There Is Absolutely Nothing Lonelier - Blog Posts

I wish I had a best friend.

I wish I had a best friend but I can't tell anyone that because I have so many amazing friends.

But all of my amazing friends have best friends and significant others and they all have that one person who they put above everyone else and who puts them above everyone else too.

And it's not me.

And I wish I had a best friend.

No one talks about how lonely it is to be the third wheel in a friendship. Or the 11th wheel in a friend group

The people I consider myself closest to are best friends. They celebrated one of their birthdays without me.

I wished her a happy birthday and told her I missed her. She's in college, i haven't seen her since she graduated. She said she missed me too. But she didn't invite me to her party.

I wonder sometimes if my friends even like me. But then I remember that's silly. I know they love me. I guess they just don't love me as much as they love each other.

And God i know it has nothing to do with me. You can't control who you connect with. But for once I just wish it would be me!

Am I too much? Am I a pick me for wanting to be picked?

What's so wrong with wanting to be wanted?

When I say I'm "Okay" or that I'm "Fine." I dont mean it. The moment I start texting like I'm spaced tf out is when it should click that I'm not okay. I want you to ask what I think, I want you to ask how I really feel, I want you to put as much effort as I do into this relationship. Platonic or not. I've had so many lessons as to why I shouldn't put my energy into someone that wont give it back. Yet when you showed up and i saw how compassionate you were i thought "Maybe this time will be different." Yk what my safe space is? My safe space is being on the roof of a skyscraper on a warm springs night, 1-4 am with light breezes every once in awhile. With my favorite songs humming in the background while I stare at the stars, being so high up that the light pollution doesn't get to cover the beauty of the nights sky. And I just get to stand there in awe as I stare into the sparkling hopeful balls of light knowing that they are so underappreciated and so beautiful. Just like how I have stared into your eyes hoping I could have had a chance when I knew I never would... but then again, you wouldn't know about that, because you never bothered to ask me that same question.

i want to be hugged.

i want someone to stroke my hair.

i want someone to tell me they’re proud of me.

i want someone to hold my hand in public.

i want someone to tell me everything’s gonna be okay.

i want someone to softly caress my skin.

i want someone to teach me their hobbies.

i want someone to explain to me stuff i don’t understand.

i want someone to give me forehead kisses.

i just want to feel safe, for once.

Head tilted back with laughter

I would make this my forever

still, i remind myself

nothing lasts forever

and about ten years later,

glow of streetlights

on my lashes

all I feel is longing

Do I like you or do I just yearn for the love the poets write verses about?

Compiling Mirthday feels like walking through a forest of thoughts, deciding which trees to let grow and which to prune. This book is my heart in prose and poetry—a map of solitude’s hidden trails. SOLITUDE AND LONELINESS, TIME AND CHANGE, INDETITY AND EXPECTATIONS, THE ABSURDITY OF LIFE, MENTAL HEALTH AND SOCIETY EXPECTATIONS all loom in atleast all the pieces i have so far collected .

feel free to be a part of this experience here and its free mate.

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