Slender Brothers And Female Beauty Practises Used In The Middle Ages!

Slender Brothers and Female Beauty Practises Used in the Middle Ages!

What the Slender Brothers thought of beauty practices in Europe during the Middle Ages for Females. Inspired by Haus of Holbein from Six: The Musical XD

Warnings: Well, Offender’s of course discusses rape so don’t read it if you know its going to make you uncomfortable. As a whole though, they all talk about pretty gross and painful sounding stuff. That’s what the practises for beauty were like at the time. That’s the whole topic. Basically though, if you’re cool watching Horrible Histories then these (Except Offenders) should be okay.

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Offenderman:

Man, your make-up, wigs and rat fur eyebrows are gonna get wiped off with him. This is not because he’s sloppy… its actually because he doesn’t like the taste. His mouth is gonna find itself in all sorts of places and he doesn’t need to be tasting hog grease on your face, no matter how good for your skin you might think it is! This includes if they used lead for makeup, arsenic, nightshade, lard, or anything else (for this reason, Offender actually avoided much accidental poisoning that way. Of course, this man poisons himself anyway with other drugs). Hair extensions would also go. He did get excited though when he, uh, caught a girl having her late night / before bed routine with blood on her face, though. Like when you get a box of cornflakes and theirs coco pops in there instead.

He was and still is pretty fascinated with corsets though.

Slenderman:

Don’t take this as Slender being ‘ahead of the time’, but the moment he left his forest for a moment and saw women replacing their eyebrows with rat fur and using pee to lighten their hair, he was out of there. No, no. Absolutely not. That’s disgusting and ridiculous. He goes home in disgust and then he laughs his ass off (Cruelly). Like I said, this doesn’t mean Slender was ahead of the time (None of them were or are. They can do their own research, but that can only lead them to be as forward as the rest of the world is- they’re telepathic, not psychic), it just means he was judgmental and thinks the only valid image of beauty is his own. “No Splender I’m not leaving this forest, there are people out there who pluck their hairlines away until they look like what emerges from a hens vagina. With a face.”

Splenderman:

Splender has been around humans for so long and he pays so much attention (Not out of creepiness- out of care) that he is well aware of the state a human body should be in if it’s healthy and comfortable and how it definitely should not look if it is healthy and comfortable. This means that when people started getting sick and losing the ability to walk too early in life after they started using certain beauty practises, he knew exactly what to blame. And he, of course, tried to warn people when the topic came up and made his views on these things clear to people he knew, these things were kinda… normal?? You know? There wasn’t much he could do. People would just brush him off. Folks always complain about new things, that doesn’t mean they’re bad! Right?

This normalcy barrier though, did not stop our man from being a legit vigilante by night and making sure that various X-Ray clinics (These would be used for hair removal. You got stuck under the X-Ray machine for up to a day and it got rid of your hair… but it also, of course, destroyed your skin) and small cosmetics factories that put arsenic and deadly night shade in their products would shut down. He did this by stealing their equipment and materials and getting rid of it. Splender’s awesome.

Trenderman:

Of course, Trender is a fashion plate and he has always appreciated mortals’ sense of style and art, but he isn’t obsessive about sticking to the trends. He likes to do his own thing, you know? As a rule, he has always backed up his practises with science and his own experience with them, so I’m not gonna lie here. Some of the practises used during the Middle Ages did concern him a bit, aha. Such as the use of radiation for skin care and various poisons (Lead, arsenic, deadly nightshade). He would also take shoes very seriously with anyone he was dressing up for events and have them promise to him that they would excuse themselves from their party or whatever they were attending, for a bit and take off super high heels or too small slippers to let their feet breath and sit normally for a little while. He would go as far as to tell them horror stories about people who didn’t listen to him and couldn’t walk after the age of forty, or got seriously disgusting feet looking feet, or even had to have them chopped off. Yeah, Trender took it seriously.

Using mercury, though (Unfortunately), is not one of the things that concerned him. After the 1800’s, when Trender finally did fall seriously ill from the substance (It took him a while due to his superior immune system), he did of course immediately regret all of his work with it and halted its use in any of his practises. Its one of his biggest regrets. He used to recommend it so often to clients… and friends… and he can’t take any of that back. These days though he’s very current and aware to a genius extent on the subject of what’s healthy in the way of cosmetics. He doesn’t play with it at all.

Gongylus gongylodes

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talking-tarantula

11 months ago

...Totally didn't already losse half my legs! Good thing I still have a hooman form to turn into! 🕷️❤️🥰😍😘☺️😉😌😁😳😇😅🥺🥹✨👉🏻👈🏻

Hewwo! Guess what! I became a bird mommy to a beautiful () female crow just this morning and she's a precious, very non-aggressive and super chill sweetheart! 🕷️❤️🥰😍😘🥳😁😌😉😳🥺🥹☺️😇✨👉🏻👈🏻

A spider raising a crow.

And here I believed I have seen everything.

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talking-tarantula

5 months ago

Can I use that for roaches as well? 🕷️❤️😘🥰😍🤭😂🤣😅😁☺️😳😉😋🥳👀👉🏻👈🏻

Tumblr seems to do targeted advertisements now. Or maybe that was just a coincidence that they are providing an ad for meat seasoning right after I posted about a cannibal seasoning their meat of choice. "The taste their meat craves" They even got the garlic I just talked about. Very fitting. Meat seasoning for cannibals. How neat. At least we now know the perfect christmas present for any cannibalistic friend you have.

