"Can You Overdose On Starch?"

“You’re the kind of person who invades a medieval castle in the winter.”

-My brother

"I'm so lonely... SHIT I FORGOT TO EMAIL THEM BACK!"

Convesation between my mum and brother

Brother: He was in the way so we killed him

Mum: You killed your friend in his sleep?

B: It gets worse...

M: ...

B: ...

M: ...

B: We skinned him.

M: ...

B: We needed the leather!

"My life is just a series of stupid hills!"

So nobody said anything funny today, but I just witnessed two guys pick up a bench and attempt to walk away with it, and I can’t just not acknowledge that

"Is that an actual certified citrus fact? Hey that's my band name."

"Daffodils; they're hiding something..."

"I'm not gonna finish that sentence for legal reasons."

Spending time with my family... I am definitely going to hear some stupid things

Not all trolls, mam