Nikolai Gogol Asks You To Stay. You Are Unsure.

Nikolai Gogol asks you to stay. You are unsure.

This is part of a series of standalone works about Nikolai Gogol. The rest can be found here including content warnings for each separate part.

general cw: yandere tendencies (possessiveness, manipulation...), very toxic, could be dubcon?, he deffo doesn't ask you to stay he more just tells you to, sorry! "are unsure" cw: above + condescending manipulation (making decisions for you?), could be seen as kidnapping?

Pinned down onto Nikolai's couch, he sinks his teeth into you again and again, littering your skin with harsh bruises as he marks up your neck.

"Don't leave," he nearly growls, pressing gentle kisses over the bites.

You shift underneath him, shying away from his harshness. "Nikolai," comes out breathlessly, the sound catching in your throat as your hands grip his shirt tightly to try and keep yourself grounded.

The white-haired man looks at you beneath him as his hands clamp down on your waist, holding you tighter as he moves his lips to your shoulder. For a few moments, Nikolai plants kisses along your neck while you catch your breath. Just before you can fully calm down, his teeth are right back on your collarbone and biting down with reckless abandon.

"Stay," he growls once more, teeth digging in to send another batch of shockwaves all across your body.

You whimper beneath him, thrashing tirelessly under his hold. "Nooo!"

Hot breath against your skin and sharp teeth grazing your flesh overwhelms your senses, sending you into a spiral while his fingers trail up and down your arms gently. It's hard to soothe someone while also causing them pain, but Nikolai's ministrations lead to your thrashing subsiding, chest heaving up and down as you merely breathe against him.

"It hurts?" he asks hoarsely.

The only response he gets is a feverish nod. Your eyes are screwed shut as your hands fumble with his shirt, clenching and unclenching the black fabric. It's an attempt to ground yourself, but your stinging neck keeps it from fully working.

Nikolai looks down at you, his eyebrows raised as he slides his teeth against your neck again, this time applying only enough pressure to be noticeable, ghosting over your bruised and ruined skin.

Monotonously, he replies, "Then I won't stop," as though merely stating a fact and not deciding your fate. Your breath catches, holding it for a moment while he lets out a low growl of satisfaction.

An unwanted hiccup passes your lips, tears spilling from your eyes while squirming beneath him. The feeling of pain clouds your mind, your head spinning from the sensations he's causing.

"Keep struggling," he demands softly while his eyes flare with excitement.

"Niko...lai," you pant.

The man grins excitedly over you, seemingly taking this as a challenge as he increases his biting pressure. Nikolai's tongue licks around the areas he's previously bruised before his teeth sink into you just right, breath stopping again at the pain. The action happens twice more before he yanks on your hair, forcing your head to crane back to give him better access.

A yelp sounds from you as your grip tightens on Nikolai's shirt, knuckles turning paler as the fabric stretches under your hold. You whine out a pathetic pleeease, tears turning to big globs while squirming once again.

He doesn't let up though, choosing instead to slide his mouth down your neck in search of another sensitive spot.

With his teeth hovering over your shoulder, threatening to bite down once again, Nikolai whispers, "Tell me you'll stay.” His voice is soft, the gentle tone he uses making your mind hazy.

You hesitate contemplatively, trying to weigh your options. All you have to do is promise you'll stay and he'll stop, right? That's not such a bad trade. Why did you even want to leave again? He protects you, always doing things in your best interest, right? Sure, he's hurting you now, but it's only because you hurt him first when you tried to leave. If you had just stayed in the first place, this wouldn't have happened.

Honestly, this predicament is entirely your fault, isn't it?

"Wait," you still hesitate, feet moving back and forth to try and maintain blood flow as he continues to sit on your thighs. "I can't think," you gasp, tears still running off your cheeks. "I-I dunno!"

Nikolai wastes no time in biting as harshly as he can, a yell escaping your throat as you tug onto his shirt, accidentally bringing him closer for a moment. He pulls back after to stare down at you, eyes glaring nearly as harshly as the dig of his teeth a moment ago.

The glare drops into a look of adoration, a soft smile appearing on his face as well. "That's alright, dove," he speaks as sweetly as he looks at you, a hand resting gently on your cheek. "I can decide for you. That's what you want, right?"

