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Whys There Grey Bits In My Hair? Didnt Bathe After Running Around In The Woods And The Cobwebs Got Stuck And Never Came Out - Blog Posts

5 months ago

So there was a post a while back about Ben Solo always being told "don't do (x), that's how uncle luke lost his hand" when he was a kid - and I raise you: Elrond and Elros being told "don't do (x), that's how Maedhros lost his hand"??

Like, at Amon Ereb when the twins were newly acquired and refusing to eat their vegetables and Maglor is Mag-mothering them until Erestor, feral half-sane clinically depressed anarchist Avari hostage/patient/infiltrator and Certified Little Shit, hits em with:

"I would listen to the Lord Maglor, winyamor, he well knows the dangers that come to young elflings who don't eat enough vegetables - after all, that's how his brother lost his hand."

Elrond looks conflicted. Elros squints suspiciously. "Truly?"

Erestor, practically comatose since the massacre but ultimately saved from Fading by the biological compulsion to fuck with you, lays a hand over his heart. "I would never lie about such a thing! Just what do you take me for? This is a true tale and a grave warning - the Lord Maedhros' hand was tragically lost in the days of his youth, whilst he was still growing as you are. He refused to eat his vegetables and so, cruelly deprived of the strength it needed to grow strong, his body started to fall apart! First his fingers, then his thumb, and then his palm and wrist - all turned blue and dropped off!"

"No!" Elrond gasps. Elros looks both terrified and impressed. Maglor's face is scrunched up into something that the twins probably interpret as pained - at reminder of the horrors of limbs falling off! - but is actually just him busting a rib trying not to laugh.

"Yes!" Erestor cries with relish. "And it never grew back. All because he didn't eat his vegetables. Isn't that right, Lord Maedhros?"

Maedhros, a looming terror at the head of the table, scarred and solemn and impenetrable as his fortresses, narrows his eyes consideringly at the unfolding shenanigans and the rascal behind it. His conclusion? Fuck it. He gives a slow, solemn nod. Completely deadpan and exaggeratedly formal, because it may have been centuries since he last had his brothers smothering laughter at political dinners but the Finwëan sense of humour, once caught, is not an ailment easily cured.

Maglor conceals his wheezes behind his goblet as Erestor nods sagely to the wide-eyed twins, who suddenly seem a sight more interested in their vegetables.


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maglor maedhros kidnap fam erestor it helps that maedhros also has a metric fuck ton of scars so he can make up so much shit know how i lost my eye? didnt go to bed on time and it shrivelled up why do i have to wear a shoulder brace sometimes? didn't practice my letters and the bones all fell apart where'd my fingernails go? didnt wash my hands before eating and they ran away why is my back all stripy with criss-cross lines? didnt use my cutlery and they attacked me why are some of my teeth metal? cause i didnt clean em properly for two minutes with mint ointment and i accidentally ate them in my sleep whys there grey bits in my hair? didnt bathe after running around in the woods and the cobwebs got stuck and never came out what happened to my ears? ducked underneath a horse and it spooked and bit them off so never ever do that again elros its very dangerous ok i dont care your ears are smaller because youre peredhel elros the horse will get you whys my hair so short? didnt comb it so it was stolen by orcs now hand me the brush and get over here elrond your head's a birdnest for all that the kid's questions sometimes make maedhros a lil uncomfortable its actually really healing for him sure sauron whipped him until his spine broke but now he uses those marks to get his kids to eat with cutlery like civilised people and he cut his hair in a depressive spiral after fingon died but his kids think it was so tangled the orcs stole it to make scruffy orc wig and his shoulders fucked from hanging on thangondrim for decades but if you kids dont sit down and do your lessons then so help me - his beloved fingon always kissed his scars when he was allowed but it was witty irreverent half insane erestor who helped him laugh at them i kind of ship it in a 'secret third thing' kinda way u feel me? not sex not friends but they bring a lot out of eachother its weird elrond and elros there is a fic that goes with this who wants it
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