.˳⁺ ♱ I Feel Like I Might Sink And Drown And Die. . . (+☠️)

xii. melting

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CHAPTER TWELVE ─ melting.

❛ i can't find my chill, i must have lost it i don't even know, i'm talking nonsense. ❜

Choi Yumi's Perspective

I let out my very best, oscar-worthy fake cough. Why? Well, I had just seen Kim Taesung smoking outside the school during lunch break. He turned to look at me with furrowed brows. He must have thought I was a teacher because his stiffened shoulders relaxed when he saw it was me.

"Oh, it's you," he said, relieved.

"Don't be so happy," I warned.

"Why? Are you going to turn me in?" he asked curiously.

"I'm thinking about it."

He let out a short chuckle. I couldn't help but stare at him. His fluffy hair fell messily on his forehead. His eyes seemed to permanently have a mischievous glint that reminded me of the Cheshire cat. Taesung's dressing style had been constant every time I had seen him─ a bright, vibrant biker jacket over his unironed school shirt with no tie and black bead earrings.

I tore my eyes away, diverting my attention to the ice cream packet in my hand that felt cool against my skin. My grip on it had begun to loosen as the ice started melting, leaving my hands moist. 

"Are you going to share that with me?" he teased with a cheeky grin, revealing his two dimples on each cheek.

"Not with that thing in your hand, I'm not," I pointed to the cigarette.

He tossed it on the ground and extinguished it with his foot, "Now?"

"Why would I share my ice cream with someone who litters?" I said thoughtfully. I was having too much fun. His desperation to eat the ice cream was kind of cute. He picked up the cigarette from the ground and tossed it in a nearby dustbin, dusting his hands.

"How about now?"

I let out an amused laugh, shaking my head. I broke the ice cream sandwich in half and offered him a piece.

"You gave me the smaller piece," he complained.

"Gluttony is one of the seven deadly sins. Do you want the ice cream or not?"

Ryu Sunjae's Perspective

Bus rides home with Eunyoung had become the highlight of my days. Even on a dull Tuesday afternoon, I found myself smiling at the thought of seeing her. The rhythmic beating of my heart every time I saw her was something I had never experienced before. It made me feel vulnerable but sent a rush of joy through me at the same time.

I felt a poke on my shoulder, breaking my train of thought as I turned to see who it was. My gaze met Eunyoung's in a moment of surprise. I could feel my heart threatening to jump out of my body as my eyes were fixed on her, not wanting to look away. Her eyes became little crescent moons as she chuckled at the shock on my face.

"Hope I didn't scare you," she smiled, standing by my side, clutching her school bag, "I turned in the article today."

"About the interview?" I asked, to which she answered with a brief nod.

"The teacher seemed quite pleased," she told me, beaming with pride, "I think it turned out nice too. They're putting it in next week's paper."

"I'm looking forward to reading it," I encouraged her with a smile. Eunyoung always looked pretty no matter what she did, but something about her when she smiled set butterflies flying in my stomach.

"I found a different angle on it. People tend to praise the interviewee in these articles, but I always thought it seemed artificial. I managed to write it so it could serve a deeper purpose."

"You seem to be really passionate about writing," I observed.

"I want to pursue journalism when I grow up," she replied.

"I'm sure you'll do great."

The bus came to a halt in front of them and the doors hissed open. A few people got off, after which Eunyoung and I stepped into the air-conditioned bus. The weight of the long day seemed to lighten as we sat down beside each other.

💿

The bus hadn't moved in what felt like ages. The muffled sound of cars honking outside fell upon my ears, as I let out a sigh. There didn't seem to be a proper reason for the traffic; It was just one of those days. Eunyoung and I hadn't said anything to each other in a while. I turned to look at her, only to find that she had dozed off with her head tilting forward slightly.

I felt my eyes widen in awe of her beauty. Her hair framed her face as her features softened by her drowsiness. It felt as if she was conducting a puppet show with my heartstrings. Her head began to tilt towards the window. Without a moment of thought, I gently placed her head on my shoulder, afraid that she would get hurt. The action was so instinctive that even I was surprised. The contact sent a jolt through me as warmth crept up my cheeks. She shifted a little bit, finding a comfortable position and then became motionless again.

