Latest Posts by kians-blog2 - Page 2

© GAIN | Editing allowed, do not crop logo. (1, 2, 3, 4)

↳ CRIMSON PEAK (2015), dir. guillermo del toro

MOONSU: a LAME start. if anyone wanted to come close to me, they should’ve started with that PLUS a giant teddy bear, and a specialized playlist of at least twenty songs that perfectly represent their feelings for you. duh! amateurs, really. MOONSU: hm… i’ll see what i can do. i’ve been saving up a lot, and i can’t think of a single thing more important to spend my money on than you. 😘 food? what’s that? i just need sunshine and water and your love to survive. 😊 MOONSU: me? just practicing a monologue for tomorrow. nothing super important. i always miss you when you’re not with me. MOONSU: WAIT. or do you mean… MISS me? because in that case… yeah, i MISS you, too. especially now that i know people are trying to steal you from me :(

KIAN: thats why i’m dating you & not them KIAN: damn you make me wish i was more creative KIAN: gonna have to step up my game if i wanna keep up KIAN: otherwise someone else might sweep YOU off your feet KIAN: can’t have em stealin you away from me KIAN: ur so cute lol..... just missin you in general KIAN: can i see you tonight? or are you busy? 😟

☆ — ❛ snap : kian ▶ moonsu. ❜

SEOJUN: one of us has to be the responsible one, but know it’s out of love!! SEOJUN: it’s impossible to be too nice to you, you deserve all the niceness in the world SEOJUN: that’s what you want me to think, huh?? :( SEOJUN: fineeee fine. if you sayyyy so SEOJUN: like anything you want!!  SEOJUN: or whatever i want if you’re feeling adventurous 😊

KIAN: be responsible some other time 😕 KIAN: you really think so? KIAN: c’mon do you think that i’d lie to you? KIAN: anything?? thats dangerous territory KIAN: why don’t we just skip out on this week KIAN: forget our classes forget our responsibilities KIAN: we can go on a mini road trip 

☆ — ❛ snap : kian ▶ seojun. ❜

SASKIA: do you think i am? SASKIA: if you’re allergic to cats i’m allergic to you :/ SASKIA: excuse u SASKIA: i can take perfect care of myself thank u v much!!

KIAN: honestly...... i have no idea KIAN: what ARE you into?? KIAN: thats rude? its not like i can control what i’m allergic to KIAN: i’m sure u can but he can take of himself better KIAN: cats kinda scare me ngl KIAN: i had one when i was younger & i swear he was tryna kill me

☆ — ❛ snap : kian ▶ saskia. ❜

☆ — ❛ imessage : kian ▶ annya. ❜

ANNYA: don't say that, you will ALWAYS matter

ANNYA: i'm not perfect, and you're not stupid. ppl make mistakes, and i just...

ANNYA: yes, if you're not in your dorm and you tell me where you are, i'll come to you

ANNYA: just pls, kian, tell me you're ok

KIAN: how could byou yeven say that???

KIAN: does othat mean you fzorgive me.......

KIAN: i'm fine jusot srachin at one ovf the frat houses for the night cause i hdont think zi can wahlk home

KIAN: bnut 'di rather jbe izn my own drosm wnould ybou come gket me??

dashicns‌:

━ ❛ @kians

if there was someone who understood dashi like no other it was definitely kian, they both went through some traumatic stuff as kids but somehow came out of it kicking and screaming. the first time he met kian he just knew something was off with the boy; his smile was a little too bright and his eyes a little too vacant for dashi to believe any of the sweet words that were coming out of his mouth. he knew what it was like to bottle up everything inside and not let anyone ever see a peak of what’s truly inside and to have someone who related to that felt a little good. “kiaaaaaaaan!” dashi screamed as he burst into the others room with his baggie and drinks. they didn’t plan to meet up but the boy needed a break from life and kian provided that. they got to let go and truly be their true selves around each other and it was a nice for a change.

boredom is the bane of kian’s existence; he’s lucky that he doesn’t have to deal with it often. but today is one of the few times that he just has nothing to do. everyone is either busy with classes or work and he’s annoyed because he doesn’t take precedent over any of that. it’s unfair. so, instead of actually doing something productive, he’s pouting in bed; alone. he might as well be watching the paint on his walls peel. fuck it, he thinks, as he reaches down to unbutton his jeans. he can at least jerk off and enjoy a little pleasure to pass the time. but he doesn’t even get to do that before his bedroom door is being thrown open and his name is being yelled out in a deep baritone. he would know who it was from a mile away.

“god, dashi. don’t you ever knock?” he berates, though he doesn’t actually care. he’s thankful for the distraction, for the company. “i was literally about two seconds away from sticking my hand down my pants.” he states, jumping up from his position and snatching the baggy from dashi’s hands. “what’d you bring?” he questions, looking over at the drinks that he’s carrying as well. he already feels more relaxed just in the other’s presence. it’s nice to not have to be anyone but himself, but it’s something that doesn’t happen often. in fact, it exclusively happens around dashian. it almost feels like a breath of fresh air, like he’s finally been saved from drowning. “and please, for the love of god, tell me you don’t have any plans for today. i’m on my deathbed out here.”

MOONSU: are you telling me all it takes is some flowers to compete with me?? don’t be rude! 😡😡 MOONSU: i provide so much more than that. you think i won’t just get an entire high school band to come up and perform celine dion’s entire discography for you?? don’t tempt me!! MOONSU: you look very cute today though 🤭💟💖

KIAN: of course not but its a start 😋 KIAN: oh yeah? might have to see it to believe it..... KIAN: awww thx ☺☺ you too, babe 😘 KIAN: so...... what’re you doin? KIAN: been missin you.....

