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Damn, this is both hilarious and accurate.
If the Romans and Friends Had Outgoing Voice Messages Part 2
Cleopatra: You have reached 1-800 That Bitch, and this is a message to let SOMEBODY (Antony) know that if he so much as TRIES to steal my takeout this time I will stab him in the eye
Octavia: Before you begin your message I'd like to apologize for anything my brother has done to provoke you, I am not responsible for him
Cicero: You have reached the only voice of reason left in this hellhole, please leave a message.
Agrippa: Marcus Agrippa, please leave a message. Sorry I can't come to the phone right now but I literally never have a moment free *depressed laugh*