Voltron Katie - Blog Posts

Langst - a locked door

Just some langst one shot

Lance had been going without his antidepressants as he left them on earth.

Each day was worse than the last but of course

He’d never admit to such a thing

His mind was his enemy, no one did but if you looked close enough you’d see his eyes dull the smallest but every single day. His smiles became fake but they slowly faded along with his jokes and trying to flirt with people. They never picked up on his laughs as they were only there cause if he didn’t they would be loud unbearable sobs.

I mean hey the one time he cried it was a joke.

Yeah, a joke.

Lance would always say that to himself that he was a joke and people better than him were the easiest thing to find. He wasn’t important... he was irrelevant... invalid... unnecessary.

They had a team bonding exercises and it was no longer Pidge who had troubles opening up rather Lance.

The group shouted at him as he blurred it out he was very good at that. Just as Pidge did slammed it on the ground but ran off for the rest of the day.

No one followed

no one cared to ask

Nothing

Lance was fine with that he wasn’t surprised that no one cared maybe he should make it easy and kill himself. Take his Bayard and shot and/or stab himself or let a bot kill him.

Lance frowned thinking no in my room I don’t want to have the change someone finds me and puts me in a healing pod... they’d think it would be a waste of time...

Little did Lance know he was the support of the group to hold them up for support.

Also the defense, he protected them as much as he could from the outside world.

He agreed with the gods that yes this was a hell that managed to pick him. Him to be the one who suffers from anxiety, depression, and some things he can even begin to explain. He shuddered at the idea of having his medicine, he yearned for them. For him to feel it coarse through his body and make his feel numb. He’d rather be numb than sad he decided. Being numb made it easier to fake the happiness than the darkness from depression making a smile almost unbearable let alone a laugh.

The others were discussing with Kolivan and Keith when Keith finally asked, “Where’s Lance?”

Pidge fixed her glasses, “He stormed out during training today and haven’t seen him since.”

Kolivan must have felt Keith worries, “And you didn’t speak to him, you need him here if you want to go through with this plan.”

Allura fixed her crown, “That isn’t necessary.”

Hunk looked over wanting to interject but his own doubt has been consuming him as Lance hasn’t been around long enough for Hunk to be comforted.

Pidge and Shiro’s stress has been taking a toll on them as Lance hasn’t been around to reassure them and make sure they know everything will be alright.

Matt’s loneliness even though he had Katie took over as he felt slightly at a loss for no apparent reason and hasn’t been able to hear from Lance about how it’s okay not to have a reason and the feeling is normal and it’ll all be okay.

Allura’s homesickness was no longer an issue as she had Lotor to cling too and the team slightly found her statement rude but none had the strength to do so.

Coran was worried for the boy but as he was for the longest bit Allura’s guardian he never went against her word.

Keith was terrified of Lance, he’s seen Lances vulnerable side but that wasn’t even a bit of it, Lance inside was a number 5 hurricane maybe even 6.

But in the end, it didn’t matter Lance wasn’t checked on.

Kolivan sighed, “Very well.”

Keith wanted to flick Allura off or go for herself when he looked at Hunk who was looking at Keith.

Lance was in his room putting through his plan and didn’t know so he shrugged and pulled out his Bayard.

He thought everything will be fine Allura has blue Keith could take red Shiro would have black Hunk would have yellow and Pidge would have green.

Nothing was wrong.

Nothing was ever wrong.

-SELF HARM & SUICIDE MENTIONS BELOW-

Lance sharply inhaled as he threw it at the wall and then went to the bathroom.

Lance violently threw things around as he started the water turning the cold on high and plugged it. Lance threw stuff around shoving all of his beauty routine supplies in the trash and destroyed everything letting his eyes land on a box. He swallowed at the lump in his through the familiar shiny sharp pieces of metal, some with blood crusted on the edges. He never told anyone as he slyly paid for them and hid them in his pocket. Lance rather set those aside and felt into his pocket and smiled as an inviting sting jolted up his arm when his thumb pressed onto the blade the outer layer of skin completely cut through.

He pressed forward slightly screaming as it hit the bone.

He huffed as it was pained and heard drips of blood fall from his jacket pocket.

Lance ripped out the blade hitting his teeth scared they may break.

The others thought they heard a scream but dismissed it as if they were just paranoid.

Lance was thankful but little did he know the others were discussing whether they should check on him or not.

Lance looked at the bath for a good couple of minutes, “This is it... it’ll soon be over.”

The mice had a bad feeling and hurried off to Hunk or Pidge or Matt people that could try and listen.

Lance without taking off any clothing slowly sank into the tub not taking notice it was seconds from overflowing but nothing was plugged in and no cords were near the ground so no shocking would take place.

Lance didn’t cry he looked happy as he took the blade with a shaky hand. He couldn’t feel his face as he was numb but he picked up on drips of water that fell and knew wasn’t from the water being brought into the tub and pressed a hand to his face and couldn’t pick up any feeling.