☆ — ❛ snap : kian ▶ moonsu. ❜

SASKIA: wow he’s demanding!! SASKIA: i’m down as long as i can bring him with us SASKIA: i don’t have it in me to leave him alone 😞 

KIAN: you not into that? KIAN: what if i’m allergic to cats tho? KIAN: cats are super smart, sas KIAN: he could probs take better care of himself than u can tbh

☆ — ❛ snap : kian ▶ saskia. ❜

☆ — ❛ imessage : kian ▶ annya. ❜

ANNYA: b/c i need to know you're at least in a safe place if you're drinking like this

ANNYA: no i don't, hate is a toxic feeling i refuse to have

ANNYA: kian, there's no point in talking about this in the state you're in, now where are you?

KIAN: idt doesnt mdatter nothing mteatrs

KIAN: i know kcause uyr ptreecf & i suck & i cvnat believe i ever hsad you then lolst you di'm so stupid

KIAN: if ei tlle you are yyou gonna come here??

KIAN: ti'm sorry i messed up so bad annya ui'm sporry you met me i'mm sorry i cvouldn't bqe waho you wanted ume kto be vi wish di could say enough sorrys fto make everything bettter

anvya‌:

annya finishes her handful of popcorn before answering his question, “i really love clue, it was my favorite. my dad would always win but he taught me his strategies and one time i actually guessed it on, like, the third round and my mom refused to play that game for a solid month.” she couldn’t help but laugh at the memories, soon longing to be back home and spend a whole day playing games and be around her parents. her life may have started off rough but she got lucky in the end to find people who finally cared about her. “i’ll have to make you play with me one day,” she smiles as her fingers trace through his hair before settling on his neck. to bring kian into a tradition she held so dear to her, she couldn’t help but grow a little excited with the idea. what if he came to meet her parents one day, and they got along so well, and soon he was invited to all the game nights and everything was just…perfect. “unless, uh, that’s too childish, of course. probably sounds lame,” she tries to wave it off with a laugh before reaching back for a few more bites of popcorn.

his next statement makes her raise an eyebrow before shaking her head, “you’re not boring at all. if anything, my picture is probably right next to the word boring in the dictionary.” maybe it was her own fault for feeling that way in the first place. there were plenty of times she could have gone out, hit up some random party and gained some regrettable experience, but at least it would be something. she chose to stay in her room and work on her designs, follow the rules and only hear about such experiences through the gossip vine at school. she’s pulled away from her thoughts one more, a horrible habit she does quite often, as kian peppers her with kisses that causes her smile to grow far too wide, soon happily kissing him back. this time, however, she pulls him back in, letting their lips collide for a little bit longer and a little bit stronger. there was no denying how kissing him always made swarm of butterflies fill her stomach, his lips almost like poison that she simply couldn’t get enough of. but soon she’s pulling away because maybe she was coming off too strong too fast… “can i ask you a stupid question?”

something akin to fondness tugs at the remnants of his heart when annya talks about spending time with her family and he vaguely wonders if his eyes ever light up like hers do. he wonders if there’s anything he’ll ever love that much. he finds that his body easily relaxes into her little touches though and he doesn’t even have to force a smile of adoration onto his face as he listens to her speak. maybe there is hope for him after all, he thinks. his brows nearly shoot into his hairline at her suggestion and he’s sort of taken aback. he’s been invited to family dinners before from many other partners, but he’s never once considered it. not until now. his features must betray him in that moment, conveying the fear that he feels, because annya is soon backtracking; she’s soon looking completely unsure of herself. and he hates it. “no, no—” he shakes his head, “not at all. it’s not lame or childish.” he assures her with a light laugh. he’s honored, in fact, but he knows that annya’s family would hate him. the real him, that is. but, then, he soon realizes that he’s jumping the gun and getting worked up over nothing. she’s inviting him to play with her, not her family. he deflates.

he quickly composes himself though (it’s what he’s good at) and beams at her. “if it means anything at all, you’re probably the most interesting person i’ve ever met.” he states. “you’re, dare i say, not like other girls.” he teases, smiling into their kiss. he isn’t one to let anyone truly take the reigns when it comes to his relationships, but he lets her. she moves at her own pace and when she deepens their kiss, he reciprocates happily. he’s debating in his head whether or not he should just go for it when her warmth disappears just as quickly as it came. he hates that he nearly sighs in frustration, but he blames it on him being a young dude. his body isn’t always exactly willing to cooperate. despite that, he’s quick to answer, “anything.” with a nod. “i mean, i’m not sure i’ll be able to answer but i’ll try.” he smiles encouragingly. “and i’m sure it’s not stupid, don’t say that. nothing you say is stupid.” he says, making sure that she has his undivided attention. his breath is trapped in his throat though, unsure of what she’s getting at and unsure if he can even tell the truth.

moonsus‌:

on top of the list of moonsu’s traits, being oblivious was definitely leading him through his relationship with kian. it was terribly naive of him to believe he was as special to the boy as he made him feel, but did he think it was the honest to god truth? absolutely. there was nothing, in his mind, that was leading him to believe otherwise. every word that he heard come out of kian’s mouth was taken to heart, and all of it made him fall more and more into the relationship they’d built. for once, moon felt like he wasn’t too much. in most relationships, moonsu felt like he had to tone down his personality to make the other person comfortable, but he’d yet to have that feeling with kian. that mix had been the perfect mess to completely pull moonsu down under, wrapped around kian’s finger and willing to do whatever he could to make sure he felt as appreciated as possible.

