Oooh! Me!

Me listening to Lucifer going “hmm hmm hmm”

Can you imagine how much fun it would be to take a baseball bat to a giant fucking sea cucumber and just watch it go

GOOSH SPLAT

And then it panics and ejects its guts at you and you just keep beating it

GOOSH GOOSH GOOSH

I'm really mad about the fact that in the new event the brothers didn't let me fight against that fucking giant sea cucumber and just told me to stay away from it, they even told Solomon to fight, but not ME?! 😤 I'm so indignated right now I am not kidding 😡

Yeah so today I had to go to court and appear in front of a judge who, ever since I started practicing, has despised my very existence and finds a way to dress me down whenever anything goes haywire (or doesn’t go haywire, because that’s my fault too).

But anyway I was dreading going to work and it struck me that this is probably the way Mammon feels when he does some clownishness and is about to get the riot act from Lucifer. So I was like, hell with it, I’m gonna slap on my crow earrings and my gold eyeshadow (and some blue for big daddy Luci) and rock this appearance like I have all the confidence of a scummy tsundere second-born. And you know, it is kind of silly, but it did lift my spirits and made me laugh a little bit.

All of this is to say, I appreciate Obey Me! and all the awesome fans out there, because this year sucks and it is really very nice to be able to escape for a little bit into a fun game and see some great art and read some fluffy fics. It means a lot to me since most of my coping mechanisms like gym time and travel and bar-hopping are still shut down where I live. From the devs to the VAs to the fans, you never fail to brighten my day. It really makes this time bearable - and even fun!

And for that, thank you.

(and shameless selfies under the cut if you wanna pretend my liner is half-ass even)

This message is for the late night scrollers, the ones who prowl Tumblr late at night for an escape. Looking for those fics that hit just right, that take away the hurt and make you feel like your comfort character is there, beside you, holding you, loving you.

Take a deep breath for me, in and out. They're there. Can you feel them? They know you struggled today and they're so proud of you! They're so happy to see you even if it's only in the dark, when you're hurting, when you need an escape. They treasure these moments with you, breathing in your scent, feeling you. God, how they love you.

I hope you find the story you need. The one that brings you comfort and peace that follows you into your dreams. I hope tomorrow is better then today and that you remember you are loved, even if the only love you can feel is from that fictional character you adore so much.

They believe in you and so do I, the random girl on Tumblr who's scrolling late at night too.

I’m drinking and tired of politics, so let’s do this.

Nickname: I always go by Nikki, which is the short form of my middle name. My mother named me Whitney specifically so I wouldn’t get a nickname, but my dad decided that since he was Ricky, it would be cute to have a kid whose name rhymed with his.

Zodiac: Cancer, the crybaby bitch of the zodiac meme pages.

Height: 5′2″ but I refuse to leave the house without heels so TAKE THAT NATURE.

Hogwarts: Gryffindor forever.

Song stuck in my head: “Save Your Tears” - The Weeknd

Number of followers: Fuck if I know, my fragile ego won’t let me look.

Amount of sleep: Not more than 4 hours at a time, but I usually get two or so blocks of sleep so I guess it adds up.

Lucky number: I don’t know, I usually play 20 when I play roulette.

Dream job: Independently wealthy guinea pig trainer.

Wearing: My fluffy bathrobe I haven’t washed in several weeks so it smells like my dogs who use it as a bed when I’m out of the house (I’m sexy).

Favorite instrument: Played the piano as a kid, sucked ass at it, but still love a good Satie bop.

Aesthetic: Dark academia or bubble goth, depending on how drunk I am.

Favorite author: I usually read nonfiction, but I own basically the entire collection of Mary Roach’s books.

Favorite animal noise: When guinea pigs hear a bag crinkle and they go whee whee whee

Random: My past jobs have included tanning salon manager, sex ed teacher, math tutor, DMV clerk, and staff writer at a newspaper.

17 Questions 17 People

Tagged by: @emilycollins00 !! (>♡<)

.

Nickname: I actually have, lots of them;;; my name is not much of a nicknamable one (Ray) but I have been called Mal (it was a typo but then it stuck lol), I am used to being called Kitten/Kitty and also I love when you guys give me nicknames in here such as Honeybee! Other nicknames include: demon, angel, beauty, mallow, bee, tiger, etc etc etc ^^;;

Zodiac: Leo ♌

Height: I haven't measured in years but since I'm quite taller than my mom and she is 1,57 meters and have been taller than some people at 1,60 meters, I supose I pass the 1,63+ meters line.

Hogwarts: everytime I do a quiz it gives me Gryffindor so that's that-

Song stuck in my head: Traumerei to Kuhaku

Number of followers: currently a bit over 1,600

Amount of sleep: I try to get 8 but then my body says

And I get 5 instead. I force myself to sleep 3 more hours or so but it's always with a bit of waking up from time to time.

Lucky number: 3

Dream job: I have no dream job, my full time wish is just to get enough money to spend on what I like and to my own happiness.

Wearing: the most used sweater I have that I refuse to give away no matter how old it is, pajama pants and one of my knee high striped socks.

Favorite instrument: Violin

Aesthetic: hmmm, I'm not really sure! Any aesthetic I use for something is used to match whatever mood I am trying to give or just something that looks good.

Favorite author: myself lol

Favorite animal noise: any bird noises are my favorite noises even if it is them screaming at 2am.

Random: I once tried to impress my crush by doing a high kick with flip flops and the one that was on the foot I used ended up on my house's roof.

.

