☆ — ❛ Threads With Seojun. ❜ - Blog Posts

seojvns‌:

“okay,” he says as a certainty. confidence in any aspect has never been, and will probably never be, a strong suit of his, but he’ll try to believe kian’s words. not for himself - he rarely does anything for his own sake, but because he genuinely does trust him entirely. a small grin appears on his lips as kian says he does too, already feeling a growing excitement in the pit of his stomach just from the thought. jun’s almost completely still as kian’s lips press to the corner of his mouth. though it’s not the first time, each time it happens jun reverts back to a shyness that he doesn’t typically feel around kian anymore. but, without fail, as soon as they cross any line of friendship, he begins to feel an even deeper desperation towards the other. every time they’re this close, he knows it’s exactly what he wants. it’s the delicate way kian goes into it, and how he can make jun physically feel how much he cares. jun accepts the invitation and leans into kian, pressing his lips against his with an eagerness he tried, and obviously failed, to suppress. “you have?” he whispers in response, finding it too hard to believe. “i think about it all the time,” he mumbles sheepishly, caught up in the moment just enough to be completely blunt with his feelings. his hand’s on kian’s neck now, his thumb lightly brushing his cheek affectionately. it feels like a big moment, but he doesn’t know how wrong he is about that. “i’m not,” he says too quickly, his words wrapped with a sense of pleading, like he needs kian to know how untrue that is. as soon as he says it’s annoying, jun’s smiling too. “no one could be too good for you,” he adds with a pout, “and that’s really everything i need to know.”

as soon as seojun’s resolve gives and he presses back into him, chasing the kiss that kian cuts off a little too quickly, he knows that he has the green light; his roommate is definitely still right where he wants him. “mhm.” he hums in response, eyes glinting with something mischievous. he isn’t surprised when the other boy admits that he thinks about the prospect of them being together all the time, but he still pretends to be. he breaks out into a grin, head dropping as he feigns embarrassment. “imagine how mortifying it would’ve been if i said that, but you didn’t reciprocate.” he states, knowing that the scenario was never even a possibility. “you’re wrong.” he says, bluntly. “you truly put me on such a high pedestal, junnie. i don’t deserve it.” he adds, a slither of honesty seeping through the cracks of his mask. he drags his index finger down the boy’s jawline and sighs. “is it weird i kinda just wanna stay here?” he questions, letting out a light laugh. “i don’t wanna ruin the moment.” he admits, jutting his lips out into a pout. “we should at least do something before we go.” he suggests. “like... tear up the bible or push over a few bookshelves or dig through the librarian’s desk or, you know, whatever.”

seojvns‌:

“i do trust you,” he says, and it’s never about not trusting kian. there are few people that he trusts as much as jun does him. as he speaks, his words make sense, and seojun’s nodding slowly. “that’s true,” he agrees, about it being difficult to see himself as others see him, and how that’s true for everyone. he wishes he could see what kian does though. maybe he’d be able to like himself a little bit more if he did. “i guess i believe you,” he teases, and when kian says he’s not sure if anyone’s worth having him, he laughs as though it were a joke. “don’t be ridiculous,” he says with a soft scoff, gently pushing at his shoulder. “just honest, hmm?” he hums with a grin, choosing not to argue further once kian’s leaning over to press his lips to jun’s cheek. “well, it’s easy to take risks with you,” he admits, because he trusts him so much. it feels like nothing could ever go wrong when he’s with kian. “i guess it’s good i’ve never claimed that i’m not a cliche,” he adds in his own defense, “even if it’s a nineties, or early two thousands, cliche,” he says with a soft laugh. when kian asks him if he wants to, the answer seems obvious to jun, even if he hadn’t thought about it much prior to him asking. “um… not really,” he answers, chewing on the inside of his cheek. “i just don’t know how to do that?” he confesses sheepishly. “what about you? do you wanna take more risks?” he questions in return, head tilting slightly as his eyes remain on kian. “maybe… we could learn how to together.”

