Hold Up! Thedas...???

Please and thank you

Confession:  Fitness goal = female Adaar

Coffee shop AU where Boba Fett owns a café called “Boba’s Tea” where they obviously sell boba, Polynesian treats, latte art, assorted pastries and is home to the following employees...

A single dad with a shady past attending community college classes at night for a degree in linguistics who works in the café to help support his very quiet son, Grogu (Gregory who can’t pronounce his own name) with deep olive skin.

A former military sniper turned chef who served with Boba in a civil war they refuse to ever speak of again and takes her kitchen cleanliness as seriously as she does the condition of her knife collection.

An Instagram influencer with multiple medals in martial arts who has a food content TikTok where she displays her latte art whenever she isn’t being yelled at for being on her phone, but with all the business her two and a half million followers bring in? Boba feels it’s a worthy compromise.

A tech/engineering major with an on-call IT job during the week and teaches Taekwondo on Saturdays. Helped Boba set up a website for the café, an espresso machine broke while he was there and fixed it in no time. Now, the “tech wiz” can work his magic every time the single dad “accidentally” breaks something else in the café for an excuse to see him again. He also occasionally babysits Grogu and teaches him how to code and a little martial arts to occupy his little brain.

And last but certainly not least, a divorced man who was a police officer in his younger days, turned barista in his retirement and loving every minute of it except for when he sees “them damn skateboarding kids” ruining the curbs outside with their wax or trying to track down the “dirt bags” who tagged the alley wall with “death watch” graffiti consistent with a local gang.

post-veilguard life rookanis idk how to caption this

Okay, hear me out. The Lord of the Rings…but they’re allowed to use curse words…

“They have a fucking cave troll...”

“I cannot jump the distance! You’ll have to fucking toss me!”

“Merry! It’s Frodo fucking Baggins!”

“Gods damn it…a Balrog of fucking Morgoth.”

“Fool of a fucking Took.”

“Bitch, please. I am no man.”

“Peregrin Took, you little shit!”

“By nightfall, these hills will be crawling with fucking orcs.”

“I think I’ve fucking broken something.”

“Your bodyguard?” “His fucking gardener.”

“I would cut off your head, you little shit, if it stood but a little higher from the ground.”

“You’re late…you look fucking terrible.”

“And for you Frodo Baggins…Elrond’s father in a fucking bottle.”

“PO-FUCKING-TA-TOES!”

Gotta love #Pushing_Daisies

An Actual Conversation I Had

Me: Elder Maxson is fucking twenty, you guys. Elder Maxson isn't even through puberty yet. Elder Maxson could not walk into a Jewel Osco and buy beer.

Lawrence: Elder Maxson couldn't buy beer at a convenience store? Jesus christ. Imagine being the person who has to card him. Imagine ANYONE carding him. I wouldn't card him.

Ricky: He looks like a fifty year old man, NO ONE would card him.

Me: As a cashier, I'd have to card him. But picture this- you're working a register at ten o'clock at night, the only other person up front is an eighty year old woman with a hearing problem named Marianne. Elder Maxson walks into your line with a six pack of beer. He hands you his ID when you ask for it; he's twenty, you know he's twenty, he knows you know he's twenty, he knows exactly what he's fucking doing. Would YOU refuse to sell Elder Maxson beer? Would you be the one to call the manager on Elder Maxson? Would you call the authorities on a man who looks like he could supplex you through the floor? If it was me, I'd give him the fucking beer, man. I choose life.

Yeehaw, indeed...

JOHN WICK 3:

YEEHAW

Good Lord! Commander Cullen with facial hair! Look at it! I can’t. I just can’t. Like uuuuuuuuggghhhhh!!!!

commander.

Once more for those in the back.

Town Witch AU where a bright and youthful sorceress fresh out of her training and Ascension moves to Forks, Washington to take over for the medicine woman who recently passed under mysterious circumstances…

Living outside of town on the property left behind by the former mistress of the wood, the reader takes up shop in a lovely, modern chic home designed by a local architect who would be the very first to invite her to dinner after a tour of the property…

During the course of her first year, she would ease her way into the lives of the local townsfolk. Selling herbal remedies for joint pain, charms for young girls in love, candles to ward off vile spirits. Quickly earning herself a reputation as a sort of miracle worker. And of course, she would see to the needs of the local Wolf Pack, as well as the coven of Vampires who called themselves the Cullens if only to keep the peace between them as her predecessor had before her arrival…

And who would come to her for help when her world turned upside down? Why a young girl with no frame of reference for actual boundaries. Breaking into her home only to tell her all about the vampire breaking into her own to watch her sleep…you know, because that isn’t a very obvious red flag…

There in, taking pity on the naive girl, the reader resolves to take her under her wing. Giving her a part time job as well as her protection from outside entities by not only allowing her to help out with her practice, but also teaching her a thing or two about practical uses for everyday spells…

Naturally however, the girl wouldn’t keep her distance from her sparkly stalker and chaos would ensue from wars with nomadic wanderers, to Newborn Vampires and eventually even the greatest thorn in the reader’s side, the Volturi…

Oh, yeah! And a few years into her stay? The very moment things begin to calm down after said naive girl gets turned following the birth of a blood-hungry baby with the worst name ever…?

This guy ^^^ would decide to imprint on her the day he comes back from college…