The Great Gatsby / Kentucky Route Zero / Koe No Katachi / Disco Elysium / Omori / Night In The Woods

i have no assigments and no tests to study for. wtf? im free? 100% free? i will wake up tomorrow and think "what do i have schedule to do today?" and there will be absolute nothing? insane

[𝟒.𝟏𝟎]

today I: did laundry took out the trash discussion post drunk 2 bottles of water took Instagram pictures call grandpa and tell him happy birthday

my daily allotted complaining time:

I got a 75 on my exam, I expected a higher grade. I studied, but not nearly as much as I could have, and I am conflicted on my feelings about it. Last semester I failed the class, and this semester I was determined to do better, and I am, but I still struggle with taking test. I've never been good at taking test, in high school I could skate by with good grades because tests were never worth much and even if they were I could always do retakes, but I've been "learning" how to study, and even if I don't get a A in the class anything would be an improvement since last semester.

moral of the story:

today i wanted nothing more but to rot in bed, but I knew I shouldn't, its so easy to slip into a routine of doing only what is mandatory, but I made myself get up, and getting up was just the first stop. take the day one step/ task at a time, and it was relatively slow-moving to start, and I didn't accomplish nearly as much as I wanted to, but I did certainly more than I would have if I had left myself sit in bed all day and mindlessly scroll

How many times do I have to tell society that I'm most productive at 2am

the commodification of friendship is the most annoying thing to come out of the internet in ages. like actually i love to break this to you but you're supposed to help your friends move even if it's hard work. or stay up with them when they're sad even if you're gonna lose sleep. you're supposed to listen to their fears and sorrows even if it means your own mind takes on a little bit of that weight. that's how you know that you care. they will drive you to the airport and then you will make them soup when they're sick. you're supposed to make small sacrifices for them and they are supposed to do that for you. and there's actually gonna be rough patches for both of you where the balance will be uneven and you will still be friends and it will not be unhealthy and they will not be abusive. life is not meant to be an endless prioritization of our own comfort if it was we would literally never get anywhere ever. jesus.

If you think people used to willingly stare off into the distance before smartphones, my dad told me he had this psychology assignment when he was in college in the 80s which was basically

Go to a restaraunt by yourself and eat a meal without a newspaper or journal or anything else to keep you occupied and then write a report about it

Which tells me that this was a way for a professor to inflict psychological torture on their students and that people used to bring little things with them to keep them entertained. Shown by those old pictures of everyone in a trolley reading a newspaper with one hand.

Frankly I think that the human brain has been craving smart phone forever. Perhaps we use it too much at times but if this was 1985 we also wouldn’t be talking to people. We’d just be looking at newspaper or drawing stuff on notepad instead. And the old people would all be shaking their fists about how kids spend too much time looking at that damn TV because yes this discourse has been going on long before smart phone

Reblog to give the person you reblogged this from motivation to work on their WIPs.

I said I was going to move in silence but I think the better way of putting it is that I’m not going to spend unnecessary amounts of time and words on a situation that doesn’t need to be explained when I’ve already solved the issue or planned it out in my head. External validation is a trap.

"Some things are too terrible to grasp at once. Other things - naked, sputtering, indelible in their horror - are too terrible to really grasp ever at all."

A Secret History, Donna Tart

Every word written is a victory. No matter how shitty. No matter how painful to write. No matter if you immediately deleted them, or if you know you will delete them later.

If you wrote - if you tried - I'm proud of you.