Vision blurry from tears, your hands slowly relax against his shirt, the fabric now bunched up and stretched out as you move to hold his shoulders. Instead of replying, you merely wait for him to continue.

And he does, never one to stay quiet for long when he has something to prove. Right now, all Nikolai wants to do is prove you're his - it's all he's wanted to do since you tried to leave.

"My perfect, precious dove - sometimes it's hard to think for yourself. I understand. And I'm kind enough to recognize that you weren't in your right mind earlier," he punctuates his words a light kiss to the tip of your nose. Smiling down at you in a condescending form of understanding, one of his hands trails over the marks he left. It causes you to flinch, squirming for a moment beneath him as his feather-like touches still cause each bite to sting.

"They say opposites attract, right? My dove has never longed for freedom. That's why your little speech earlier about how you want to leave me left me surprised. But of course, that's not really what you want, is it? You just wanted to ruffle my feathers, get me all possessive." Nikolai sighs, still staring at you with adoration. "My perfect dove. You know I love teasing, but you're mighty cruel. Though I suppose I was, as well..."

A frown settles on Nikolai's lips, the guilt he's tried so hard to fight off settling in. "Okay, dove. I'll stop. We can be done for today." His voice is low as he speaks, soft and gentle as he presses another light kiss to your forehead.

While looking down at you, he delicately taps the tip of your nose after plastering on his adoring smile once more. "Let's get you cleaned up," he whispers. "I'll get the first aid kit. Stay here, okay?"

And you do.

More Posts from Stuffeddeer and Others

1 year ago

Desperate times call for desperate measures 

Summary:  You leave your small twins with Dazai and Chuuya and hope the two of them can manage their fatherly-duties while you take an hour of much needed ‘me time’. Scratch that, you just needed long enough to take a shower in order to feel human again before going back to being a mom.

Pairing: Dazai x Chuuya xfem! Reader 

Inspired by Sweetober prompt 8: Napping together

Warning: Cursing, hints at depression/ postpartum depression, New parents/exhausted parents.

Enjoy~

______________________________________________________________

You were going to kill Chuuya. 

No, you decided as you paced back and forth around the house, rocking the fussing twins in your arms. You were going to kill Mori for dragging your Chuuya out of his parental leave to deal with whatever shit Dazai had gotten himself into. You had thought the suicidal maniac of a lover would have gotten more efficient on missions- or at the very least more considerate. Nope. Still, somehow, if one part of twin dark was sent on a mission, he’d get in sufficient shit to need the second one's assistance. 

Responsible adults, your ass.

You sighed as the wailing continued with no amount of rocking, hushing, singing and pacing doing much to ease the tears. You were also silently cursing Chuuya for getting you pregnant with twins, why couldn’t it have been one to start with? Though you admitted as you looked down at the two crying balls of ginger, they were adorably cute; both took after their father in appearance,inheriting Chuuyas ginger hair and stunning blue eyes. With the only seeming resemblance to you being in their chins and petit nose. 

You definitely picked the short straw you mused bitterly as another loud cry made your ears ring. 

The ginger haired girl was crying and waving her doll around every now and then, getting it tangled in your hair or hitting you on the head with it with a surprising amount of strength. Her twin, an almost identical copy of her with slightly fluffier hair and larger eyes, was just gripping onto you and crying. He wasn’t wailing as loudly as his sister but the teardrops that rolled down his cheeks were larger, almost comical. 

There was no doubt in your mind that they were setting each other off. And all this mess because you got distracted and missed nap time. 

God you could feel yourself reaching your limit. What you’d give for just a little bit of time to yourself- a few hours was all you asked for. Something you hadn’t seen much of- if any after giving birth. As soon as the twins were born you got to spend a month in the hospital recovering before you and the babies were allowed home. Then it went downhill from there. First the wonderful nanny that you had picked out had to leave your services. The agency you hired her through was quick to send a replacement, but that woman got killed in an unfortunate plane crash. Getting another replacement was proving more challenging. Then almost directly after, despite being barely at home Dazai pulled from parental leave due to ‘emergencies’; first several back-to-back abroad missions where he’d only come home for a few days tops and then his last one for which he left over two months ago. You had Chuuya but even he had to go back into the office several times a week.In the best case.  If that wasn’t making your existence miserable, suddenly Dazai needed backup out of the blue, forcing Chuuya to leave without warning in the middle of the night. 

