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2 years ago

Kai Version: Isn’t it so incredibly interesting how both smith siblings handled their trauma in drastically different ways?

Kai  has low self esteem/self worth (depends on people, powers, and statements to determine his value), constantly needs to prove himself, and is immensely dependent on external validation (his obsession social media is a prime example of this). He invalidates himself, dismissing his emotions/feelings, and needs regular reassurance (tendency to blame out-of-control situations on himself, likely derived from the mindset that his parents purposely left him because he wasn’t good enough, and i’ll bet my soul he stayed awake  nights wondering that if nya was firstborn, would his parents still leave?) .

His fear of being useless is also likely derived from that same mindset and as such he portrays himself through a cocky/prideful ‘persona’. This is false portrayal of himself, simply to appear stronger in the eyes of others, because if others think he’s of value they won’t leave him, because with or without this ‘mask’ not even he knows who is truly is.

He tends to dissociate during emotionally intense/overwhelming situations, or go into a state shock/confusion. He developed unhealthy coping mechanisms (violently self destructive) with situations regarding loss and grief. All of these things are results of and/or mechanisms he developed from his childhood trauma.

but. despite everything i’ve written above.  he loves nya. raised her. protects/supports her. took lloyd under his wing. he loves lloyd. throws heaps of physical affection towards cole. he loves cole. accepted jay as a brother in law, was so supportive of jaya and helped jay in proposing. he loves jay. makes things fun for zane, reassures him. he loves zane. showed master wu to believe in himself. he loves wu. he loves his entire team and expresses it in ways that value each of them individually. he makes friends with dragons. he loves dragons. he taught/worked with kids. he loves kids. despite what the disappearance of his parents did to him and nya, despite nya’s refusal to show her parents love (valid, btw) kai loved maya. he loved ray.  he loved his parents all over again, he loved his parents again so easily. he loved and loves and keeps loving.

trauma gave him self-destructive mechanisms. trauma instilled insecurity in him. trauma took away his sense of self worth. trauma emptied him of self-love. trauma stole his sense of identity. but kai held on to the ability to protect others, to care for others, to help others. he held them close to his chest. because like hell he’d let his trauma take that.

kai refused to let trauma strip his ability to love. his ability to love is unmatched.

Inspired by this post:

https://sugarglider-s.tumblr.com/post/692022087001473024/every-single-day-of-my-life-i-think-about-how-kai


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