a lot of firsts. the words catch him by surprise, but moonsu doesn’t call it out. maybe he just doesn’t understand the obvious implications behind it. he was a theatre student - it wasn’t like his smarts had gotten him all that far, anyway. “of course it’s all for you… i mean, i’d like half the pizza and some of the wine, if you don’t mind, but the rest of it? all yours.” he nodded excitedly, watching the other boy take it all in. the kiss was enough for the tension in moon’s shoulders to fall - the confirmation that he’d done a good job and made him happy satisfying enough to make him forget the few mistakes that were rolling around his brain. as if kian would look him dead in the eye and say, ‘sure, this is great, but you couldn’t light all the candles? i think we should break up.’ that didn’t stop moonsu from thinking it, however, his dramatic head and heart making things like that seem far too realistic. 

he focuses more on the pizza until the three words fall past kian’s lips, and moonsu is pretty sure his heart just stops altogether. there had been plenty of ways he dreamed of his boyfriend reacting, but a declaration of love hadn’t been much more than something he fantasized happening further down. it was such a stretch - such an impossible reality, really, and yet moonsu took every single word that came out of the other’s mouth and made sure it all went directly to his heart. “you couldn’t scare me away,” he assured after a moment, embarrassed that he felt himself fighting off a threat of tears. no one had ever said that to him, let alone first, and one would think the feeling of it all being too good to be true would clue him in on the truth. instead he was nodding his head and shifting closer to kian, cupping his face in his hands and forcing eye contact. “i’m in this for the long haul,” he repeats back, leaning down to kiss him with far more passion behind the two from before. “i love you, too,” he mutters against his lips, nodding in assurance, because it just makes sense to him. it fits the fantasy world that kian built up for him, and he has no problem completely falling into it. he doesn’t think there should be anything stopping him. “i don’t know how i’m supposed to focus on anything else, now,” he mutters with a small pout, pulling back enough to look down at him again. “i just wanna kiss you… maybe give you the rest of your gifts.”

the reaction that moonsu grants him is infinitely better than anything he could have ever imagined. it’s almost as if kian can see, feel, smell the adoration and love pouring out of him. it’s overwhelming, but he drowns in it. he loves this feeling; he loves being at the very center of people’s universes. and now he can mark step one off of his list. moonsu has already fallen for him whether he’s fully accepted it or not and now all kian has to do is make a home in the spaces between his ribs. he wants the other to not be able to listen to certain songs (whether sad or happy) and not think about him, wants little things like the fountain in the middle of the park to remind him of the times they spent together, and, most of all, he wants moonsu to feel like he can’t live without him. he wants him to swear up and down to himself that he would rather die than be without kian. he wants to kill him in the most legal way possible — by ripping his heart out and stomping all over it. he wants to humiliate him, make him feel worthless, yet, somehow, he’ll still want kian. he’ll hate him, but he’ll long for him day in and day out for months and months, wishing that things could go back to the way they used to be.

when he feels his boyfriend’s hands cupping his cheeks, he melts into the touch, and smiles. it’s genuine, but not for the reasons that it should be. in his head, he’s thinking i can’t wait to destroy you but on the outside he’s conveying i’m so in love with you. and when they kiss again, he does so fervently; but he’s unable to push it a little further before the boy is breaking it. it’s worth it to hear the confirmation of reciprocated love though because he knows moonsu means it. and, despite everything that he is, kian loves to be loved. “the rest of my gifts?” he quirks a brow, curiosity getting the best of him. he leans over a little closer, placing his hand on moonsu’s thigh, and smiles innocently. “there’s no rush, we have all the time in the world.” he tells him. “but i’d love a hint to tide me over.” he says, batting his eyelashes as if he were pulled straight out of a corny romantic comedy. though, he supposes, everything with moonsu kind of feels that way; he definitely has a way with turning the most menial things into something extravagant. it’s an art that kian sort of respects.

“let’s not take too long though, you know i’m impatient when it comes to these things.” he laughs, pulling back to reach for a piece of pizza. but he stops himself and digs his cracked phone out of his pocket. he lines it up best that he can and takes a couple of pictures. “plus, i have a few gifts for you as well.” he grins, scooting closer to moonsu so that their thighs are touching. “say cheese.” he instructs, holding his phone up. he presses his lips to the other’s cheek and snaps a quick shot. he looks it over and hums in approval before setting it off to the side and reaching for a slice again. he grabs two for himself and two for moonsu because he’s generous like that. “can i ask you something?” he questions, though he’s going to anyway with or without permission. “have you ever been in a serious relationship?” he asks, popping the bottle of wine open. “before me, i mean.” he clarifies, sucking some of the liquid off of his hand that had spilled out before pouring each of them a glass.

SEOJUN: isn’t that a good thing?? SEOJUN: if you stop replying i’ll know to come bring you a pillow and a blanket 😊 SEOJUN: encourage?? bad behavior?? i’d never SEOJUN: i do what i can!! SEOJUN: oh :( okay :(  SEOJUN: i’m a GREAT study partner, i’ll have you know!! not distracting at all SEOJUN: maybe we can do something fun after you’re done though! 💕

KIAN: no its college junnie we’re suppose to be livin it up KIAN: there u go again bein too nice to me KIAN: don’t frown..... its not like i don’t want you to..... KIAN: i’m sure you are but i won’t wanna study if ur around KIAN: like what? ☺☺☺ KIAN: i mean either way i’d love to as long as ur not busy

☆ — ❛ snap : kian ▶ seojun. ❜

☆ — ❛ imessage : kian ▶ annya. ❜

ANNYA: are you in your dorm room, kian?

ANNYA: and i don't hate you

KIAN: what doews it jmatter??

KIAN: yes ybou dco

KIAN: bi can ese it in uar eyes everytime u look at me

KIAN: thalt is on the off cnhace that you acxtually do look qat me i know you trxy to avoid me on purpose

SEOJUN: very tempting SEOJUN: but you should study!!  SEOJUN: i can give you a few of my tips if you think it’ll help!! SEOJUN: like listening to classical music!! cause music w lyrics… distracting SEOJUN: and writing things over and over helps me remember things SEOJUN: do you need me to bring you coffee?? 