Honestly the only person that comes to mind is @jae-tries-writting-stuff but there is no pressure! And it would be fun if others did it too! I would like to know about you guys if possible! I really find everyone really interesting and just want to know about silly things-

Story time! When I was a kid in art class, I always got in trouble for coloring every person in my pictures brown or black or yellow, even if I was drawing myself or my pale German-ass family. My teacher would scold me like, “Your family isn’t brown or yellow! Don’t use that color!” and I’d throw a tantrum, yelling “WELL I’M NOT THE COLOR OF THE WHITE CRAYON WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME??”

And then I grew up and learned about undertones, and my skin is yellow/warm-toned af, so take that, Mrs. Johnson.

The moral of the story is: if a seven-year-old can color brown people, so can you.

Part of me says to delete the post because honestly, I’m tired of arguing with people. The fact of the matter is: if you draw characters that canonically have brown/tan skin, keep their skin brown/tan in your art. That’s it.

All of the artists in this fandom are extremely talented and I can’t take that away from you. Just please look up tutorials on how to color characters with brown skin.

TBH you’re much better off dating Lucifer than a lawyer. We’re all kinds of messed up and we don’t have the excuse that we have to punish Mammon all the time.

i-

how this year’s review makin me feel

Y’all can go sit in the corner with my husband who used to steal my lighter and now steals my juul AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU’VE DONE.

(jk my forgiveness can be bought in those cute bic lighters with pigs on them)

I'm that annoying friend that steals everyone's lightners too!! *insert spiderman pointing to other spiderman meme here*

YAAAAAY LIGHTER THIEF FRIEND!! 😂💖

Beel: who's on dinner duty tonight?

Satan: that would be mammon.

Satan: he should be here right about-

Mammon, dumping out a shopping bag full of Lunchables onto the table: GUESS WHAT WE'RE HAVING FOR DINNER

Nobody told me 30 year olds were wrinkly and unenergetic. Some people write 30′s like they’re geriatric (not OP, more directed at the anon). Maybe my social circle is just rowdy, but half the fifty-somethings I work with can drink me under the table and get up for a run in the morning while I’m hungover-ly pouring Bailey’s in my coffee.

Also I look better at 34 than I did at 24 (as do a lot of people), because I have a sense of style and enough money to pay for a nice haircut/makeup. Honestly, who let me out of the house dressed like a goth at Woodstock when I was in college?

Which is a lot of words to tell anon not to worry about hitting 30. You’re never too old to be a bad bitch.

How would the brothers react on their (human) mc stressing about getting older? Mc isn’t as adventurous as before and has some wrinkles. Somewhere near 30?

JWSJSJSJ HOLD UP YALL THINK 30 IS OLD ???? DAMN... Man.... I guess half of my followers are basically in the grave, sorry guys. I'll prepare the funerals.

THE BROTHERS to MC worrying about getting older

Lucifer:

For a while, he will just brush your worries off and think its a phase. Maybe he hasn't loved you right lately? He will put a day aside, if not then a few hours, to just thoroughly love you and your changing body. It's in this time that you can get him to fully understand your worries. He'll take your hand and kiss it, reminding you that that's just part of being human and no matter how old you get, he will still cherish you.

Mammon:

He noticed, of course. The slight change in your appearance over the years and how you seem less energetic. He won't tell you but he's been thinking about the inevitable and although he knows it's still long before that, it just becomes more real with your own worries. He'll silently curse your fragile human being and spill his worries out in a heated argument that started over nothing. How dare you be human! That was the cruelest joke of all. He struggles with it too, but maybe you can lift each other up.

Leviathan:

The fact that he even has someone to love like that is amazing and so he avoids thinking about the negative. To him, this is a dream that should never end and when you get worried about that it just reminds him that this isn't a dream and it could end. He'll become whiny and needy, holding you close in fear of you going way too soon. Sure a few wrinkles arent the end, but they're the beginning of the end. He'll be sure to keep you close until then and remind you of why hes with you in the first place.

Satan:

Hes guilty of messing with that a bit. Your lack of energy forced him to use some "energy boost" spells and he is quick to offer something against the wrinkles too. Theres nothing wrong with getting old, he says, but theres something wrong with you getting old. He cant change fate, but he can try to keep you as youthful as possible on the outside with magic, if you want. Regardless, he will love you until you take your last breath. You changed him for the better and the least he can do is keep you filled with love and comfort throughout your life.

Asmodeus:

He starts freaking out FOR you. This is not just beauty gone wrong. This isn't just something you can fix with concealer. This is real. And it reminds him on how very mortal you are. He might shut down and avoid the topic at all costs. If he doesn't notice it, its not real, right? But he knows he has to accept it at some point. He just isn't ready to yet. So please, MC, take the creams he gives you and cherish every little bit of energy you have. Make him feel better while he tries to make you feel better.

Beelzebub:

Hes actually so calm about it at first. He holds you and tells you thats just life, that you're still beautiful to him and that he could still eat you up no matter what. But slowly.... As he lays awake at night through another hunger session, he realizes that time truly is really short and you have maybe 60 more years at best, 30 more at worst. Time runs different through him. Time is irrelevant to him. Having to think about this makes him anxious and he doesnt like it. Is there nothing he can do but to make you feel comfortable?

Belphegor:

Your worries will be ridiculed for a time because much like his twin, he thinks you still have so much time, right? But soon he'll lay awake at night and look at your sleeping form. You have changed.... Grown older.... And that's scary. Is he just supposed to lose you like he lost Lilith? He'll be angry with himself and his father for you being human, knowing thats not really your fault. He'll remind you every day how much you make him feel. And hopes that you feel him too. Don't worry about the details, he'll hold you anyway.