"Is That An Actual Certified Citrus Fact? Hey That's My Band Name."

"Be right back while I confess my sins to the nearest priest!"

"People don't think that technology can handle a beating. If my Xbox was a war veteran he'd have been through all the major wars."

“It’s not porn, one of them is on fire!”

“There’s definitely a small banana joke in there somewhere...”

-My teacher, to a student, after she explained how we’d be putting condoms on bananas and he said he might as well put it on the real thing

“He’s not Year 7 stupid, he’s Year 9 stupid.”

-My friend, describing her brother in Year 7

“We thought it was a toilet chain!”

-My grandma, talking about my great grandmother’s very expensive jewelry

"Tell me what pen you use, WITCH!"

“That’s my second claim to fame; I was once told off by a rodent!”

-My grandma, who once got shouted at by Mickey Mouse at Disney Land

“Let’s go watch memes in the Depression Corner!”

-A random kid, in a sing song voice

“Hula Hoops are the food of the Gods!”

-Me, being right