Everyday I Wonder,

but sometimes I am also a narcissist and am afraid everyone is in love with me

I have bpd, of course I assume everyone hates me until proven otherwise

Sometimes my anger is too much

The way it feels like the way I imagine it might if you smashed all the glass in your house from screaming and then used those shards to construct new eyes by digging them into the already existing ones.

The same way i imagine it might feel if I pressed nails into every inch of my skin

Like open heart surgery without any anaesthesia

Like constant electrocution

I’d rather any of those than to feel my own anger over the fact that you never text me back.

I cannot accept that one person can act so differently. I cannot love and hate a person at the same time and still see them as one person. You are two people. And I only love the one of you that has died. 

Idk normalize wanting nothing to do with your fp and hating them and then wanting them to stay

I don’t know how to explain it but just being alive causes me pain

The world is too loud, existing is overwhelming, people expect so much more than I can give

I fail at being alive every single day

I feel so ashamed to be so broken

But I don’t know how to be any other way

My heart aches.