Well It Takes A Human To Kill A Human! Let's Just Hope We Know Enough Facts To Scare The Emperor Off

Me: Why am I here? Demon: BECAUSE YOU CAUSED THIS!!! Me: I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO FUCKING CURSE ME fey's lawyer: She's got a point fey: Please just be quiet.....

the demon that cursed you with infertility and the fey that you promised your firstborn are having a legal battle.

*singing* "FUCK THIS SHIT I'M OUT!!! OOO!!!!"

You are a Class E hero. You show up to fight your Class E villain; as scheduled. Terror hits you as you see the a Class A supervillain standing there.

Me:"What the actual fuck. WHY?!"

“You know how Holy Water is lethal to demons? Well, Hot Dog Water does the same thing to Angels.”

And incase you don't believe this, Tchaikocsky got married to a lady, but he abandoned her weeks after the wedding. Dick move but also a gay one. Still a dick move my dude.

do u ever get emotional about the fact that tchaikovsky, a gay man, wrote his Romeo and Juliet overture for his brother and his brother’s gay lover bc I sure as hell do

And don't bury the treasure you find either. You need it to buy supplies. And have a water purifer, but if you can't find one, get booze. Water can and will go bad, so these things will save you from dehydration

I've been seeing a lot of posts about piracy lately and in light of this i do need to say something because I've been seeing a lot of misinformation.

anti-viruses, vpns, ad-blockers- none of these are going to help you here.

the first thing you're going to need is a good solid boat (preferably oak wood). you will also want some cannons and a plank depending on the sort of shenanigans you plan on getting into.

Also! Not once have i seen any of you talking about the importance of citrus fruits and vitamin C. antivirus doesn't prevent scurvy. come on you should know this by now.

this sort of misinformation is wildly dangerous and irresponsible.

Exactly: You called?

When you turn 18, you go to the Chapel to summon a Familiar, then your future is decided based on its shape. All you can do is name the creature and then the summoning does the rest. After you name it, the priestesses all stare at you with horror in their eyes, then scream when it appears.

My mom: What do you have there.... Me next to a new born dragon that's almost as tall as me: *sipping a smoothie* A smoothie.

Every dragon rider gets a dragon egg to hatch upon their initiation to the guild. When your egg hatched, Your dragon came out a bit… Different.

*takes you out and puts you on a plate* Cooked fish! Yummy!!!!

I think I could last 3 minutes in the microwave. I'm strong. I'm stronger than you realize

"You think I don't know that? Foolish child. I kidnapped you so that I could meet your older brothers for ummm..... reasons"

The abductors looked at their young captive, astonished at their calm, almost pitying, expression. “I have 15 siblings. I am the youngest, and the only girl. You have absolutely no concept of how fucked you are.”

Me: BITCH YOU ARE DEAD! Them: NOT YET HOE! SUCK IT!

Your friend always said “I’ll rest when I’m dead,” so much that it became his catchphrase. He says it again today when he came into work, going about his daily routine. This normally wouldn’t be concerning, if not for the fact that you attended his funeral two weeks ago.