a shiver runs down his spine at the words. i do trust you, he says, and kian preens. once someone trusts you, it’s so easy to get everything you want. and seojun has always made it abundantly clear that he does, indeed, trust his roommate wholeheartedly. no matter that kian is probably the last person on earth that should have that kind of power. “no guessing.” he shakes his head. “just have the confidence to believe me.” he says, voice barely above a whisper. it feels more intimate that way. “i do.” he confirms, eyes bouncing between seojun’s. “yeah, maybe we could. maybe we should.” he agrees, the wheels turning in his head. leaning forward, he presses a kiss to the corner of his roommate’s mouth then to his lips. it’s chaste, merely a light brush, but he knows this is the game he has to play in order to keep seojun right where he wants him. though, he can’t deny the tenderness of it and somewhat relishes in the feel of the boy’s soft, plump lips against his own. it’s familiar in a way that kian isn’t necessarily used to; it’s familiar in a way that he can’t pinpoint. “i’ve thought about it.” he says, lips brushing against the other’s as he speaks. he keeps his words vague, slipping easily into the more manipulative side of his game. “about us. together.” he clarifies, his right hand slowly trailing over seojun’s chest to wrap around the back of his neck. “but you’re too good for even me. shouldn’t that tell you everything you need to know? you’re perfect and—” he pauses, licking his lips, “it’s so goddamn annoying.” he smiles.

seojvns‌:

“so am i,” he says, taken aback by kian saying so. jun probably made it obvious that he was thankful that he ended up with him daily with the little gestures; making food for them both without being asked, keeping their dorm tidy on a regular basis, waiting up for kian to come home even on nights where he didn’t. seojun finds comfort in his assurance, a soft smile on his lips. “i can’t help it either,” he admits, “and i don’t think it’s childish.” it’s ironic, for seojun to be assuring kian now, but that seemed to happen way more often than kian ever needed - not that jun was aware. he gives his hand a gentle squeeze in return. he wants to believe what kian’s saying, but it’s difficult. the insecurities that had a tendency to seep in were constantly nagging at the back of his mind, giving him little reminders of why kian was wrong. but it’s nice to hear. “you’re too nice to me,” he can feel his cheeks warm again, and he’s thankful for the darkness now. “i don’t know how true any of that is, but if you think so, maybe someone else will too,” he says, his words laced with hope. maybe if he wasn’t such a romantic at heart, he wouldn’t put such an importance on love - that’d probably be the healthier option, but he’s a hopeless romantic in every sense. he lets out a playful huff in protest when kian pokes at his side, but he’s still smiling too. “maybe i’ll try to take more risks,” he muses, but if he actually will… it’s difficult to say. “is it?” he scrunches his nose again at kian calling it very nineties. he wasn’t sure if that was a bad thing or not. “oh,” he says, his voice soft. “i get that,” he adds, “i think i probably play it safe most of the time too.” and now he’s the one squeezing kian’s hand to reassure, not wanting him to feel embarrassed. 

he doesn’t know how their conversations always turn out like this, with seojun being the one to somehow reassure kian of everything, but it happens every single time. by now, he believes that it’s because his roommate just has a lot of insecurities and some kind of need to take care of people out of the fact that he can’t really take care of himself. and not in the traditional sense, but in the more emotional, mental sense. he should really make more of an effort to get to the bottom of that. “trust me, remember?” he quirks a brow. “it’s always hard for us to see ourselves the way others do. but, i promise, you’re someone worth having. though, i’m not so sure anyone is worth having you.” he states. “i don’t think it counts as being nice if it’s true. i’m just being honest.” he smiles, leaning over to press his lips to seojun’s cheek. “hey, you’re taking a risk with me right now.” he points out, waving his hand slightly in the air. “kinda?” he laughs. “hooking up in a bathroom at a party seemed to be a staple in nineties movies.” he explains. “or was it the early two thousands? i can’t remember.” he shrugs. “but do you want to?” he asks. “play it safe all the time? i mean, these are our college years. we’re suppose to be doing all the things that are somewhat crazy and risky. it’s not like anyone’s here to stop us.”

