This is almost as good as going all John Amehrst on Elias's office.
Extremely late crack AU where Gertrude and Gerry met the guy with the clown-eating Monster Pig and just took it back to the Institute.
Jonah-James-Elias: I’m compelled to ask why
Gertrude: This is my new service animal.
Jonah: For what service?
Gertrude, with her longest pointed Stare: Eating clowns
Jonah:
Monster Pig, sitting outside Jonah’s office, staring in at him through the door he Knows was closed and locked when he came in: 🐷
And that’s where it stays. The titanic horror-hog wouldn’t go anywhere if it didn’t want to. It’d be there to greet Breekon and Hope the second they tried to walk in with their delivery. It’d devour them and the table in one sitting just to get at the Not-Them.
It’d lay in wait, lurking around Jon and the Archive crew like a massive pink shadow–
Jon: Elias, I understand Gertrude was attached to it, but are you sure we shouldn’t relocate th–
Monster Pig, in the corner: 🐷
Jonah, Knowing it knows where he sleeps: The Pig Stays, Jon
–and turn up at the Unknowing, at which point it would devour the entire circus.
Jon, Tim, Basira, Daisy:
Monster Pig: 🐷
Its job done, it goes snorting off into the night, maybe heading back to haunt its very best friend, Dylan Anderson…after a brief detour.
Jonah, sitting in his cell: Well, the Unknowing was a waste. At least there’s still the Dark Sun to string them along w–
Monster Pig, kicking down the door, having saved the best clown for last:
tl;dr: The Monster Pig was Flesh-aligned, Stranger-averse, pro-clown-cannibalism, and would’ve saved the day if Gertrude had only taken it away to let it do what it loved
(courtesy of rudy @lesbianlotl!!)
Gertrude: James is dead Elias Bouchard is the new head of the Magnus Institute
Eric Delano, who’s caught Elias hotboxing in Artifact Storage on more than one occasion:
[(laughing nervously) What the fuck?]
I've got reactions starting to listen to episode 62:
Who's this little old lady? She seems sweet?
Why is dear Gertrude so mean to her?
And then the answers to all questions:
Oh. It's Mary Keay.
Aaand it's a Leitner episode, goddamnit.
Go Gertrude, be mean, fuck her up
The idea that Lyfrassir joins the Mechanisms after TBI is so funny because that would mean that Jonny continues to play someone who is right there.
Lyf goes to every show, as their manager, and just awkwardly stands in the crowd while Jonny fucking d'Ville pretends to be them and absolutely nails it.
🔮 Source: @wiccanartistry
🔮
Basil at the door, windows, or scattered in the home will increase money.
Lay thorny branches on your doorstep to keep evil from your dwelling.
Eat a pinch of Thyme before bed, and you will have sweet dreams.
Place chips of Cedar wood in a box with some coins to draw money to you.
Carry an Anemone Flower with you to ward against illness.
Hang a bit of Seaweed in the kitchen to ward evil spirits.
Keep a jar of Alfalfa in your cupboards to ensure the prosperity of your house.
Burn Allspice as an incense to draw money or luck to you, as well as speed healing.
Cut an Apple in half, and give one half to your love to ensure a prosperous relationship.
Carry an Avocado pit with you to let your inner beauty shine outwardly. Avocado is also an aphrodisiac.
Strawberries are an aphrodisiac.
Place a piece of cotton in your sugar bowl to draw good luck to your house.
Celery is an aphrodisiac.
Place Almonds in your pocket when you need to find something.
Scatter Chili Peppers around your house to break a curse.
Carrying a packet of strawberry leaves will help ease the pains of pregnancy.
Scatter some sugar to purify a room.
Throw rice into the air to make rain.
Carry a potato in your pocket or purse all winter to ward against colds.
Eat five almonds before consuming alcohol, to lighten the effects of intoxication.
Place a pine branch above your bed to keep illness away.
Chew celery seeds to help you concentrate.
Carry of chunk of dry pineapple in a bag to draw luck to you.
Ask an orange a yes or no question before you eat it, then count the seeds: if the seeds are an even number, the answer is no. If an odd number, yes.
Eat olives to ensure fertility.
Toss Oats out your back door to ensure that your garden or crop will be bountiful.
Eat mustard seed to ensure fertility.
Place Lilacs around your house to rid yourself of unwanted spirits.
Eat Lettuce to drive lustful thoughts from your mind.
Rub a Lettuce leaf over your forehead to help you sleep.
Add Lemon juice to your bathwater for purification.
Eat grapes to increase psychic powers.
Carry a blade of grass to increase your psychic powers.
Smell Dill to get rid of hiccups.
If you place a Dill sachet over your door, those who wish you ill can not enter your home.
Place cotton on an aching tooth, and the pain will ease.
Burn cotton to cause rain.
Place pepper inside a piece of cotton and sew it shut to make a charm to bring back a lost love.
Carry a small onion to protect against venomous animals.
Eat grapes to increase fertility.
Place a sliced onion in the room of an ill person do draw out the sickness.
Place an onion underneath your pillow to have prophetic dreams.
Place morning glory seeds under your bed to cure nightmares.
Walk through the branches of a maple tree to ensure that you will have a long life.
Mix salt and pepper together and scatter it around your house to dispel evil.
Smell Lavender to help you sleep. (Lavender makes me fall asleep so fast).
Hang a pea pod containing nine peas above the door to draw your future mate to you.
Eat a peach to assist in making a tough decision.
Carry peach wood to lengthen your lifespan.
Carry a walnut to strengthen your heart muscle.
"I see"
"Be seeing you"
There's a joke about an eye roll in here somewhere...
Eric: I can’t really emote anymore.
Eric, 30 seconds later and audibly disgusted: Elias Bouchard????
Frankenstein won’t hesitate to poke fun at Creature about it but approves of Hyde, exclusively from knowing he set London on fire. That’s some “proper” mad scientist behavior right there, striking terror into the masses and all that.
murdoc: pain is just weakness leaving the body.
russel: so if i break your nose again, you won't cry because it's making you stronger?
Call me Alias | Pansexual | She\He\They - It if you're feeling funky | Theater kid and proud | Name a fandom and see if i don't freak out...i dare you. | I occasionally post stuff, so don't mind me, pals. Enjoy!
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