KIAN: ur too much of a good influence KIAN: i’m lit fallin asleep over here KIAN: ur suppose to encourage my bad behavior KIAN: good tips tho thanks ur the best 😘 KIAN: i would say yes but i have to say no KIAN: ur too distracting lmao KIAN: if you come over then nothin will get done

☆ — ❛ snap : kian ▶ seojun. ❜

☆ — ❛ snap : kian ▶ moonsu. ❜

KIAN: did you send me flowers today? KIAN: i mean ik it sounds like smth you’d do KIAN: but you can never be too sure KIAN: you might have competition 😉

☆ — ❛ imessage : kian ▶ annya. ❜

KIAN: i know thqis is so stupid i'um stupid but i just rwanted to xknow ohw you were

KIAN: i sacw uyo today & wanxted to say ih but ima psyus ass bitch

KIAN: i know yiou hate me but ui can't stop thinking about cyou i rwish i could hate you tnoo

☆ — ❛ snap : kian ▶ saskia. ❜

KIAN: hey i’m comin to pick you up 😉 KIAN: a new sushi place opened downtown KIAN: & don’t even try to tell me u don’t like sushi KIAN: u can’t swerve me this time

☆ — ❛ snap : kian ▶ seojun. ❜

KIAN: got any studying tips? KIAN: i’m strugglin here KIAN: & i’m about .2 secs away from quittin KIAN: we could just go do smth fun instead

anvya‌:

“hey now, don’t make fun of my board games,” she giggles before poking his nose. grabbing a few pieces of popcorn, she tosses one in her mouth before feeding one to kian as well. “my dad always talked about the game nights he had with his parents and siblings and how he really enjoyed them, so he kind of passed that tradition down to me and my sibling. i’m sure most teenagers would rather do anything than play boardgames with their parents, but…i dunno, call me crazy, but i actually really enjoyed it.” of course, her feelings for why she enjoyed it ran much deeper than kian would understand. all she ever wanted was for her birth parents to acknowledge her, to simply say hi or i love you, and never got that. with her adoptive parents, they gave her that and more. they made time for her and her sibling, always making sure they reminded the both of them how important they were. because of that, game nights were her favorite time of the week. 

annya hadn’t realized she got lost in her thoughts until she feels kian kiss her, this time a littler deeper before pulling away, causing the girl to pout for a moment before shaking her head, “mm, as fun as that sounds, i kind of like where we are right now. just…being close and talking…” she blushes, simply because they were pretty close physically, and it was the most physical she truly had gotten with anyone. sure, annya had her first kiss in high school, and even let wandering hands fool around but nothing ever went further than that. despite her relationship with kian still being somewhat new, she actually felt more comfortable around him than she did with anyone else before. it was scary, yet almost comforting at the same time. “that sounds wonderful,” she smiles as he talks about california. “sunshine and warm weather all the time? my flowers and plants could have such a better place to grow. does that mean you’ve never built a snowman before? because if you haven’t, we might have to change that asap.” 

it’s around this time in his other relationships that kian would tune out, only nodding here and there in all the right spots to make them think he was listening. but when it comes to annya, he actually is listening. he wants to know everything about her, every little detail, and experience things that no one else has. he’s treading dangerous waters, but he just doesn’t know how to stop; he doesn’t know if he even wants to. “yeah?” he raises a brow, chewing on the piece of popcorn she had fed him. “which was your favorite?” he asks. he has honestly never once in his life played a board game and can’t even begin to imagine what it would be like to sit down with his father and do something so simple. they couldn’t even be in the same house together without wanting to rip each other’s heads off. it tugs on something buried deep within him and reminds him that nothing about his upbringing was normal. and nothing about his life ever will be.

he doesn’t feel sorry for himself though because he’s worked through all that and he’s accepted it. but that doesn’t stop the what ifs from swirling around in his head. “really? i’m kinda boring.” he smiles, watching as the blush blooms across her cheeks. he finds it incredibly endearing, but it makes him wonder. he and annya have never really discussed their past sexual experiences and they also haven’t gone very far together. his endeavors paint a long list, but he’s good at reading people and he has a feeling that hers is much, much shorter. that’s why he has to be careful. he doesn’t want to push her away. he brings his right hand up and tucks a piece of hair behind her ear, chewing on the inside of his cheek. he’s used to playing the part of the perfect boyfriend, but he’s never had to worry about what messing it up might mean. “nope.” he confirms, popping the ‘p’. “i mean, i’ve built a sand snowman but never an actual one.” he explains. “to be honest, i’m not a huge fan of the cold. call me a pussy but i’d much—” he pauses to plant a kiss to the corner of her mouth, “rather—” he places another to the opposite side, “stay—” and finally captures her lips with his own, “right here.”

ofjiwon‌:

jiwon can literally feel the annoyance fill her body as the realization of just who has knocked into hits her. it was no secret that jiwon was a touch person, it didn’t take a lot to set her off. but, when it came to kian ko her annoyance practically radiated off of her. despite being involved in separate sports the pair still have a bit of an athletic rivalry going on, not that she consider being a mere football player anywhere near her level. she is quick to play off the run in taking a few steps back he chest heaving, she’d be lying to herself if she didn’t admit that kian was solid and the collision slightly knocked the wind out of her. the scowl that had already begun to taint her features deepened at his words, the line between her eyebrows deepening especially at the world ‘scrawny’. it touched a nerve with her, her whole track career her size had haunted her. “i’m not scrawny,” she couldn’t help scoff out immaturely as her arms crossed tightly in front of her. it wasn’t her best comeback and she already knew he would rip her a new one for those three words. 