He pulled up his sleeves and slowly pressed down and closed his eyes and slammed it down into his wrists causing them to bleed like crazy Lance let out a scream that was dismissed again but the mice moved quicker with that.

Kolivan and Keith we’re heading to the castle for further discussion on the grand meeting.

They arrived when the mice reached the team and went to Pidge and she dismissed them until they got to Hunk and Matt.

Hunk always felt Lance was hiding something and nodded Matt along with Hunk bolted for Lance room passing Keith and Kolivan in their way. Keith and Kolivan exchanged a look that was extremely unsettling by the speed of the two that passed.

Lance stuck his other arm and screamed and ripped it out continuing until he felt the corners of his vision grow blurry and black and faded. He felt his body sink into the ice-cold water and the air rush out of his lungs but never really needed to go back in.

Light red water covered the floor running out of the bathroom now through Lance’s room under the crack of his door into the hallway.

Hunk screamed, “Lance open the door right now!”

Matt banged on the door as more water flowed out, “Lance! Come on this isn’t funny!”

The two sounded desperate Pidge scurried over to the door hacking it open as she had her laptop. The bottom of Lance’s floor was covered in 2 inches of water with a pink tint to it. It reeked and little did they know what laid in the bathroom would be the cause of it.

Pidge screamed in horror when she spotted Lance.

Hunk pulled Lance’s head from under the water and didn’t catch a pulse and started to perform CPR.

Matt ran down the halls Pidge screaming to get a pod ready and Matt screaming for the help of the others.

Hunk got Lance’s pulse but Lance never coughed as he never took in water his nose had been poking out of the water but was severely bleeding out. The sight of Lance’s arms and wrists made Hunk wince and gag.

The other feet were thumping through the halls and Hunk was running a pretty much dead Lance in his arms. A tiny strip of blood dripping from Lance’s arms constantly leaving a pretty much-filled line of blood. Keith now ahead of Hunk he willed his body to move faster. And it stopped when he saw Hunk turn the corner and ran right in front of Keith heading to the pods and the line of blood that followed Hunk made the others freeze but Matt kept running as his body went into overdrive.

Hunk was wheezing as he ran his orange headband flying behind him as he ran. The others never have seen him move faster. Pidge was waiting, “It’s ready! Get him in here now!”

They never had the time to change him he was in soaked clothing everything slightly pink now and his sleeves completely stained red.

It kept dripping and when Hunk shoved Lance in Lance’s body floated motionlessly.

Hunk sank to the ground in loud sobs and the others stood there motionless as well.

Thoughts raced through their heads;

Why didn’t Lance tell us?

We’re the worst team ever.

Why would Lance do that?

It’s all my fault.

How could we not have noticed?

Why did I yell at him?

Why didn’t I ask him if he was okay?

Why didn’t I care?

The thoughts swirled through their heads relentlessly.

Yet that’s funny as they’ll know how Lance’s mind was, but so much worse it was basically all the natural disasters in the world put together. Letting Lance take a spiraling path that no one cared to intercept.

A beautifully horrifying mess that destroyed Lance as if he were a domino forced to crash along with everything else collapsing leading to him.

Lance’s bleeding continued as his blood was dripping through his clothes slowing down sad thing is, is it wasn’t because he was healing his body couldn’t put forth the energy. His pulse is slow but slowly speeding up again.

A week passed and no one has left except Kolivan, Keith stayed and left the BOM. Lance was his teammate and so much more and Keith became Lance’s stability and Lance was him but Keith left probably ruining the bond they created. Yet he will try his best.

They had no idea how’d Lance would feel when he got out... but they all knew Lance would never be the same.

His cuts so deep they healed but the skin never reattach and he was thin. Way too thin. His eyes had dark bags underneath them and he was still floating.

The pod opened everyone’s hearts in their throat. Lance opened his eyes and they were full no source of happiness in his features whatsoever and blinked slowly inhumanly and breathed shallowly. He stood up tugging away from anyone who touched him pissed he was alive, pissed his suicide attempt failed maybe he should have stabbed himself in the chest that would have been easier. Lance tugged away from Hunk snapping knowing Hunk was probably the one who saved him.

His words shook them all.

“I didn’t want your help! I don’t want to be here! I want to be dead! This is insanity... this is fucking great! I support you I was there for all of you! Whenever you were moody or sad or upset I comfort you guys... I made sure you were okay!”

Lance coughed and then continued, “Now... I want you all to know... This is who I am. This is your annoying too loud too flirty lover-boy goofball Lance!” Lance spoke with so much hatred for himself.

“I don’t want to hear it all your lies, cause god knows none of you cared! And some of you shock me to this very moment. I tried and tried and tried and I tried some more, but when all your stuck up asses are to busy thinking of what you want I cared I listened!”

Lance sobbed sinking to the ground and they all know now Lance is never coming back. This is the broken mess they created. Oh god. They caused that.

Slowly they all felt tears fall, they all held Lance, no one spoke, he didn’t fight back, no one spoke. The void was filled with warm hugs and shaky breaths, silent sobs, and a screaming voice inside.

What now?