seojvns‌:

“i wouldn’t wanna share such a special moment when anyone else,” he teases, but despite the playfulness in his tone, he means it. whenever kian gave seojun any bit of his attention, it felt like a privilege, and he never knew how long it’d last. he assumed that’s why kian left for days at a time. out of boredom. “must be,” he responds with a grin, listening to his words as he continued, agreeing with each word that he said. “i feel bad for the people who choose to let it stop them,” he mumbles in response, thankful that he’s not one of them. “do you ever think you’ll fall in love? like the kind of love that’s in movies?” he questions, the childish question leaving his lips before he can even think about stopping himself. “it’s just,” he feels his cheeks warm, “sometimes i wonder if it’s all made up, or if there really is love like that out there. it’s stupid, i know, but,” and now that he’s started rambling he can’t seem to stop, “i’m really afraid that i’m gonna be alone forever.” his voice is soft, his words barely above a whisper. he shifts a bit when kian questions him. “i don’t know,” he scrunches his nose, “i guess if it were late, like it is now, and no one was around…” he muses, but he shakes his head slightly. “seems risky though,” and if there was anything jun hated, it was getting in trouble. “umm,” he takes a moment to think about it before answering, “probably in a bathroom at a party?  maybe? i’m not… a very adventurous person… in that way…” his words are slow and sheepish. “but, uh, what about you? i bet you have lots of crazy places.”

kian smiles at seojun as he speaks, giving him his undivided attention. “i’m so glad we’re roommates.” he voices. “i really thought i’d end up getting stuck with someone awful, but i got lucky. more than lucky.” he says. but something sort of shifts in the air when the boy asks him about love. kian doesn’t believe in love because it’s never existed in his life and he doesn’t think it ever will. but he can’t just throw out that kind of pessimism when seojun believes him to be this optimistic, nice boy. so, as always, he just tells him what he knows he wants to hear deep down. “yeah, of course.” he whispers with a nod. “maybe it’s childish to believe in such a thing, but i do. i can’t help it.” he explains, reaching over to take seojun’s hand in his own. he gives it a gentle squeeze, sending him a soft look despite the fact that he probably can’t see it. “you don’t need to worry about being alone forever, junnie.” he assures him. “you’re amazing, truly. anyone should be honored to be with you. i mean, you’re funny, nice, cute, compassionate, attentive— you literally have all the qualities that those boys in those romantic films have. except, you know, you’re actually real.” he smiles, giving the other’s hand another gentle squeeze. he lets out a breath through his nose, rolling his eyes playfully, as he pokes seojun in the side. “that’s why it’s fun. because it’s risky.” he points out. “bathroom at a party, huh? how very nineties.” he teases. “actually, i don’t.” he lies, averting his eyes as if he were embarrassed. “i’ve spent my whole life playing it safe. guess it’s hard to get out of that.”

seojvns‌:

“well,” he begins in defense, because he’s not the camping type at all, “i’ve never been. it’s one of those bucket list kind of ideas that i’ve always wanted to do but just haven’t gotten around to?” he tries to explain. the thought of camping with his own parents is enough to make him physically cringe, but as soon as kian mentions the idea of camping with him being an eight out of ten, the smitten expression that’s usually on his face when jun’s with him reappears. “like a horror movie?” he questions, eyes widening at the thought as kian explains exactly why they’d never make it out of the woods alive. “i’m not into girls,” he protests, before correcting himself, “i mean, i am, just not exclusively. i like everyone,” and after the briefest pause he’s explaining himself again, “not, like, everyone, just,” he huffs in frustration, feeling flustered. “i like boys and girls,” he says after letting out a breath, “and i don’t have a double life,” he adds with another huff. “the thought of me doing anything on this table is…” he laughs nervously, “really ridiculous. i’d never,” but never’s a strong word and he’s a weak boy - so to say never was probably a lie, even if he didn’t necessarily realize it. 