I couldn't stop my lips from stretching into a smile of admiration. I could look at her forever and be just as mesmerized. My attention shifted to the palm of her hand that rested on her lap. Her hand seemed so tiny despite her height. It looked so dainty that I had to fight the urge to intertwine my fingers with hers. I recalled her grip on my hand the day we ran through the rain, my heart swelling up at the thought. I held my hand next to hers, comparing them. My heart fluttered just looking at it.

Choi Eunyoung, what have you done to me? I'm acting like a lunatic and it's your fault.

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nayoung's notes: okay, i know sunjae did the hand comparing thing in the show, but it was so iconic that i had to use it. i HAD to. anyway hope u liked it!

delphi's notes: yumi coughing after she sees taesung smoking is such a mood, like i would totally do that.

back, back, backstabber ، ˖ . ° (>﹏<) . . .

✰ㅤ۪ 𓈒 ⋆ i'd probably still adore you with your hands around my neck.

like the moodboard? it's a teaser for an upcoming fanfic! make sure u follow me and stay tuned! thank you, bye!! <33

oc by @the-one-and-only-delphi

v. sudden shower

☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩⋆｡° ✮

CHAPTER FIVE ─ sudden shower.

❛ she looks just like a dream, the prettiest girl i've ever seen ❜

Narrator's Perspective

"Thank you for your time," she expressed her gratitude to the Jagam High swimming team. Her smiling face reflected contentment with the outcome of their interview. The boys broke out in chatter on hearing a final note of conclusion and began biding their goodbyes to Eunyoung as well as to each other. Their coach gave Eunyoung a polite smile and a bow before taking his leave, his kind gesture returned by Eunyoung. She switched off her recorder, gathered her stuff and began her walk home.

Reaching the bus stop, she took a seat, a satisfied sigh leaving her mouth which seemed to say "It's over, and I did my best." Just as she looked out the window, she heard someone sit down beside her. Turning around, she couldn't believe whose face she saw. Eunyoung's eyes widened, her pupils constricting into tiny black beads. Her jaw slackens, and a breath hitches in her throat, momentarily stolen by surprise. She blinks rapidly, once, twice, willing herself not to be hallucinating.

"Choi Eunyoung?" Sunjae's voice fell on her ears, "So, you take this bus too?"

Pretending to look at his name tag, Eunyoung said, "Ryu Sunjae?"

"Hmm, that's me," he said rather cooly. His wandering gaze betrayed his faux composure, which went unnoticed by Eunyoung, who was too caught up in processing this new information.

Choi Eunyoung's Perspective

Sunjae and I sat in silence for the first half of the bus ride. I had to fight my instinct to fidget with the hem of my skirt or press the buttons on my MP3 recorder, both of which would make me look like a nervous disaster, not to mention serve no purpose to calm my racing heartbeat. It took all the strength in my body not to look at Sunjae, as I knew that if I did, I doubt I would ever be able to look away. My favourite idol was sitting next to me on a bus, oblivious to his future that I was painfully aware of. After about ten minutes, I thought it was a good opportunity to talk to him privately, and I mustered up some courage to say something.

"The coach was telling me you recently came back from rehab after shoulder surgery," I started as he turned to face me, "How is it that you were able to bounce back so quickly?"

"It feels as if I'm still being interviewed," he said with a cheeky chuckle.

"Sorry to put you on the spot," I apologized quickly with an embarrassed smile, "You don't have to answer that unless you want to."

"I don't mind," he smiled politely, "I think my determination played a major role. During rehab, all I could think of was the day I could swim again. I wanted to start as soon as my doctor said it would be okay."

My lips curled into a smile, which surfaced despite my efforts to conceal it. I recalled the time he said that the day of his last swimming competition was the most heartbreaking moment of his life. He must have been so dejected. The realization hit me like a bulldozer, that Sunjae loved swimming with his whole heart.

"I might not be in the place to say this, but wouldn't it be better to rest a while longer, so you can return when you've regained your strength?" I suggested gently, "Taking time off might do you some good."

"I appreciate your concern, but I feel ready," he argued, "I've rested enough."

