Latest Posts by spectrespeaks - Page 6

Are any of my emotions actually valid…? They all seem so unreasonable. I cant tell apart my genuine reaction from my mood disorder

Any other landmines/jirais out there with NO anons, NO huge following, NO reason to wake up every day- I mean, what?

mutual did not see the post i reblogged specifically for them. 13 dead, 65 injured.

me when masturbating doesnt fix me

does anyonw want to play surgery. with me

ur in her dms im decomposing in her chest freezer that blew its fuse three weeks ago n she didnt notice

do NOT develop a parasocial relationship with that internet person they WILL disappoint u. not me though. u can all be parasocial with me, i will never hurt u like that

breaking news: attention-seeking jirai girl (me) has killed herself after recieving no attention on the internet ♡

pushing people away just because i want them to chase and make me feel wanted.

I’m constantly fighting for a life I didn’t even want in the first place

so does everyone have random impending doom or

How do I kill myself without making anyone sad?

Posting on a tumblr vent blog feels like screaming into the void and praying for somebody to hear

Someone please tell me this isn’t an original experience.. do you ever get so insanely infatuated with someone (who you don’t necessarily know super well/like that much) that you crave validation from this person to the point that if they look at you wrong or say one wrong thing you convince yourself they hate you and start deeply hating them and any little thing they say can send you into a mental breakdown ?? No just me?? Ok.

i hate snapchat memories lol. just saw some pics from 5 years ago of me and my friends on call when we started online school during the pandemic and it fucking stung way more than i anticipated. these people don't talk to me anymore. they've all moved on with their lives and im still drowning in the past by myself, wishing they'd come back to get me. they have partners and new friends in our old city, and i got forcefully pulled away to a whole new province without my permission. i get to start all over again with friendships and family i don't want in my life.

i miss my friends.

it is a very lonely existence when no one bothers to talk to me anymore

If soulmates exist at all, I pity mine because I'm definitely not worth waiting for.

so how do i earn money while rotting in bed?

I wanna kms fr.

Identifying with the beautiful mug I’ve turned into an ashtray.

I off myself in my head for at least 567 times in a day.

why am i even bothering with sobriety and cleanness at this point. all i wanna do is be high and forget how fucking miserable im gonna be for the rest of my life. just for a few hours. but i cAnT because tHinGs WoNt EvEr gEt BeTtEr iF yOuRe uSiNg. who the fuck cares if it gets better at this point? it obviously fucking won't. i'm trapped in this fucking disgusting body forever. the least i can do for myself is make myself happy for a little while.

Staying clean is lame i want to relapse every single day.

i just want someone to worship me to death and who never for a second even thinks about leaving me

it is 11:40pm. i logically know that my friends are asleep and not deliberately ignoring me. does that stop the mean angry gnome in my brain from telling me they despise my existence in their lives? absolutely not

and the worst part is that the only person i have to talk to, is said mean angry brain gnome. 🙃

because everyone else is asleep. 🙃

am letting tumblr decide, should i get high on klonopin tonight? 👀👀

‘sorry for not replying i was talking to—‘

FYM IM NOT THE ONLY PERSON YOURE TALKING WITH??????????? you’re so bored with me you have to talk to other people huh??? well fuck you then i hate you go die.