For the last two months you were completely alone. 

You had to do everything; from childcare to household chores, to different parenting classes and doctors visits with the two. In the evenings after putting them to bed you’d be sitting and going through reports and reviewing mission statements to keep your lovers workload manageable and the department not at a standstill. It became your job to ensure subordinates were still sent out on missions and nothing critical, that couldn’t wait until their return, got missed. Then you’d get a little cleaning and food prep done,  shower if you managed to do that before the babies woke up for their nightly feedings. When you’d crawl into bed you’d shut your eyes for twenty minutes at a time, plagued by nightmares of your partners drying and being a failure as a mother. When you’d finally calm your demons, the twins would get hungry again so you’d be up to warm the bottle for them before changing them and rocking them back to sleep. Sometimes you’d fall asleep right on the soft carpeted floor with both of them cuddling to your chest, sleeping a few hours longer than in their own beds. 

Those mornings were your salvation. 

You let out a loud groan, looking up at the ceiling as you felt tears sting your eyes. You didn’t know if children were meant to scream and cry so much. You didn’t know if you were doing this right or wrong. You didn’t know what you were supposed to do. You just wanted them to be healthy and happy- why couldn’t you do that? You brought them closer to your chest and pressed a kiss to each of their foreheads. “ Mama’s trying her hardest” you muttered as you continued to rock them “Mama would really really need a helping hand though.” 

-

It seemed gods took pity on you just this once. 

You nearly broke down crying or screamed out in joy when you heard the car pulling up to your driveway. Then silence before a key pushed into the lock followed by the door swinging opened. 

“ Sweetheart we’re back!” Chuuya yelled as he kicked off his shoes. You heard Dazai’s voice muttering something to him, the bickering overshadowed by the twins' cries. You made quick way towards the hallway. The moment Chuuya and Dazai came into sight, new screams filled the house; excited cries of “ Dada” and “ papa” which bounced off the walls, a bitter reminder that you children were never this excited to see you. 

You could see Chuuya chuckling, a bright expression on his face full of love and happiness. He didn’t seem the slightest bit bothered by the yelling- if anything it seemed to fill him with contagious happy energy and an eagerness to get his damned coat off so he could come to the children. Dazai, dressed in completely white attire, which resembled something between a prison uniform and the dresscode of asylum patients seemed less happy about the screaming. But even he had a smile playing on his lips as he hurried towards you at the same time as Chuuya, who had given up on hanging his coat and just threw it on the ground. The two were practically tripping over each other, with each ‘papa’ and ‘dad’ cry getting more and more eager to get to you, limbs frailing; hands, arms and snappy remarks at each others inability to get out of the others way. 

Finally they seemed to remember how to walk and the bottleneck in your hallway was replaced by two adult men rushing towards you. 

“ How are my loves?” Chuuya cheered looking far too happy as he hurried pressed a kiss to your children's heads. First the boy then the girl. Dazai did the same in the opposite order, both ignoring you and your puckered lips. 

For a second a pang of jealousy hit your heart. You hadn’t seen your partners in over two months and before greeting you, their attention was on the children. Picture perfect fathers. Shitty lovers. And the second the thought entered your head you felt your heart drop to your stomach with guilt. In what sane world was a mother jealous of the attention her babies were getting? You should be happy and proud that both of your partners- not only the biological father- cared so deeply for the balls of joy you created. Though, you added almost bitterly, right now these two brought you anything but joy. 

“ Here” you stated in a slightly bitter tone as you pawned over one kid per partner “ Do everyone a favour and act like fathers for longer than 30 seconds.  I need some ‘me- time’ before I murder someone” 

Chuuya and Dazai shared a look of bewilderment between each other as you stepped away from them. They had expected kisses, hugs and a warm dinner but got a kid each and a blank stare in return. Dazai stared at your retreating form with agap mouth for a moment before he stretched the little girl towards Chuuya; “ Here Chuuya be a good dad, me and Y/N have some catching up to do.” 

You pretended to ignore what he said, the same way he ignored your comment about ‘me time’. Though you wondered if you should at the very least make them dinner before taking out that ‘me time’ moment. 

