What Turns The Kuroshitsuji Boys On?

And me! I like flies! 🕷️❤️🥰😘😍😌☺️😉😁✨💯🥳🤤👉🏻👈🏻

Hi Jim! Did you miss me?

- @consult-sebmoran

Again? You drop and pop up like flies.

Which is perfect for someone like me.

Slender Brothers and Female Beauty Practises Used in the Middle Ages!

What the Slender Brothers thought of beauty practices in Europe during the Middle Ages for Females. Inspired by Haus of Holbein from Six: The Musical XD 

Warnings: Well, Offender’s of course discusses rape so don’t read it if you know its going to make you uncomfortable. As a whole though, they all talk about pretty gross and painful sounding stuff. That’s what the practises for beauty were like at the time. That’s the whole topic. Basically though, if you’re cool watching Horrible Histories then these (Except Offenders) should be okay. 

~~~

Offenderman:

Man, your make-up, wigs and rat fur eyebrows are gonna get wiped off with him. This is not because he’s sloppy… its actually because he doesn’t like the taste. His mouth is gonna find itself in all sorts of places and he doesn’t need to be tasting hog grease on your face, no matter how good for your skin you might think it is! This includes if they used lead for makeup, arsenic, nightshade, lard, or anything else (for this reason, Offender actually avoided much accidental poisoning that way. Of course, this man poisons himself anyway with other drugs). Hair extensions would also go. He did get excited though when he, uh, caught a girl having her late night / before bed routine with blood on her face, though. Like when you get a box of cornflakes and theirs coco pops in there instead.

He was and still is pretty fascinated with corsets though.

Slenderman:

Don’t take this as Slender being ‘ahead of the time’, but the moment he left his forest for a moment and saw women replacing their eyebrows with rat fur and using pee to lighten their hair, he was out of there. No, no. Absolutely not. That’s disgusting and ridiculous. He goes home in disgust and then he laughs his ass off (Cruelly). Like I said, this doesn’t mean Slender was ahead of the time (None of them were or are. They can do their own research, but that can only lead them to be as forward as the rest of the world is- they’re telepathic, not psychic), it just means he was judgmental and thinks the only valid image of beauty is his own. “No Splender I’m not leaving this forest, there are people out there who pluck their hairlines away until they look like what emerges from a hens vagina. With a face.”  

Splenderman:

Splender has been around humans for so long and he pays so much attention (Not out of creepiness- out of care) that he is well aware of the state a human body should be in if it’s healthy and comfortable and how it definitely should not look if it is healthy and comfortable. This means that when people started getting sick and losing the ability to walk too early in life after they started using certain beauty practises, he knew exactly what to blame. And he, of course, tried to warn people when the topic came up and made his views on these things clear to people he knew, these things were kinda… normal?? You know? There wasn’t much he could do. People would just brush him off. Folks always complain about new things, that doesn’t mean they’re bad! Right?

This normalcy barrier though, did not stop our man from being a legit vigilante by night and making sure that various X-Ray clinics (These would be used for hair removal. You got stuck under the X-Ray machine for up to a day and it got rid of your hair… but it also, of course, destroyed your skin) and small cosmetics factories that put arsenic and deadly night shade in their products would shut down. He did this by stealing their equipment and materials and getting rid of it. Splender’s awesome.

Trenderman:

Of course, Trender is a fashion plate and he has always appreciated mortals’ sense of style and art, but he isn’t obsessive about sticking to the trends. He likes to do his own thing, you know? As a rule, he has always backed up his practises with science and his own experience with them, so I’m not gonna lie here. Some of the practises used during the Middle Ages did concern him a bit, aha. Such as the use of radiation for skin care and various poisons (Lead, arsenic, deadly nightshade). He would also take shoes very seriously with anyone he was dressing up for events and have them promise to him that they would excuse themselves from their party or whatever they were attending, for a bit and take off super high heels or too small slippers to let their feet breath and sit normally for a little while. He would go as far as to tell them horror stories about people who didn’t listen to him and couldn’t walk after the age of forty, or got seriously disgusting feet looking feet, or even had to have them chopped off. Yeah, Trender took it seriously.