Just as I began to speak, the bus came to a screeching halt, the announcement of my stop breaking my train of thought. Sunjae rose to his feet before I could say anything, "I need to get off here."

I sat hesitantly in my seat, trying to comprehend his declaration. I snapped out of my trance and rushed out of the bus. Sunjae stood before me with his back to me.

"Sunjae!" I called out to him.

He was just as surprised to see me, "This is your stop too?"

"Yeah," I said through laughs. We could only chuckle at all the coincidences we realized within about thirty minutes. A fat, cold drop of water spattered on my face, missing my right eye by less than an inch. I flinched in surprise, looking up at the grey skies, darkened by the dense sea of clouds that floated around, threatening to unleash the rain at any moment. 

Another drop fell on my face, the water cool against my flushed face. The little droplets were followed by a whole downpour of them, startling me as well as Sunjae, who jumped back. It felt like the sky had opened up and decided to dump its entire bucket of rainwater on us. The wind whipped up instantly, yanking at my hair and sending loose flyers skittering across the sidewalk like startled pigeons.

"What now?" Sunjae shouted over the drumming rain.

"Run!" I yelled back. An unknown instinct took over my body as I reached for Sunjae's hand, which felt twice the size of mine. Warmth filled my body as I clutched his hand tightly and looked up at his face, eyebrows raised in surprise, eyes wide and full of confusion. "Huh?"

I pulled him along as I broke off into a run. I felt his shock too, as his body couldn't react to my impulsive action soon enough. At first, it was as if I dragged him along, but then his feet began to pick up pace, our footsteps splashing against the wet street as we made our way through the narrow lanes leading me home.

For a moment, I looked back at Sunjae, his right hand still clutched mine and his other hand was risen in a desperate attempt to shield his head from the rain. A chuckle escaped my mouth on seeing him struggling. Since smiles are contagious, he began smiling, hesitantly at first, then flashing his dimples in a real laugh. Our voices muffled by the rain rang through the air, drowning out any thoughts I might have had then. His hair flopped atop his head like a puppy's ears, the creased corners of his eyes lighting up his entire face.

Ryu Sunjae's Perspective

I watched in awe as Eunyoung pulled my hand through the streets of a series of familiar narrow, winding lanes. Our hands clutched each other tightly, not letting go for reasons to which we were oblivious. The rain had always felt bothersome; I hated being drenched after spending long hours swimming. It exhausted me, as I drowned in feelings of resentment for it.

Today, this moment, was nothing like anything I had felt before. Adrenaline rushed through my veins pulling me towards Eunyoung as our feet splashed against the wet streets. My gaze wandered to Eunyoung's face. Her long, black hair was getting soaked by the minute, little water droplets running down her face. She looked back at me, laughing heartily at my surprised face. Her lips extended into a bright smile, the creased corners of her eyes expressing happiness I hadn't felt in god knows how long. Unknowingly, I joined in the laughter, the melodies of our voices resounding in my ears, muffled by the rain.

Something about her aura pulled me in, refusing to let me go. It felt like we had become intertwined in a few fleeting moments. I didn't know how long we had been running when her surprisingly tight grip dragged me into a restaurant nearby.

Is this what they call love at first sight? 

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nayoung's notes: no matter what universe sunjae is in, he can't escape his loser identity. this scene plays in my head every time it rains 🤧 this is my probablly my favorite chapter(so far) hope you liked it!

delphi's notes: SONAKI BITCHESSS. Not the love at first sight tho. 

@the-one-and-only-delphi

next chapter: saturday! (out now) list of chapterss here!

𝐢. 𝗇𝖺𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗇𝗀'𝗌 𝗌𝗄𝗂𝗇𝖼𝖺𝗋𝖾 𝗀𝗎𝗂𝖽𝖾!

disclamer! these tips are all from experience, they've been tried and tested by yours truly. please note that i am not a skin specialist, and if you have any major skin concerns, visit a dermatologist! always remember that you are beautiful just the way you are, and these tips are aiming to help you achieve a healthier overall lifestyle.

i. skin types: everyone's skin is different! so, the first and most important step is to find out what kind of skin you have. is it oily? is it often dry? is it sensitive to certain products? determining your skin type will aid you in finding products that work for you, making it a crucial step.