“ Heeh stop being so bitter and just hold her, Mackerel.” Chuuya snapped trying to get the boy to settle in his arms “if your swimmers could actually swim they’d be your kids” 

“ Don’t be such a slug about it” Dazai declared as he turned his attention away from Chuuya as the boy began sobbing again making Chuuya curse before attempting to pacify him. Zero attention to either Dazai or the girl in his arms. 

In the process the girl-child who had just settled down, amusing herself by pulling on strands of Dazai’s grown out hair, turned her attention away from him and towards her crying brother. Seeing him cry, her eyes began to water.

 In seconds Dazai’s attention was back to you; “ Ohh Belladonna you’d not be so cruel as to demand your newly returned partner whom you haven’t seen for months to be a father without sleep or proper meal “ Despite his dramatic words he shifted the girl to his other arm so her back was to her brother and began rocking her more quickly. His second hand was trying to keep her attention on the doll she had abandoned in favour of his hair. The very doll she had been hitting you with not even ten minutes earlier.  Scratch your earlier thoughts. They were adults and older than you- they knew how to order in or warm up leftovers! 

You sighed heavily before you went towards the kitchen and the fridge. “ Then you boys are in agreement that we stop at two right?” You questioned  when you returned with a cold rattle for the boy. He was quick to grasp it in his hands before beginning to chew on it. The relief it brought was sufficient to stop the tears. 

For now. 

When you got no reply, you motioned between the two of them and then to the children in their arms. If you weren’t so tired you’d have laughed at the look of horror drawing of Dazai’s face as he realized you were serious, and then the very hurt expression at the mere idea of not having any children of his own with you. That look melted a piece of ice around your heart.  “ Or can you manage to look after them for an hour while I take a shower in peace?” 

Your lovers nodded eagerly, both giving you a salute before shuffling off towards the baby proofed living room with toys, a playpen and floor covered in soft playmats. Your eyes lingered long enough until they were out of sight before you headed upstairs to your bedroom. Once there you dragged yourself towards the chair by your make up table which had a thin layer of dust over your make up palettes. Serving as a bitter reminder of just how ‘much’ time you dedicated towards yourself in the past months. The thought plastered a bitter smirk on your face; no wonder you didn’t get as much as a kiss-hello from either Dazai or Chuuya. 

You dropped in the chair with a heavy sigh and buried your head in your hands. You didn’t understand what was wrong with you. You didn’t understand where you were making mistakes; how could other mafia women manage to do so much more? More time with children, more work, more chores- many would even visit headquarters to spend lunch with their husbands. 

Husbands- the word brought a bitter taste to your mouth. How long have you three been together already? How many milestones have you celebrated? Missions, promotions, twins. Plans for extending the family with at least one more kid- Dazai’s. And still your ring finger remained bare. In fact after the icy greeting today you doubted your relationship would ever move anywhere positive from this standstill. 

You heard steps outside your bedroom, irritated and heavy before the door to your bedroom swung open with Dazai’s usual dramatic appearance “ Ahh my sweet Belladonna my heart-”

You didn’t need to turn around to know the look he was wearing.” One hour” you stated “ Or no more kids. Your choice” 

The door closed as quickly as it had opened. 

The peaceful silence didn’t last for long. Though you didn’t know how long you were sitting in your thoughts, salvaging a moment of being alone, you knew it couldn’t have been longer than five minutes before you were interrupted again. This time the footsteps outside your door were calmer and more confident. Their owner opened the door very gently. You closed your eyes biting back the frustration as you heard Chuuya’s half hesitant whisper “Sweetheart..” 

“ What is it, Chuuya?” You still didn’t have it in you to face him. 

“ If you want to soak in the bath, it's ready any minute now” You nodded, feeling a wave of guilt wash over you. Maybe you shouldn’t have been so cold to him. Especially when he went out of his way to do something nice for you. “ Also, do you know where the nursing bottles are?” 

There it was. 

“ There are some prepared bottles in the fridge; just place them in boiling water for a few seconds until they’re body temperature. Not too hot.” You rubbed your temple as you spoke, fighting off the want to cry and scream much like the children downstairs. These were things he as their father was supposed to know. Or at least be able to figure it out on his own. He could lead an entire faction on his own, why couldn’t he handle a baby or two? 