the challenge of a run peaked her interest as her eyebrows quirked up, “you think you a buffoon who plays with balls all day can beat me?” the words come out a feigned sense of disbelief behind them. her teeth grind together at his next words. kian knew exactly how to get riled up and insulting her in the only thing that mattered to her was a sure fire way to do that. her jaw clenched as she took a step closer to him, “clearly you were at the wrong match,” she managed to get out slightly cooler then she expected, “because if you were at my meet you would know i got first in all sprits,” her head cocked to the side, eyes narrowing on him. “i don’t lose,” she slowly after a short pause for the dramatics of it all, “can’t say the same about your last game though,” her lips pursed for moment, “what was that score again?”

he thinks the girl may actually deck him if he laughs at her words, but he just can’t help it. the way she says them is just so hilariously childish and seems to have come straight out of a feel good movie. “there’s nothing wrong with being scrawny.” he assures her. “you just gotta own it. i mean, you kinda rock it ... i guess.” he shrugs. “i’d be more worried about your comeback game cause, i mean—” he whistles, “it’s not doing so hot.” he points out. “did we really collide that hard? next thing you know you’ll be actually being nice to me. maybe we can go for a bite to eat even.” he smiles. their banter is fun and, even though it doesn’t give him the same satisfaction as playing with his other toys does, he still enjoys it. it’s different. in a good way. refreshing even in some aspects. “i can’t be the only one feeling the sexual tension.” he teases.

his smile only widens when she hits him with an icy retort. he knows he’s suppose to be pretend kian around people, but she really brings out the other side of him. that’s not his fault, really. “you can get first and still not be particularly good. just means you’re better than the people you were up against.” he points out. “it just seemed like you were distracted. maybe you got broken up with or something, how am i to know? it was coming from a place of concern, honest.” he says, placing his hand over his heart. when she tries to come back at him with the score of the last game, he can only roll his eyes. “football doesn’t mean that much to me.” he replies. “plus, i scored nearly every point in that game. it kinda goes along with that whole just because you win doesn’t mean you’re the best and just because you lose doesn’t mean you’re the worst. it’s all about circumstance.”

He has lost his first love. He’s a motherless child of a brutal and distant father. He’s outside everything and against everything, a nihilist who feels only hatred for this world.

Paul Friswold

seojvns‌:

as soon as kian wipes at his eyes, jun’s heart races with concern. “i… i wasn’t waiting, i just couldn’t sleep,” a lie to make himself seem less pathetic, but he and kian both know that wasn’t the truth. there wasn’t even a point in lying about it. “but i’m glad you’re home,” he adds, biting his lower lip as he watches kian’s movements from across the room. everything he does - each expression, each movement, jun watches intently. he knows something’s wrong almost immediately by his demeanour. “what happened?” he added, his voice softening, anxious that something bad happened to him. it was strange that jun felt so fiercely protective over kian, given that he was probably one of the last people who needed protecting. 

“you don’t seem fine,” he says in response, frowning at kian. and as soon as jun feels his hand caressing his cheek he can hear his heart beating loudly in his ears. his eyes remained on kian’s as he leaned into the touch. “it’s not even that late,” he protests, but he doesn’t even know what time it is. the only thing on his mind is how he wants to spend any time he can with kian. as soon as he pressed the button on his phone, jun’s eyes glance down at the screen, him noticing the crack immediately. “kian… what happened to your phone?” he asks, feeling a stronger sense of seriousness in his concern now, which is apparent in his tone. 

he follows kian, as loyal as ever, watching him as he removes his jacket and shoes, a frown still etched upon his expression. his worry for kian sometimes seemed unjustified, until moments like this. and then he’s pulled into a tight hug, which jun returns without a second thought, one hand around his waist with the other on the back of his neck as he holds kian against him. “don’t say things like that…” he mumbles in response, his words whinier than intended. “of course i wouldn’t, i care about you… so much…” and even that was an understatement. “who broke your heart? your phone?” he pulls away now to look at kian. 

despite the fact that jun’s not a confrontational person, he feels a sense of anger he’s unaccustomed to. the fact that someone hurt kian… it made him want to hit something. or someone. he places a hand on kian’s cheek, keeping close to him. “there’s nothing special about me,” he says with a sheepish laugh and a shake of his head, “but you,” he sighs, “there’s nothing about you that isn’t special.” and he’s never meant anything as much as he means that. “what do you need?” he asks, because he’s willing to give kian anything he wants.

he never really understood the whole “it’s like taking candy from a baby” quote until he met seojun. and now he gets it completely. it’s just so easy to get the boy exactly where he wants him that kian barely has to put in any work at this point. he falls into his trap every single time and he means it when he says that he’s lucky to have him. the other is so bad at hiding his emotions, too which kian eats up. he loves seeing each one fleeting across his face as kian’s appearance finally catches his eye and the concern grows deeper. he wants to be the center of seojun’s world, wants to be able to call him while he’s on a date or out with his closest friends, and have the boy drop everything he’s doing just to come to kian’s rescue. but he quickly shoves those thoughts to the back of his mind. it’s a little twisted, but he gets off on things like that. and how embarrassing would it be if he got hard in the middle of pretending to be heartbroken? he isn’t sure how he would explain that one away.

the feeling of seojun hugging him back just as tightly and assuring him that he cares about him so much causes kian to smile. but the boy pulls back so quickly that he almost doesn’t have time to slip back into his persona. almost. “just some dumb boy.” he replies, sniffling. “or maybe i’m the dumb boy for falling for his tricks.” he mumbles, looking down at his feet. that’s when he notices that their carpet truly is disgusting. though he doubts it’s from either one of them. the university has probably never cleaned it and now it’s forever tainted with bodily fluids, food, and god knows what else. a hand on his cheek pulls him from his thoughts and he looks up, melting into the touch easily. “please.” he huffs out a humorless, sad laugh. “there’s nothing special about me. i can’t do anything right.” he frowns. “but you’re perfect, junnie. you’re always here for me even when i don’t deserve it. i don’t know what i’d do without you.”