Using mercury, though (Unfortunately), is not one of the things that concerned him. After the 1800’s, when Trender finally did fall seriously ill from the substance (It took him a while due to his superior immune system), he did of course immediately regret all of his work with it and halted its use in any of his practises. Its one of his biggest regrets. He used to recommend it so often to clients… and friends… and he can’t take any of that back. These days though he’s very current and aware to a genius extent on the subject of what’s healthy in the way of cosmetics. He doesn’t play with it at all.

The mayfly man... *Small smile* The mayfly man is... here today. *Let's glass of campagne fall to the floor.* Uh... Sorry, I...

Male small mayfly, Baetinae, Baetidae

Male small mayflies in the family Baetidae differ from females in that they have seven eyes rather than five - 3 simple eyes, 2 compound eyes,and 2 turbinate eyes on top of the head. These upward-facing eyes are thought to be used for spotting females during aerial mating.

Photographed in Malaysia by Nicky Bay // Website // Facebook

Shared with permission; do not remove credit or re-post!

*Snorts* So he actually did indeed fall down the staircase and probably gave poor Mrs. Hudson a heart attack! 🕷️❤️🥰😘😍✨😂🤣😌😁😉☺️💯👉🏻👈🏻

Does your broken butt fell better today, Sherly? 🕷️❤️🥰😘😍🥺🥹😭😳🥲😅☺️😉😁😌😂🤣👉🏻👈🏻

My posterior is not broken. The majority of it consists of muscles like the gluteus maximus, which you can't really break.

Concerning my bruised non-injured coccyx and sacrum, I might have palpated them when if I had fallen on them. And the theoretical palpation showed no broken or moving parts. No x-ray necessary given that a broken coccyx can't be treated with a cast anyway given you can't immobilise the bone properly.

But of course such a theoretical injury takes some days to heal and several impact points on legs and arms have bruises when you fall down the stairs. Hematoma usually take a few weeks to heal, as well as the pain to lessen. All theoretical, of course.

Your favorite tarantula is back! 🕷️🥰😘😍❤️🥺

So I was in Sweden for two and a half month and it was great! Unfortunately I couldn't access my mobile data (we didn't have wifi) for some reason and whatever I tried to make ot work didn't change anything!

When I went into Tumblr though when I did have wifi (at someone else's place) I couldn't access my old account ( @shame-of-chimical ) anymore so I had to set up a new one.

But I'm happy to be back and I missed you guys (I really missed spending time with Irene, sitting on Jim's nice and warm hand and Sherlock's awesome deductions and scientific explanation about things, but also I missed talking to Harry and the banter between John and Sherlock for example!)

But on that note, hello to @twireneadler, @criminalisticonsultant, @consult-sherlockholmes, @consultjohnwatson , @mrs-hudsons-blog, @mrs-turners-blog, @atamh, @antheaisntmyname, @therealharrywatson, @a-victorian-girl, and @everyone else that I might not have mentioned in my post! 🕷️🥰😘😍❤️🥺😭☺️😌😋😁😉😇🥳

*Holds up your police badge* Here it is, officer! 🕷️❤️🥰😘😍☺️😁😉😌🤣😂😋🥳💯👀✨👉🏻👈🏻

Hey Greg! Did you know that big dragonflies can speed up to 130 miles per hour??? Cheetah's can also speed up to 130 miles per hour, but only for about 20 seconds, so a big dragonfly can easily beat a cheetah in a race!

Dragonflies can also make it from Lybia to Iceland in only four days flat! Awesome, isn't it?! 🕷️❤️🥰😘😍☺️😁😉😌🥳👀💯👉🏻👈🏻

Is this true? I don't know any bugs to confirm these facts with. Feel like I'd need a detective for this. Or someone who really knew bugs. Wonder if I know anyone like that...

Uhhh... You're not planning to get anywhere near me with that spray, right? RIGHT??? 🕷️❤️😘🥰😍😭😳🥲😅👀🥹🥺💯👉🏻👈🏻

Goodness gracious, why...?! And if I msy be allowed to also give one of my own headcannons, I'd kind of say that Umbitch forces her student to wear pink when ever not in class. And on Wendesdays probably... But again, WHY?!