After your reply you heard Chuuya linger in the doorway for a few moments. You pictured him opening and closing his mouth, hesitating as he thought over what to do. A hopefully side of you hoped he’d come in and wrap his arms around you and just hold. Just fucking hold you for a moment without the children being present. Then another cry from downstairs and he was gone; the door shutting quietly behind himself. 

You waited for a moment, gathering your strengths before leaving the safety of your room, rushing quietly through the small hallway, trying not to waver at the sound of the children's cries. Once in the bathroom you closed and locked the door before leaning your back against it. Why did no one tell you that when you’d become a mother you’d become so alone while constantly surrounded by others? 

Shaking your head you stripped before climbing into the baths. You let out a low moan as the feeling of bath salts soothed your skin. Then salvaged the moment of humanity as you dipped your head underwater with the realization you didn’t need to watch anyone while you washed. Then you reached for the shaving blade and shaving cream, getting rid of the hair on your body that annoyed you more than you’d ever wish to admit. 

When you got out of the bathtub and showered off, you felt human. Like a sliver of being a woman was returned to you. Dressing in clean clothes only reinforce that.  Now then you were feeling more ready to tackle the rest of this cursed day.

Coming out of the bathroom you noticed how quiet it was. The silence filled you with dread; anyone with children knew that the only time they were quiet was either when something was wrong or they were up to something, while anyone acquainted with Dazai and Chuuya were very aware that the two together were constantly either bickering or yapping.

Silence like this filled you with dread. 

Throwing your dirty laundry carelessly to the side you rushed downstairs, heart in your throat. When you made it down the stairs you stopped, shocked as the sound of snores reached your ears. More carefully you made your way towards the livingroom being cautious to remain light on your feet. 

Once there you leaned against the wall, your eyes falling on the heartwarming sight before you. All four of them were on the soft playmat. Chuuya was lying stretched out on his back on his coat, an arm dropped over his eyes and loud snores resonating around the room. On his chest lay your daughter with his hat covering her head from the light. His hand was on her body keeping her close to himself. Dazai was lying curled up into a ball on his side, beside Chuuya. His messy head on his thigh. Your son laying in his arms, held close to himself through a make-ship baby-carry out of his bandages. Although he wasn’t snoring you could tell he was fast asleep by the rise and fall of his shoulders. 

Going over to the couch you picked up the warm covers before gently placing it over them. You saw Dazai stir, a sleepy eye opening just long enough to register that you weren’t a threat then he shifted slightly, creating a space between him and Chuuya for you. “ Don’t be a stranger Belladonna” he whispered as he beckoned you to lay down between them. 

Once you did, he wrapped one arm around you, the second one still holding your son in place, before he buried his face in your hair. He took a deep breath in and out, his hand finding yours and squeezing it once before interlocking your fingers together. “ I’ve missed you” he muttered, his eyes sliding shut in tiredness “ Lets rest now and when we wake up I wanna give you a proper greeting Bella” 

Before you could answer he was fast asleep. Which was probably good because it saved you the embarrassment of explaining why his one sentence brought you to tears.  

______________________________________________________________

Author note: Craving part 2?

Check out We need to talk for the sweeter version, and Happy Unhappy home! For more angst.


Tags
1 year ago

first time kissing with the sillies… ada!dazai is defo more experienced and pleasant, but kissing pmzai would be so awkward, giggly and full of teeth

shidjeicbwichwkcbsjbcjebdjehcjcbe biting scratching chewing going crazy jumping up and down

PT2 (kinda)

15!Dazai would be so inexperienced and childish fhuisehfu hold on lemme do smth .

“Haah!~” Dazai leaned back as he let out a huge breath of air, face bright red with a big grin on his face. His reaction made you flustered, not expecting such a dramatic response to a little kiss (even from Dazai).

It had been very heat of the moment: a sudden and quick press of your lips on his (could it even be described as a kiss?) to celebrate the two of you becoming official partners - dating. Two seasoned mafiosos were acting like giddy children just from holding hands for the first time and telling each other how they felt.

