Latest Posts by spectrespeaks - Page 7

The way I'd actually be okay with somebody having a full blog dedicated to just pictures of me? Spoiling me with gifts and stuff I like?? Stalking me but also being my friend so I feel like it's not wrong when you have pictures of me!! It's just friendly? The picture of me sleeping?? That's from a sleepover and it has a filter on it silly! Not creepy at all.

I'd adore that.

"Stop for me" "don't cut for me" "don't starve it hurts me too"

Shut it I literally hate you...

"Let's cut together!" "Wanna fast together??" "Let's pull all night like a sleepover!"

YES YESSSS!!! (ᗒ⩊ᗕ) pleaaaassseee

chat should i actually block every single one of my friends from my hometown and completely isolate myself in another province

<33

patiently waiting for someone to praise me or I will scream and cry and whine all day

Need to have the kind of gay sex where we are wearing clothes and fighting each other and we don’t have sex

It’s dumb and toxic and not okay at all but I want to be 19 again in a friend group of fucked up people who encouraged eachothers destructive behaviors. I miss someone telling me not to eat, sharing low calorie recipes and reminding eachother what we were working towards.

I miss that bond. Of giving somebody else control. Having somebody who controlled my eating and helped me pick outfits and what to do with my hair.

weed does not fucking cut it at all anymore and im out of klonopin that means it is time to shed my skin suit and fly into the sun someone pls distract me lol

"read 2 hours ago" okay what if i just block you and you never hear from me again instead

i miss you. fuck you for making me miss you. fuck you for doing that i hope youre fucking rotting and miserable.

I would really love to do drugs all day and be nothing to anyone. Forgotten about and left behind to die

is anyone else's mother a passive aggressive cunt for no reason or is it just mine

theres something about being called "buddy" by someone who used to call you their "babyboy" that really just stabs me 87 in the chest

saw a quote that said

"when little girls can't fix their fathers they will spend the rest of their lives trying to fix their lovers" IM SICK TO MY MF STOMACH

might fuck around and get high on klonopin for the first time in awhile 👀

having bpd means ur the only one not allowed to have negative feelings or else ur the monster

I'm so tired of being in this vicious cycle of hating myself and not feeling good enough

I feel nothing and I feel it completely.

how the fuck do you make friends.

everyone else in my life gets to go hang out with their friends and go home to their partners and i hate it. i really hate to say that i hate seeing their happiness. it's not that i don't want them to b be happy and lead good lives, it's that im a fucking dumb jealous asshole.

everyone makes it seem like them and all of their friends just clicked together. there was no awkwardness at the start and everything just went so smoothly. meanwhile i can't get past the awkward small talk phase with everyone and it's completely discouraging. I dont want to end up alone. i don't wanna be forced into the shadows while i watch everyone else have a life besides me because i just flat out didn't deserve to have one.

tldr someone pls become unhealthily obsessed with me and i will offer the same in return

You guys are so sweet to me when I’m dysphoric and it’s really cute when you’re like “I’ll always see you as a boy” “you’re the cutest boy don’t worry <3” but I really need someone to crack me in the jaw and call me a faggot

Like rough and violent affirmation honestly. Tell me I sound so stupid calling myself a girl and then shove my face into the dirt when you fuck me idk

too busy focusing on not killing myself to care whether i accomplish anything else

you know when you're talking to your friend who you also used to date and they're talking about their new love interests and it's all you can fucking do not to lose your shit and split on them and just listen and congratulate them because logically you love that person because they are your best friend and they also love you but shit just didn't work romantically between the two of you but now every time they talk about it you wanna put scissors in your ears because you feel so fucking lonely and disgusting and unworthy of the thing that everyone else has but you don't??

no me neither

i’m so jealous of passionate ppl.

like, there’s smth u wanna achieve in life? you don’t just feel as if you’re wasting away your time, as if you’re a dull background character meant to make the talented ones shine even brighter?

bc i wish i had that. i wish i had a goal that i wanted to strive towards. i wish that there was smth that genuinely interested me, rather than just seeing it as a good pastime. i wish that i didn’t feel the need to go to extreme lengths just to feel like an adequate person, rather than just being a prop meant to fill in the background.

I'm the best worst decision you've ever had.

i will never be able to love someone without hating them.

Everything's a sign if you are delusional enough

I have this silly little feeling in my chest that's making me want to die

normalize wanting to kill yourself after making the smallest mistakes

i want new friends but i hate the small talk and the getting to know each other, it takes so loooonnnngggggg . . . (╥﹏╥)