probably be infinitely more bored, for one. “can i—” he pauses, averting his eyes to the floor again, “can i sleep in your bed tonight?” he asks quietly as if he’s shy about bringing it up. he tries to force a blush onto his cheeks, but there are some things that even he can’t do. “it’s okay if you say no. i know you may have someone coming over or something.” he mumbles, toeing at the dirty carpet. “i just, i don’t wanna be alone. i know it’s a little pathetic but ... it’s just been a rough night.” he sighs, chewing on his bottom lip. he pretends like he’s too embarrassed to look at his roommate and turns his attention towards his phone. he picks it up from the tv stand and presses a few of the buttons to see if it still works then tucks it away into his back pocket.

“do we have any ice cream?” he asks, finally looking at seojun again. “i always hear girls talking about how that seems to help them through heartbreaks so maybe i should give it a shot.” he smiles, keeping it closed and small; distant even. “have you ever had your heart broken, junnie?” he asks, curiously. and he actually is genuinely curious. even if only because he could use it against him in the future. he lets his words trail off as he pads his way to his room in search of something to change into. their space is small so it isn’t hard for them to communicate with each other even when they’re in different rooms. grabbing the bottom of his shirt, he tugs it over his head and tosses it to the floor. he undresses slowly to not only give off an exhausted state, but also just in case seojun follows him. “i couldn’t imagine anyone breaking your heart. you’re too sweet.” he says as he undoes the button of his jeans.

anvya‌:

annya was barley following the movie if she were to be honest, but it was something mind numbing for them to watch as they tried to wait out this terrible snowstorm. at least he was with her, the two cuddling close and simply enjoying each other’s company. to her, that was enough. she nods as he leaves to make some more popcorn, her eyes following him for a moment before glancing back at the t.v. sure, she’s had a few relationships in the past during high school, and while they were great, she knew they wouldn’t last forever. the connection she made with them wasn’t as strong as she believed it should be. however, when it came to kian, something felt…different. she was falling for him, quite hard, and suddenly their relationship was starting to reach places she’s never explored before. was she terrified? absolutely, yet kind of excited as well. she’s now starting the rest of her life, and she didn’t mind if she got lucky in finding someone sooner than she thought.

she hums softly into his kiss before shrugging her shoulders, “you’re right, i haven’t really been paying attention.” she admits with a small blush that only worsens with his cute little line, causing her to bury her face into his shoulder for a moment with a quick laugh. looking back up at him, she steals another kiss, or three, before turning off the t.v completely. “hm…well there’s always a few video games we can play. you can’t go wrong with mairo kart, right? or there’s some board games i have some where…” she turns her head to look around for a moment, trying to remember where she put them before facing him once more. “or i can always make you another costume,” she teases with a light laugh before moving to straddle his lap, her arms hanging loosely around his neck as she kisses his forehead, than cheek, than lips once more. “what sounds good to you?”

he slips back into place beside her easily, fitting his arm behind her again, and it’s like all those movies where they claim to be puzzle pieces. it really is like they were made for each other. but kian knows that isn’t true. he was never meant to be happy, never meant to be with someone. he doesn’t deserve it. but she makes him feel like he does. “board games?” he repeats with a quirk of his brow. “are you sixty or five? i can’t tell.” he teases. but all rational thought flies out of his mind when she moves to straddle him and his hands immediately settle on her waist. she just fits so perfectly against him that it should be illegal. he shouldn’t be allowed to have her. especially not like this. but he still takes and takes because he’s selfish. he’ll keep her for however long it takes for her to realize that he’s a monster. “hm.” he hums, eyes closing as she peppers sweet kisses on his face and lips.

“what were we talking about again?” he smiles, pressing his lips to hers a little harder. he doesn’t dare deepen it before he’s pulling away again. and it’s not that he doesn’t want to, but he’s not trying to push her. for once in his life, he’s actually thinking about someone else before himself. surely he deserves some kind of award. “we could just do this? i’m good with that.” he suggests, unable to stop smiling. and not one of the fake ones either, this one is genuine. “or we could go sledding, i guess? i’m not really sure what people do during snowstorms.” he admits. “this is my first one. don’t get much snow in california. or, you know, any other kind of weather besides constant sunshine.” he explains. “tragic, i know. truly a first world problem.” he says, letting his hands fall slightly to rest just below her hips as his thumbs rub her thighs gently.

moonsus‌:

the way moonsu did anything was always so painfully meticulous. he could never do anything halfway, and relationships were the biggest show of evidence that he had no concept of toning down his dramatic displays of affection. it was valentine’s day, anyway - or a few days after, and he found that as a perfect excuse to go all out for kian. the two had been too busy to celebrate the day of, but the delayed celebrations were all the more of a reason to show kian just how special he was to him. the only demands he had made were that kian be at the park at six - early enough that the sun would be setting soon. the surrounding candles carefully placed around the picnic blanket had been the truly painful part of it all. he knew he looked like a fool, rushing around to relight the candles every time the wind blew the slightest bit. it was exhausting, but kian was worth the embarrassment of a pair of old women laughing at him from a park bench for thirty minutes straight. 