“no worries, junnie.” he says, features stretching into a grin, “i’ll take your camping virginity.” and he leaves it at that, turning another page, and pretending like he’s at all interested in what the words say. “must be why we get along so well.” he says, nonchalantly. “i also like everyone. gender doesn’t mean shit to me, kinda stupid when you think about it, you know? like— if you’re lucky enough to find someone who you really dig and who digs you back then why would you let something so trivial stop you? imagine falling in love, but you’re so caught up in the person being the same sex as you that you throw it all away, only to lead a miserable life.” he shakes his head, thumbing at the corner of the page. “what do you mean never?” he questions, head lolling to the side to look at him again. “it’d be fun. i mean, it’s already sort of an adrenaline rush being here when we’re not suppose to so think about what it’d be like to fuck someone in a place that you’re not suppose to. every time you’d step foot into the library, it’s like you’d have your own little secret. i bet people have fucked in here before.” he says, suddenly turning on his side again, the book completely forgotten. “i have a question.” he states. “where is the craziest place you’ve ever hooked up with someone?”

seojvns‌:

when kian scoots closer, jun can feel the nervousness seep in. not in a sense that he’s genuinely nervous - as his roommate, he probably knows jun in a way most don’t. instead, it’s the kind of nervousness that leaves jun feeling a little lightheaded, and he shifts a bit closer anyway. wanting to see the pages was an excuse, but not the reason. “i’d like that,” he says, his tone soft as he considered the thought, and he was naive enough to think it was a genuine possibility. it’s difficult for him to concentrate on planning anything, in all honesty, and planning has never been a strength of jun’s to begin with. he keeps stealing glances at kian when he should be looking at the pages, but his focus keeps slipping. he laughs softly when kian knocks his feet into jun’s, and again once he complains about the quiet. “if you didn’t want quiet, this is the worst place you could’ve picked,” he teases. he barely notices that the page turns, his attention on kian almost entirely now. as soon as he considers jun, and what he wants, he’s thrown off. “oh, uh…” it’s almost as though he’s not asked about what he wants very often. “i think camping would be fun,” he answers, on his side now as he faces kian. “just… getting lost in the woods somewhere,” he adds with a sheepish smile. 

“camping?” he quirks a brow, genuinely interested. “i didn’t take you for the camping type.” he admits, propping his head up with his elbow. “it’s really not all that fun, but the company makes it better. see, camping with my family? worst possible decision. a fat zero out of ten. but, camping with you? definitely somewhere like an eight out of ten.” he teases with a smile. even though it’s almost completely dark aside from the flashlight, kian’s eyes have adjusted and, even through it, he can make out the planes of seojun’s face. “sounds like the setup to an extremely cliche horror movie.” he points out. “one that we wouldn’t survive because, one—” he holds up a finger, “we’re not white. and, two—” he holds up another, “we’re not straight. those would both get us axed in the first ten minutes.” he explains, a certain glint in his eye that’s hidden by the darkness. “or, well, i guess i can only speak for myself. maybe you’re exclusively into girls. i dunno.” he shrugs, settling onto his back again as he reopens the book. “for all i know, you could be living a double life; fucking girls right here on this table in the library.” he says, breathing a light laugh through his nose.

seojvns‌:

just trust me, kian whispers, and seojun does. he trusts him too deeply, willing to follow him anywhere without questioning a thing. he doesn’t voice it, but he’s nervous. even though he knows there’s no one around, he can’t help but glance as kian fiddles with the lock, his heart racing with anticipation and the fear that maybe they will get caught. doing something that felt wrong wasn’t a strong suit of his, but going along with things was. as soon as he was being ushered in first, seojun took the lead, his footsteps cautious as he entered. “you want to get some last minute studying in before we go?” seojun questions in a whisper, a brow raising as he kept his eyes on kian. “yeah, um, it’s kind of the point of a library, to let anyone come whenever they want,” he teases, a slight smile still on his lips.