ii. drink more water: i know, you've heard it a million times! but i cannot emphasise how important it is to drink water! not just for your skin, but it benefits your overall health and well-being. dehydration can cause dryness, and oiliness- which can lead to heat boils and breakouts. drinking 2-3 litres of water every day can clear up your skin significantly!

iii. avoid oily and fried foods: health begins on the inside, so we must nourish our skin the same way! oily foods can clog your pores, and make your skin greasy. in general, processed and fried food is bad for your health as it is full of preservatives and artificial flavouring. although it is important to treat yourself from time to time, avoid eating these on a daily basis.

iv. stop touching your face: i understand how hard this might be for some of you because we end up subconsciously touching our face from time to time, but not touching your face is a crucial habit and you must train yourself to reduce the number of times you touch your face. touching your face with unwashed hands makes your skin oily and dirty. song jia revealed she only touches her face while applying basic skincare or washing her face. it seems impossible, but you can do it!

v. apply sunscreen daily: no matter what, you must include sunscreen in your skincare routine. regardless of the weather, it's important since the uv rays from the sun harm your skin, and pollutants in the air (especially in the city) can damage your skin significantly. i use neutrogena and it's super lightweight and gives your skin a glowy and clean look.

vi. weather matters: weather conditions play a big role in determining which skincare products you should be using. for example- if you live near the sea coast, you might not need to moisturise due to severe humidity, but if you live in a cold and dry country, a heavy moisturiser might be advisable! if you are interested in skincare tips for people living in tropical countries- comment!

vii. facewash usage: again, it depends on where you live. i personally live near the coast, so i end up washing my face thrice a day due to constant sweating. during winter, take a call on whether you need to use a facewash in the mornings. over-cleansing can strip your skin of natural oils, which does more harm than good. if the climate where you live is not too severe, i would recommend washing your face twice a day.

nayoung's note: hope these tips helped you! feel free to let me know how they worked in the comments.

xli. threads of fate and regret

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CHAPTER FORTY-ONE ─ threads of fate and regret.

❛ you stood there in front of me, just close enough to touch ❜

Ryu Sunjae's Perspective

Fireworks seemed to go off inside me when I walked into the interview room. A wave of deja vu hit me when the rapid thumping of my heart sounded in my ears just like the first time I found out that Eunyoung was going to interview me. Since the time I started preparing to release 'Sonaki,' all my past feelings slowly began resurfacing. I could envision myself, a lovestruck nineteen year old sitting in my bedroom and writing the song, thinking of Eunyoung and occasionally gazing at her window that was just in front of mine. I kept telling myself that it was just a memory in the past. I couldn't accept the fact that my feelings were exactly the same after fifteen long years.

It felt quite pathetic, to be honest. To think that I spent two years with her by my side, and still never had the guts to tell her how I felt filled me with insurmountable regret. I would have given anything to go back in time and hold on to her. 

Sitting across from her, responding to each question with careful, practiced formality, felt like the most challenging task of my entire career. With every carefully measured word, I felt my resolve slipping, as though the years we spent apart had only heightened this ache within me. It took every ounce of restraint not to close the distance between us, to forget the cameras and the professionalism and tell her just how much I'd missed her.

As I spoke about the song, Sonaki, describing it simply as a memory from my youth, my heart pounded with the urge to reveal the truth. There was a cruel irony in it all, sitting there explaining how the song was about my first love while she remained unaware that she was the muse behind every line, the inspiration behind every note. She was still, unknowingly, my everything.

In my mind, I could see myself breaking the silence, confessing it all—how she had stayed with me, haunting my every step and shaping every melody I'd written since. But in reality, I remained stoic, carefully choosing my words, my gaze avoiding her eyes for fear of giving it all away.

"I used to be a competitive swimmer back in high school. I remember despising it whenever it rained on my way home after a long day of training. But the day I met her was a rainy day. After that day, I mysteriously found myself unable to hate the rain any longer. It was magical, unlike anything I had experienced before," I said, pouring my heart out.

"That's such a beautiful way of expressing your feelings. I'm sure whoever she is would be touched to know it."

"Actually I never got a chance to express my feelings," I confessed with an embarrassed chuckle, "It was an unrequited love."

