Will, looking at Halt, Pauline, and Crowley: Someone forgot to tell the third wheel that they're a tricycle

I literally love this whole thread with my entire being, and I'm not entirely sure why.

Halt gets to Skandia and Erak sees him and decides, "Hey, Halt is an old friend, might as well see what he's up to," and now he also gets to see the absolute chaos unfold as this unintended throuple meets up and has to explain themselves to each other. Erak doesn't think he's ever seen any of them so embarrassed before. While he may be able to put it aside for Karina and maybe Thorn if he does some begging and is extremely lucky, Halt has no such chance because of how much of a sarcastic pain in the ass (mostly affectionate) Erak finds him to be. Erak will not only never let Halt live this down, he will gleefully spill the beans to every mutual friend he and Halt have

According to the wiki, Karina Mikkelswife is two years older than Halt and that feels cursed somehow

If you asked Alastor, he'd say he was fine. That was the easiest answer. The answer that kept others from worrying about him. That didn't make it the truth.

The truth was he'd been broken for a long time, and an eroded pillar could only stand for so long without inevitably collapsing.

OR

I was watching tiktoks and saw one (1) edit with the song "Forwards Beckon Rebound" and this idea immediately put a gun to my head and forced me to write it at 2 AM with no planning. READ THE TAGS, HOLY SHIT. This is the darkest shit I've ever written, I'm not playing

Ok, hear me out (angst, bc of course)

I've been having these thoughts bounce around my head for about a week and I finally decided to post them. I don't know who's going to see this, but whoever sees it needed to. I guess this is for an AU rather than a headcanon, but whatever, just hear me out. I was inspired by The Owl House, specifically Hunter, so maybe that will spark some interest. This is about to be a rant, so I'll go ahead and add the read more thing

Okay, now that I have your attention, time for angst.

SO, in The Owl House, we learn in season 2 that (SPOILER ALERT) Hunter is a grimwalker (a clone of someone who died for those of you who don't know), and that before him, there were TONS of other grimwalkers that Belos murdered for "choosing to betray him" AKA realizing that Belos was an evil psychotic bitch. Also, that Hunter looked the most like Caleb (the dead guy he was cloned of) out of all the other grimwalkers, but he didn't KNOW that he was a grimwalker until a very angsty reveal by his abuser (Belos) who then immediately tried to murder his ass.

ANYWAYS, obviously, as the angst-lover I am, I think about this literally all the time. Then. I started thinking. I absolutely love Alastor, he's such a blorbo. And what do I do to my blorbos? I give them immeasurable amounts of trauma, c'mon, keep up.

What do we know about Alastor? Well, someone owns his soul. He disappeared for unknown reasons for seven years. He is INCREDIBLY anxious about whoever owns his soul - or at least the deal itself (as evidenced by his musical breakdown where he literally TEARS HIS OWN HAIR OUT FROM THE STRESS), and that he's probably going to use the deal with Charlie either for nefarious purposes, or to escape his deal.

Which brings us to the point of this post in the first place (kind of???? I might have just been mindlessly rambling there), and the start of my AU. I'm not going to pretend I know who owns Alastor's soul, but I really vibe with the idea of it being either Lilith or Roo, so that's who I'll be thinking of for the majority of this post. What if the person who owns his soul made a deal with him when he first got to hell (or it could be one of those versions where someone sold his soul before he was even born [a sort of "I want your first-born kinda deal] and they let him know when he got to hell which is how he got all his power so quickly), but he managed to either tick them off or get really close to escaping the deal, which lead to them killing Alastor.

Then, the contract-owner realizes, "Oh shit, I kind of need him," and finds out how to make whatever the hell equivalent of a grimwalker is. Thus, Alastor 2.0 is born. However, they can't have him knowing he's a clone - he might find a loophole in the deal that way. So they find a way to control which memories he has. They replace all of the memories the OG Alastor had up until whatever it was he did to get killed in the first place - don't want him getting any ideas after all.

This works fine for the contract-holder for a while, but then Alastor is back on the same shit - trying to find loopholes, backdoors, ticking them off, whatever, and oops, there goes another one. Well shit. Guess it's time to make another clone. So, the process is repeated, and the song and dance continues. However, it always concludes the same way - with Alastor's inevitable "betrayal". Also, none of the clones ever seem to look quite right - sometimes the eye color is wrong, or the height, the cheekbones, or the nose shape - whatever it is, something is always off

So, after many failed attempts, they decide to take a different approach. When they make the new clone, they give them the same memories, everything is the same as the previous attempts, except they don't turn him loose right away. Instead, they keep him under their thumb for seven years - really just until there was something they needed him for. Those seven years were spent conditioning him. They were determined to make him perfect. After all, this clone was the one that looked the most like the original Alastor, there was no way they would let him go like the others.

In his time at their side, Alastor endured unspeakable cruelties - beatings, torture, extreme sensory deprivation, emotional manipulation, sleep deprivation, total isolation - you name it, it was almost certainly done during that time. This is also when his smile was sewn on because the contract holder wanted him to smile more, and used his defense mechanism to torture him (smiled to hide weakness, forced to smile against his will, making the smile itself a constant reminder of how powerless he really is). There was rarely an action Alastor did that provoked his contract holder, but that didn't matter. They convinced him that each "punishment" was earned, that they were simply trying to help him see his own shortcomings and failures, and to make him better. Obviously, this is complete bullshit. However, when you live like that long enough, with no other influences, you become conditioned to believe it.