“yeah,” he breathes in response, and he gets it. the thrill of being there after hours. there’s something ominous about the darkness though, something that leaves seojun unsettled. he watches, but he doesn’t touch anything - mostly because he’s afraid to make too much noise, on the off chance there’s a campus security guard somewhere nearby. it’s unlikely, but his worries get the best of him. he stares, instead of helping, as kian pushes two tables together. as soon as he’s telling jun to come, he obeys, climbing on top as well and lays beside him. “is there something you’ve always wanted to do? or somewhere you’ve wanted to see?” he questions, holding up the flashlight to shine on the book so they can plan their getaway. 

“mhm.” he hums in reply, scooting closer to seojun so the other boy can see the pages as well. “but, since this is a short trip, we won’t be able to do all the things i want. maybe some other time though.” he smiles. “like over the summer or something.” he suggests, flipping the page. his eyes scan the words and look over the pictures, but nothing is really standing out to him. he begins moving his feet back and forth, knocking against seojun’s in impatience, but his face doesn’t read the same. “god, it’s so quiet in here.” he comments. “and, yeah, i do realize how ironic that is considering we’re in a library.” he laughs lightly. he sees a few places close by that catch his eye so he mentally makes note of them before turning the page again. it’s probably rude to do so without asking his roommate because he’s more than likely looking as well, but kian’s selfishness extends to all things. “what about you?” he asks suddenly, flipping around so he’s laying on his stomach. he lets the book close, keeping his place with a finger, as he rests his chin on seojun’s chest. “something you wanna do? somewhere you wanna go?”

☆ — who : @seojvns ☆ — when : february of 2019 ☆ — where : the campus library

“just trust me.” kian whispers, placing the flashlight between his teeth. he shifts his weight from one leg to the other in his crouched position and continues moving the bobby pin around in the lock. it’s not the best tool but, when he hears the faint click, he relishes in the fact that it gets the job done. standing to his full height, he plucks the flashlight from his lips and smiles. “after you.” he says, ushering his roommate inside. it seems kind of dumb, and probably confusing, to be breaking into a place that’s open all the time, but he has his reasons. “i figured, before we set out on our little mini road trip, that we could come here first. and, before you say anything—” he cuts in, making the trek through each of the aisles separating the different shelves, “i know i can technically come here whenever i want.” he says, finally stopping to grab a book.

“but it’s always so busy, it’s frustrating. plus, it’s kinda cool being somewhere you’re not supposed to be, yeah?” he quirks a brow, a small smile on his face that he isn’t sure seojun can even make out in the dark. tucking the book under his arm, kian steps around the corner and begins pushing two of the tables together. once he’s satisfied, he climbs on top of them and lays down on his back. “come.” he instructs, patting the space next to him. “let’s find some shit to do, places to go.” he says as he opens the travel book in his hands. “need you to hold the flashlight for me.” he says, turning his own off.

seojvns‌:

as soon as kian wipes at his eyes, jun’s heart races with concern. “i… i wasn’t waiting, i just couldn’t sleep,” a lie to make himself seem less pathetic, but he and kian both know that wasn’t the truth. there wasn’t even a point in lying about it. “but i’m glad you’re home,” he adds, biting his lower lip as he watches kian’s movements from across the room. everything he does - each expression, each movement, jun watches intently. he knows something’s wrong almost immediately by his demeanour. “what happened?” he added, his voice softening, anxious that something bad happened to him. it was strange that jun felt so fiercely protective over kian, given that he was probably one of the last people who needed protecting. 