Hey! I know you're most likely gonna hate me for even thinking about asking that, but couple I maybe request a big bunch of your best headcannons about Professor Umbridge going full on yandere over onne of her female students??? Thanks in advance!

*blinks*

Okay, first of all, for anyone out there: I'm OLD and I live under a rock

Face reveal v

I had to google what yandere meant..... help

With that said, I– I just– w-why???

I don't even know what to tell you or what to make of this because my brain is physically unable to produce any sort of Umbridge headcanons so I don't know where to find you "a big bunch" of them

What comes to mind for now is the following:

She would give her student an ungodly amounts of useless gifts, like a collection of cat-themed stationery

She would build a shrine in a corner of her office with way too many shades of pink, tea cozies with the student’s face on them, framed photos of her and cuts from "The Daily Prophet", also singing kitten in moving portraits that would meow the student's name like a mantra

She would punish the other students for stupid stuff of course and the sanctions would be extreme with like a quill that writes "I must not covet what is hers" or "stay away from [student's name]" into their skin

She would have no scrupules using Imperio to hurt those who try to interact with her favourite student or punish her if she tried to have any sort of relationship, even platonic with someone else

She would implement rules at Hogwarts that would ensure she could spend time with her student

Also, she would rearrange schedules every day

She would come to Quidditch matches with huge banners with ridiculous slogans to encourage her student, and she would force the students she tolerates most to be part of a fan club to cheer during the matches (but not too much, otherwise she would feel threatened and severely punish them)

Apart from that, I'm sorry but nothing comes to mind because whaaaat 😭

PDA Headcanons for Crowley & Aziraphale (gender-neutral reader)

Crowley:

Super comfortable with public displays of affection. Only if he knows you’re also comfortable with it, of course.

He likes letting other people know you’re his (and, vice versa, that he’s yours).

Touchy. VERY touchy. Like one or more of his hands are probably on you at all times.

He likes having his arm around your shoulders (bonus points if you are quite a bit shorter than him - he likes the feeling that he’s keeping you safe.)

If you’re sitting down in a public place (like a park bench, for example) do not think he won’t pull you into his lap. Because he will. All the time.

He will grab your ass in public. He will probably do it discreetly, but he does it just to make you blush and get all flustered.

Constant use of petnames. Sweetheart is his favourite.

Absolutely not ashamed to kiss you in public. Like he will do it a lot. Not just your lips either. Cheeks? Yep. Neck? Y E P. If you have skin showing, Crowley wants to have his mouth there.

More than once he has kissed you, pinned you against a wall on some discreet London corner and things got a little too heated. Cue the two of you rushing back to the Bentley to get to somewhere a little more private 👀

Aziraphale:

Definitely not as confident about PDA as Crowley, but that doesn’t mean he won’t show you any affection in public. He’s just more subtle about it.

Hand holding. Literally his favourite thing to do ever. Does that thing where he rubs little circles into your hand with his thumb !!!

If you lean your head into his arm/shoulder when you’re walking and holding hands?? This angel will straight up melt.

Also likes using petnames on you, though Aziraphale prefers the more traditional “my dear/darling”.

I mean he’s just a good old fashioned gentleman. Holds doors open for you, never lets you carry anything ever even if you insist you’re fine.

You’re cold? He’ll be wrapping his jacket around your shoulders before you can even start shivering.

Will still give you forehead kisses and probably also kiss the back of your hand because he is SOFT AF.

One day you surprise him with a kiss on the lips whilst you’re out for a stroll and he goes red and probably starts tripping over his own feet but is grinning the whole way home.

Damn right, they do! 🕷️❤️😘🥰😍✨💯😂🤣🤤😏😁🤭😋😌😉☺️🙂👀👉🏻👈🏻

The best booty calls have 8 legs.