when kian finally showed up, it felt like moonsu was on stage, ready for the performance of his life - that performance being making sure that his boyfriend had a valentine’s day date he’d never forget. “hey,” he rushed out, moving forward to kiss his cheek before holding out the single chocolate rose. “this is it,” he said after a moment, nodding his head. “i just asked you to come here so i could give you that. wanna go now? i can think of some way more exciting things we could be doing right now. not that we probably couldn’t do it here, too, but the amount of old people hanging around is kind of a turn off.” with a scrunch of his nose, he waited a few seconds before grabbing kian’s wrist and tugging him towards the actual display. a few of the candles were out again, causing an inner huff of frustration for moon that he did his best not to show - now wasn’t the time to pout over the little imperfections. he’d just pout about them later in private. the blanket was outlined with roses and kiss candies; moon took a moment to admire his own display before gasping as he tugged his phone out, a tiny speaker to the side blasting jazz music. he quickly turned the volume down and led kian to sit. “as for what we’re eating… not the most romantic meal, but…” he grabbed a box of pizza, opening it to show pizza in the shape of a heart. “… pretty good, right?” // @kians

kian hates valentine’s day. really, he hates every holiday but he hates this one the most. he can’t even count how many times he’s had to sit through dumb traditions just because his partner at the time wanted to show how much they loved him. there were even a few times where he got so frustrated with the whole thing that he just broke off the relationship then and there. it always adds a little more sting to break someone’s heart on the day of love. and, honestly, he considered doing that very same thing today. to moonsu. but, at the last minute, he decided against it. he hasn’t had all his fun yet, hasn’t even scratched the surface so, therefore, he knows he has to suffer through another day of pretending like he actually gives a shit about all of this. and he knows he’s acting like a crybaby but, fuck, he really doesn’t want to go. that’s why he takes his time getting there and if moonsu mentions it then he’ll just make something up. and his boyfriend will believe him because kian has never given him a reason not to.

he sees moonsu before the boy ever sees him and he can’t help but roll his eyes. he knows him well and knows he’s probably went way over the top. and while, normally, he would enjoy the attention, he had a long night and he’s so tired that he can barely muster up the ability to smile. still, he does. he beams brightly at moonsu when he bounds over and gives him a tender kiss on the cheek. he slips so easily into the pretend kian that sometimes he wonders if there’s not a bit of the real one in there somewhere. “hey to you, too.” he replies, taking the chocolate rose from his hands. he smells it because, c’mon it’s a chocolate rose, and grins wider. “can’t say i’ve ever gotten a chocolate rose before. seems like there’s a lot of firsts always happening between us.” he quirks a brow. but moonsu is the exact opposite of him. where kian is calm and collected, the other is already freaking out and rambling. he’s nervous and if kian were anyone but himself, he would think it was endearing.

“wow, i can’t believe this—” he trails off, eyes studying the scene in amazement, “is this all for me?” he asks, though it obviously is. “you always outdo yourself, moonsu. i’m so lucky to have you.” he smiles, taking a seat on the blanket then leaning over to press a gentle kiss to his lips. when his boyfriend shows him the pizza, he lets out a laugh full of admiration (because that’s what he’s suppose to do), and gives him another kiss. “maybe it’s not the most romantic meal, but you can never go wrong with pizza.” he states. “i love it.” he makes sure to add before chewing on his lip in thought. “and ... i love you.” he confesses. “i— i know we’ve only been dating for a couple of months but ... it’s been amazing. it’s been so different from anyone else i’ve been with. i’ve never felt this way about someone.” he admits, swallowing hard. “i’m sorry if it’s too soon. i don’t wanna scare you away, but i wanted you to know.” he says, reaching over to take one of his hands in his own. “i’m in this for the long haul. i hope you are, too.”

seojvns‌:

for @kians. ♡

he’d dozed off a few times now while waiting up for kian and was starting to think, in the brief moments of consciousness, that maybe he wouldn’t be back to their dorm at all tonight. it wasn’t surprising, but it was frustrating. seojun didn’t plan his life around kian or anything - he wasn’t that invested, but he liked knowing that he was here and safe. especially with everything that’d been going on lately. was it really that much to ask of kian for him to send him a brief text on the nights he wouldn’t be back anyway? seojun certainly didn’t think so, but maybe kian would disagree. the worst part was that he didn’t have the right to feel so protective over him and, yet, here he was. as protective as ever. 

as soon as he heard the door open, his head lifted, eyes snapping open as all sleepiness he felt previously quickly evaporated. but he still looked sleepy, with his eyes puffy and his hair messy from falling asleep on the couch. “hi,” he said, his voice soft, his eyes staying on kian. he wanted to ask where he’d been, but knew it wasn’t fair to, so he didn’t. instead he stared, hoping for any bit of attention kian was willing to give him - if he even was. “um, welcome home,” he said, pulling himself up off the couch. “are you… hungry? i could make you something to eat, if you want,” he offered, all too willing to do anything that kian wanted. but that was nothing new. he’d jump through hoops all day, if he were asked.

kian does everything for a reason. the way he dresses, the way he smiles, and the way he does his hair always depends on which toy he’s playing with that day. if he can’t get something out of it then he doesn’t do it, period. it wouldn’t be fair for him to put in so much work if he got nothing in return. lucky for him, he knows nearly everything he needs to about his roommate and he definitely uses it to his advantage. spending so much time together in such close quarters has given him the leverage he needs to pull on seojun’s strings a little harder and push him a little farther. and, god, he’s so fun to play with. he might be kian’s favorite. he barely has to do anything at all and, yet, is given so much. it’s like christmas every day. he takes his time walking up the stairs to their dorm, reading over texts that he doesn’t plan on answering, and he even takes a break to catch the breath that he never lost in the first place. it’s just so exhausting being him.

switching to the camera on his phone, he checks his appearance and notes that his eyes are a little red from his activities earlier that night. still, he rubs at them a little more and even touches his eyeball to get them to water before wiping the tears away. he wants to look like he’s been crying. when he’s satisfied, he carelessly drops his phone to the ground then picks it back up again. it doesn’t crack the first time around so he repeats until it does. when he sticks his key in the door, he counts to five, then enters. he isn’t surprised to see that seojun is there, waiting for him, but he pretends to be. “oh!” he says, making a show of wiping at his eyes. “i didn’t expect you to be up.” yes, he did. “you didn’t have to wait up for me, junnie.” he says, forcing a sad smile onto his face. he turns away to lock the door and pretend like he doesn’t want to look at the other.