“you don’t seem fine,” he says in response, frowning at kian. and as soon as jun feels his hand caressing his cheek he can hear his heart beating loudly in his ears. his eyes remained on kian’s as he leaned into the touch. “it’s not even that late,” he protests, but he doesn’t even know what time it is. the only thing on his mind is how he wants to spend any time he can with kian. as soon as he pressed the button on his phone, jun’s eyes glance down at the screen, him noticing the crack immediately. “kian… what happened to your phone?” he asks, feeling a stronger sense of seriousness in his concern now, which is apparent in his tone. 

he follows kian, as loyal as ever, watching him as he removes his jacket and shoes, a frown still etched upon his expression. his worry for kian sometimes seemed unjustified, until moments like this. and then he’s pulled into a tight hug, which jun returns without a second thought, one hand around his waist with the other on the back of his neck as he holds kian against him. “don’t say things like that…” he mumbles in response, his words whinier than intended. “of course i wouldn’t, i care about you… so much…” and even that was an understatement. “who broke your heart? your phone?” he pulls away now to look at kian. 

despite the fact that jun’s not a confrontational person, he feels a sense of anger he’s unaccustomed to. the fact that someone hurt kian… it made him want to hit something. or someone. he places a hand on kian’s cheek, keeping close to him. “there’s nothing special about me,” he says with a sheepish laugh and a shake of his head, “but you,” he sighs, “there’s nothing about you that isn’t special.” and he’s never meant anything as much as he means that. “what do you need?” he asks, because he’s willing to give kian anything he wants.

he never really understood the whole “it’s like taking candy from a baby” quote until he met seojun. and now he gets it completely. it’s just so easy to get the boy exactly where he wants him that kian barely has to put in any work at this point. he falls into his trap every single time and he means it when he says that he’s lucky to have him. the other is so bad at hiding his emotions, too which kian eats up. he loves seeing each one fleeting across his face as kian’s appearance finally catches his eye and the concern grows deeper. he wants to be the center of seojun’s world, wants to be able to call him while he’s on a date or out with his closest friends, and have the boy drop everything he’s doing just to come to kian’s rescue. but he quickly shoves those thoughts to the back of his mind. it’s a little twisted, but he gets off on things like that. and how embarrassing would it be if he got hard in the middle of pretending to be heartbroken? he isn’t sure how he would explain that one away.

the feeling of seojun hugging him back just as tightly and assuring him that he cares about him so much causes kian to smile. but the boy pulls back so quickly that he almost doesn’t have time to slip back into his persona. almost. “just some dumb boy.” he replies, sniffling. “or maybe i’m the dumb boy for falling for his tricks.” he mumbles, looking down at his feet. that’s when he notices that their carpet truly is disgusting. though he doubts it’s from either one of them. the university has probably never cleaned it and now it’s forever tainted with bodily fluids, food, and god knows what else. a hand on his cheek pulls him from his thoughts and he looks up, melting into the touch easily. “please.” he huffs out a humorless, sad laugh. “there’s nothing special about me. i can’t do anything right.” he frowns. “but you’re perfect, junnie. you’re always here for me even when i don’t deserve it. i don’t know what i’d do without you.”

probably be infinitely more bored, for one. “can i—” he pauses, averting his eyes to the floor again, “can i sleep in your bed tonight?” he asks quietly as if he’s shy about bringing it up. he tries to force a blush onto his cheeks, but there are some things that even he can’t do. “it’s okay if you say no. i know you may have someone coming over or something.” he mumbles, toeing at the dirty carpet. “i just, i don’t wanna be alone. i know it’s a little pathetic but ... it’s just been a rough night.” he sighs, chewing on his bottom lip. he pretends like he’s too embarrassed to look at his roommate and turns his attention towards his phone. he picks it up from the tv stand and presses a few of the buttons to see if it still works then tucks it away into his back pocket.