Choi Yumi's Perspective

I sat nervously shaking my leg in the police station. I had caved and agreed to meet Taesung to help him. The truth was that I wanted to understand him. I wanted to believe more than anything that he was innocent; And if I had the power to prove that he was, then I wanted to pour my heart into this case and win at any cost.

Taesung emerged from behind one of the doors, being dragged by one of the police officers who clutched his jacket with a death grip. The nostalgia was way too obvious for me to ignore. I found myself remembering the last time I saw him sitting across me. His hair was no longer wild and crazy like back then, but a sort of mischief shone in his eyes. A smirk that seemed to ridicule the man dragging him was plastered across his face.

The two sat down across from me, the man glaring at Taesung. For a good few moments I found myself staring at Taesung. Despite the dull, muted tones that replaced his bright biker jackets, he still looked as good as the first day I encountered him outside the music club. I found it quite unfair that I looked like a Tim Burtons character while he looked ready to start a photoshoot.

"So, you're going to help me or not?" he asked right away.

"Depends," I said skeptically, "How exactly did you get yourself into this mess?"

"I have no idea."

"You have to answer seriously or I can't help you."

"So if I answer seriously you'll help me?"

"Just answer the damn question," I sighed, realizing he was just as petty and childish as before, "I haven't got all day."

"My bad," he cleared his throat, "So you know my father is a detective in the Violent Crimes Division, right?"

"Yeah," I replied, feeling curious and anxious at the same time.

"One day he had to go to one of the places where Kim Youngsoo was allegedly hiding. But he suddenly fell sick that day. 102 degree fever; And look, I'm not the biggest fan of my dad, but I couldn't let him go there like that. That's why I went in his place. Then the guy who was supposed to be there with him never showed up."

"That's quite the story."

"I'm not done," he said, "I completed the investigation like he told me to, and I brought the report home. He gave it to the higher ups and everything was fine for a couple of days. Later, we found out that he messed up the dates and the other guy went the day after that. That's when they found my fingerprints all over the place. I tried to explain this to them but they refused to believe me and now I'm here. They don't believe my dad either."

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nana's notes: writing sunjae's pov made me sob he loves her so much T_T when will it be my turn...

delphi's notes: leave it up to taesung to get into that kind of mess 👏

next chapter: saturday (out now!) list of chapters here

☆ ･ ˖ but if you're too drunk to drive . . .

like the moodboard? it's a teaser for an upcoming fanfic! make sure u follow me and stay tuned! thank you, bye!! <33

he is gay AND european. and mood, liam, fr.

William: I don't need women, I have Shakespeare.

♡　　⁺　as long as i'm here, no one can hurt you ˖　 (´-﹏-`) 🍊

like the moodboard? it's a teaser for an upcoming fanfic! make sure u follow me and stay tuned! thank you, bye!! <33

oc by @the-one-and-only-delphi

☆★ ﹑ you keep 𓆪﹒ his shirt ;

  ࣪𓇻 ݁ ﹔ he keeps  ⭒ his word ⁺　ׂ

li. thunderstorm

☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩⋆｡° ✮

CHAPTER FIFTY-ONE ─ thunderstorm.

❛ meet me in the pouring rain, kiss me on the sidewalk, take away the pain ❜

Ryu Sunjae's Perspective

My footsteps sounded on the concrete pavement as I ran with all my might towards Eunyoung's house. All the strength in my body was being utilized just to bring me to her and fix all the misunderstandings once and for all. I felt the chilly wind through my hair, and the breeze picking up dust and sending it flying everywhere, as if transporting me to my first meeting with Eunyoung. The skies had begun to grow darker, grey clouds casting their shadow over the Earth. I felt a sharp pain in my left leg, but I kept going, desperation flowing through my veins, pulling me closer to Eunyoung.

How clearly I remembered the very first day I encountered her. It was a day so magical and surreal, unlike any other; And I doubt any day could be compared with it. We had only known each other for a brief few minutes when she took my hand as we ran through the rain without a care in the world. Her actions were so elegant, as if it was the most natural thing in the world, and for the first time, I found myself unable to hate the rain. It left me breathless and awestruck at her sheer beauty- and that smile that I could never erase from my mind.

