It Wasn't Me I Swear It Wasn't Me I Would Never Say Anything Like That I'm So Sorry.

I might be stupid and angry and cruel and mean and an absolute idiot, but i care, i really do.

I was barely thinking during any of what I did. I’m not sure if I was even actually happy.

Sometimes I wish you were able to stay that night.

And sometimes I wish I had said something sooner.

I would never have done this again.

I despise the person I was and the way i treated you.

One of my best online friends is dying in the hospital right now.

He has a brain tumor and he's going in for surgery. He might die and he might go braindead depending on how the surgery goes.

His parent's don't care enough to be there with him so the only person with him is his therapist.

Please don't let one of the good ones die, God. I know he'll go to heaven, but he can't leave yet. He has so much ahead of him.

Ch if you die I don't know if I could handle it.

I won't stop here. I'll keep doing everything I can to get better.

And I promise I'll stop letting myself get hurt.

...the marks on my arms look suspicious but I promise they're just scrapes.

I don't blame you for saying no.

I understand.

the person I was wouldn't have been good for you

I should eat… but I can’t eat anything for another few hours or my mom will know I’m not sleeping again…

even though she was supporting me i got rid of her. no way in hell am i abandoning anybody because someone like her told me to ever again.

I'm fixing myself and I don't need someone to try and derail me again.

See? I'm learning!

you're gonna be okay.

stay safe.

I know, I know I'll be okay. I know everything will be alright. I'll hold on with every last slice of energy I have to my name.

I've been beaten down before.

I just have to remember how to get back up.

Thank you anon.

I had a friend send me one of these guides recently. I guess they really do know me too well.

ah, thank you pinterest. I really needed this.

"Goodnight bro, see you tomorrow"

He doesn't understand how much I needed to hear that, to know that he's going to spend time with me willingly. Sometimes it feels like people only talk to me because I initiate, but hearing those simple 5 words made everything feel okay. I feel like I'm back in 8th grade, making plans to go over and hang out in his backyard I feel like I'm free from all my troubles that came later. I'm free from the changes that I never wanted to make and were forced on me by... some bad people.

I feel like the person I want to be again. I feel like I am who I should be and who I would have been if not for all the shit I've went through.

I hope this feeling stays around for a while.

I hope he says those words again tomorrow. "Goodnight bro. See you tomorrow" Goodnight, bro.

I'll be here, enjoying the feelings those words gave me. It will be a good night.