“do we have any ice cream?” he asks, finally looking at seojun again. “i always hear girls talking about how that seems to help them through heartbreaks so maybe i should give it a shot.” he smiles, keeping it closed and small; distant even. “have you ever had your heart broken, junnie?” he asks, curiously. and he actually is genuinely curious. even if only because he could use it against him in the future. he lets his words trail off as he pads his way to his room in search of something to change into. their space is small so it isn’t hard for them to communicate with each other even when they’re in different rooms. grabbing the bottom of his shirt, he tugs it over his head and tosses it to the floor. he undresses slowly to not only give off an exhausted state, but also just in case seojun follows him. “i couldn’t imagine anyone breaking your heart. you’re too sweet.” he says as he undoes the button of his jeans.

seojvns‌:

for @kians. ♡

he’d dozed off a few times now while waiting up for kian and was starting to think, in the brief moments of consciousness, that maybe he wouldn’t be back to their dorm at all tonight. it wasn’t surprising, but it was frustrating. seojun didn’t plan his life around kian or anything - he wasn’t that invested, but he liked knowing that he was here and safe. especially with everything that’d been going on lately. was it really that much to ask of kian for him to send him a brief text on the nights he wouldn’t be back anyway? seojun certainly didn’t think so, but maybe kian would disagree. the worst part was that he didn’t have the right to feel so protective over him and, yet, here he was. as protective as ever. 

as soon as he heard the door open, his head lifted, eyes snapping open as all sleepiness he felt previously quickly evaporated. but he still looked sleepy, with his eyes puffy and his hair messy from falling asleep on the couch. “hi,” he said, his voice soft, his eyes staying on kian. he wanted to ask where he’d been, but knew it wasn’t fair to, so he didn’t. instead he stared, hoping for any bit of attention kian was willing to give him - if he even was. “um, welcome home,” he said, pulling himself up off the couch. “are you… hungry? i could make you something to eat, if you want,” he offered, all too willing to do anything that kian wanted. but that was nothing new. he’d jump through hoops all day, if he were asked.

kian does everything for a reason. the way he dresses, the way he smiles, and the way he does his hair always depends on which toy he’s playing with that day. if he can’t get something out of it then he doesn’t do it, period. it wouldn’t be fair for him to put in so much work if he got nothing in return. lucky for him, he knows nearly everything he needs to about his roommate and he definitely uses it to his advantage. spending so much time together in such close quarters has given him the leverage he needs to pull on seojun’s strings a little harder and push him a little farther. and, god, he’s so fun to play with. he might be kian’s favorite. he barely has to do anything at all and, yet, is given so much. it’s like christmas every day. he takes his time walking up the stairs to their dorm, reading over texts that he doesn’t plan on answering, and he even takes a break to catch the breath that he never lost in the first place. it’s just so exhausting being him.

switching to the camera on his phone, he checks his appearance and notes that his eyes are a little red from his activities earlier that night. still, he rubs at them a little more and even touches his eyeball to get them to water before wiping the tears away. he wants to look like he’s been crying. when he’s satisfied, he carelessly drops his phone to the ground then picks it back up again. it doesn’t crack the first time around so he repeats until it does. when he sticks his key in the door, he counts to five, then enters. he isn’t surprised to see that seojun is there, waiting for him, but he pretends to be. “oh!” he says, making a show of wiping at his eyes. “i didn’t expect you to be up.” yes, he did. “you didn’t have to wait up for me, junnie.” he says, forcing a sad smile onto his face. he turns away to lock the door and pretend like he doesn’t want to look at the other.

“i’m—” he swallows hard before clearing his throat, “i’m fine.” he says. “thanks for the offer though, i appreciate it.” he adds, reaching forward to caress his cheek. “you should go to bed.” he states, pressing the button on his phone as he pretends to check the time. but, really, he just wants to make sure seojun sees the cracked screen. “it’s late.” he mumbles, shoulders slumping. he places his phone down on the tv stand then shrugs off his jacket and kicks off his shoes. he pretends as if he’s just going to head for his room then quickly turns and pulls his roommate into a tight hug. “i don’t deserve you, junnie.” he whispers. “i know you’d never hurt me. you’d never break my heart like he did or break my phone just to add insult to injury.” he sighs. “how did i get so lucky with you?”