Memories with little stolen moments with her flashed before my eyes. My mind wandered back to the night of the field trip; Her delicate fingers tracing the contours on my body, her warm touch and seemingly careless drunken words that meant the world to me. At first, I had been quick to believe that it was all a mistake. But there was an undeniable sincerity in her voice, something too real to be ignored.

Realizing that she was upset and in tears because she thought I had left for America blossomed hope inside me. Though it was hard to believe that someone as dazzling as Eunyoung could ever like me back, a feeling in my gut told me that it was meant to be. And all the moments we spent together had come to this. For a split second, I had considered going to America and giving it another shot. But then the thought of being separated from Eunyoung made me feel dizzy and sick.

As I turned a corner, my pace slowed down as I saw her at last, walking in her rain with no umbrella. Eunyoung.

Choi Eunyoung's Perspective

Rainwater trickled down from my hair, onto my face and even my clothes. I felt it slowly dripping down, soaking my jacket as the downpour grew heavier by the minute. The storm was just like the day I met Sunjae, and we ran through the rain without a care in the world. There was a different kind of storm brewing inside of me. The memory came back to me, but rather than feeling happy reminiscing on it, it felt more like a needle pricking me, piercing through my skin.

I dragged my feet along the street. I couldn't even find the strength to lift my feet. No matter how I tried to explain to myself that Sunjae going away was a good thing, and that he would be happier, my stubborn heart continued to ache with longing. The thought of not being able to see him again was unbearable and the thought of which brought tears to my eyes.

My tears, mixing with the rainwater, cascaded down my face like a mighty waterfall. I had never felt more pathetic. Not only had I embarrassed myself in front of the boy I loved, but I had also lost the chance to say a proper goodbye. It was completely heartbreaking and I could feel the pain in my chest as I started to sob loudly. The rain drowned the sound, and it was as if the skies cried with me, engulfed in sorrow.

Just then, I felt someone's grip on my wrist. The touch startled me, and I turned to see who it was with hesitation. My eyes, red and sore, still streaming tears, went wide. It was Sunjae, wet hair dripping down his face and he was breathing heavily. His furrowed eyebrows softened on seeing me, and my heart skipped a beat. Even in this situation... he looked as beautiful as ever.

"Sunjae," I breathed out, "What- what-"

Before I had the chance to finish my sentence, both his hands grabbed my face and I felt his lips crash onto mine. My heart pounded in my head, and I felt my body getting warmer despite the cold rainwater sticking to me. The kiss was aggressive at first, as if desperate to prove a point. I was taken aback. Never in my wildest dreams had I thought something like this would happen. I found myself melting into his kiss without another thought, my body yielding to his touch in the most natural way possible. 

My hands reached for his waist, and in that moment, the world fell away. The sound of the rain pounding against the pavement was muffled, as if we were lost in our own little universe, a place untouched by time or reality. All thoughts, all worries evaporated like mist, leaving just the feel of him—us.

His lips moved against mine with a kind of tenderness that made my heart stutter, like he'd been waiting for this as long as I had. It was as though each kiss carried a silent promise. The raindrops slid down our faces, mixing with the heat of our skin, and it felt right—like the storm itself was rooting for us, draping us in its cold embrace while we burned in the middle of it.

His hands cradled my face so delicately, fitting there perfectly—naturally—as though we'd been sculpted to match each other. The warmth of his palms grounded me, even as my knees felt ready to give way under the weight of everything he made me feel.

And his lips... God, his lips. They were soft, impossibly soft, as though I'd finally found the place I was meant to be. Like they were spun from clouds, stitched together with every unspoken desire I'd ever had. Every gentle brush sent sparks along my skin, igniting a fire that I didn't want to put out.

The rain poured harder, soaking through our clothes, tangling in our hair, but I didn't care. I could have stayed there forever—wrapped in his arms, our bodies close, and our hearts speaking louder than any words ever could. For the first time in forever, it felt like nothing else mattered but him and me. Just us, against the world.

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nana's notes: at long last!!!

delphi's notes: everyone clap for eunjae 👏🥳

previous chapter next chapter: friday list of chapters here!

a/n: sorry for the mess up in the chapter order and late chapter i was travelling :(