“i’m—” he swallows hard before clearing his throat, “i’m fine.” he says. “thanks for the offer though, i appreciate it.” he adds, reaching forward to caress his cheek. “you should go to bed.” he states, pressing the button on his phone as he pretends to check the time. but, really, he just wants to make sure seojun sees the cracked screen. “it’s late.” he mumbles, shoulders slumping. he places his phone down on the tv stand then shrugs off his jacket and kicks off his shoes. he pretends as if he’s just going to head for his room then quickly turns and pulls his roommate into a tight hug. “i don’t deserve you, junnie.” he whispers. “i know you’d never hurt me. you’d never break my heart like he did or break my phone just to add insult to injury.” he sighs. “how did i get so lucky with you?”

☆ — who : @anvya ☆ — when : november of 2017 ☆ — where : pugh hall dormitory

kian is in uncharted territory; everything is so new and unfamiliar. a part of him wants to run and never look back, but he can’t. annya keeps him grounded to the spot with some unseen magnetic force. but it’s all just so exhausting. it’s like he’s slipped into his facade, like he’s pretending, without doing so at all. the line between reality and the world he’s created is starting to blur and the cracks are starting to show. for once in his life, he’s scared of how it’s all going to end. “i’m gonna grab some more popcorn.” he says, removing his arm from behind her as he stands from the bed. he just needs a minute to breathe, to calm himself down. all they’re doing is watching a movie in her dorm, something completely normal, and he’s damn near having an existential crisis. grabbing the nearly empty bowl on the bedside table, he makes the short trek to the attached kitchenette and places it on the counter. he manages to keep his hands from shaking as he takes a bag of popcorn from the cabinet and tosses it into the microwave.

when the sound fills the room, he allows his eyes to close and lets out a breath he didn’t realize he had been holding. he and annya have been official for a couple of months now after initially meeting at freshman orientation, but it’s so incredibly different from anyone else that he’s dated that he wonders if he’ll even survive it. the most jarring revelation is that this isn’t a game to him for once. he actually doesn’t want to hurt her. and that’s terrifying, as sick as it sounds. when the microwave goes off, emitting the universal beep that signals the popcorn is ready, he pulls himself together and opens the door. his motions are robotic and even though he burns himself as he pours it into the bowl, he doesn’t even flinch. “this movie kinda sucks, huh?” he smiles as he rounds the corner back into the room. in truth, he hasn’t been watching it. he doesn’t even know what it’s about. “if there wasn’t a snowstorm outside, we could’ve actually did something fun.” he says.

he sets the bowl down in its previous place and leans over to give her a short kiss on the lips. “i guess i can deal though if it means spending time with you.” he states, internally cringing. he’s delivered that same line to a million other people, but it feels wrong doing the same to her. at least he means it this time.

ofjiwon‌:

the sweat beaded on jiwon’s forehead as her sneaker clad feet pounded lightly against the sidewalk. practice had ended a few hours ago but per usual jiwon overachieving style she liked to extend her own training for an hour after. in order to keep things interesting she liked to take her final round through the campus’ quad. she was turning the corner around one of the lecture hall buildings when her body came colliding with another. the power behind her run causing a short huff to puff out of her lips, “—fuck,” the curse came out of her lips as she stumbled backwards trying to right herself. it wasn’t till that moment did her eyes land on the person in front of her, “—oh shit, i didn’t hurt you did i?” her eyes moved to scan the person for any obvious injuries. she normally wouldn’t be the type is apologize in a position like this, but she knew the power behind her when she ran she couldn’t have really hurt this person, “you’re lucky i wasn’t practicing my sprints,” she joked lamely.

kian grumbles to himself as the strap of his duffel bag catches on the door. he pulls on it once, twice, three times, before it finally gives way and detaches itself, subsequently freeing him from the frustrating scenario. he can feel the way his features settle into something reminiscent of annoyance almost immediately, but he doesn’t care enough to fix it. he’s tired so his facade is faltering. he’s just lucky that no one is around to see it slip. his brows furrow and suddenly he’s mad at the world again. his muscles are tense and extremely sore from practice which only adds to his irritation and that’s what throws him off completely. it’s the reason why he isn’t focused, why he isn’t paying attention to his surroundings. he’s usually so aware of the things around him so it sort of takes him by surprise when he rounds the corner and is nearly pummeled by another body. the hit is hard and it knocks the breath out of him, causes him to stumble backwards a bit.

he nearly snaps, curses at the offender, but has enough sense to calm himself down. that isn’t who he is. or, at least, that isn’t who he’s pretending to be. he schools his features and forces a laugh out. “as if your scrawny ass could hurt me.” he rolls his eyes, playfully. he and jiwon aren’t exactly friends or anything, but he has to play the part of the nice boy. despite the fact that the two seem to have a rivalry, always trying to one-up each other. “oh yeah?” he quirks a brow, readjusting the strap on his shoulder. “bet i could outrun you.” he says, almost as if it’s a challenge. he knows it’ll get her worked up though and that’s all he’s looking for. pretty little jiwon who wants to be the biggest track star in the world. oh, what he would give to crush those dreams. though he doesn’t actually think he could beat her. “i saw your last match.” he says, contorting his face into a look of disbelief. “wasn’t all that impressive. you can do better so ... what gives? what threw you off your game?”