Eventually, for whatever reason, the contract holder released Alastor on strict orders to go to Charlie's hotel, and Alastor is doing exactly what they told him because he's terrified of the idea of being summoned back to their side. He hates his contract holder, but at the same time craves their approval, because if they're happy with him, then he won't be in pain. However, Alastor has to Alastor, and once he's on his own, he starts looking for ways to escape his deal - but he's sneaky about it. Years of constant conditioning made him cautious. He has no memory of ever searching for loopholes before - a least not successfully (bc the contract holder doesn't let the clones remember those things), so he does the best thing he can think of: he makes a deal with the Princess of Hell herself.

I'm definitely going to make another post about this, probably detailing the reveal. Not right now though because I have homework to do, and this is getting to ungodly lengths

(if you want to see the next part when I post it, keep an eye on the '#grimwalker alastor au' tag. I might just make this a whole thing if anyone is interested. I'll make it a whole thing anyways because I feel like it and deep down I post for myself, but if you're interested, I highly encourage you to ask about it [I don't bite!!])

aww, thanks for the tag!!

Last Song: "As Good A Reason" by Paris Paloma

Favorite Color: Probably Indigo or Psychedelic Purple

Currently Watching: Nothing at this moment, but I just finished 'Hilda' a couple days ago (100% recommend, it's on Netflix)

Last Movie: 'FX's A Christmas Carol' easily my favorite version of the story

Sweet, Spicy, Salty, or Savory: Spicy 85% of the time, the rest is decided by a roulette wheel hidden in my brain

Relationship Status: Happily single and not looking for a relationship

Current Obsession: writing angst for 'Hazbin Hotel' lmao (I have 9 WIP tabs open lol)

Last Thing You Googled: 'sweet blue dish with tapioca' I remembered some dessert I had when I was really little and was trying to find out what it was lol. As of right now, I think it was Nam Wan, but I don't know for sure

some no pressure tags: @lonely-lost-insanity , @oberveroftheinfinite @guesswhocouldntsleep , @justaticklishdeer , @that-hazbin and anyone else who wants to participate lol (I'm NOT tagging 9 people)

NINE PEOPLE I WANT TO KNOW BETTER TAG

I wasn't tagged but thought this looked like fun.

Last Song: 'Lonely Dancers' by Conan Gray. Favorite Color: Butter yellow. Currently Watching: 'Breaking Bad' for the third time. Last Movie: 'Sonic 3.' Sweet, Spicy, Salty, Or Savory: Spicy. Relationship Status: Taken and happily engaged. Current Obsession: Baking bread. Last Thing You Googled: How do I stop my cat from pooping in the bathtub?

I'm tagging @emma5618, @amazingmsme, @veryblushyswitch, @otomiyaa, @legs-like-jelly, @a-fluffer-nutter, @hype-blue-fixation, @happyandticklish, and @void-occupation. No pressure to respond if you don't feel like it, though!

Imagine Charlie and Alastor visit Rosie one day and Rosie just casually drops, "Hey, remember that time Zestial swaddled you during an overlord meeting?" And now Alastor has to either explain what happened to Charlie and live with the embarrassment, or let her come to her own - likely much more embarrassing - conclusions and spread them around the hotel 😭

When Zestial gets fed up

I don't know if someone's done this already, but imagine the Justice League is doing some mission or another and Batman gets captured. Maybe it was on purpose, maybe it wasn't but whatever the case, the JL is now Concerned. Their main tactician is gone, and some of the villains are Batman's Rogues, who they admittedly don't know much about

They bust into where ever Batman's being held and only one person is there that they see. They take them out and wander around until they find Batman in a room with Harley Quinn. They go in guns blazing only to stop in pure confusion

Batman is tied rather impressively to a chair while Harley sits opposite of him with a clipboard in hand and glasses perched on her nose. Bruce looks absolutely miserable while Harley turns around with a wide smile as if she hadn't been holding Batman hostage. To be fair to her though, Bruce honestly had figured out how to escape his restraints about 5 minutes after he woke up, but he knows that the Joker doesn't ever listen to Harley and she'd get upset when her "impromptu therapy" sessions would get interrupted when they were in college together. He'd always had kind of a soft spot for Harley so he'd stayed. Not that anyone else needed to know that of course

everyone's interaction goes something like this:

Harley: Oh hi!

Superman who is Terminally Polite: H-hey. How are you?

Harley: Oh, I'm good. Batman and I were talking about his obvious abandonment issues and severe anxiety!

Bruce, mortified and hiding it surprisingly well: No we weren't

Flash: Is this...normal???

Harley: Yeah, just about - any time I get to watch him I usually give him some therapy. He obviously needs it and it's not like I'm doing much with my degree otherwise!

Bruce: First off, rude. Second off, why is everyone just standing around? We've got work to do!

And the entire League jumps guiltily as they realize they were kind of just staring at their captured teammate when there is indeed work to be done about the rest of the group they're facing. Then, Harley drops the bomb that she wasn't even involved???? She just heard that they'd captured Batman and broke in to Therapy at him while he couldn't get away

Look, I was confused by my math homework-

Open tags

Found this on Twitter, so I thought, why not posting it here and doing a tag game 😊

Ok, I’ll go first

If he is the reason, I’d go to prison gladly 🥰❤️‍🔥

Tagging: @killerqueen-ofwillowgreen @nic-214 @milkyway-ashes @dr-radiation @whitequeen-ofwillowgreen @sunsetdaydreamer @therockywhorerpictureshow @delicatelyfantasticninja and everyone 😊

Sorry if I forgot to tag some of you!