And now, Dazai had his face buried in his hands, working hard to try and steady his heart rate. “You— th-that— ” It was rare to see Dazai so speechless, causing your own face to heat up as you stepped back.

“Sorry sorry sorry!” It was reflexive the way you apologized, one hand over your mouth and the other gripping your shirt just above your heart.

“Don’t you dare apologize!” He finally looked back up at you from his hands, huge grin still plastered on his lips as he grabbed you by your hands. “D-do it again!”

LET 15!DAZAI BE A KID 🗣️🗣️🗣️ he’d be so silly and EXPECTANT that greedy jerk.. The second you give him one (1) small kiss, he’s all over you begging for more. But god forbid you ask for a kiss, then he’s teasing you about how you want him so badly and you’re sooo pathetic and whipped for him— he’s the worst!!!! And he will not work on it!

PM!Dazai would be, like anon said, still a little awkward, but definitely more put together. He’d be anxious to initiate, looking anywhere other than you as he tried to figure out the best way to go about it. Probably some experience with kissing would be under his belt by this point, so it wouldn’t be just a peck on the lips: He’d be a bit more committed, but still pull away after only a few moments just to see how you’d react.

When you showed signs of reciprocation and wanting more, Dazai would just pull you back in once again, smiling and giggling as he refused to let your lips leave his this time. His eyes would be screwed shut so tightly, hands resting awkwardly on your biceps and squeezing gently… He just doesn’t want to let go!!! Once you basically pry him off with a crowbar, he’s flushed and heady, turning away from you and letting out a groan. He’s embarrassed a little bit by his actions, but turns back around once again so he can tease you (common across all Dazais). It’s his way of trying to get you to say you enjoyed it :( so tell him he is a very good kisser and you like him very much so he can grin proudly and tell everyone that his partner says he’s an amazing kisser!!! (Even if you technically didn't!!)

ADA!Dazai would be smug but needy, pulling you in for kiss after kiss. You’d part away after the first one, ready to hear some teasing remark or cocky retort, only to find his lips back on yours once again. One hand would move to hold your waist gently, the second holding you in place cupping your cheek as he’d press more and more upon your lips. The soft feeling of your lips on his causes his whole body to tingle, barely aware of how many times he’s pulled you back in as you let out a small chuckle. He does not care, just repeating the process over and over and over—

“Dazai!” You’d yelp, lightly chastising him. It's punctuated with a giddy giggle that Dazai loves the sound of.

He’d gaze at you adoringly, eyes half lidded and smiling with his cheeks pink. With a teasing tone, he'd reply, “You sayin' you want me to stop?”

And he’d be kissing you again before you could reply. All Dazais are the type to chase your lips after a kiss, but ADA!Dazai in particular is terrible about it. There is never just one kiss with him, even if he promises that’s all in between whines! Do not give in!!!!! You’ll be stuck all day :(

“There are worse places to be trapped, right?”

Beast!Dazai… ougghhh. His first kiss with you would be so somber, like he knows what he’s condemning you to by allowing the both of you to remain in close proximity. It’s slow and almost cold, the way he gently presses his hands into your sides and lets out a heavy breath against your lips, eyes shut tiredly. It’s solemn, but also peaceful - the only time Dazai can just sit with everything he has to do. He’d pull away slowly, a sad smile on his face as he sees your flustered look and wide eyes…

Your last kiss with him is almost worse. It’s needy: hands moving everywhere they can and eyes shut so tightly as he prays to be anywhere else, be anyone else while pouring every emotion that fills him to the brim right onto your lips. He’d mutter an apology right before and so many words of gratitude right after. You cup his face gently, asking him what was wrong, but Dazai would just pull away, leaving you all alone.

someone ask me to do this again bc i've already written more ideas


Tags
1 year ago

rock band member dazai where he’s often in the media for drama between him and his previous ex band partner and you happen to run into him (anonymously!) on a chatting app. eventually his “personal conflicts “ he tells you about him and a ex friend start to align a lot with a certain famous singer’s tabloid scandals, so you bite the bullet and ask if it’s him or if he is just going through the same exact specific events dazai is. he ends up revealing his identity and you end up getting backstage tickets to his shows and he ends up just as obsessed with you as you are (chuuya is pissed that somehow that shitty dazai got a partner before him)

its u.