The Gift

Summary: Out of nowhere, your husband receives a gift from you.

A/N: This came to me last night after thinking of what type of mail people receive. Here's one I hope you enjoy.

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The Owl Postal Service in Hogwarts was, if not, consistent in their delivery time.

This time being, the hour after breakfast started for everyone to ensure that no disruptions, except important missives, were to be received during class hours.

Your tawny barn owl sailed through the Great Hall, over the heads of students and staff, and landed on the High Table in front of its’ intended recipient, your husband, their dark and grumpy Potions Professor, Severus Snape.

It was uncommon for the Potions’ Professor to receive anything but Potions’ ingredients, his usual Potions’ Journal subscription, or official mail either from the Ministry or the Order so the package, a neatly wrapped gift in royal green paper, silver ribbon, and a tag attached, accompanied by a letter in your distinct handwriting was bound to attract attention.

“Is there a special occasion?” the Headmaster’s eyes twinkled upon the sight of the young Potions’ Master quite confused,

“No,” Severus answered, “Not that I know of,”

His thoughts a mile a minute through his brain, slowly, internally panicking. His eyes locked at the present in front of him. Did he forget YOUR birthday? God no, you’d thoroughly celebrated every time the day came around. Did he forget his birthday? Did he forget an anniversary? Did he forget a muggle holiday that you loved to celebrate? No, so what was this doing here?

“It’s wrapped beautifully,” Minerva remarked, from across Dumbledore, “Will you open it?”

He does. First, the letter.

“Sev,” your voice echoed through his brain, “I know you’re probably trying to think of any reason why I would send a gift to you on a normal day.”

You know him far too well.

“Just stop. Do I need a reason to send a gift to the one I love when I feel like it?” a soft smile slowly formed on his lips as he read that line, his colleagues’ interest piqued at the change, “It’s from our holiday and other events, I hope you like it. I know I did. I love you, I’ll see you when I get home,”

Your letter was swiftly tucked in his robes after then taking the package from your owl. Severus proffered a treat for them, and they happily ate before it perched itself on his shoulder. His hands gently tugged on the silver to unwrap the gift.

His initials and yours, on the cover of a leather-bound enchanted photo album.

On the first page of your story, the title page, if the album was a muggle document, was a candid photo from your most recent vacation. Your arms wrapped around his. His figure was behind yours in a hug. Your faces were engulfed in laughter after a guide failed to land a joke against him.

“Oh,” Severus whispered, Your gift was amazing. How did he get so lucky to deserve you?

“That’s a rare sight,” Filius said, by his right, “Severus smiling and speechless,”

“She’s beautiful, Severus,” Albus complimented,

“We look forward to meeting her,” Minerva said,

Their words fell on deaf ears.

Beneath the photo album, in a frame, there was another photo of the both of you from afar. This moment was captured by a charmed camera that you didn’t even know was there until after it happened. In the wilds of Wizarding Britain, on your first date, underneath the stars, he’d kissed the back of your hand, admitted his affections, and asked if he could kiss you. To which you shyly agreed, and received the sweetest kiss you’d ever experienced.

This he could place on his desk. The others were not up for public consumption.

“If you’ll excuse me, Professors, I must send a response,”

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talking-tarantula

4 months ago

could we get some slender bros NSFW hcs?

(Creepypasta x Headcanon) NSFW Headcanons for the Slender Brothers -

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- Slenderman, as we all know, doesn’t like humans and probably has a very low sex drive. If it was ever high, I would go run and hide because he would probably turn into another Sexual Offenderman, but worse. Obviously, he has a thing with using his tendrils to pleasure his partner and doesn't care if anyone walks in on him getting some action.

- Splendorman may look like a sweet-heart and all innocent on the outside, but on the inside, he’s very kinky and dirty, he just doesn’t like that side of him, so he hides it away. His sex drive is also pretty low and there’s no need to worry if it ever gets high, he’s very good at controlling himself. He likes blindfolding his partner and would be very embarrassed if someone walked in on him.

- Trenderman, the OCD brother out of all of them. He’s fascinated in humans but also cringes at them. When he found out they do NSFW things with each other, he was horrified. Watching humans ripping off each other’s clothes and throwing them on the ground is like a horror movie for him. To say the least, he’s not interested in anything that’s NSFW and you would probably never see him with a partner. If he did have a partner, do expect to see him making revealing clothes for them.

- Sexual Offenderman... must I say more? His sex drive is high and is always high. He doesn’t care about genders so everyone is basically doomed when he’s around. He’s into the most kinkiest things ever. Here’s a list of his kinks: Sadism (Inflicting pain or humiliating his partner), Impact play (spanking, whipping, flogging - any kind of strike), Voyeurism (getting off from watching other people have sex), Katoptronophilia (anyone who loves having sex or masturbating in front of mirrors), Edgeplay (Considered riskier than usual kinks. It involves knives, blood, needles and more.), BDSM, BNT (involves inflicting pain on a woman's breasts and nipples), CBT (involves inflicting pain on a man's penis or testicles)...