"Today I Shall Be Expanding The List Of Reasons I'm Going To Hell."

"Can you overdose on starch?"

“Need I remind you of your grandmother’s murderous intentions?”

-Me, probably about to get murdered by one of my friends grandmas

“That’s a Cavendish banana, you shithead.”

-me, to one of my closest friends

"Is that an actual certified citrus fact? Hey that's my band name."

"Like, which part of this clusterfuck specifically?"

I should probably clarify that this was in a game

Convesation between my mum and brother

Brother: He was in the way so we killed him

Mum: You killed your friend in his sleep?

B: It gets worse…

M: …

B: …

M: …

B: We skinned him.

M: …

B: We needed the leather!

“Every part of me is lesbian.”

“Apart from your boyfriend.”

"I dream of being attacked by birds..."

“The Hell do I need kidneys for?”

“Stop sending me memes!”

-My very frustrated computing teacher, who was definitely regretting telling us we were allowed to make memes