Dazai’s heart rate picked up at the two grammatically incorrect words that popped up in his notifications. You’d been so close to figuring it out for weeks; Was today finally the day?

wdym

Right: play dumb. There’s no guarantee you figured out who he is, so he just needs to stay calm.

Sure, week after week he’d tell you stories from his life that popped up in magazines and circulated around online the next day or so, always causing you to come back and flaunt it in his face that your favorite guitarist had done it “bigger and better” (even though the stories were the exact same). You frequently pointed out similarities in them (being him and… himself) to the point where he almost saved and told you several times, but something always held him back. Maybe he should just finally rip the bandage off.

A photo message came in. It was a screenshot - a screenshot of a picture Dazai had sent you. In the background had a bright red circle around something small. He zoomed in, eyebrows furrowed in annoyance. Couldn’t you just type it out? What a hassle - oh.

Yeah, he should’ve listened when his manager told him to pick it up and display it properly.

The image was a bird’s eye view of his hand, flashing his fresh coat of nail polish and his rather messy wooden floors (and his cute orange halloween socks). Nothing too damning upon first glance. Sure, you’d mentioned that your favorite band’s guitarist had painted his nails the same color, but that was mere coincidence, right?

No. Because this lazy moron couldn’t put things away, in the top left corner of the photo - the area circled in red - showed an opened package with the platinum record his band was gifted for their most popular song. Why would he have that if not a member of the band himself?

He looked up from his phone blankly, staring at the package still nestled on the side of his room. The only difference from the photo is that it had been pushed slightly to the side since then, stopping him from tripping over it. What a stupid mistake; Dazai had always been much more careful than this (except when he wasn't).

dude

u let me gush to u ab URSELF????

im embarrassed

Dazai smiled. Well, at least things weren’t awkward.

It had been a few months and you and Dazai were happy to talk in person now that he didn’t have to hide his face. You’d been backstage at many of his shows, meeting his bandmates and spending time in person. It had honestly been so much fun, but sometimes Dazai missed the cat and mouse game he’d been playing when you were unsure of his identity - back when you texted him rumors and articles about his own life, saying how crazy it was that your favorite artist went through the same things as him.

He’d woken up earlier than he wanted to due to the myriad of calls blowing up his phone. “What..” He grumbled, not even bothering to check caller ID. “Who is this?”

“You asshole! You got a fucking partner before I did? And they’re hot, too! No way they settled for you,” Chuuya continued to grumble while Dazai put him on speaker phone, tuning him out. Whatever he was yapping about didn’t matter once he noticed a notification from you.

do u know this guy? he seems to be goin thru the same things u r…

A link is included, leading Dazai to an article with a picture of him and you. The first thing he notices is how smitten he looks with you, causing him to blush very faintly as he smiles to himself. Is that really what he looks like around you?

Rockstar Dazai Osamu Finds New Fling - Or Maybe More?

More, definitely more.

“Are you listening, asshole?” Chuuya shouted from his speaker. “How’d ya get a partner before me?”

Dazai smiled, saving the paparazzi shot onto his phone. “My height, definitely.”


Tags
7 months ago

Dazai has calloused cold hands. Send Ask.

Hcs of Dazai with calloused cold hands | Bungo Stray Dogs | Dazai x reader

cheetozai you’ve done it again,, constantly raising the bar for the rest of us.. or however that video goes (found it)

A shiver runs up your spine. Behind you, Dazai grins mischievously, watching as you tense up and try to move forward and away from his touch. Cold is an understatement - the hands pressed against you are freezing. His touch is a bit rougher than he intends. While the touch itself is gentle, a soft brush over the bare skin of your back from underneath your shirt, the pads of his hands are calloused and rough leaving a slight scratchy feeling across the area.

You huff, turning your head to the side, glaring at him from the corner of your eye. “What are you doing?”

Pouting, Dazai gives you his best puppy dog eyes. “What? My hands are cold…”

“I can tell,” you scoff. “Get off!”

He gasps dramatically, hands still pressed against your back. “My, how cruel! You’d leave me to suffer with cold hands? You’d be so cold as to reject me after asking oh so politely for assistance?”

“Your hands are cold!” You grumble. “And you didn’t ask, you just put your hands under my shirt, weirdo."

needless to say he’s a menace.

