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Dorcas “I can’t love you, anymore” Meadows.
Marlene “I can’t love you any more” McKinnon.
sirius black had way too much fun with his name.
making an entrance: “sirius black is sirius back!”
confused: “sirius black is siriusly blank…”
hungry: “sirius black wants a sirius snack.”
bout to throw hands: “sirius black will siriusly attack.”
under pressure: “sirius black will sirius crack.”
back from a dentist appointment gone well: “sirius black has no sirius plaque.”
bought a new bag: “sirius black has a new sirius sack.”
the list goes on…and it only gets weirder.
barty: your ex is waiting by the common room entrance, they’re begging to talk to you.
regulus: *applying nail polish*
regulus: too bad, i only do second coats not second chances.
headcanon 1 about the potter brothers:
sirius finding out he was fruity, and immediately panicking, thinking of the worst case scenario of how james would react and how he might lose his brother.
————————————————
james finding out he was fruity, and immediately pulling out a checklist labeled “things sirius and i have in common.” and checking the “sexuality” box. then rushing over to tell sirius because he’s so excited to have something new to bond with his brother over.
james is bringing sirius back home after a blood test.
sirius: *walks in happily with a lollipop in his mouth*
remus: i take it that the blood test went well?
james: he was in and out of that chair in exactly one minute!
sirius: yeah! and no biting this time, not even attempted biting!
sirius and remus are texting.
sirius: can we break up for 1 hour, 6 minutes and 11 seconds?
remus: no, but what for?
sirius: i wanna listen to adele’s new album from another perspective.
remus: as tempting as your offer sounds, it’s still not a valid excuse for me to dump you, sirius.
headcanon:
sirius black LOVES $uicideboy$ and listens to them religiously.
sirius also keeps a shrine for ruby and $crim right next to the shrine he made for himself.
plot: sirius got dumped.
james: do you feel like you weren’t enough? is that why you feel so choked by your emotions?
sirius: i know i’m not enough, otherwise he wouldn’t have left me.
marlene: did you get the weird breathing trouble yet?
sirius: what, asthma? i’ve had that for ages.
james and marlene: *burst out laughing*
sirius: *gives in and starts laughing through his tears*
people who were killed after dying:
1- dumblewhore: by all the marauders collectively, but lead by james.
2- peter pettigrowsomeballsplease: by sirius black and strangely regulus black too.
3- snivellus snape: by lily evans because “how dare you sacrifice my husband and son but ask for me to be spared?”
4- remus lupin and mary macdonald: they were suffocated by a hug from all the marauders.
sirius: i feel like i absorb the positive energy from the people around me.
remus: so you’re kind of like a dementor?
sirius: no, i don’t suck the joy out of people.
remus: debatable.
sirius: WHATDOYOUMEAN?!
modern au: the marauders all live and study together at a muggle university, but they’re going through ‘two weeks’ of online classes.
marlene: *bursts into the living room, laptop in hand where james, sirius and dorcas are sitting*
marlene: WHY THE FUCK DID YOU LEAVE THE MEETING?
sirius: THE TA TRIED TO PUT ME IN A BREAK OUT ROOM WITH STRANGERS AND IM NOT HAVING ANY OF THAT.
marlene: COME BACK TO CLASS, YOU PUSSY.
sirius: IF YOU’RE GONNA CALL ME A PUSSY, YOU BETTER PUT ‘EATER’ AFTER IT. MY WAY- MY WAY OR THE HIGHWAY!
remus: *unmuting himself and speaking*
remus: sirius, you’re gay and marlene, learn how to mute yourself.
headcanon:
sirius black’s nervous tick is chewing on the tip of his middle finger, but his rbf makes him look like he’s purposely flipping everyone off.
-1975-
james: snape will never have a love life.
remus: someone’s bound to find him…tolerable.
james: how about we place a bet?
remus: 5 galleons.
-1993-
remus: *takes one look at snape, and immediately runs out, looking up at the sky*
remus: COME BACK YOU ARSE, I OWE YOU 5 GALLEONS!
sirius: *places a newly rolled blunt on the street*
sirius: it’s a highway…get it? highway? cause blunt and road…y’know?
james: *throws his shoe at sirius*
lily: *hexes him bald*
remus: *takes off his wedding ring and places it in sirius’ hand*
regulus: *updates his insta bio to ‘only child’*