Dazai will find any reason to constantly have his hands on you - holding yours, in your pockets, on your leg - to “warm them up” he claims

if you call him out, he’ll just whine and groan about how hard it is to have such cold hands all the time!!!! his body just doesn’t pump blood well enough to maintain decent body temperature :(

outside of using it as an excuse to constantly have his hands on you, he does genuinely struggle - keeping his hands in his pockets or sitting with them under his thighs for heat

and to scare people!!! he’ll just place his hand on Atsushi’s shoulder or grab Kunikida’s bicep when they’re unaware he’s behind them !!! he’s terrible and loves to laugh at others moving away so suddenly and shuddering at his jump scares

but also. the angst . Dazai who is touch starved :( thinking his ability is a curse and how this just further proves he shouldn’t touch anyone :(

and that is why he just grabs onto you at random 🙂‍↕️ so please endure!!! and maybe get him some gloves lol


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1 year ago

omg I just went through your blog and holy shit completely whipped pathetic head over heels Dazai is feeding my SOUL !! esp pm!Dazai I love him sm it's embarrassing

hehe join the dark side (pathetic dazai) glad you're enjoying :)


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1 year ago

the swapping dazais idea was from kaeyxs blog I swear

sorry anon mayb im dumb but idk what u mean by this 😭 the beast & ada dazai rq?


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9 months ago

hiiiii :)

its been a minute but i have been writing quite a bit recently!!! im nearly done with an old rq really old. so sorry anon!!!! but ive also written two other stand alone fics!!!!! except they are both about apothecary diaries.

would you all want me to post them on my side account @stuffeddeer2? i know i've cultivated a bsd centric following so im not sure if anyones interested :) ill post them either way eventually but idk where to!

and i Will. be posting a rq. soon. hopefully come this weekend.


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2 months ago

miss you mom

MOM????????


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1 year ago

The cool, marble countertops send a shiver up your spine, but you don't seem to care. Instead of complaints, a giggle leaves your mouth, hands tightening around Dazai's shoulders. Feeling him scoop you up and set you onto the kitchen counter so easily made you swoon, which only deepened the make out session you two were currently engaged in. His hands kept moving from your hips to your ass, wanting to feel your body under his fingers as he held you close.

You both couldn't help giggling, feeling giddy at the touches and kisses being shared during such early hours. Pajama shorts riding up your thighs, a stretched-out and loose t-shirt showing off Dazai's bare neck and collar bones... it was all so intimate. There was no one around, just the two of you and the early morning sun dancing across the room as your legs moved up to cage Dazai in. More giggles erupted from him before pulling back, cutely flushed cheeks on display for just you to see. No words were shared, just heavy breaths and loving stares as your brains worked on properly waking up.

“Y’know, maybe I should skip work today.”

“You said the same thing yesterday, Osamu.”


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1 year ago

pathetic stalker dazai… SEX. NOW.

hiii anon i don't really write nsfw so the exact terminology is HEAVILY danced around hope thats fine 😭

cw: poorly written pathetic dazai going crazy over the thought of you

mdni PLEASE SLASH SRS im foaming at the mouth

He was so sick, so disgusting... The thought of you coming home early, seeing his current situation and calling him a pervert and a freak just made his cheeks burn brighter, teeth clenched as he continued to inhale your scent. Normally he'd be trailing you to work at this hour, but the idea of your empty apartment was too tantalizing.

Unlocking your apartment door was easy, especially since he's done it before, and resting on the side of the bed opposite where you slept sent his mind into haywire - picturing you sleeping next to him in your thin pajama shorts and loose tank top, imagining as it rode up while you tossed and turned...

Dazai's face was now buried in your pillow, trying not to drool on the cotton casing as high pitched, pathetic whimpers escaped his lips, cold hands bringing him the sensations he'd been craving since he saw you abandon your apartment earlier this morning. He pictured your hands as they made breakfast, lips as they chugged back your caffeine of choice, all of it... even the picture of you wrestling with bed head in the early hours had him moaning softly against your sheets.

Sweat dripping down his forehead, he rolled back over to his the other side of your bed, taking a moment to steady his breathing. With a glance to the mess he just made, he sighed. Cleaning up after was never fun.


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